We then made radio contact with our support team at Base Camp. It was uplifting to hear their voices and their congratulations, but we still had a long way to go before we could celebrate. We all knew the most dangerous part of the day was yet to come. Exhaustion, complacency and the likelihood of deteriorating weather nearly always meant descending Everest was more dangerous than going up. Not to mention the risks of continued exposure inside the death zone—the area above 8000 metres, where human life is unable to be sustained over an extended time.

  I sat in the snow and considered what lay ahead. The snow apron just a few metres below the true summit was protected from the wind and was very peaceful. I could easily have gone to sleep right there. Hypoxia and complacency is deadly. Thankfully, due to an overdose of Codral cold and flu tablets twelve hours earlier, I didn’t need a toilet break. Not having to drop down my pants for a number two in minus-40–degree winds was a major win and one I was truly grateful for. Please, codeine, just give me another six hours.

  Pema Tshering Sherpa told me it was time to go. Sitting down for any length of time was just too dangerous and we were on the clock. He’d been here before, and he knew the score.

  ———

  At home all these years later, now with a beautiful family, my Everest and Cho Oyu journeys were literally a lifetime ago.

  In 2006, Tika Tamang and I established a small adventure travel business and began leading our own treks and climbing trips throughout Nepal. This was the beginning of my extended love affair with the country and its people. I would return regularly, sometimes for months at a time.

  When I first visited Nepal, I was on a mission: to learn what I needed and acquire the skills and experience to one day climb the highest mountain in the world. It was all about the mountains, the sport and the goal. While those things remained important, my priorities quickly shifted to the people and community Tika and I were building, with his extended family and our team.

  Being immersed in Nepalese culture—and that of the Sherpa high-altitude mountaineers who call the Everest region home—has been an enormous privilege, and one I’m looking forward to sharing more with my children. I’ve learned perspective, clarity, meaning and what’s truly important to me. I discovered my WHY—a concept you’ll learn about later in this book. I’ve also learned a lot about resilience and leadership. Whenever I’m presenting a workshop or keynote, I’m quick to point out that everything I know that truly matters about resilience I learned from my Sherpa mates in Nepal.

  David and I started working together in 2017. We ran our first experiential resilience development program along the trek to Everest Base Camp. It was a profound success, and our business, Resilience Builders, was born. David and I have very similar views on the power of mountainous and other high-altitude environments to foster people’s physical, emotional, social and spiritual growth. He’d seen it firsthand during his years running altitude training camps with AFL football clubs and Olympic athletes, as I had over the previous ten years leading trekking and climbing adventures with Tika.

  We honed the delivery of our content through workshops and experiential programs to a wide variety of organisations and schools. We were getting busier and busier with engagements—and then along came Covid.

  When the name of your business is Resilience Builders, you feel a little more pressure than most to keep going when the going gets tough. David and I had both endured our fair share of hardship and adversity throughout our lives, so we quickly agreed to view the Covid landscape and its restrictions as just another speed hump.

  We knew we had innovative content that was inspiring great outcomes. The challenge for us was to build it into an online format that could be similarly effective. It wasn’t as straightforward as you might think. Fundamentally, resilience is a very dynamic trait, and it’s difficult to develop a dynamic capability in a static environment. Building resilience also requires a committed amount of ‘doing’. We could talk about resilience all day through books, videos, webinars and in conference rooms. And sure, you can absolutely learn a lot that way. The theory matters; it gives you the framework and understanding you need. But real resilience doesn’t come from reading or listening alone, it comes from doing. When you start putting these ideas, strategies and practical exercises into action, that’s when the real change happens. That’s when you stop just learning about resilience and start actually living it.

  The aim of our business—and this book—is to help people discover their limitless potential. We provide proven tools and techniques to withstand hardship, adversity and difficulties when they strike—because it’s inevitable they will.

  2

  DISCOMFORT: THE SECRET INGREDIENT

  THE dictionary definition of ‘resilience’ that we like best says that it is ‘the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness’. Capacity is the ability to ‘do’ something. How can we improve our ability to do anything? When we think about it like this, the process of building our resilience doesn’t seem overly complicated. But resilience does have to be earned—through practice, sacrifice and repetition. It requires getting out of your comfort zone with the willingness to fail; learning from every mistake, adjusting your behaviour and racking up the experience.

  So, while developing your resilience isn’t necessarily a difficult process, it does take work. But it’s work that’s worth doing, because resilience is fundamental to living well and achieving great things.

  The research is also very clear. Resilience is associated with better work performance; it translates to better academic performance; it’s associated with fewer mental health difficulties; and it sets us up for greater life opportunities. Who wouldn’t want more of this?

  So much great stuff in life is hidden away on the other side of our comfort zones. Think back to your first driving test, your first date or any time you’ve sat for an important exam. While these situations are all different, they all cause discomfort—and the way your body responded to each scenario would have been remarkably similar. When we feel discomfort, an innate physiological reaction takes over: our heart races, our breathing becomes shallow and rapid, and our judgement can falter as we teeter on the edge of panic. In short, we’re experiencing the unpleasant fight-or-flight response.

  Discomfort, whether it stems from fear, conflict, uncertainty or risk, is something we are wired to avoid. We shy away from it because of how it makes us feel and how it influences our reactions.

  Nick, who has coached more than 1000 people in high-altitude environments and has climbed some of the world’s highest peaks, including Mount Everest, knows discomfort intimately. But you don’t need to scale mountains to encounter stress. You might be struggling to deliver a project at work, or having trouble managing your finances. Perhaps conflict with a colleague is weighing on you. Maybe you are nervous about an upcoming presentation. Stress and discomfort also arise regularly in parenting and personal relationships.

  From a scientific perspective, our body’s reaction to discomfort and stress is deeply tied to neurotransmitters. Acute stress triggers the fight-or-flight response, releasing adrenaline, which increases our heart rate, improves our circulation and heightens our awareness.

  Neurotransmitters act as tiny messengers in the brain, sending chemical signals between cells. These signals regulate countless functions from mood and motivation to learning and memory. For example, serotonin is often associated with happiness and emotional wellbeing. Higher levels of it can make you feel more positive and less anxious, while low levels are linked to mood disorders such as depression. Dopamine is known as the ‘feelgood’ neurotransmitter. It’s responsible for pleasure, motivation and reward. Completing a goal or solving a problem often results in a dopamine boost, encouraging further effort.

  These chemical messengers play a critical role in resilience, helping us process and adapt to stress. Understanding how they function empowers us to better manage our responses. The following table highlights the roles of key neurotransmitters and outlines their impacts on our brains and bodies.

  ACUTE VERSUS CHRONIC STRESS

  Acute stress stimulates a short-term surge of energy designed to help you face immediate challenges. It is your body’s way of stepping up to the plate when the pressure’s on. Chronic stress is a completely different story. It creeps in over time, stemming from ongoing pressures—whether from work, family or unresolved trauma—and it doesn’t fade when the current challenge is resolved. It lingers, chipping away at your physical and mental health if left unchecked.

  Think of your body as an intelligent machine, finely tuned to respond to stress with precision. When faced with acute stress, the machine kicks into gear. It releases cortisol—the superhero hormone that keeps you alert and energised. It’s like a natural turbo-booster, sharpening your focus and giving you the drive to overcome challenges in the moment.

  But when stress becomes a constant in your life, your body’s stress alarm does not switch off when the danger has passed. Instead, it continues releasing cortisol day after day, as if you were stuck in an unrelenting emergency.

  This perpetual state of high alert can take a toll on the body. Chronically elevated cortisol levels disrupt sleep, heighten anxiety and irritability, interfere with digestion and weaken the immune system. Over time, chronic stress traps you in a cycle of exhaustion, leaving your body and mind unable to recover fully. It is like having an air-raid siren blaring continuously, depleting your resources and undermining your resilience.

  MY EXPERIENCE OF CHRONIC STRESS

  DAVID

  I know about chronic stress all too well. I vividly remember a time in my life when my trauma spiralled into chronic stress. I couldn’t sleep; my mind felt foggy; I lost my appetite; my energy plummeted; the headaches were relentless. Eventually my immune system ran low and that weakness allowed shingles to flare up. I could feel myself unravelling. My body felt disconnected and grew weaker.

  Looking back, I wish I had acted sooner. That experience taught me the critical importance of weaving healthy habits into daily life. I knew what to do but I didn’t follow through with it, and I paid the price.

  HOW CORTISOL AFFECTS PERFORMANCE AND WELLBEING

  Cortisol, which is produced during times of significant stress, is crucial for regulating the immune response and energy availability, and for breaking down energy during activity. But when levels remain high for too long, the effects turn detrimental. Chronic cortisol elevation can slow recovery, weaken immunity, increase blood pressure, impair focus and even heighten the risk of chronic illnesses such as heart disease.

  The following figure outlines some of the symptoms you may experience if your cortisol levels are too high.

  Understanding cortisol’s impact shows how unmanaged stress wears down our capacity to cope. Sustained high cortisol levels are more than just a physiological response—they signal that our internal systems are struggling to manage prolonged challenges. This highlights the critical need for recovery, stress management and adaptive strategies to maintain balance and wellbeing.

  Resilience is about more than enduring stress though. It is about adapting, recovering and emerging stronger. Managing cortisol is just one part of the equation. The process of deliberately challenging yourself through experiences and activities that involve discomfort is what we call creating reference points. This practice teaches us how to navigate similar challenges more effectively in the future, and that we have the capacity to navigate them. The more we train ourselves, the better equipped we are to handle stress.

  Building resilience does not require extremes. Start with small, manageable moments of discomfort and gradually increase the challenge. These experiences become reference points that strengthen our ability to face future adversity. Fear is normal, but panic can be counterproductive, or even deadly. Resilience lies in how we manage that fear, shifting the focus from the event itself to how we interpret and respond to it.

  In this book, we will delve into how intentional actions, simple daily habits and other strategies can help you navigate stress effectively. Whether it is the physical strain of intense effort, the weight of emotional challenges or the mental burden of uncertainty, resilience enables us to keep moving forward. These pages will also explore the science behind how we manage stress and build resilience to help you thrive in adversity. Building resilience is not about eliminating stress; it’s about learning to adapt and grow stronger with each challenge.

  3

  DISCOVERING YOUR WHY

  FRIEDRICH Nietzsche was a famous German philosopher, cultural critic and poet. His work has had a profound influence on modern philosophy, psychology and literature. Nietzsche famously said, ‘He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.’ This statement reminds us of the incredible strength that comes from knowing our purpose.

  Life is filled with challenges, adversities and unexpected detours. Without a clear sense of why we do what we do, it is easy to feel lost or overwhelmed. However, when you understand your WHY for getting up each morning, you unlock an inner resilience that helps you navigate life’s uncertainties.

  As David wrote in Chapter 1, resilience is not just about bouncing back, it is about bouncing forward with purpose. Think about the moments in your life when you have faced setbacks. What kept you going? Perhaps it was your family, your career ambitions or a commitment to being your best self. These motivators are rooted in your WHY: the driving force that helps you stay grounded and focused, even when the road ahead seems daunting.

  THE ROLE OF PURPOSE IN RESILIENCE

  Purpose gives our actions meaning. It connects the dots between our values and our behaviours, allowing us to persist when life gets tough. Without purpose, we are more likely to feel like a ship adrift at sea, tossed around by external circumstances we cannot control. But when we are anchored to our WHY, we regain control over our direction. We can choose thoughts, actions and behaviours that are in alignment with what matters most to us, rather than being swayed by distractions or negativity.

  We can be caught up being hypervigilant, with distractions such as social media, work pressures, financial concerns and the constant buzz of information demanding our attention. These can pull us away from what truly matters, leaving us feeling disconnected or unfulfilled. But by discovering or reconnecting with our WHY we can cut through the noise.

  Our WHY serves as our compass, pointing us towards the life we want to lead and reminding us of the bigger picture when the day-to-day gets overwhelming.

  HOW TO START UNCOVERING YOUR WHY

  Finding your WHY is not a quick process. It requires reflection, exploration and honesty. Ask yourself:

  What gets me out of bed in the morning?

  What gives me a sense of fulfilment or joy?

  What challenges am I willing to face that align with something meaningful to me?

  For you, the answer to the first two questions might be family: providing a loving home, or being a role model for your children. It could be a career goal, a creative passion or the desire to make a difference in the world. You might feel driven by achievement, connection or a blend of these. Your WHY is such a dynamic, often-changing and evolving thing. Its meaning and how it resonates with people is very broad.

  Understanding your WHY often requires recognising the motivations that drive you and give your life purpose. Some motivations are shaped by external factors, such as a desire to excel, achieve recognition or conquer significant challenges.

  These might include striving for financial freedom, winning, creating opportunities for yourself and others, or pushing the boundaries of what is possible in your field.

  Other motivations come from within, reflecting personal passions and internal growth. This could be a deep love for what you do, a sense of belonging, a relentless pursuit of self-improvement, or the aspiration to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.

  For many, a strong sense of purpose also stems from connection with others. This could involve supporting those around you, building meaningful relationships or fostering a community where people thrive together.

  By reflecting on what truly drives you, whether these are external achievements, internal passions or relationships, you can align your actions with your purpose and lead with clarity and intention.

  The following table may help you find your WHY.

  WHAT MATTERS THE MOST TO YOU?

  ACHIEVEMENT = RESULTS

  You’re movtivated by performance, mastery and accompishing what you set out to do.

  Surpassing expectations

  Achievement

  Meeting or beating goals

  Winning

  Being the best

  Being challenged

  Excellence

  Raising the bar

  Solving problems

  Risk taking

  Ownership

  Progress

  EXTRINSIC = REWARDS

  You respond to clear incentives, tangible rewards and externally provided benefits.

  Bonuses

  Money Perks

  Gifts

  Entitlements

  Holidays

  Special privileges

  Travel or adventure

  Job security

  A share of rewards

  Recognition programs

  Advancement opportunities

  Compensation benefits

  INTRINSIC = MEANING

  You’re driven by purpose, curiosity, growth and inner fulfilment.

  Vitality

  Making a difference

  Enthusiasm

  Fulfilment

  inner wellbeing