He would write songs for, get married to, have children with some other woman. Gage Strickland didn’t belong to me.

  I switched the television off, trying to catch my breath. The screen faded to black, showing only my wide-eyed reflection staring back at me.

  “Well, honey, you’re the one who let him go,” Violet reminded me in a tired voice, her previous energy gone. “You are the one who walked away.”

  “How-how do you know that?”

  She shrugged. “Tabloids.”

  It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t let it matter. I’d gone on with my life, even though I’d been half sick since…

  My stomach heaved, and I ran for the bathroom, dry heaving before I even made it to the commode.

  Violet yelled from the bed, “Uh oh! I thought you looked like you were glowing. Glowing and upchucking at the same time spells one thing…better get a pregnancy test.”

  “I’m just sick.” I hiccupped a sob, the words sounding weak even to me. I squeezed my eyes closed. “It’ll be alright. I don’t need a pregnancy test.”

  “You need a pregnancy test!” shouted Violet.

  I stood and looked in the mirror, then muttered, “I need a pregnancy test.”

  That night, in the privacy of my own little house with Prince Charming and Snow White blinking at me from the floor of the bathroom, I took aim and peed on the little white stick.

  When the little wand told me I was going to be a mother, I couldn’t stop repeating it.

  “I’m going to be a mother.”

  “I’m going to be a mother,” I said to Prince Charming, who cocked his head and whined.

  “I’m going to be a mother,” I repeated to Queen, who turned her nose up and leaped up on the bed for a nap, as if she knew she wouldn’t be getting enough rest pretty soon.

  All alone. I’m going to be a mother.

  I burst into tears.

  The next day, at the spa with Mom, I was having a hard time holding in the words. Thank God my face was covered with a tingly scrub that made my skin feel like it would crack if I spoke.

  “I can’t believe we’ve never been to Nurture before,” Mom said, sighing. “I’m going for a mud bath next. You gonna join me?”

  “An actual bath in mud?” I laughed as the attendant wiped the concoction from my face. “Of course I am. What could be better than that?” I briefly worried whether mud could hurt the baby. Baby. It hadn’t sunk in yet, that I was a mother, was going to have a baby in, from what I’d calculated, seven short months. In the summer, I would be a mother.

  “Are you coming?” Mom asked after the mask was wiped from our faces. In the summer, she would be a grandmother.

  “That was incredible.”

  “I know. And the gentleman who gave your massage earlier was extremely handsome. I think he was flirting with you, you lucky thing.”

  “Mom! I can’t believe you just said that. He’s what, fresh out of college?”

  “I know, but having a boy toy is all the rage, isn’t it? Everyone’s doing it, especially…” she rolled her eyes, “twenty-three-year olds.” She ignored my scowl as she went on, “You know Miss Turner, who lives near the school? She’s been dating a twenty-seven-year-old for weeks now.”

  “Oh my god, really?”

  “Yeah, she has, and she’s never been happier. That’s all I’m saying about it.”

  The laugh that rolled up out of me was a belly laugh like I hadn’t experienced in years. With it, it was like some of the tension between Mom and me broke off and fell away.

  It was weird to talk with Mom about her dating somebody new. It wasn’t something I’d ever had to deal with before, but perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Hopefully, she’d stay away from the young masseuse, of course, and find someone much more suited to her.

  “What happened to your ‘man friend?’” I asked.

  Mom waved my question away. “He was only to pass the time, nothing serious. You want to talk about…you know, what happened with Gage?”

  I blanched at his name. I wanted to talk to her, wanted to tell her she was going to be a grandmother. I just needed some time.

  “Not yet, Mom. I’m okay. I’m just…you know, getting through every day.” We entered a room with side-by-side tubs sunken in the floor, dim lighting giving the perfect ambiance.

  “Let me know when you’re ready.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  The relaxing day with Mom seemed to stick throughout the week and even into the next. As Thanksgiving passed, I began to get used to the fact that I was going to be a mother, and started to think of tiny pink or blue outfits and rocking chairs and strollers. And nurseries. I would need a nursery.

  I’d barely touched on the idea of confronting Gage with the news when Millie shattered my peace at work.

  “I guess you’ve heard about the charity gig this coming weekend?” Millie said after we’d seen Violet to her daughter’s car. The woman had rallied once again, and we’d had a cheerful goodbye.

  I froze just inside the sliding doors. “Charity gig?”

  “So, you haven’t heard. Gaged is coming to New Hope for a holiday charity fundraiser for hospice.”

  I felt the blood drain from my face. This had to be a joke.

  Millie’s hand gripped my arm, but I couldn’t turn to look at her. Anxiety flooded my system as images of Gage with Jazmin flashed in my vision.

  I would have to tell him.

  “Are you okay? You just turned a ghastly shade of white.” Millie guided me through the hall to a room set aside for employees who needed a nap, and once there, eased me down onto the cot.

  I couldn’t catch my breath, I was lightheaded and dizzy. I would’ve tumbled to the floor if I wasn’t already sitting down.

  Millie sat down on one of the hard plastic seats. “I’m sorry. I assumed you knew.”

  “I…No.” I stared at her, wanting desperately to tell her about the baby, but the words just wouldn’t come out. “I made myself stop looking.”

  I wondered how he was coping with Ron. It had hit the news that his father was actually his long-time manager, enough of a shock without what I had to add to it—which was one reason I’d given myself for not contacting him.

  “It’ll be okay,” Millie said. “Just because there’s going to be some sort of gig here, doesn’t mean you have to go to it. But if you do want to go, there’s other bands playing in the lineup.”

  All I could think was, This is my sign. I’m going to have to tell him.

  She moved to the bed beside me and hugged me to her side. “You and I can do something that night. We’ll have a fun night in. The boys will be going…but we don’t need to. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. I’ll buy us lunch.”

  I sucked in a couple of deep breaths. “Okay, you’re right.” But my stomach turned over at the thought of food and the smells that came along with it.

  I followed Millie to the car in a daze.

  “You know,” Millie said, “you should start dating someone else. That’s a great way to get over him.”

  “Yeah…” I responded woodenly, listening to her go on about how I just needed to find someone special. She’d been saying it for weeks.

  “Someone will come along, Kelly, don’t you worry about that. A beautiful girl like you won’t be single long.”

  I didn’t want to be single forever, but I couldn’t fathom dating when I wasn’t over Gage. And was carrying his child.

  I wanted love. Someone I could just be with, who the whole world wasn’t in love with too. A normal relationship. Was there such a thing? Women started over all the time, dated while they were pregnant, even found men who would accept someone else’s child.

  But before I could even begin to build my new life, I had to give Gage the news.

  29

  Gage

  The loud sound of knocking woke me and I rolled out of the hotel bed. I hadn’t slept well lately, not even in the cabin in Montauk. I’d gone there for some much needed away time, borrowing the place from my buddy.

  Today was the day. The day of the charity gig.

  The day I would do anything it took to win Kelly back.

  I’d let Ron, my father—which I still couldn’t get used to the thought of—know the way it was going to be. If I could win Kelly back, I was going to leave the band. I didn’t love it anymore, it allowed me no life that was my own. I had enough money to not do anything for the rest of my life if I so chose. And the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to live my life in the public eye. If I was being honest with myself, I was done being fodder for the gossip rags. Done with dragging myself from concert to concert. Done living the life of a rock star.

  I’d arranged a driver to pick up Kelly and bring her to the concert, escorting her to a front row seat. There, I would serenade her with both of the songs I’d written about her. Later, if she put up with my display, I’d have her brought backstage during intermission. If all went as I wanted it to, I planned on asking her to marry me from the stage.

  My hands shook just thinking about it.

  “Hold on.” I tried to rub the crick out of my neck, blinking as I pulled the door open after checking to see who it was.

  Andy, Bryan, and Ben stood in the hall.

  Frowning, I looked at each of them. “What’s going on? Did I forget about a gig?” I racked my brain, but I was positive I’d pulled myself out of everything but the charity thing. “Why do you all look so…tense?”

  “If you would let us in, we could tell you.” Andy pushed past me without waiting for an answer.

  Uneasiness trickled down my spine. “What’s going on, guys?”

  “We…need to talk, just us boys,” Ben said.

  “You better not be coming to announce that my grandfather was Elvis,” I joked, and they all laughed, the sound was nervous.

  Shit. I needed coffee.

  I brewed a pot and poured four mugs, setting them on the coffee table in the large living area.

  As I took my first sip, I surveyed each of the friends, trying to glean something from their faces but none of them were giving a damn thing away.

  My stomach churned with the coffee. “Okay, what the hell is going on?”

  “We all know that you’ve been trying really hard to get back on track, but the truth is…” Andy paused and exchanged looks with Ben and Bryan.

  I blew a breath out. “Guys, I appreciate the sentiment, but I have a change of heart.” My leg started jumping. I needed to tell them now. Stretching it out would only prolong things. “I’m not sure I want to continue with Gaged. I think we’ve had an awesome run, but it would be better to go out on top. I realize you’re upset with me, that you’ve put your all into—”

  Andy burst into laughter, and the other guys joined in.

  “Did I miss something?”

  Andy cocked his head to one side. “Are you sure about leaving the band?”

  I stared down into the dark liquid in my mug. “I’ve thought it over every which way, and yes, I think so.”

  Andy leaned in, a cheeky glint in his eye. “Ron won’t like it, but we were going to propose something similar.”

  I opened my mouth to argue when it hit me that he was agreeing. They wanted me gone too? “W-What?”

  Ben chimed in, “We’re all ready to pursue other things. I’ve had a movie offer.”

  Bryan held his hands up. “The little woman is ready to settle down, and we’ve tried it my way for years. I think it’s time she got her dreams.”

  “And since our contract was going to be renewed with this new upcoming album, we can choose to walk away instead. It’s just a plus to learn it’s what you want as well,” Andy added. “And if we miss it, we can always have a reunion tour. Rake in the big bucks.”

  We all laughed at that, relief settling over the room.

  I leaped up. “This calls for a celebration.” I went to the bar, poured us each a half glass of champagne, which we held up for a toast. “To new directions and pissing Ron off for good.”

  After taking a sip, Ben said, “I guess the New Hope gig will be our farewell. What do you have planned?”

  I held my glass up higher. “We’re going to make the New Hope show the best one yet.”

  If she said yes.

  It was all coming together. The equipment for tonight’s concert was being set up without a hitch, the fans were being held at bay by our security. We’d decided to announce our decision to end Gaged, it would be a surprise that probably wouldn’t be met with glee. My stomach was going to fly away at any moment if it took on any more butterflies, but I had one more thing to do before I could focus on tonight and Kelly.

  I found the man I was looking for behind the stage, haggling with one of the workers over the lighting.

  The strangest part for me was now seeing some of myself reflected in Ron’s face. It wasn’t like looking in a mirror, there were only small similarities, but there were enough—the cut of his jaw, the way he held himself.

  Ron excused himself from his conversation to come over and shake my hand.

  “I know this is strange for you.” He tucked his hands together behind his back when I kept my hands at my sides.

  “I never thought I would want to meet you…” While I couldn’t quite say the word Dad yet, I was seeing new aspects to Ron that I hadn’t before. Namely, I was seeing that part of his hard-nosed attitude came from his removed position in my life and the need to see to it that I succeeded, even if he couldn’t play the role of father. “But now, I don’t think I’d have made it here, to this point in my career, without you.”

  There was a long pause. “I’m so sorry about Babs. She was always so vivacious, I regret agreeing to her way of things. I should have acted long ago instead of being your father on the periphery.”

  The same voice I’d listened to for years when it came to the subject of my father piped up. Don’t hold out any hope. Don’t expect anything, then you can’t be let down.

  Maybe it was time I took a chance.

  “I think she would be happy enough with the way things have gone. She made her peace and made sure everyone else would be alright, just like she always did.”

  “I’m…” Ron stared intently at me. “I’m glad she did, it means she actually trusted me enough to allow me in your life. A trust I don’t deserve.”

  “Why did you agree to her plan?” I didn’t mean for the words to come out, but the question had haunted me. Instinctively, my arms folded across my chest while I waited for his answer.

  “I…I’m really ashamed to say this. I’ve tortured myself over it. You can hate me for it, I wouldn’t blame you. After my wife went into remission, I just couldn’t give her such news. She was delicate, and the boys were clingy. Time passed so quickly. I swear, I thought of you every day, wondered…” His gaze shifted past my shoulder and the look in his eyes was very far away. “When I saw you in that competition when you were in high school, then ran into Babs in the audience, I knew right away that I could help you reach your full potential. And I convinced myself it would be enough, being near you. You seemed to have done great without me, and I thought it’d only make your life a wreck if you knew.”

  “I spent years hating you. So, it’s difficult to see it your way, but I’m trying.”

  He nodded somberly. “I honestly don’t have an excuse. I was an idiot, and it’s something I hate myself for.”

  “Mom would say there’s no room in the world for hate.”

  Ron smiled. “Of course she would. Babs never hated anyone. She was a kickass woman.”

  “Well, I appreciate you telling me the truth.”

  He rocked back on his heels, his expression growing serious. “You aren’t alone though, even if you don’t want me around, you have two half-brothers.”

  “Siblings…that’s so strange to think about.”

  Ron’s facial expression shifted as a range of thoughts seemed to cross his mind. “Look, I know you might not want to ever see me again after today,” we’d let Ron know our decision as a band, “but I would be happy for you to meet them. I came clean to them recently, and they’re open to it.”

  He’d just offered me an unexpected chance at a family, if I wanted it. A father, brothers.

  “That’s really kind of you, I appreciate it. Can I think on that?” It was one thing to accept having a father in my life. Older brothers? I was making a lot of changes and wanted to do this one step at a time.

  “Of course. I just want you to know that we’re here for you. Without your mother around anymore, I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone.”

  Mom, even on her deathbed, seemed to know exactly what would be best for me and had offered me this second chance at a family. I knew Ron’s wife had died, having succumbed to the cancer once it returned, and that having a relationship with me would fill some of that empty space. It was up to me whether I took the chance on him or not.

  My life had become utterly filled with choices. It was up to me to pick the right ones.

  My first choice was going to be sitting in the front row. If she accepted my apology.

  We had about two hours until the opening bands finished, but my heart was already balled up in my throat.

  Andy came up behind me as I looked through the trailer’s blinds for about the fifth time, trying to see who was seated in the front row. “What if Kelly never wants to see my face again?”

  “Hmm, I suppose that’s a possibility.” He bumped me with his elbow when I stared at him. “You can’t do anything to control that part. You sent the invitation, instructed the driver to all but kidnap her. The rest is up to her.”

  “I should have gone there myself.”

  “You never would have made it past the reporters.” They had swarmed Kelly’s house this morning, hoping for a glimpse of me or us to plaster on their front pages. “Are you okay being back in your hometown? What with your mom…”

  “I wouldn’t have planned it if I didn’t think I could hack it. I’m slowly getting to the place where it’s all just good memories, so it’s kind of nice.”