Sam breathed out the worry that had built up. They were fine. She had to stop thinking so much. “We could make plans for next weekend. I don’t mind driving up again.”

  Terri started to nod but then stopped. “I can’t. I’ll be in Costa Rica.”

  “Costa Rica? Wow. That’s great.” Not great. Why hadn’t Terri even mentioned the trip? Sam answered her own question: because they weren’t actually dating. But in all the hours they’d chatted that week, how had Terri not thought she’d want to know?

  “Well, after you get back you can text me if you want to meet up again.”

  “If?”

  Sam nodded, trying to keep an impartial look on her face. She started to get up, but Terri grabbed her wrist.

  “Give me a minute. My head’s still foggy from everything you did to me last night…” She scooted closer to Sam, blinking away the rest of her sleep. “I hate that you’re leaving without me being able to thank you. Not properly anyway.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. I promise I had as good a time as you did.”

  “Not possible. I wish I hadn’t fallen asleep.”

  Terri stroked up from Sam’s wrist to her forearm in a gentle caress. Sam had to fight the impulse to pull her arm away. Her earlier touch had felt sweet, loving even, but she had no reason to think Terri meant it that way.

  Terri continued, “You keep making every night amazing. I’m gonna get spoiled. And as much as I need a vacation, I don’t think I’m going to have a good time without you.” She let go of Sam’s arm. “I should have told you about the trip. Believe me, though, I’ve had better things on my mind lately.”

  “Than a vacation in Costa Rica?”

  “Yes. You.”

  Maybe Sam was making a big deal out of nothing. Terri had a lot on her mind with work and everything. But she still could have mentioned it. “How long will you be gone?”

  “Ten days. But then I go right back to work. It’ll be two weeks at least before we could see each other. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go that long without you.”

  “You’ll manage. It’s just sex, right?”

  Terri narrowed her eyes, but before she could say anything, Sam stood up. She didn’t really want to fight—not now when they wouldn’t see each other for two weeks. But did it even matter if they settled this? “I hope you have a great trip.”

  “Sam.”

  “What?”

  “Sit back down.”

  “I have to go.” She knew she was screwing up, but she couldn’t say the words to fix it. The “I’m sorry” wouldn’t come to her lips, and she hated that she felt so needy. Was it crazy to want Terri to cancel the trip and spend the time with her?

  “Please?”

  The note of uncertainty in Terri’s voice made Sam pause. Was Terri scared that she’d leave? After everything she’d said about not wanting a relationship? As soon as she thought she’d figured her out, she was left questioning everything all over again.

  “I don’t want you to leave mad.”

  “I’m not mad.”

  Terri tilted her head. “You’re a bad liar—which is something I appreciate—but how ’bout you don’t even try. Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re pissed.”

  “I’m not pissed. I’m frustrated. Mostly at myself.” She wasn’t going to sit down. She didn’t want to be that close. That would only make her want Terri again. “Obviously you don’t have to tell me everything that goes on in your life. It was dumb of me to think I deserved to know about your vacation. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. And I shouldn’t have brought up the ‘just sex’ thing. You’ve been clear about not dating from the beginning.”

  “I know what I said, but we could still talk about it.”

  “What’s the point? Nothing’s changed. You live here, I live in Santa Cruz. You don’t want to get in the way of my career, and there’s no way I could get between you and the hospital.” Sam knew any conversation would only be spinning wheels. “I have to go. I can’t be late to this photo shoot.”

  “So go. It’s a good excuse.”

  “A good excuse?”

  “You want to leave.”

  Sam exhaled. Was it that obvious? Well, she might as well say everything then. “I’m mad that you didn’t want me in your room last night—that we’re in your guest room. And I’m mad at myself because I’m getting too damn attached to you.”

  Terri looked down at the covers and then at the open bedroom door. “Come to Costa Rica with me. We could have ten days together.”

  “I can’t go to Costa Rica, Terri. I’m broke.” Sam shook her head. “And I really have to get on the road. It’s not an excuse.” She leaned down and kissed Terri. No lingering deep kiss like all the ones that had come before it, only a soft brush of lips.

  A moment later she shouldered her bag. She didn’t look back. One foot in front of the other until the front door shut behind her and her stomach clenched. What had she expected Terri to say? That she’d changed her mind about the dating thing and that maybe she was getting attached too?

  But what Sam had expected was exactly what had happened. And now she had the feeling she wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t fair to her own heart to keep hoping for something that Terri didn’t want.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Sam coasted over a low wave and then rounded behind another surfer to stake out her spot. With the sun warming the back of her wetsuit and her cheeks cool from the ocean spray, she didn’t have anything to complain about. She’d already had a handful of solid runs but was waiting for the right wave to try out some tricks. Even if it didn’t come, however, she told herself she should be happy paddling around on a crystal clear morning. Should be, but she wasn’t. She hadn’t been happy all week. The fact that everyone else around her seemed to be in a good mood only annoyed her more.

  “Looking hot, Samuels.” Danielle paddled over. “Saw you get some air on that last one.”

  “Anyone could get up on these waves.”

  “Does your girlfriend surf? If she does, you better keep a close eye on her. The boys out here will be pulling out all the stops. She’s hot enough for me to consider.”

  “Not my girlfriend,” Sam said, forcing a smile to volley back the playful banter that Danielle expected.

  “Not yet or not anymore?”

  Steve, one of the locals and possibly the best surfer of the bunch, overheard and whistled. “You got a girlfriend, Sam? Why’s she not out here?”

  Sam eyed Danielle. “Now look what you started.”

  Danielle scooted close enough to bump the nose of Sam’s board with hers. “So what is it? Is she a bad kisser? I dated this guy for a while that was so damn nice to look at but terrible at kissing. It was awful.”

  “She’s good at kissing. Among other things.”

  “Sounds like a girlfriend to me,” Steve hollered. “Hey, heads up. Who’s taking this one?”

  “Me,” Danielle said. “I gotta get back to the shop.” She’d already started paddling and Sam was happy to have a break from the inquisition.

  The wave was flawless and Danielle rode it nearly to shore. She stumbled in the shore break and then got to her feet and waved. Not many people were lucky enough to be able to put up a CLOSED sign when they wanted to surf. Danielle didn’t have a bad thing going. But was it enough? Sam had never wondered before if Danielle wanted more out of life, but now she found herself questioning everything.

  Terri had texted her a handful of times on Sunday after Sam had left her house. The first text was a picture of the handcuffs she’d left and then:

  Thanks for an unforgettable evening. Still sorry we left things the way we did. Also sore in the best possible way.

  After deliberating on a response, Sam had finally gone with “You’re welcome,” which sounded equal parts uninspired and weirdly off-putting. After several more texts from Terri that ranged from jokes about dildos to her vacation itinerary, Sam had sent a curt reply saying she needed a break and some time to think.

  No more texts came after that, and Sam kicked herself when the next several days passed without a call. She’d asked for a break, but she hated it all the same. More than once she considered driving up to Sacramento. But what good would that do?

  A wave jostled her thoughts and nearly pushed her off her board. If she’d been paying attention, she would have taken it. As she watched it crest, she knew it was exactly what she’d been waiting for. She kept her gaze trained on the water, waiting for the next in the set.

  The only way to get Terri off her mind was to make a decision to end things. But she didn’t want to do that. What she wanted was for Terri to come to the same realization that she had—they had a real connection that was more important than the sex. Or at least as important. Ending things simply because Terri didn’t want to see that was ridiculous. But if Terri didn’t want more than sex, she’d never be satisfied.

  She needed to tell Terri that even though she’d agreed to it, a sex-only relationship wouldn’t work for her. Maybe that meant they’d have to break things off, and although the thought of not seeing Terri made her sick, prolonging it would only make everything harder. What she finally decided, mostly because she didn’t want to decide at all, was to wait until after Terri got back from Costa Rica to have any conversation.

  The next wave rose up behind her and she knew it was going to be bigger than the others. Without questioning it, she started kicking. Whether it was luck or the fact that she had more than a little frustration to vent, her timing was right on. She pushed up on her board and as soon as she was steady on her feet did a quick bottom turn and then a roundhouse cutback. Her heart bounced up to her throat when she managed a snap that sent a spray of water soaring above her. She heard someone cheer and couldn’t help smiling.

  Although she could have tried more tricks, she simply carved the rest of the ride because it felt too good to do anything else. When she saw the shore coming, she stepped off her board. Nothing flashy—only a nice end to a perfect ride. Everything went dark as she let her body sink below the rolling water. When she surfaced, she saw Steve paddling a few yards away. Not only was he one of the best surfers, he also watched out for everyone.

  “How’d that feel?”

  “Like a walk in heaven.”

  Steve grinned. “You got that right.”

  “Catch ya later.”

  “You’re leaving now? With these waves?”

  “I’m done. That last one was too perfect.” Surfing was all about knowing when to call it quits. The significance of that thought weighed on her, but calling it quits with Terri was a lot more complicated.

  The walk home included a detour for pizza. She didn’t rush, stopping to chat to the neighbors she’d now become friends with and then stopping again at the bench across from her front door.

  She thought of the last text Terri had sent—her vacation itinerary. She’d probably meant it as a peace offering, but then Sam had gone and sent the text about needing time instead of simply saying “have fun” or whatever the normal response should have been.

  Regardless, now she knew that in a little under an hour, Terri would be boarding her flight to Houston. After a two-hour layover there, she’d board a flight to San Jose, Costa Rica.

  The thought of Terri getting on a plane and flying hours away made Sam’s stomach clench. It was only a vacation, but the rift between them would widen, she knew, even more than it had over the last five days. She wanted to at least say goodbye. As soon as she had that thought, she worried it was too late. She hurried to rinse off her board and her wetsuit, then ran inside to find her phone.

  “Hi, Sam.”

  “Um, hi.” Sam’s mind spun. The rush at hearing Terri’s voice was quickly dispelled by the clipped sound of her words. No doubt she was upset. But she’d taken her call. “Should I not have called?”

  “It’s fine. What is it?”

  Sam took a deep breath. “Well, I wanted to talk.”

  “Can you hold for a minute? My sister is on the other line and we were just saying goodbye.”

  “Yeah. Okay.” Sam paced as the seconds ticked by. She should have called sooner. But still she didn’t know what to say. Should she really break things off simply because Terri couldn’t give her what she needed? She’d already asked for more and been turned down. What else could she do?

  Finally Terri came back on the line. “So what’s up?”

  “I wasn’t going to say this but…mostly I called because I missed hearing your voice.” She’d been desperate for it all week but hadn’t wanted to give in. “And I thought we should talk before you left.”

  Silence.

  Sam pressed on. “How are you?”

  “Fine. You?”

  Terri’s “fine” sounded anything but. “Everything okay with your sister? Was it Kelly or Bianca?”

  There was a pause, and then Terri said, “Kelly. Everything’s fine. Has anyone ever told you that you’ve got a really weird ability to remember names? I think I mentioned my sisters’ names one time.”

  “I pay attention to little things. It’s not only names.” Sam could draw all the tattoos on her body, could list every place she’d touched that had made Terri moan, could recall her smile when they’d sat on the beach watching the surf. “Are you at the airport already?”

  “Yeah…Sam, why are you really calling me?”

  “I wanted to hear your voice.”

  “You already said that. That’s the only reason?” There was another long pause. “It’s good to hear your voice too.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “I’m sure. Although there’ve been a few days this week that I wouldn’t have felt that way.”

  “Why is today different?”

  “I don’t know. Because you finally called?” She gave an exasperated sigh. “Sam, I’ve gone through two divorces, but you win the prize for taking me on the biggest rollercoaster of feelings in one damn week. You know, I wasn’t looking for this. I didn’t want to fall for you.”

  “You didn’t fall for me. We had sex. Good sex, but that’s all.”

  “Don’t fucking tell me what I did or didn’t do, Sam. How the hell do you know?”

  Sam’s chest tightened at the sound of hurt in Terri’s voice. “That was a dumb thing to say. I’m sorry. But you said you wanted this to only be about sex.”

  “And did you stop to think that maybe I changed my mind?”

  Sam didn’t know what to say. Hadn’t she wanted Terri to feel the same way she felt? So now they both felt like crap. Mission accomplished.

  “I needed you to check in with me after what we’d done.” Terri’s voice had softened, but the hurt was still there. “And, I don’t know, maybe act like you cared? Something happened on Sunday. I knew you were upset, but then…then you got cold. And fucking left. I know I’m an adult and I can handle that, but… Ugh. I don’t even know what to say to you now. The truth is I knew better. I tried not to fall for you, but it happened anyway.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? Whatever. You wanted me to fall for you.” Terri cussed under her breath. “You know the worst part? I never trust people. Not people I barely know. And certainly not people that could hurt me. But I trusted you. I thought after all the texts and everything we talked about that I knew what to expect. But you totally blindsided me.”

  “I didn’t know—”

  “No shit you didn’t know. And you didn’t ask. You just walked out. And then you text me to tell me you need a break. We’re not even dating. Screw you.”

  Sam pinched the bridge of her nose to stop the tears from coming. “Don’t get on the flight.”

  “Don’t go to Costa Rica? You’re kidding, right?”

  Sam knew it was too much to ask, but she had to anyway. She had to see Terri tonight. “Change your flight to tomorrow. I’ll pay for the change fee. I can meet you at the airport and we can get a hotel room for the night.”

  “The flight’s about to board. It’s too late to change anything.”

  “Then I’ll find a flight to Costa Rica and meet you there. It’d be worth it even for a few days…” It was crazy, but she’d do it if Terri agreed.

  “You coming to Costa Rica doesn’t make any sense. Not for only a few days.”

  “Does it have to make sense?”

  “Sam, Costa Rica isn’t the point.” The line went silent again for a long moment before Terri said, “We both made mistakes. I should have told you how I was feeling Saturday night, and you cutting me off like you did…well…you know how I feel about that. But I got to thinking that maybe you were right. Maybe we do need a break. We can both take the next two weeks to figure out what makes sense for us. What we really want.”

  “Is ‘us’ still a possibility?”

  “I don’t know.”

  If possible, Sam felt worse. Did Terri have to be so logical about everything?

  “I gotta go. We can talk when I get back.”

  “Okay. Have a good trip.” What else could she say? So many things. But the line clicked and Terri was gone.

  Minutes passed and Sam only stood in the hallway staring at her phone. When she looked up from the screen, her body reminded her that she was standing in the same spot where Terri had first kissed her. She glanced at the wall she’d pushed Terri against, her lips tingling. When Terri had walked through the front door that night, she’d had no idea what to expect. She’d blown everything now.

  Waiting until Terri got back to tell her how she felt wasn’t possible. She pulled up her recent calls and tapped on Terri’s number. Voice mail picked up and she steadied her thoughts. There was a chance Terri would check her messages on the layover in Houston. There was also a chance she wouldn’t want to listen to any messages when she saw it was Sam who’d called.

  “First off, I really like you.” Sam knew she had to be honest about her feelings. All of them. “I know we have something and I’ve known that for a long time now. But you kept holding me at arm’s length and…I started to think you didn’t want what we had.” She ignored the tears on her cheeks. “Second off, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I thought I knew what you were thinking. And I’m sorry I left the way I did last weekend. Especially after what we did. I screwed up and I want to make it up to you.”