And then, as always, something happened.

  Tika signalled for me to stop.

  ‘It just broke,’ he said quietly, lowering his oxygen mask. ‘I don’t know how.’

  Tika was referring to one of my ski poles, which he had been using as a walking stick. I was using the other one as they helped us stay balanced on the steep, icy slope. Tika was visibly distraught that he’d broken the pole because of what that might mean for my ski descent. I started laughing with relief. For a second, I’d thought it may have been something serious. I quickly assured Tika it wasn’t an issue. In my mind I knew it was going to add a degree of difficulty to the descent but I couldn’t summon the energy to care. And I certainly didn’t want Tika upset over it. We’d come so far and were so close. This wasn’t going to derail anything.

  As the route to the summit started to flatten out, I felt an internal strength propelling me forward. That other gear I knew I had finally kicked in and I powered on. Even with the additional weight of the skis on my back, I felt unusually strong, and even my breathing was well in check. Fifty metres, twenty metres, ten metres …

  I collapsed on the summit and waited for Tika to join me. I shed my pack and just lay there looking up at the sky. Then I stood back up and, right on cue, Tika arrived. We hugged. Tears, relief, euphoria, sadness and joy all rolled into one. That view of Everest I’d longed to see back in 2003 was finally directly in front of me. We took photos and hugged some more, and I released a letter I’d written to Paul into the wind.

  There are moments in life that don’t feel real even when you’re living them. That summit was one of them. But what followed was painfully real.

  I grabbed my ski boots. I’d been running my boot heaters since we left Camp 3 but they were still frozen solid. No matter how hard I pulled, twisted or pleaded, I couldn’t open them. After a good ten minutes trying to pry them open, I told myself the ski descent wasn’t happening. Then I did what any emotionally mature person would do: I threw a tantrum and launched my skis as far as I could across the summit, unleashing some F-bombs as I did.

  Tika watched on, and I laughed through the rage. That moment? That was dopamine denied. The reward I’d anticipated, skiing from the summit, evaporated. But it didn’t undo the climb. And, in hindsight, even that tantrum was part of the release.

  Later that afternoon, back at Camp 2, I was finally starting to wind down when the legendary mountaineer Vern Tejas walked past my tent.

  ‘Nick, I got your skis. I’ll just drop ’em here, okay?’

  Those bloody skis were the last things I ever wanted to see again—after having lugged them all the way to 8201 metres and not being able to use them. But I couldn’t tell Vern that. Especially after he had just done me the huge courtesy of collecting my rubbish and personally delivering it back to me at 7000 metres. I got out of my tent and thanked Vern.

  Funnily enough, I bumped into Vern again in Lukla in 2022. I thanked him again for carrying my skis down from Cho Oyu and he said he remembered it well. I didn’t tell him I gave them away the minute I got back to Kathmandu.

  The final descent back to Camp 1 the following day was one of the most physically demanding days I’ve ever had. As we packed up our camp and equipment, we decided to take all our gear in one trip. This would save us from having to make another round trip between Camp 1 and Camp 2 to bring down our stuff. The downside was we had super heavy packs—and mine weighed in at 56 kilograms. I’d never carried a load that heavy at altitude before, but I figured it was all downhill so I’d be fine.

  Even moving downhill, though, staying balanced and negotiating the conditions with that load was very difficult. One of the most exhausting things was having to bend down every 40 or so metres to lift the fixed-line safety ropes up to unclip and then re-attach my own safety line onto the next section of fixed rope. The effort it took to do this took every ounce of energy I had, and I was rapidly running out.

  With one last anchor to move through, I was overjoyed as the rope I was on rose up to meet me at waist level. Somebody was obviously clipping on behind me and had lifted the rope at precisely the right time to save me from having to bend down and lift it up myself. I unclipped, let go of the rope and turned around to acknowledge whomever it was who had relieved me of having to perform this excruciatingly exhaustive task.

  There was nobody behind me.

  ———

  As we packed up our campsite at Cho Oyu Base Camp two days later, Tika and I both found some time to sit for a bit next to Paul’s memorial chorten and reflect on our journey together. We had a beer, raised a toast to Paul and watched the sunset on Cho Oyu one last time. I knew this time I wouldn’t be coming back.

  Looking back, I can see that the habits that helped me get through my return to Cho Oyu weren’t random tricks I pulled out of thin air. They were hard-earned and deliberately formed. They were tools I’d trained, tested and refined long before this climb: composure and clarity over uncertainty and fear; mental recovery built in as required; with the pragmatism to build again gradually, stay consistent and prepare for setbacks.

  These habits didn’t just help me climb a mountain. They’ve helped me rebuild, recover and lead a more grounded and fulfilling life. And they’re not reserved for extreme environments. They’re for everyday moments when things feel uncertain, when fatigue sets in or when emotion threatens to hijack reason. I still lean on them and I regularly practise them. I’ve learned that resilience isn’t a trait you summon in a crisis, it’s a way you live long before things fall apart.

  I’m certainly not someone special. I’m not bulletproof or endlessly driven or somehow wired differently. I’m a work in progress, just like you. These habits are part of my daily and weekly rhythm. They’re not optional extras. They’re the foundation.

  Today that means walking my dog, playing my guitar, enjoying family time, finding moments of stillness, getting into cold water, moving my body, getting to bed early and waking up before the noise starts. I also take antidepressants and have done for over twenty years. That’s part of my toolkit too. It’s something I’ve accepted without shame because it helps me maintain the equilibrium I need to function, focus and feel good.

  These routines are the things that keep me steady when the pressure builds; that help me push forward when life feels like a steep ascent. They’re the small daily rituals that keep me grounded, performing, connected and well. And when things get tough, as they still do, these are what I come back to.

  Resilience isn’t becoming someone different. It’s about learning what keeps you moving forward when adversity strikes. It’s about showing up for yourself each day, especially when it’s hard. And it’s about understanding that we’re all figuring it out, one step at a time.

  FINAL THOUGHTS ON HARDWIRING RESILIENCE THROUGH HABIT

  Forming good habits is not just about discipline or willpower. It is about designing an environment and routine that makes success inevitable. The science is clear: small, consistent actions, anchored to meaningful outcomes, create lasting change.

  We have both seen it in high performers, whether they are in business, sport or everyday life—in any arena, the people who thrive are those who master the art of habit stacking, using cues and triggers to reinforce behaviour. The techniques make it easy to do the right thing, even when motivation dips.

  So ask yourself: what is one small, repeatable action you can streamline today? Maybe it is adjusting your sleep routine, reducing digital distractions or committing to five minutes of movement each morning. The key is reducing friction, setting yourself up for success and remembering small wins, repeated over time, shape who you become.

  This is not about perfection. It’s about building habits that sustain resilience, energy and clarity, so that when the challenges come—and they will—you are not just surviving, you are thriving.

  9

  CONCLUSION: THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS

  IF you have made it to this point in the book, take a quiet moment to reflect on what you’ve learned. You haven’t just read words on a page; you have walked alongside us through stories of triumph and heartbreak, science and soul, strength and vulnerability. And now, as we come to the end, this is not a closing chapter; it’s an opening, an invitation.

  We are just two ordinary blokes. We’ve lived through some difficult moments; some very difficult. We’ve experienced some pretty high highs and very deep lows. But more than anything, we just wanted to share what we have learned along the way, in the hope that it might help someone else. We are not claiming to have all the answers. What we offer is simply the things that have worked for us, and for the many people we have had the privilege to work with and learn from.

  This book was never intended to be just about resilience. It is an invitation for you to pause and reflect on your life, your story and your growth. It is about what comes next. Not in the big, dramatic shifts, but in the small, conscious choices you make each day. That is where the real power lies. That’s how you shape who you are becoming. And here is something worth holding on to: growth does not have to come through pain. You can learn, evolve and flourish without being broken first.

  Throughout these pages, we have explored what it means to live with resilience—not just to get through the tough times, but to come out stronger. We have shared stories about people who, in the face of discomfort, uncertainty and loss, chose to have a go and get better. They chose to grow, to connect, to recover and to begin again. In those stories, we hope you saw glimpses of yourself. Not a perfect picture, but an authentic, genuine, ever-evolving version, shaped by experience and open to becoming something more. Resilience is not a trait reserved for a few; it’s a capacity that lives in all of us. It’s the quiet decision to keep showing up; to be present; to care deeply, even when it hurts; and to savour the joy and love that life offers along the way.

  We opened this book by challenging the old idea that resilience is about being tough or pushing through at all costs. It is not. Resilience is about learning to dance with change. It’s about being anchored by your values and flexible in your response. It’s knowing that setbacks will come, but so too will moments of beauty, clarity and connection.

  We unpacked what it means to meet discomfort with curiosity, rather than avoidance. Whether you are climbing mountains or navigating work issues, the body’s stress response is real, but it can be understood and managed. And when we face challenges with preparation and purpose, discomfort becomes an opportunity for growth, not something to fear.

  We explored the critical role of the body in building a resilient mind and spirit. Moving your body, sleeping well, eating with care—these are not side notes; they’re the foundation. You do not have to train like an elite athlete, but by building a body that supports you, you give yourself the energy and clarity to show up fully in life.

  We journeyed into emotional terrain, which many of us try to avoid. We talked about the value of feeling your feelings, of creating space between reaction and response. Science backs this up. Emotional regulation, mindfulness and compassion are not just buzzwords; they are evidence-based tools that support your capacity to lead a meaningful life.

  We talked about connection—not as something nice to have, but as essential. Humans are drawn to belong; to be seen; to feel held. The people you surround yourself with can either buffer your stress or deepen your pain. Who you spend time with and how honest you are in those relationships matter deeply.

  We reflected on the importance of recovery—not just sleep and rest, but deeper healing. The kind that helps you process grief, integrate the hard lessons and come back to life with greater perspective. Resilience is not just pushing through. It is knowing when to stop, when to heal and when to begin again.

  And we looked at habit formation. Because all the insight in the world means little if it does not lead to change. The science is clear: small, consistent actions shape behaviour first and behaviour eventually influences outcomes. One new habit; one shift in thinking; one honest conversation—it all adds up.

  If this all feels like a lot to comprehend, that’s okay. The goal is not perfection. It is progress. It is intention. It is choosing, again and again, the life that aligns with who you truly want to be. There will be days when you stumble. When the noise gets loud. When motivation fades and energy depletes. That is life. But resilience isn’t getting it right every time. It is staying with yourself. It is the choice to return, gently, to the practices that bring you back to centre; to the values that steady you; to the people who remind you of who you are.

  Finally, we leave you with this: an invitation to live more openly; to soften where you have grown rigid; to forgive where you are still holding tight to resentment; to pause long enough to notice the good that’s already there.

  We have seen what is possible. We have lived it. And we have stumbled through it, too. Along the way, we have come to understand something simple, but powerful: we have a choice in life. We can get better, or we can become bitter. You can build a life that feels whole. You can grow stronger in the broken places. You can flourish, not in spite of life’s messiness, but because of how you choose to meet it.

  So let this not be the end. Let this be a beginning. A quiet, steady step forward into a fulfilling life. One choice at a time. One habit at a time. One breath at a time. Go gently. Go bravely, and keep choosing the life you want to live, because it’s yours to shape. You do not need to be perfect. All it takes is a spark to begin. And then begin again.

  Life’s tough. Be tougher.

  David & Nick

  APPENDIX

  RESILIENCE360

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