David Buttifant has spent more than 30 years at the forefront of human performance, blending science and innovation. He has real life experience in building resilience and lasting results. With a PhD in Exercise Physiology and an MBA, his career has spanned Olympic sport, AFL premierships and a period as an Associate Professor in higher education. As a High Performance Manager in the AFL, David pioneered new approaches to performance, recovery, resilience and wellbeing that reshaped how teams prepare and perform. Today, as Director of Resilience Builders, he partners with organisations, schools and leaders to unlock potential, strengthen culture and drive sustainable performance. Passionate about helping others flourish, David is equally grounded by his devotion to family life. A keen cyclist, hiker and adventurer, he continues to live with purpose while inspiring others to discover their own strength within.

  Nick Farr has led a life defined by adventure, service and resilience. He served with Victoria Police for 21 years, including 18 as a detective, before pursuing the outdoors full-time. A passionate skier, he worked as an instructor at Mount Hotham and in 1996 founded Ski Aspen, which continues to deliver unforgettable ski experiences to this day. In 2006 he co-founded Trek Climb Ski Nepal, combining his love of mountaineering with guiding others through the Himalaya. A veteran Himalayan guide with more than 25 years’ experience, Nick summited Mount Everest in 2005. In 2017 he co-founded Resilience Builders with David Buttifant, creating programs to strengthen leadership and resilience. Away from work, Nick enjoys the guitar, scuba diving and going on adventures with his wife Catherine and their children Madeline and Max.

  This book deals with loss and grief in relation to suicide.

  First published in 2026

  Copyright © David Buttifant and Nick Farr 2026

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

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  ISBN 978 1 76147 268 8

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  For my wife Maria, our children Emily, Dylan and Bronte and their partners Ed, Annabelle and Josh, and our beautiful grandchildren, who inspire me every day. And for Nicholas, whose spirit still guides us. Your love, strength and presence are woven through every part of this book, and I’m deeply grateful for each of you.

  —DB

  For Madeline and Max—who have helped me grow stronger, kinder and occasionally more patient. Thank you for the chaos, the joy, the love and the daily reminders that resilience is a journey, not a destination.

  —NF

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  1 Resilience: Thriving Through Adversity

  2 Discomfort: The Secret Ingredient

  3 Discovering Your WHY

  4 Physical Resilience

  5 Emotional Resilience

  6 Social Resilience

  7 Psychological Recovery

  8 How to Hardwire Resilience into Your Daily Life

  9 Conclusion: This is Where It All Begins

  Appendix: RESILIENCE360

  References

  PROLOGUE

  NICK

  The wind at 7500 metres is relentless. It stalks you. For a few moments it’s silent, luring you into a false sense of calm; then it returns, violent and furious, like a freight train slamming into your tent. Paul and I had been pinned down at Camp 3 on Cho Oyu—the world’s sixth-highest mountain—for three days, but it felt like weeks. It was clear we were no longer just waiting out rough weather; we were trapped in a savage Himalayan storm that wasn’t letting up.

  Paul Carr and I were climbing partners, friends and Victoria Police colleagues. This was our final training climb before heading to Mount Everest the following year. But here we were: hypoxic, depleted and starving. The gas for our fuel stove was almost gone. We were running out of food and we were definitely running out of time. And we knew it. But I didn’t say it out loud. Neither of us did.

  That silence still haunts me.

  We were down to one Mars bar between us, and were still clinging to the fantasy that we’d make a summit push as soon as the wind died. It was madness, but that’s what hypoxia (oxygen depletion) does. It strips your clarity but leaves your stubborn optimism intact. We were both experienced enough to know the situation was now serious, but still we said nothing. Admitting it would feel like failure. And failure wasn’t something we talked about.

  The hours dragged. We played cards. Swapped stories. Told bad jokes. But we were slipping. Our tent was coming apart. Our bodies were deteriorating. Even going to the toilet was a life-threatening ordeal, and with no toilet paper left I had to sacrifice my last clean pair of socks. Still, we avoided the conversation that needed to be had. Are we okay? Can we keep going? Do we pull the pin?

  On the fourth day, things started to unravel quickly. It was around midday when Paul climbed out of our tent to collect some snow so we could boil some water and make tea. I followed him outside because it was my turn to make it and, even in my hypoxic state, I could tell he didn’t look well. I told him to get back in the tent. He stumbled, looked dazed and said something I couldn’t understand before crawling slowly back inside. I made us both hot tea, then tapped him on the leg to let him know it was ready. No response. I tried again but nothing. At first, I thought he’d fallen asleep so I allowed him to rest a bit longer. About 20 to 30 minutes passed and I tried to rouse Paul again. I shook him harder this time and he still didn’t move.

  I called out for help. Tika Tamang, our Sherpa guide, came into the tent, took one look and said flatly, ‘Nick, Paul is dead.’

  He said it again. ‘He’s dead, mate.’

  But how could he be? He was just outside. He had just spoken to me. I’d seen countless bodies during my years in the police, but none of that experience counted for anything here. My brain, starved of oxygen, refused to understand what was in front of me.

  I tried CPR. Fumbled with the oxygen mask. Shouted. Swore. Begged. But Paul was gone.

  That night, I wasn’t allowed to sleep. Altitude kills silently when you’re that far gone. Tika insisted I move into his tent. I sat upright the entire night, shattered and numb, trying to understand why I was still alive and Paul wasn’t.

  This is where my story begins.

  Not with triumph. Not with a summit. But with death in a tent high on a mountain during a savage Himalayan storm. This is my resilience story—but it’s not the kind you hear about in TED Talks or see printed on posters. This is the other kind. The one forged in cold, silence, guilt and grief. The kind that doesn’t look like strength at all. This is the kind of resilience that starts in places no one wants to be. The kind that begins with misery, ends in loss, and demands that you get up and push on.

  Paul’s death cracked something open inside me and there was no going back. It shook me to my core and hurled me onto a path I never expected to take. Suddenly, I was asking questions I’d never dared to ask before. About what it truly means to be vulnerable, to connect, and to be strong and resilient. Not the kind of strength that grits its teeth and pretends, but the kind that breaks, bends and still finds a way forward.

  What began as raw survival, as pain that left me hollow, slowly started to shift. Bit by bit, despair gave way to something else—something that looked like meaning. Something that felt like purpose.

  The lessons I took from that storm were carved into me. Those four days, trapped below the summit of the sixth-highest mountain in the world, stripped everything back. They were ruthless and relentless and they reshaped my life. They changed how I live, how I show up for the people around me—and how I help others face their own impossible summits.

  1

  RESILIENCE: THRIVING THROUGH ADVERSITY

  IN a world of relentless change, resilience is our compass. The pace of technological development, the endless demands for growth and the unsettling unpredictability of life can stir fear and uncertainty. And in the constant hum of notifications, social media comparisons and unrealistic expectations, we often lose touch with who we are. These distractions swarm around us like insistent flies, keeping us from being fully present. But resilience is more than just dealing with life’s demands. It’s about embracing life—its highs and lows, its gifts and challenges—and learning to play the cards we are dealt. Resilience is the art of adapting, staying grounded, bouncing back and thriving.

  Both of us, through our life experiences, recognise the need for practical guidance in this area. It’s common to need help dealing with adversity and building resilience. As well as having encountered our own life-changing setbacks, we have both also worked with thousands of individuals, supporting them to
find joy and navigate life’s inevitable discomforts. It became clear to us that people need more than just encouragement to overcome challenges; they need tools, strategies and a path forward. That is where this book comes in.

  Resilience isn’t something you’re born with. Rather, it’s a skill that can be learned, cultivated and strengthened over time. It’s about more than just bouncing back from adversity; it’s about thriving despite it. In this book we share what we have learned over the years, both from our personal experiences and from the countless people we have worked with. We’ve both seen firsthand how the right mindset, coupled with actionable strategies, can transform lives.

  Life does not come with a manual for smooth sailing. Every one of us faces challenges, setbacks and moments when it feels like the odds are stacked against us. The truth is, adversity is inevitable; it’s our response to those tough times that defines us. This book is designed to show you how to thrive—not only when things are going well, but when life’s challenges are weighing you down and there seems to be no way out.

  At its core, resilience is about adapting, growing and pushing forward when life throws curveballs. But how do we cultivate this resilience? The good news is that resilience is a skill, and like any skill, it can be developed and strengthened over time. Just as athletes train their muscles to perform better, you can train your body, mind and emotions to become more resilient.

  This book will help you understand what resilience is, and learn how to build and harness it in your everyday life. Whether you are facing personal challenges, professional hurdles or simply looking to better equip yourself for the future, there is something here for you. The goal is simple: to provide you with the tools, evidence and actionable steps needed to turn adversity into an opportunity for growth. Life’s tough. Be tougher.

  THE JOURNEY BEGINS WITH ACTION

  We all have the potential to lead joyful, fulfilling lives. But let’s be honest here: like getting fit or losing those extra kilos, this doesn’t happen on its own. It requires intentional effort, a willingness to adopt new habits and, most importantly, the courage to step out of our comfort zone. That is where real growth happens: when you push beyond what feels safe and familiar. And while that might sound daunting at first, it is also incredibly empowering. Every step you take, every action you commit to, moves you closer to the life you desire.

  It is in doing that we truly learn. It’s when we face adversity head-on that we gain insights, develop strength and start to change from within. You will notice that your behaviour will start to shift as you begin to apply the lessons and tools in this book. And when your behaviour changes, so do your results. Resilience is not a quick fix; it’s a journey. But along the way, you will see how small shifts lead to bigger transformations.

  There is a certain power in action. It is the bridge between where you are now and where you want to be. It is one thing to read about resilience, but it is another thing entirely to live it. That is why this book doesn’t just focus on theory; it is filled with practical tools and exercises you can start using right away.

  WHAT THIS BOOK OFFERS

  The beauty of resilience is that it’s not a one-size-fits-all idea. What works for one person might not work for another. That’s why we don’t promise a magic pill or uniform fix. Instead, this book offers a variety of tools, techniques and approaches so you can find what resonates with you.

  Throughout these pages you will find stories from real people who have faced real-life adversity and come out stronger on the other side. There is a wealth of research to back up the ideas we’ll be exploring, but it is presented in a way that is easy to digest and, most importantly, practical.

  You will walk away with a toolbox of strategies that you can use to build resilience in both your personal and professional life. You will learn how you can shift your mindset, manage stress more effectively and develop habits that foster emotional strength and mental toughness. You will also discover how to create an environment that supports your resilience: from the people you choose to surround yourself with to the routines you establish.

  In the same way we maintain our physical health by working out and eating well, resilience requires upkeep. This book will show you how to build daily habits that support resilience, including mindfulness practices, journalling and self-reflection. Over time these practices can become second nature, allowing you to navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease.

  THE MANY FACES OF RESILIENCE

  Resilience can look different depending on the situation. For some, it’s about getting back up after a fall. For others, it’s about finding the strength to keep going when everything feels like it’s coming apart. For many, it’s about maintaining a sense of normalcy in the face of immense pressure. No matter what resilience means to you, this book can help you define and refine your own life so that when adversity arises you have the strategies to cope.

  Resilience is often described as ‘bouncing back’—but it is so much more than that. It is about moving forward, learning, growing and evolving through challenges so that you emerge as a stronger, more capable version of yourself. It’s a process of positive adaptation in the face of adversity, and it’s something that each of us is capable of.

  Resilience can be summed up as a dynamic trait: the ability to adapt and maintain regular functioning, despite hardships. Or, in some cases, the ability to come back even stronger by utilising personal and external resources. Whether it is based on internal strength, others’ support or a combination of both, resilience is about leveraging the resources around you to not only cope, but thrive. To break this down and better understand this, we have identified four key pillars of resilience: physical resilience, emotional resilience, social resilience and psychological recovery. We’ll explore each of these pillars in detail throughout this book, suggesting evidence-based interventions to support you in navigating life’s inevitable challenges and emerging stronger.

  WHY THIS BOOK MATTERS

  In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, resilience is more important than ever. We’re constantly faced with new challenges: whether they’re workplace changes, relationship difficulties, financial stressors or even global crises. The ability to adapt and thrive in the face of these challenges is crucial to our overall wellbeing.

  We have drawn on years of experience to bring you this book. We don’t just talk about resilience in abstract terms, but bring it to life with practical advice and proven techniques that you can start applying today. Whether you’re dealing with a current challenge or preparing yourself for the future, the tools in this book can help you build a solid foundation of resilience that you can rely on, no matter what life throws your way.

  When the pandemic hit in 2020, our small business, Resilience Builders, was hit hard. Overnight, every workshop, presentation, coaching session and experiential program we had booked was cancelled—including a 30-person trek we were leading to Everest Base Camp. Just like that, our ability to make a living was in real trouble. On top of that, Nick suddenly found himself juggling a new role: homeschooling his two kids.

  But we believed in the work we were doing and we believed in each other. We asked ourselves: could we take everything we’d been delivering in person and reimagine it for an online world? With no guarantees, we set to work over the next few months, building five- and ten-session resilience development programs we could deliver to people and organisations online. Everyone we knew was facing their own version of hardship, and we felt the tools we were sharing were more needed than ever.

  By the end of 2020, things began to shift. We were fortunate to receive support from the Victorian Government to deliver our Tools for Tough Times program to schools across regional and remote parts of Victoria. That opportunity gave us a real boost.

  Resilience shows up in all sorts of ways. For us, it meant staying adaptable, backing ourselves when the path was unclear, and remaining composed in the face of pressure. The truth is, we were also being tested, so we had no choice but to practise what we preached.