Everything we once shared flooded me, blending with this newness. His hair was longer, shaggier to fit with his rock star image. His shoulders were broader too, he obviously spent a lot of time working out. I wondered what it’d be like to run my hands over those muscular shoulders, to slowly slide them down his arms, grazing my fingers across what must be a rock-hard torso. The image left me breathless, wild. It made me feel reckless. Made my pulse race.

  A wild shriek jolted me out of my Gage-induced trance. For a moment I thought I’d orgasmed, maybe even screamed it out loud.

  Jealousy nearly knocked me over when I realized a group of girls who’d tried to disguise their young age with short dresses and too much makeup were plastered to Gage’s side.

  “Oh, my god!” wailed one girl, bending at the knees like she might go down. “Look who it is!”

  “That’s Gage Strickland!” said another.

  A lot of hair flipping and intense giggling commenced, followed by mind numbing squeals of, “You’re really him, aren’t you?” and “We love you, we have all the Gaged albums.”

  “Are you still dating the girl from that pop group, Dark Mist?”

  Gage didn’t even wince as the questions flung at him like rapid-fire bullets. He gave them his dazzling smile, and when they pulled their cell phones out to grab the ever-coveted selfie, he posed and smiled in each one.

  “What are you doing here anyway?” the most lively of the group asked. “Is this why some of the tour dates have been canceled? We saw it on the news.”

  I almost jumped up to help him deflect the girls. Gage probably didn’t want to discuss his mother with strangers, but he simply avoided the question.

  “I’m just here enjoying the amazing beer at Independence Pub. It’s world famous.”

  “I might have to get that on a plaque for the wall,” the bartender joined in. “Especially coming from Gage Strickland.” She gave a rapid lash blink and rolled her eyes. “Now, you girls need to get out of here since none of you are over eighteen.”

  “Are you here with someone?” one girl asked, leaning in a little too close and purposefully brushing a thigh up against his leg. I clenched my jaw and waited to see how he would handle it.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. And I need to get back to her.” He tactfully moved back toward me, holding our drinks.

  “Her?” Mean-girl eyes flashed my way. A second later, I was under group-wide fiery teenage scrutiny. “Oh, she’s pretty, I suppose,” she spat out, lifting her phone and snapping a quick pic of me before I could even blink. “Is she your girlfriend?”

  Gage’s eyes met mine, and regret and something else swam in their depths. Fear? “Excuse me.” He lifted the drinks in a salute. “I’ll see you girls later.”

  Finally, he broke away and joined me at the table. I picked up the Blue Moon he slid across to me and took a long drink. “Wow, that was pretty intense. And on a small scale, I would assume?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. It’s still pretty wild though. I actually had to have media training to learn how to avoid and how to please without losing my shirt. Or my pants.”

  I laughed. “You’re joking. You’ve had fans tear your clothes from you?”

  “I lost a t-shirt to an airline stewardess once. Lucky for me it was after the flight.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

  “And there was that time the security company screwed up our pickup, and the band got mobbed. A couple of the guys got stripped down to their underwear.”

  He told me crazy stories about fans who turned into near nightmares as we enjoyed our drinks and ordered another. Just when I thought I’d worked my way past my lustiness, Gage’s knee knocked against mine under the table. The electricity almost knocked me from the chair.

  “I’ve noticed that if I’m polite, they usually leave me alone after a while. As long as I don’t encourage or wind them up, it isn’t something to worry about in a place like this.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry she took your photo.”

  I shrugged. “No biggie.”

  His mouth opened but nothing came out for a few seconds. “I’m not sure you understand.” He chewed on the inside of his jaw. “Any woman I’m photographed with ends up plastered all over the news. It’s happened…before.”

  I couldn’t ask for a rundown of his dating history, I didn’t want to know, but I did remember a string of tabloid shots I’d avoided looking at in the past. A lot of them. It felt like a good time to change the subject completely.

  “You know what, I bet you could use a shot.”

  I wasn’t sure how many hours later it was when we left the pub. “The shots may have been a bad idea.” I slapped my hand over my mouth to hold in a giggle. At least I wasn’t fangirling. “Lucky I have the day off tomorrow.”

  “I think it was a great idea. We had fun, didn’t we? God knows I needed some fun.”

  His fingers linked through mine, and before I could react, he’d yanked me along the side of the building next to the bar and pressed me against the brick wall. Giddy from the drinks and being in Gage’s company, I giggled again, but the laughter rapidly died away when I noticed something new in his gaze.

  A glint I hadn’t seen since before.

  He stepped closer, filling my personal space, covering me with his warmth. I probably should’ve moved away, but I really didn’t want to, and the alcohol made it easier to give in to my secret desires.

  “What are you…?”

  Gage’s hands cupped my cheeks, and his lips crashed into mine. With the kiss, he claimed me, making me his, if only for that second. My heart thumped crazily, breath no longer necessary, as his tongue pressed between my lips and caressed, demanded. My hands went up, burrowed into his hair and clung.

  After so long apart, he’d walked back into my life. And with barely a fight, I’d caved to the sizzling chemistry we’d always shared. The world melted away until it was only me and him, his lips on mine, my back pressing into a cold brick wall.

  His touch was the same, familiar. And it shot me back into the past, flinging me headlong to the last kiss we shared. My chest turned cold, like someone had poured ice water down my throat, and I pulled away, pushed past him.

  “I need to go home.”

  9

  Gage

  “What is with you?” Mom demanded. “You’re off on another planet today. You aren’t thinking about making me have some crazy treatment, are you? I’m not gonna do something crazy like drink breastmilk or eat nothing but dandelion leaves!”

  I wrinkled my nose but couldn’t keep the smile from playing at my lips. “No, Mom, calm down.”

  “You calm down!” The lavender nightgown I’d brought her from home at her request shimmered in the morning sun glinting from the window.

  I knew better than to tell her to calm down, but for fuck’s sake, couldn’t I have one hour without a female ranting at me?

  I took a deep breath and blew it out through my nose. “I’m sorry, about all of that. I did talk to a nutritionist and looked into alternatives. It isn’t easy for me to just accept this, accept that you’re okay with…” I growled deep in my throat. “But I won’t set up things I know you don’t want.”

  “Good. You know if I want to do something, I will.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “So, if you’re not contemplating buying a bird to regurgitate my food, what is it?”

  “It’s nothing.” My mouth went dry. I’d never been good at being dishonest with my mother, even when I was a teen. She had this way of seeing right through me, always had an answer or a better idea.

  “If it’s nothing then you can just tell me. There’s no point in hiding things from me, is there? I need the dramas of your life to keep mine interesting.”

  “Okay, but before I tell you, you have to promise to not get upset.”

  “Oh no,” she groaned, rolling her eyes until she looked like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. “What have you done?”

  “I…” She wasn’t going to like this, especially not after the conversation we’d only just had about my lifestyle. “I asked Kelly to go out with me last night while you were asleep.”

  Mom’s expression soured, and I braced myself, preparing for the inevitable lecture. “You did what? Please tell me you treated her right. I don’t want her to be another notch on your bedpost. That girl is lovely, she’s much too nice for you to—”

  “Mom, will you keep your voice down?” I desperately made shushing movements with my hands. “She works here, remember? I didn’t sleep with her. We just went out for some drinks.”

  Her hands fisted on her hips in the bed. “Well, something happened. I can see it written on your guilty face. You might as well tell me what you did before I drag her in here too.”

  “She’s not on shift today.” Thank god. “Okay. I kissed her, but we’d been drinking, and she was just so…” Fucking sexy. But I drew the line at telling Mom that. “We did a bit of reminiscing about the old days, and it got me thinking about how different things could’ve been.”

  “Gage, you cannot mess with that girl’s feelings. She’s been through too much.”

  “Mom, it wasn’t like that.” I shimmied my chair closer, determined she see how serious I was. “I would never do anything to hurt her. I know she’s been through enough.”

  “So, why did you ask her out for even drinks, knowing there might be feelings still there? You’re not exactly going to give up the band. You won’t stay here, so you can’t start something like that with Kelly.”

  She was right, I knew it, but that kiss did something to me. It brought me back to life, made me realize that a part of me had lain dormant for far too long. I’d wanted to deepen the kiss, to take it so much further, and maybe I would’ve given in to that temptation had I not respected Kelly so much.

  Or if she hadn’t pushed me away.

  Damn.

  Even if she hadn’t, I would have still respected her. She wasn’t a hanger-on who just wanted to rub up against celebrity, hoping to keep some of the shine. She was Kelly freaking Cavendish. The only girl—woman—I’d ever loved.

  “How did you leave things? Presuming the kiss happened at the end of the night?”

  “She went her way and I went mine.” I popped out of the chair and turned, gazing blindly out the window as I recalled the intense sensation of having Kelly in my arms once more. For just a brief second, the raven-haired beauty and I were back together.

  “So, you didn’t talk about it or what it meant?”

  “Mom, people don’t actually have that sort of conversation. It’s weird. It was just a moment that happened, that’s all.”

  “And you haven’t heard from her since? She hasn’t messaged you or anything?”

  “You’re making me regret telling you at all. No, nothing has happened since. I went home, went to bed, then came here to be with you.”

  “I’m just trying to work out whether you’re going to break her heart all over again.”

  I sighed, shooting her a suspicious glance. “Mom, you know as well as I do that she’s the one who did the heartbreaking. I was just the dumb one who let her push me away.”

  “I think you both did a bit of it. You were both young and dumb. But both of you are older now, and you need to be sensible with her heart. I know it might seem like you’re untouchable sometimes in your rock star status, but to her, you’re still Gage, her boyfriend from high school.”

  I shoved both hands through my hair. “I haven’t lost my humanity.”

  “I’m not saying that.” She sighed loudly. “I just want you to be careful. Sooner or later, whatever happens here, you’ll be back with your band, touring the world again. I’m trying to remind you that there will be a poor young woman left behind who has been left behind too many times already.”

  “Yeah…” I collapsed back in the chair again, tapping my fingers on the cracked armrest. “Yeah, I know you’re right.”

  “It can be hard to resist that pull while you’re both in the same town, but you won’t always be. It can’t ever go back to what it once was because you were both young kids then, living in the same town, with a bright, hazy future in front of you. Things were different then.”

  “If only that idiot kid hadn’t got drunk. If only Stephen and Hank were still alive…”

  Mom rested her hand on mine, silencing me. “We can say ‘if only’ but it doesn’t get us anywhere. Life hands us whatever it does, and it’s up to us to deal with it. We can’t control what happens, only our reaction to it.”

  That didn’t only apply to Kelly, I realized. She was referring to her diagnosis as well. She wanted me to contain myself and deal with my emotions better. Easier said than done, but I’d give it a try.

  “Okay, Mom. I’ll be careful. You don’t have to worry.”

  “Look, I’ll be honest, if you were going to marry Kelly, then I’d be all for it, but that isn’t really in the cards, is it? Unless you’re going to come back here and write songs, have that farm you used to dream about as a kid.”

  I chuckled, trying to act like her comment amused me, but even as a teen I’d imagined Kelly as my wife, with little kids who looked like her running around a farm that I worked myself, writing songs in my free time. Something in my chest caught. Was there a little part of me still holding out for the chance that could happen?

  Knowing I was nearer to that dream than I had been in a very long time had me a wreck. Mom had seen it, but luckily, not the extent of it.

  The way she’d seemed to go numb under my touch, the cold look she’d given me before she insisted she needed to go home made me wonder what was wrong with me. After all this time, thinking about Kelly wearing a white dress at the mere mention of marriage was a bad idea. “No, Mom, marriage is way out of the picture.”

  “Twenty-five isn’t a spring chicken, you know. Marriage wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. You could take her with you, get her out of this town. It might inspire her to do some of the writing she stopped when they died.”

  I tried to resist, but the picture filled my brain anyway. Kelly and I vowing to be together forever. A tour bus as a first house. Her happily plunking out books as I rocked out the fans night after night then came home to her. It was perfect. Too perfect. A part of me wanted it so bad it actually hurt.

  But, too much had happened, our lives were too far apart. Even if we still shared something deep.

  It could never happen.

  Could it?

  What am I doing?

  A few hours after the talk with Mom, I was standing in front of Kelly’s door.

  I gave my head a shake as I stood in front of the one place I most definitely shouldn’t be.

  I’d told myself over and over again that I would avoid Kelly like the plague, at least until we were able to have a conversation about the us that was not an us any longer, and it wouldn’t be weird. But the magnetic pull had dragged me in.

  “Here goes nothing.” I raised my fist and knocked on the door, wondering when she’d moved into this cute little house. It seemed nice, a bit small, but clean, well-lit, and safe.

  “Coming.” Her voice through the door made my heart skip a beat. She had this sweet, lilting tone that struck me hard, seemed to break through my skin and filter into my blood.

  The door swung open, and Kelly’s wide, shocked eyes made me want to kiss her. And I would have if I’d thought she wouldn’t kick me off her porch, or if the black and white dog trying to get past her wouldn’t have knocked me off first.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “No, it’s okay. I was just expecting a delivery. I thought…” She squeezed out the door, shutting the dog in, and tightened a cardigan around her. “Is everything alright? It isn’t…”

  “No, no, all is fine. Mom’s doing really well today, actually. Well enough to give me a lecture.”

  A smile played on her lips before she pressed them together. “Well, you should probably listen. Babs is always right.”

  I almost snorted. If only she knew.

  I changed the subject. “So, how was your head this morning? You suffer from a hangover?”

  She smiled up at me sweetly. “Not too bad, surprisingly. You?”

  “No, not me. I’m fine.”

  “I suppose you’re used to it.”

  From the way she was staring at my lips, I wasn’t sure if she meant the booze or the kiss. Either way, I wanted to reassure her she wasn’t like any other woman, that she meant more to me.

  “If you aren’t doing anything, how about you let me take you out tonight? Not for drinks, well, maybe champagne. Dinner, and I get to surprise you with the place.” An idea was already forming in my mind, and I hoped I could pull it off. Leaving Mom wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I would only be gone for a few hours, most of them while she slept.

  The soft smile on her lips faded, a frown taking its place. “I don’t know, Gage. Last night was fun, but you’re going to leave again after Babs…” She put her hand over her mouth and her eyes filled. “Oh god.”

  Even as what she was about to say slammed into me, I stepped forward, wanting to comfort her as well as myself. As I gripped her shoulders, my fingers got caught in her silky hair, and a yearning slammed into me I hadn’t felt since I was barely more than a kid.

  Swallowing, my heart pounding, afraid she would slip away from me again, I said, “It’s okay. Look, I enjoyed your company last night. You make me forget about ‘when,’ plus we both need to eat, so why not do it together?”

  Both of us could act as breezy as we wanted, but we both knew this would mean something more. Dinner was a date, it couldn’t be anything else with us, especially after that kiss last night.

  “Actually, that sounds nice.” She stepped aside. “Come in. Prince Charming is friendly, a little too much so. I’d like to get changed if we’re going out.”

  I laughed. “Prince Charming?”

  “Yes, he’ll charm you into giving him food if you have any. You’re safe with him.”