The story Nick shared in this book’s prologue of Paul’s death poignantly illustrates the devastating consequences that can occur when there’s a reluctance to show vulnerability. Both Nick and Paul concealed their struggles: Paul likely because he was the experienced leader, and Nick because he feared being judged as unfit. These unspoken fears created an environment where vital truths went unshared.

  We avoid showing our vulnerability for a host of reasons. These include:

  Fear of judgement: Worrying others will think less of us.

  Fear of rejection: Believing we will be excluded or ridiculed.

  Cultural conditioning: Adhering to societal norms that equate vulnerability with weakness.

  Past experiences: Trauma or betrayal that has created a reluctance to open up.

  Perfectionism: Feeling we must always appear strong and capable.

  These are all very valid, but there are many effective strategies we can use to overcome them:

  Shift perspective: Reframe vulnerability as a strength rather than a liability. Remind yourself that every strong relationship you admire likely started with someone taking a risk.

  Start small: Begin by sharing minor personal details in safe environments. As your confidence grows, you can open up more.

  Seek role models: Observe leaders, colleagues or friends who demonstrate vulnerability, and note how it enhances their relationships.

  Practise self-compassion: Recognise that everyone struggles and that admitting your challenges doesn’t diminish your worth.

  Again, we often think of vulnerability as weakness, something to be hidden or avoided. But history has shown that vulnerability, when embraced, can be a profound source of strength. Three remarkable figures—Brené Brown, Jacinda Ardern and Nelson Mandela—proved that being open about our struggles, fears and emotions doesn’t lessen who we are; it makes us stronger. Their stories show that vulnerability has the power to unite, heal and inspire.

  Brené Brown: The Researcher Redefining Strength

  Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston who is widely known for her work on vulnerability, courage, shame and empathy. She’s spent over two decades studying how these emotional experiences shape our lives and relationships. While researching the subject of human connection, she stumbled upon something unexpected: the most fulfilled, resilient and courageous people all had one thing in common. They embraced vulnerability.

  This discovery initially unsettled her. Like many of us, she had been taught that vulnerability was a weakness, something to be avoided. But as she dug deeper, she realised the opposite was true. The people who allowed themselves to be seen—flaws and all—were those who built the deepest relationships, took the biggest creative risks and lived the most wholehearted lives.

  Her TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, resonated with millions. In it, she openly admitted her own fears and struggles, embodying the very lesson she was teaching. By sharing her own vulnerability, she gave others permission to do the same.

  Brown’s work has transformed our understanding of strength. True strength isn’t about having all the answers or always being in control. It’s the strength to show up and say, ‘Here I am. This is what’s true for me.’

  Jacinda Ardern: A Leader Who Led With Her Heart

  When tragedy struck New Zealand in 2019, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern faced a defining moment. A terrorist had attacked two mosques in Christchurch, killing 51 people. The nation was in shock, paralysed by grief and fear. Leaders are often expected to respond with stoic resolve, but Ardern did something different: she embraced grieving families, and made it clear that their pain was her pain.

  She arrived in Christchurch wearing a simple black hijab, a sign of respect for the Muslim community. When she met with those in mourning, she didn’t just offer words—she embraced them, her face etched with real, unfiltered sorrow. She didn’t hide her tears. She let the world see them.

  In that moment, her vulnerability became her greatest strength. She showed her people that they didn’t have to be tough and unfeeling in the face of tragedy. They could grieve together. They could heal together. And from that place of raw emotion, she took swift action, reforming New Zealand’s gun laws in record time.

  Ardern’s response proved that leaders don’t have to be cold to be strong. Sometimes, the most powerful thing a leader can do is stand with their people, not above them.

  Nelson Mandela: The Prisoner Who Embraced His Pain

  Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, locked away for his fight against apartheid. He had every reason to emerge angry and hardened, to seek revenge on those who had stolen nearly three decades of his life. Instead, he did something extraordinary: he chose to be vulnerable.

  Mandela didn’t deny his suffering. He spoke openly about the pain of imprisonment, the loneliness, the moments of doubt. But rather than letting that pain turn into bitterness, he used it as a bridge to connect with his people, and even with his former enemies.

  When he was finally freed, the world expected him to demand justice through punishment. Rather, he extended his hand in reconciliation. He sat down with those who had oppressed him and listened. He shared his own fears and struggles and, in doing so, he inspired a divided nation to believe in the possibility of peace.

  His vulnerability made him more than just a leader; it made him human. And in that humanity, he found a strength far greater than anger or force. He united a country, not by pretending to be invincible, but by showing that even the strongest among us feel pain—and that healing comes when we face it together.

  The Courage to Be Seen

  Brené Brown, Jacinda Ardern and Nelson Mandela each faced moments when they could have hidden behind a mask of toughness. Instead, they chose vulnerability. They let people see their struggles, their grief and their fears. In doing so, they created change that rippled across the world.

  Vulnerability is not weakness. It is the foundation of trust, connection and true leadership. It is the raw honesty of admitting, ‘This is me and this is what’s going on inside.’

  In a world that often rewards armour over openness, their stories remind us that real strength lies not in pretending to be unbreakable, but in having the courage to be seen.

  Vulnerability in Action

  Vulnerability does not mean sharing every struggle or weakness indiscriminately—and we’re certainly not suggesting you broadcast your deepest, darkest secrets all over social media.

  It is about having the capacity and self-regulation to share what’s appropriate, and to receive what’s coming from an authentic place of caring and compassion. Being able to ask for help when you need it is pivotal to your success and wellbeing.

  Whether it be asking a colleague for their opinion, asking a friend for their advice or seeking mental health support, having the capacity to reach out when it matters most is a sign of strength. We’re all stronger when we come together and support each other.

  In 2023, with funding from the Victorian Government through the Department of Health, we delivered resilience programs to rural communities across Victoria. Many had been hit hard by droughts, floods and fires. One day, just as we were about to present to a secondary school, the reality of why we were there became even more apparent. As we were entering the school, a large mural caught our attention. It read, Even if your voice shakes, still speak up. We both paused, struck by the power of that message. It was a simple yet profound reminder that courage is not the absence of fear; it’s moving forward despite it.

  That mural perfectly captured what vulnerability is about. It is not about oversharing or exposing everything indiscriminately. It is about having the courage to step into discomfort, ask for help or admit uncertainty despite the shaking voice. And when we do, we don’t just empower ourselves; we create a culture where others can truly thrive.

  MAC AND ME: LESSONS IN RESILIENCE, CONNECTION AND LIVING FULLY

  NICK

  When we experience genuine connection, openness, safety and peace with others, it has the power to transform and strengthen us. This story about my mate Mac truly captures how connection builds resilience.

  Mac and I used to ski together regularly, however our skiing trips recently came to an end because Mac no longer understands he needs to unload from the chairlift when he reaches the top. If you’re a skier, you’ll understand that if you fail to get off the chairlift at the unload point, you end up spinning around at the top and heading back down the mountain still on the chair. Normally this happens when somebody is too preoccupied in a conversation or is on their phone when the chairlift reaches the unload station. It’s very funny to watch because it results in a good dose of embarrassment to the offending party.

  When someone fails to unload from the chairlift at the top, their legs will trip a shut-off switch as the chair circles back around the bull wheel. This causes the lift to be stopped, and the attendant then needs to help the stranded skier or snowboarder to disembark from the chair—sometimes from a significant height!

  While continually having to help Mac off the chairlift required a lot of effort, it’s just one small piece of a larger story: one that centres on resilience, love and the power of human connection.

  Mac stopped getting off the chairlift because he no longer recognised that getting off is what you’re meant to do. He is living with younger onset dementia, a diagnosis he received in 2019. His condition has gradually altered the life he and his wife, Virginia, envisioned. Through the immense challenges he is navigating, Mac continues to teach me about resilience, courage and the enduring joy of living in the moment.

  Mac and I met more than fourteen years ago when he became my client. What began as a professional relationship quickly grew into a strong friendship. Mac, ever generous with his wisdom, became my mentor in resilience and leadership. Most of our insights together unfolded outdoors, whether skiing in Colorado, trekking through Nepal or playing tennis at our local courts. These shared adventures gave us time to talk deeply, and through our conversations, Mac taught me more than I could have imagined.

  But about seven years ago, subtle changes in Mac’s behaviour became apparent. Conversations became halting as he struggled to find words. Emails would go unanswered or he’d reply twice to the same one. He became easily frustrated, uncharacteristic of the patient and even-tempered man I knew. And then came the diagnosis. Over lunch one day, Mac shared the news with a quiet acceptance, acknowledging that life would be different now. Neither of us, however, could have fully grasped just how much that would be true.

  The last time we skied together, Mac and Virginia were joining my family on a holiday at Falls Creek. Watching the couple, I was struck by how their story exemplifies social resilience, the ability to adapt and thrive amid adversity through the strength of connection.

  Virginia’s devotion is remarkable. Organising a ski trip is no small feat under normal circumstances, but managing Mac’s needs adds another layer of complexity. From dressing him each morning to navigating his incontinence, Virginia approaches these challenges with patience, love and extraordinary strength. Social resilience, in their case, is not a singular act but a daily practice, a choice to persevere, adapt and find joy in the moments that matter.

  Mac’s condition highlights the importance of connection. Despite his struggles, he lights up when he skis. The muscle memory is still there, and as soon as he clicks into his bindings, the Mac I’ve always known re-emerges. His smile, wide and radiant, is a reminder of the joy that persists even in the face of hardship.

  When I’m out and about with Mac now in his everyday life, I notice how oblivious most people are to his condition. To an outsider, Mac looks like any other person: competent, confident and carefree. But those who engage with him quickly realise something is different. His behaviour can be funny, awkward or even inappropriate, leaving others confused. Telling them he has dementia rarely conveys the full picture, but saying he has a brain injury often garners more understanding.

  Here lies a broader lesson in awareness. How often do we walk past people like Mac without realising their struggles? And how many of us, lacking knowledge or experience, miss opportunities to show kindness? It’s a sobering thought but also offers an opportunity to grow. By cultivating empathy and awareness, we can create environments where people like Mac feel seen and supported.

  Mac has always been a teacher of resilience, but these days, his lessons are more powerful than ever. Resilience isn’t just about pushing through adversity, it’s about leaning on others, embracing vulnerability and finding strength in connection. Mac embodies this through his relationships, particularly with Virginia and his support network. These connections provide the foundation for his ability to continue living a fulfilling life.

  Virginia’s role, too, is a testament to the power of unconditional love and connection. Her tireless support enables Mac to experience joy and maintain a semblance of his former life. Together, they demonstrate that resilience is not a solitary endeavour; it thrives in the context of community and shared purpose.

  Mac can no longer dress himself or remember why he’s wearing ski boots, yet he retains an uncanny ability to ski, and to vacuum the house (albeit without plugging the vacuum in). These quirks, though challenging, are also reminders of the unpredictable ways in which the brain adapts to trauma. They speak to the resilience of the human body and spirit, a resilience that allows Mac to find moments of normalcy and joy.

  For those of us supporting him, these moments are gifts. Yes, skiing with Mac requires an entourage to help him up when he falls or to guide him when he’s unsure. But the smiles, laughter and shared experiences make it all worthwhile. These moments are reminders of the importance of living fully, even when life doesn’t go as planned.

  Mac has taught me that resilience is as much about adapting to loss as it is about celebrating life. His journey, and Virginia’s unwavering support, remind me that even in the face of immense challenges, there is always room for connection, laughter and love.

  If you happen to meet Mac or someone like him and they behave unexpectedly, just smile and say hello. They’ll likely smile back, and in that moment, you’ll have made their day a little brighter. Dementia may be a thief of memory and ability, but it cannot rob Mac of his humanity or his capacity to connect. And in the end, isn’t that what truly matters?

  Let Mac’s story be a reminder to us all: resilience is not about the absence of hardship; it is about choosing to show up, connect and live fully in the face of it. Whether through kindness, compassion or simply a smile, we all have the power to contribute to a world where everyone thrives.

  SPIRITUALITY AND SOCIAL RESILIENCE

  Developing a strong sense of identity and fostering a spiritual relationship with ourselves is essential for social resilience. Spirituality is not necessarily about religion—though for some it may be deeply rooted in religious practice. Spirituality is fundamentally about finding meaning and cultivating a sense of purpose. It’s about understanding how we relate to the world around us and seeking ways to contribute positively to it.

  In this context, spirituality refers to seeking a meaningful connection with something greater than ourselves. This connection often manifests in acts of kindness, compassion, forgiveness, love, patience and service to others. Spirituality invites us to reflect on life’s larger questions and challenges us to grow as individuals.

  SANDUK TAMANG

  NICK

  Sanduk Tamang is an extremely accomplished Nepalese climbing guide and someone I’m especially proud to call a friend. With sixteen Everest summits under his belt, his legend status in Himalayan mountaineering history is assured. Very few mountaineers have achieved what Sanduk has, particularly given he was guiding other climbers on each of his successful Everest summits. The level of responsibility that rests with him on every high-altitude climb, where his role is to safely guide another climber, is enormous. The decisions he needs to make are often life or death and they will always determine whether or not he and his team will be successful. The stakes are high and the pressure to succeed is even higher.

  In April 2014, a massive ice avalanche in the Khumbu Icefall on Mount Everest killed sixteen Nepalese climbing guides. Sanduk was on Everest that season, and was very fortunate not to have been on the climbing rotation that suffered the largest loss of life that has ever been incurred in a single incident on Mount Everest.

  Two of Sanduk’s cousins and many of his friends perished that day. Despite his grief, Sanduk worked tirelessly to assist those who were injured and to help recover bodies. Thirteen bodies were recovered within 48 hours, after which the search and rescue effort was called off due to extreme risk.

  Sanduk has seen and experienced much in his relatively young life. He is courageous, determined and resourceful. When necessary, he can be decisive. But any seemingly tough decisions he makes will always come from a place of kindness and care. As impressive as his strength and stoicism is, it’s perhaps his selflessness and humility that leave the greatest impression on those who meet him.

  I worked with Sanduk on an expedition to climb Mera Peak (6476 metres) in 2017. It was a slightly different adventure as a few of us were also planning a ski descent from the summit. We enjoyed an exciting trip and were successful in both climbing and skiing Mera Peak. The extra work, physical effort and logistics employed by Sanduk and the rest of our Sherpa team to lead this trip and deliver us all a safe and successful outcome was next level.