“And I doubt you’ve gotten a real job. How exactly do you plan to buy food? You’ll need to pay back all of your student loans. Not to mention eat. And you think you have a roof over your head but this—” She motioned to the wall nearest her. “Isn’t free. The outside needs to be painted, and I can only imagine all the other disasters waiting with a place this old. You do know you have to pay homeowner’s insurance right? And do you even know when the taxes are due?”

  “I’m thirty-one years old, Mom. I know the bills I have to pay.”

  Terri wondered if she should have lingered in the kitchen. She glanced from the sofa to the rocking chair in the corner of the room and then decided to sit by Sam.

  “So what’s your big plan?” Lynn held up her hands. “Your father said he thought you had a plan. God help us if it’s that you’re going back to photography. That barely paid the bills before.”

  “I’m selling the Aston Martin.” Sam eyed her father as she delivered this news. “Otto’s already found a buyer. Even with him taking a cut, that will cover my student loans. And, yes, I’m going back to my old job.”

  Terri took a sip of the water, hoping not to show any surprise. She wasn’t shocked that the car was fetching a good price, but she couldn’t believe that Sam had decided to sell her grandmother’s car. A car like that wasn’t simply a car. And she hadn’t even known Mary Ellen Samuels, but she felt the pang of the loss anyway. She’d kept the car in mint condition for that long, only ever driving it to the beach, and then passed it to her granddaughter, which meant either she was quite attached or she’d always wanted to have a Plan B. Some way out if investments got tied up maybe. Now Sam had a Plan B.

  “It’s probably a good call on selling the car,” Mark said. “Prices on those old collectors won’t hold forever. Might as well make your money now before the market for them tanks.”

  “I was worried you’d be upset because it was Grandma’s.”

  “She gave it to you for a reason. It’s yours to do what you want with.”

  Lynn cussed under her breath. “If she’d finished the damn residency, the loans would have been paid off when she’d started working. And instead she’s selling your mother’s car and you don’t care? Well, I do. Elizabeth, you’re making a huge mistake. I don’t even want to think of what your grandfather would have said.”

  “He’d say he was disappointed,” Sam volunteered. “But I don’t think he ever actually wanted me to be a doctor. Or even thought I could do it. He wanted the control.”

  “We’re all disappointed. And then some.” Lynn turned her glare on Terri. “Do you know what she’s giving up? Has she told you?”

  “Mom, don’t go there.”

  Lynn ignored Sam. “Forty-one million dollars. And all she has left to do is finish the residency. That we’re even having this conversation is—”

  “What did you think you were going to accomplish today?” Sam interrupted. “Did you actually think that coming here and reminding me that I’ll have bills to pay and that I’m throwing away forty-one million would make me change my mind?”

  “Yes,” Lynn said. “Because we didn’t think you were a complete idiot. Your father set up a meeting to talk to Dr. Weiss.”

  Sam shook her head. “I’m not a kid with a problem you can fix because you know people.”

  Did they not know that Sam had quit over a month ago? Even with a special favor from Weiss there was no way Sam would be accepted back to the residency. Terri almost said as much, but then Sam spoke up again.

  “I quit the residency and I’m not going back. And honestly I don’t care who I disappoint anymore. Dad, you told me before that Grandma had some money in stocks set aside for me if I needed it. I need to know how much and how I can get it. I know things are going to be tight, but I’m going to make it work.”

  Mark nodded, but before he could say anything, Lynn cut in, “Dr. Anderson, I’m sure there’s something you could do. Some other option. Does she even have to finish the residency to work in general practice?”

  Sam shot a look at Terri that clearly said “stay out of this.” “The residency isn’t the point. I don’t want to be a doctor.”

  “Why the hell did you even go to medical school then?” Lynn fired back. “Why waste that time and money if you weren’t ever planning on finishing? This is what you always do, Elizabeth. You’re so headstrong. You never listen to anyone. And as soon as something gets hard, you quit.”

  “That’s not true,” Mark said. “She said from the beginning she wasn’t sure this was right for her. But she stuck it out anyway. And she’s stuck with a lot of things. Women for instance—as much as you hoped that was a phase. And photography.”

  “That’s a hobby,” Lynn argued. “Not a career.”

  Terri wasn’t sure if Lynn meant women or photography or both. It was almost funny, but the look on Sam’s face took the humor out of the situation. Her parents continued to argue and her expression smoldered. Terri didn’t blame her for her anger one bit. Not now.

  “I wanted to make Grandpa proud,” Sam said, interrupting the bickering. “And I wanted to prove that I could do it. Go to med school, be a doctor. But then I realized the person I was trying to make proud wasn’t just dead, he was a pretty shitty human being. And I started to question everything.” Sam looked over at her father. “Why’d you let me believe he was this great guy?”

  “What are you talking about, Elizabeth? Your grandfather was a great man.” Lynn’s tone sounded defensive now, instead of simply angry. Mark didn’t say anything, only holding Sam’s gaze.

  “I found a box of letters from your brother, Dad. It was in one of the closets I was clearing out. All these letters and receipts. From Paul Samuels. Grandma saved everything.” Sam’s voice cracked. “Your brother that Grandpa disowned. Because he was gay. You never even told me that I had an uncle.”

  Mark studied the floor.

  “A gay uncle. I always knew Grandpa was a big homophobe, but you aren’t. At least I didn’t think you were.”

  “I don’t know what you read in the letters, but there’s always two sides,” Mark said quietly. “Your grandpa and Paul never agreed on anything.”

  “Two sides? The side that gets disowned and the side that does it?” Sam’s voice was as quiet as her father’s, but her words scathed. “I always knew how horrible Grandpa’s church was. But that doesn’t excuse this. He let his own son die. Didn’t try to help him at all. Didn’t even visit when he got sick. I know—I read it in the letters. Paul asked to see him. Wanted to make things right before he died. But Grandpa wouldn’t see him because he was living with his lover and he didn’t approve. And Grandpa was supposed to be this amazing fucking doctor. But his own kid got AIDs and he did nothing. Didn’t even help him die. Just cut him off.

  “I read every letter your brother sent to Grandma. It was all in that box… She paid for his apartment in San Francisco. Did you know that? Grandpa ordered her not to. Told her to disown him. But she didn’t. And she paid for all his medical bills too. What’d you do, Dad? Where the hell were you in all of this?”

  Mark looked up, and Terri saw tears well in his eyes. “I held his hand when he died. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And then a week later you were born.” He took a shaky breath. “We were all a wreck. All of us. You have no idea how much your grandfather regretted his decision.”

  “You could have told me.”

  Mark nodded. “I couldn’t talk about him without breaking down. I thought one day your grandma would tell you. But she said it didn’t seem right to weigh a kid down with that. And then the years passed.”

  “And Grandpa didn’t say anything because Paul was gay,” Sam guessed.

  “Or because he regretted what he’d done. I don’t know.” Mark sighed heavily. “I know you hate him right now. I hated him, too, for everything that happened. But I got over it. Woke up one day and realized Paul was gone and nothing would bring him back.”

  “You could have told me about him.”

  “It’s still not easy talking about it. Even now. You know there are other ways to get the money. You could get married. That’s always been the case.”

  “I don’t even care about the money anymore. And I’m not marrying a man—even if it’s only some sort of business transaction.”

  “That’s in the will? That you could get the money if you married a man?” Terri couldn’t imagine Sam marrying a man, but she also couldn’t believe that was one of the stipulations. And yet from everything she’d just heard about Sam’s grandfather, she wasn’t entirely surprised.

  “It’s not happening,” Sam said. “I’m not marrying some dude.”

  Mark cleared his throat. “Well, then you have some things to figure out.”

  Terri imagined how hard it must have been deciding on medical school. She could have found a guy willing to sign a contract and gotten the money the easy way. But that wasn’t Sam’s style. And now she was willing to give it all up. Had already made the choice even.

  Lynn spoke up finally: “We’re not helping you out financially, Elizabeth. You’re thirty-one. You blew your chance to be a doctor. Fine. Don’t be stupid. Find someone to marry—I’ll draw up the contract for you myself. You’ve only got three more years.” Her gaze was fixed on Sam, and Terri was struck by the fact that there was no sympathy in her eyes. Sam was a problem to be fixed, nothing more.

  “There’s a timeline on top of it?” Of all the dumb things she’d heard, Terri thought that might top the list.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Sam eyed her mom. “I’m not asking for financial help. Or any help. Dad was the one who wanted this meeting.”

  “And maybe today isn’t the best day for that,” Mark said softly.

  “No shit. That’s why I cancelled.” Sam cussed again under her breath and then exhaled. “I’m sorry, Dad. I don’t want to yell or be in a fight right now. I cried when I read those letters, and I didn’t even know him. I can only imagine what it must have been like for you. And Grandma.”

  “You’re a lot like him. That’s what your grandma always said. Just as headstrong. Just as smart. You even have his same eyes.” Mark took a deep breath. “We all did what we thought was right, Sam. But I’m glad you finally found out anyway.” He glanced at Lynn and then stood. “We should go.”

  “You shouldn’t have brought up Paul. All you’ve done is hurt your father. You can’t read some letters and think you understand everything.” Lynn’s words stung. “If you want to make this about an uncle that you didn’t even know, fine. Use that excuse. But the truth is, this is about you throwing away your future.”

  Sam didn’t respond. After a moment, Lynn shook her head and followed her husband to the door.

  Terri walked them out, awkwardly exchanging goodbyes and then closing the door. Sam didn’t move from the couch. She’d dropped her head in her hands.

  “I guess it’s meet-the-family week,” Sam said. Her tone was joking, but she kept her gaze on the floor.

  Terri sat down on the couch and rested her hand on Sam’s leg. “I’m sorry about your uncle.”

  “Me too.” Sam sighed. “I wish I could have known him. He seemed so cool in all the letters. Even though he was dying, he had a sense of humor about everything. It’s funny how you can miss someone you never knew.”

  Sam didn’t say anything more for several minutes, and Terri wondered if she wanted her to leave. She debated asking, but then only stared out the window at the calm blue water. It didn’t seem right that the ocean was so smooth now.

  “I looked up to my grandpa for so long. Then reading those letters and putting the picture together…” Sam’s voice trailed.

  “It must have been awful to realize who he really was.”

  “I kept thinking, why am I trying to follow in this asshole’s footsteps? Why try and make him proud when he wouldn’t even help his own dying kid?”

  Terri rubbed Sam’s thigh. “You don’t have to hold everything in, you know. You can tell people what’s going on before you reach a breaking point.”

  “I’ve never had anyone to tell. I love my dad, but the conversation you heard was more words than we’ve ever exchanged. And my mom and I have never gotten along.” Sam was quiet for a long moment and then said, “Fuck. Maybe she was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up Paul. Maybe what’s in the past is in the past and we all need to move on.”

  “I don’t think there was a right way to have that conversation, but I think it needed to happen. They shouldn’t have kept that from you. Not for this long.”

  Sam straightened up. “I’ve got a photo shoot to get ready for.”

  “Can I make you dinner? We haven’t eaten any real food since breakfast.”

  “I don’t think we have anything left.”

  “There’s peanut butter and jelly in the cupboard. And we have a few slices of that sourdough. Or I can go get some take-out. What do you feel like?”

  Sam shrugged. After a moment, she said, “Maybe you should go. I’m not going to be any fun tonight.”

  “Turns out I want to be around you even when you’re not fun.” But she wished Sam would tell her if she wanted her to stay or not. Maybe Sam wanted time alone but didn’t want to hurt her by saying that. Or maybe she wanted company but didn’t want to admit she needed it.

  Sam leaned back on the sofa. “I shouldn’t have called my dad out like I did. But I didn’t know. It must have been awful losing a brother and then never talking about it. And they never talked about it because of me. They were trying to protect me. How messed up is that?”

  “Their decision not to tell you isn’t your fault. Don’t take that on.”

  Sam didn’t respond.

  “Can you reschedule the photo shoot?”

  “Steve only has his kid part-time and the deadline for the senior photos is next week. I promised this. God, I feel like crap.”

  “Parents do that to you.”

  “No kidding.” Sam took a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I need to eat something…”

  Terri leaned close and whispered. “Tell me to go make you a damn sandwich and I will.”

  Sam gave a wry smile. “Naked?”

  “If I didn’t know how shitty you were feeling right now, I’d think you were serious.”

  “What if I am serious? I’m pretty sure I’d feel better if we had sex.”

  Terri couldn’t help laughing. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with that wants sex as much as I do.”

  “It’s ’cause we’re meant to be.” Sam reached for Terri, pulling her back on the sofa and into another embrace. “Sure you still like me after all that?”

  “I’m sure.” There was no question in her mind. Sam’s words circled in her mind. Meant to be. That’s how it felt, but she didn’t trust the universe enough to say it aloud. “I’ll be in the kitchen making sandwiches.” She slipped out of Sam’s hold, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she did.

  As soon as she headed down the hall, she longed to be back on the sofa still in Sam’s arms. She didn’t want to think of leaving. Too soon she’d be back at the hospital, back at the job that consumed her, back to falling asleep alone without Sam nestled against her. She’d lost track of the number of times she’d sworn she’d never marry someone again, never commit, never risk her heart again. But here she was, falling in love, and she couldn’t seem to help it.

  Chapter Thirty

  In the four days they were together, Sam got used to the beach house with Terri in it. She liked waking up early, going down to start breakfast, and then slipping back into the warm sheets to wait for Terri to wake. They’d made love every morning. Breakfast in bed came after.

  As soon as she’d gone, the cottage felt empty and too quiet. Sam skipped breakfast and spent hours staring out at the ocean in her living room. Sacramento felt a lifetime away and she knew Terri would be slammed with work after her time off, so she tried not to bother her.

  They shared one nightly call but agreed not to meet up until Reed and Julia’s wedding. Sam tried to keep busy, knowing three weeks would pass faster if she didn’t have time to think about it. She scheduled several new photo shoots, edited a backlog of pictures, and even managed to get some prints framed and delivered to the coffee shop. But Terri popped into her head whenever she had a still moment, and for the first time she could ever recall, despite how many years she’d lived alone, she had moments of being truly lonely.

  After too many days berating herself for not simply focusing on her own work, she decided to write a letter. Not an email, but an actual letter.

  For the stamp, she went up to the attic to get her collection and then she agonized over which sheet to part with. Finally she decided on some national park ones and hoped Terri would smile when she saw the line of stamps plastered across the envelope. The stamps were worth more if she’d sold them online, but that wasn’t the point. Then she’d added a note on the back of the envelope saying she’d like to visit each place and hoped Terri hadn’t already planned next year’s vacation.

  A week passed before she saw a bright red envelope arrive in the mail. Terri had picked an ocean stamp and a heart was drawn on the back. Sam brushed her finger over the tiny wave and then carefully opened the envelope, fully intent on saving it. Terri could tease her later for being old-fashioned.

  Along with a slip of paper, there were two photos inside. One was of her surfing and another was a funny selfie they’d taken together. Terri had brought her phone to the beach on the last morning, saying she didn’t feel like surfing but only wanted to watch Sam. In the picture, Sam was in a wetsuit and dripping wet after getting tossed in the breakers, and Terri was bundled up in one of Sam’s sweatshirts and her rainbow beanie. She smiled at the picture and then read the note.

  The words made her long to call Terri, but she resisted. Instead she taped the note to the door, quickly memorizing the last few lines: “How about that national park in Hawaii next time? No wetsuits needed.” It wasn’t signed “Love, Terri,” but she hadn’t dared to sign hers with that tempting word either.