“Oh Zinnober!”

  And the seven chamberlains cried after the Fürst, “Oh Zinnober!” and pulled, as did the Prince, a handkerchief from their pocket and held it to their eyes.

  “What a loss,” the Fürst began after a period of silent lamentation, “what an irreplaceable loss for the State! – Where to find a man who wears the ribbon of the Green-Spotted Tiger with twenty buttons with such dignity as my Zinnober! – Personal physician, and you could let this man die! Tell me – how did it happen, how could it take place – What was the cause – what did the excellent man die of?” –

  The personal physician looked at the little one very carefully, felt the stopped pulses at many places, ran his hand along the head, cleared his throat and began:

  “My noble master! Should I content myself with merely scratching the surface, I could say that the Minister died from the complete absence of breath; this absence was effected by the impossibility of drawing breath, and this impossibility was in turn only brought about by the element, by the humour, into which the Minister plunged. I could say, the Minister had in this way died a humorous death; but may this shallowness be far from me, may the obsession be far from me of wishing to explain by contemptible physical principles everything that finds its natural irrefutable cause only in the realm of the purely psychological. – My noble Fürst, let the word of man be free! – The Minister found the first seed of death in the Order of the Green-Spotted Tiger with twenty buttons!”

  “What,” cried the Fürst, flashing eyes glowing with rage at the personal physician, “what! – What are you saying? – The Order of the Green-Spotted Tiger with twenty buttons, which the blessed one wore for the good of the State with so much grace, with so much dignity? – That the cause of his death? – Prove this to me, or – Chamberlains, what do you say to this?”

  “He must prove it, he must prove it, or –” cried the seven pale chamberlains, and the personal physician continued:

  “My dear, most noble Fürst, I will prove it, so no or! – The affair has the following connection: The heavy order-sign on the ribbon, but especially the buttons on his back, had a detrimental effect on the ganglions of the spine. At the same time the Order Star gave rise to a pressure on that knotty, filaceous thing between the tricuspid valve and the upper mesentery artery which we call the solar plexus and which predominates in the labyrinthine tissue of nerve networks. This dominating organ stands in the most manifold relation to the cerebral system, and naturally the attack on the ganglions was hostile to this as well. But is the free conduction of the cerebral system not the condition of consciousness, of personality, as the expression of the most perfect union of the whole in a focal point? Is the process of life not the activity in both spheres, in the ganglionic and cerebral system?

  “Well! Enough to say, that attack disrupted the functions of the psychological organism. First there came dark ideas about unrecognised sacrifices for the State through the painful wearing of that Order etc.; the condition became more and more dangerous, until the total disharmony of the ganglionic and cerebral system finally brought about total cessation of consciousness, total surrender of personality. But this condition we describe by the word death! – Yes, noble master! – The Minister had already given up his personality, and so was already as dead as a doornail when he plunged into that fateful vessel. – So his death had not a physical, but certainly an immeasurably deep psychological cause.”

  “Personal physician,” said the Fürst in an ill humour, “personal physician, you have been babbling on for half an hour, and I’ll be damned if I’ve understood a single syllable. What do you mean with your physical and psychological?”

  “The physical principle,” continued the physician, “is the prerequisite of purely vegetative life, whereas the psychological presupposes the human organism, which only finds the driving wheel of existence in the mind, in the mental capacity.”

  “And still,” cried the Fürst in the deepest displeasure, “and still I don’t understand you, Dr. Incomprehensible!”

  “I mean,” said the doctor, “I mean, Serenity, that the physical is only concerned with purely vegetative life without a mental capacity, as occurs in plants, the psychological however with the mental capacity. Now as this latter is prevalent in the human organism, so the doctor must always begin at the mental capacity, at the mind, and regard the body only as the mind’s vassal, which must obey whenever the master commands.”

  “Hoho!” cried the Fürst, “hoho, personal physician, let’s leave it at that! – Cure my body, and spare my mind, I have never yet felt incommoded by it. Actually, personal physician, you are a confused man, and if I were not standing here by my minister’s corpse and were not moved, I know what I would do! – Now, chamberlains! Let us shed some more dewy tears here on the immortal one’s catafalque and then we shall go to luncheon.”

  The Fürst held a handkerchief to his eyes and sobbed, the chamberlains did likewise, and then they all strode away.

  Before the door stood old Liese, with several strings of the most beautiful golden-yellow onions one could wish to see hanging over her arm. The Fürst’s eyes lighted by chance on these fruits. He stopped, the pain disappeared from his countenance, he smiled softly and graciously, he said:

  “Never in my life have I seen such beautiful onions, they must have the most marvellous taste. Are you selling these goods, dear lady?”

  “Oh yes,” replied Liese with a deep curtsey, “oh yes, Your most noble Highness, I earn my meagre bread by selling onions, as well as it goes! – They are sweet as pure honey, would you care to, noble Lord?”

  And she held out a string of the largest, brightest onions to the Fürst. He took it, smiled, smacked his lips a little and then cried: “Chamberlains! Someone give me his pocket-knife.”

  A knife received, the Fürst neatly and cleanly peeled an onion and tasted a little of the marrow.

  “What a taste, what sweetness, what strength, what fire!” he cried, his eyes shining with delight, “and I moreover feel that I can see the immortal Zinnober standing before me, waving and whispering to me: ‘Buy – eat these onions, my Fürst – the good of the State demands it!’”

  The Fürst pressed a few gold coins into Old Liese’s hand, and the chamberlains had to shove whole strings of onions into their pockets. There was more! – He decreed that no one should provide the supply of onions for the princely déjeuner but Liese. In this way Little Zaches’ mother, without exactly becoming rich, left all poverty and all misery behind her, and it was probably certain that she was helped in this by one of the Good Fairy Rosabelverde’s secret spells.

  The obsequies of Minister Zinnober were some of the most magnificent ever seen in Kerepes; the Fürst, all the Knights of the Green-Spotted Tiger followed the corpse in deep mourning. All the bells were pealed; why, the two small cannons the Prince had purchased – at great expense – with a view to fireworks, were even fired several times. Citizens – people – everyone cried and lamented that the State had lost its best support and a man with such profound understanding, greatness of soul, gentleness, and untiring zeal for the general good as Zinnober would probably never again take over the helm of government.

  And the loss was indeed irreplaceable; for never again could there be found a Minister whom the Order of the Green-Spotted Tiger with twenty buttons fitted so well as the immortal, unforgettable Zinnober.

  Last Chapter

  The Author’s melancholy requests. – How Professor Mosch Terpin calmed down and Candida could never become irksome. – How a rose-beetle hummed something into Prosper Alpanus’s ear, the latter took his leave and Balthasar had a happy marriage.

  IT IS NOW time for the man who has written down these pages for you, dear reader, to part from you, and he is overcome with melancholy and yearning at the thought.

  He knows much, much more about the curious deeds of little Zinnober, and he would have taken, as he was, after all, prompted to the story from an irresistible inner urge, real pleasure in telling you, O my reader, all of this. Yet!

  Looking back at all the events, as they have occurred in the nine chapters, he probably feels that there is already so much that is wondrous, mad, and in conflict with sober reason contained therein, that he, by amassing yet more of the same, must run the danger of imposing upon your forbearance, dear reader, and completely falling out with you. He asks you with that melancholy, with that yearning that suddenly cramped his breast when he wrote the words, “Last Chapter,” that you may, with a really cheerful, open mind, be pleased to look at the strange creations – indeed make friends of them – that the author owes to the inspiration of the uncanny spirit called imagination, and to whose bizarre, capricious character he perhaps abandoned himself too much.

  Therefore do not be annoyed with both, with the author and with the capricious spirit! – If you, dear reader, have now and then smiled deep inside at many things, then you were in the very mood the writer of these pages desired, and then, he believes, you will no doubt make many allowances for him! –

  Actually, the story could have concluded with little Zinnober’s tragic death. But isn’t it more pleasant when, instead of sorrowful obsequies, there is a merry wedding at the end?

  So let us briefly turn our thoughts to fair Candida and fortunate Balthasar. –

  Professor Mosch Terpin was normally an enlightened Man of the World, who, in accordance with the wise adage Nil admirari, had for many, many years been in the habit of not being amazed at anything in the world. But now it so happened that he, surrendering all his wisdom, had to be continually amazed; so that in the end he complained that he no longer knew if he was really the Professor Mosch Terpin who had formerly directed Natural Affairs in the State, and if he was still really walking along, head in the air, on his dear feet.

  He was first amazed when Balthasar introduced Doctor Prosper Alpanus to him as his uncle and the Doctor produced before him the deed of gift, by dint of which Balthasar became the proprietor of a country house situated an hour away from Kerepes, together with woodland, fields and meadows; and when he, hardly trusting his eyes, saw mentioned in the inventory exquisite household goods, even gold and silver bars, the value of which easily exceeded the riches of the princely treasury. Then he was amazed when he looked at the magnificent coffin, in which Zinnober lay, through Balthasar’s lorgnette and he suddenly had the impression that there had never been a Minister Zinnober, but only an uncouth, barbaric little squirt, who had erroneously been taken for an intelligent, wise Minister Zinnober.

  But Mosch Terpin’s amazement rose to the greatest degree when Prosper Alpanus took him around his country house, showed him his library and other very wonderful things, and even personally performed several very charming experiments with strange plants and animals.

  The idea dawned on the Professor that his natural research probably didn’t matter in the least and he was sitting enclosed in a marvellous, colourful, magical world as if in an egg. This thought disturbed him so much that he ended up crying and wailing like a child. Balthasar immediately led him to the spacious wine cellar, where he espied gleaming barrels and flashing bottles. He could study better here, said Balthasar, than in the princely wine cellar; and he could investigate Nature sufficiently in the beautiful park.

  Whereupon the Professor calmed down.

  Balthasar’s wedding was celebrated at the country house. He – the friends – Fabian – Pulcher – everyone was astounded at Candida’s great beauty, at the enchanting charm that lay in her dress, in her whole being. – And it really was an enchantment surrounding her; for the Fairy Rosabelverde, who, forgetting all grudges, was attending the wedding as Sister von Rosenschön, had personally dressed her and decorated her with the most beautiful, the most splendid roses. Now everyone well knows that the dress must fit well when a fairy lends a hand. Moreover, Rosabelverde had given the fair bride a magnificently sparkling necklace, which worked the magical effect that she, when wearing it, could never get annoyed at trivialities, at a badly fastened ribbon, at a wayward hair-ornament, at a stain on the linen or whatever. This property, given her by the necklace, spread an especial grace and cheerfulness over her whole countenance.

  The bridal pair was in the highest heaven of bliss and yet – such was the marvellous effect of Alpan’s wise, secret magic – still had eyes and words for the bosom friends assembled there. Prosper Alpanus and Rosabelverde both saw to it that the loveliest wonders glorified the wedding day. The sweet sounds of love rang out everywhere from bushes and trees, while shimmering tables rose up, loaded with the most marvellous foods and with crystal bottles from which flowed forth the noblest wine, pouring the ardour of life throughout every guest’s veins.

  Night had fallen, when fiery-flaming rainbows stretched over the whole park, and you saw shimmering birds and insects soaring up and down; and when they shook their wings they scattered forth millions of sparks, which constantly changed and formed all sorts of fair figures that danced in the air and fluttered and disappeared into the bushes. And all this time the music of the forest rang out with ever-greater force, and the night-wind wafted along, whispering mysteriously and breathing out sweet scents.

  Balthasar, Candida and the friends recognised Alpan’s powerful magic; but Mosch Terpin, half-intoxicated, laughed out loud and said, none other than that devil of a fellow, the Fürst’s operatic designer and firework-maker, was behind all this.

  Bells rang out with piercing peals. A shining rose-beetle swept down, landed on Prosper Alpanus’s shoulder, and seemed to be softly humming something in his ear.

  Prosper Alpanus rose from his seat and said in a serious and ceremonial voice: “Dear Balthasar – fair Candida – my friends! – The time has now come – Lothos calls – I must depart.”

  Thereupon he approached the bridal couple and spoke quietly with them. Both Balthasar and Candida were very moved; Prosper seemed to be giving them all sorts of good advice, and he fervently embraced them both.

  Then he turned to the Fräulein von Rosenschön and spoke quietly with her as well – she was probably giving him commissions in magical and fairy affairs, which he willingly undertook.

  In the meantime a small crystal carriage, harnessed with two shimmering dragonflies driven by the silver pheasant, dropped down from the sky.

  “Farewell – farewell!” cried Prosper Alpanus; then he climbed into the carriage and floated up and away over the blazing rainbows, until his cart appeared, at last, in the highest heavens as a small, twinkling star, which finally concealed itself behind the clouds.

  “Nice Montgolfière,” snorted Mosch Terpin and he sank, overcome by the power of the wine, into a deep sleep.

  Balthasar, mindful of Prosper Alpanus’s advice, and using the possession of the wonderful country house well, actually did become a good poet; and as the estate’s other qualities, which Prosper had extolled, with a view to the fair Candida, completely proved their worth, and Candida never took off the necklace that Sister von Rosenschön had given her as a wedding gift, then Balthasar could not fail to have the happiest marriage in the utmost bliss and magnificence – as only a poet may ever have had with a pretty young woman.

  But here the Fairy Tale of Little Zaches, Great Zinnober, has really, utterly, a happy

  Ending.

  Endnotes.

  1 A sovereign Prince.

  2 10 August.

  3 A mandrake. According to superstition, a mandrake root grew beneath a hanged man, and was credited

  with magical powers. This root is so similar to the human shape that “English folklore distinguished even

  sex differences and commonly referred to mandrakes and womandrakes” (Funk & Wagnall, Standard

  Dictionary of Folklore, Mythology and Legend, New York 1949).

  4 Georg Rixner’s ‘Book of Tourneys’ (1530) gave the coats-of-arms of the most prominent noble families.

  5 This term refers to the felting of head-hairs as a result of infestation by lice – a common disease in Poland

  at the time. Superstition ascribed the weaving of these plaits (“Zöpfe”) to a brownie (“Wichtel”).

  6 A generic name for various cotton goods.

  7 Judges, 15:15.

  8 ‘Hetzpeitsche’ – an example of the aggressive student slang of the time.

  9 An insult that provokes a duel (student slang).

  10 St. Jerome (342-420)

  11 Lucas Cranach (1472-1553) – an artist who moved away from Italian models: hence a thoroughbred

  German.

  12 ‘Zinnober’ is the German word for ‘cinnabar’. It also means ‘nonsense, rubbish.’

  13 “A philosophical toy, consisting of a hollow figure, partly filled with water and partly with air, and made to float in a vessel nearly filled with water, having an air-tight elastic covering. This covering being pressed down, the air inside the vessel is compressed, and more water forced through a small aperture into the figure, which consequently sinks, to rise again when the external pressure is removed.” (OED)

  14 Giovanni Battista Viotti (1753-1824), Italian virtuoso and composer.

  15 A glass harmonica, consisting of glass bells which would be stroked by a wet finger. This instrument became associated with hypnotism; and because its sounds were believed to cause illness, insanity and even death, it was banned.

  16 A frill formerly worn by men on the front of the shirt, edging the opening.

  17 Johann Christian Wiegleb’s ‘Unterricht in der natürlichen Magie’ (‘Lessons in Natural Magic’) of 1782.

  18 ‘Linné’s Ape Beelzebub, black, bearded on the lower regions and brown-red above the tail’ – a humorously distorted description.

  19 An ancient Indian poem.

  20 A legendary Chinese Minister (3rd millenium B.C.).

  21 An old variety of backgammon.

  22 An alloy of copper and zinc beaten into thin sheets and used to ornament toys.

  23 A parody of a line from Friedrich Schlegel’s Tragedy ‘Alarcos’ (1802).