“Yes, but with that tone I reserve the right not to answer.”

  Sam smiled. “You don’t miss much.” She picked up a piece of sushi and dipped it, seemingly delaying as she decided whether or not to ask her question. “Why don’t you date residents?”

  Terri wanted to answer. With all the rumors that had gone round about her and her ex-wife and the other resident that had formed the alleged love triangle, she wanted to be able to tell her side of the story. Given how the gossip mill worked, she knew Sam had probably heard at least something. But it felt wrong to give any of the tall tales credence. And she didn’t want to give Sam some half-assed excuse. She polished off the last piece of sushi on her plate and pushed it to the side. “Try a different question.”

  “Are you in a relationship?”

  “No.”

  “But you date women.”

  “Yes. And men.” Terri held Sam’s gaze. “What are you getting at?”

  “I want to ask you out. What do I have to do?”

  “First off, you have bad timing.” Terri was flattered nonetheless. “Second, it’s not happening.”

  “All right. I get it.” Sam pushed her empty plate to the side and took a sip of her water.

  “Tell me why you went to med school.”

  Sam stared at the line of sushi boats for a moment and then shifted in her chair to face Terri. “You sure you really want to know? You’ll probably think less of me for it.” When Terri nodded, Sam said, “Well, I didn’t go to medical school because I wanted to be a doctor.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite but only because that might be the weirdest thing I’ve heard all day. Let me guess—you’re an international spy. Are there people watching us right now?”

  Sam’s smile creased her eyes. For the first time all night it was a real smile—and it took Terri’s breath away.

  “How’d you know?”

  “Well, it was either a spy or a high-end escort.”

  “An escort for med students specifically?” Sam laughed. “Would you date me then?”

  “Maybe.”

  Sam smirked, but her expression quickly turned serious again. “I did it for money—which I know is about the shittiest reason you could become a doctor.”

  “I don’t believe you.” Plenty of people went into medicine because it promised a stable paycheck, but Terri had gotten good at spotting those doctors who were only in it for the money. “You care about your patients more than any resident I’ve had on my team. No way is it about the money.”

  “I do care about them. But I don’t want to be their doctor.” Sam paused. “I never knew exactly how well-off my grandparents were until after they died. My grandfather wrote me a letter that his lawyer gave to me at the funeral… If I went to med school, took over his old job as a family practice doc, I’d inherit forty-one million.”

  “Holy shit!”

  “Yeah, that was pretty much my response.” Sam continued, “Most of it is my grandmother’s money. She inherited a lot from her parents and kept investing it. Apparently Grandma was cutthroat on the stock market. As far as I knew, she was an eccentric old lady who liked to paint.”

  “Were you close to her?”

  Sam nodded. “We used to spend every summer together at her beach house. I was closer to her than to my parents.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m still stuck on the forty-one million part.”

  “I was too for a long time. Long enough to convince myself to go back to college and take the pre-reqs I’d missed for med school, apply to med school, graduate, and get into a residency. Then I realized it was only money.”

  “Yeah—but a lot of money.” Terri had turned in her seat so their knees were almost bumping. The downside of sitting at the bar meant they were closer than if they’d gone to a table. When she looked at how close Sam’s legs were to hers, she knew she should change her position. But she didn’t want to. “What happens if you don’t work at your grandfather’s practice?”

  “I get the rest of my life back.”

  Terri cocked her head. “I mean what happens to the money.”

  “It goes to some big anti-gay religious foundation. I think he figured that knowing where the money would go if I didn’t follow his plan would be one more reason I’d do everything he wanted.” Sam shook her head. “He knew I was a lesbian and didn’t like it. But he didn’t approve of a lot of things about me. And, yet, for some dumb reason, I still wanted to impress him. I looked up to him. He was this great doctor that everyone loved.”

  “So if you give up, you lose all the inheritance?”

  “All the money anyway. Technically I own my grandmother’s beach house. That was in her will, not his, but I can hardly afford the taxes on it with all the student loans I have to pay back.”

  “Your family didn’t help you there?”

  “According to the will, I had to pay for medical school and everything on my own. Then any loans are repaid when I start working at the practice—in monthly allotments—along with the inheritance. My grandfather wanted complete control.”

  “What do your parents think about all of this? Of you quitting?”

  “They don’t know. If I told them, they’d want me to finish, but we don’t really talk… They have their own money so that part doesn’t probably matter much to them. They’re both successful lawyers.”

  “They don’t have forty-one million dollars.”

  “No.” Sam sighed. “But who needs that much money?”

  “Any other grandkids?”

  “Just me.”

  Something passed over Sam’s face, and Terri decided not to push more. “I can’t believe you did it only for the money. Forget about that list of mistakes you’re keeping in your head—can you honestly say that you don’t like being a doctor? You’re so good at it.”

  “Remember how you weren’t going to give me any more compliments after I wowed you with my box step?”

  “Dammit, I forgot.” Terri smiled when Sam shot her a cocky look. Her eyes sparkled, and the heat between them shot up a dozen degrees. Terri moved her knee so they weren’t quite as close. If she was trying to get Sam to focus, she had to do her part too. “What bothers me is that you’re really good at being a doctor. I can’t believe that’s all an act. That you don’t actually like helping people.”

  “I do like helping people. I like figuring out what’s wrong, figuring how to make them feel better. And if I ignore this week’s mistakes, part of me thinks I could still be good at it.”

  “So who wins if you quit?”

  Sam’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “If you don’t go through with this, do you win because you get your old life back? Or does your grandfather win because maybe he knew all along you weren’t going to follow through?” Terri waited. When Sam didn’t answer, she said, “Maybe he wanted that money to go to that anti-gay foundation all along.”

  “Maybe.” Sam blew out a breath. “Then I guess he wins.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “No. But it’s not that black and white.” Sam was quiet for a moment and then said, “What would you do?”

  “I’d stick it out. But I love being a doctor. I’m the wrong person to ask. I also hate losing.”

  “Somehow I’m not surprised. You might be one of the most stubborn people I’ve met. It’s a good thing when you’re trying to save someone’s life…”

  “But?”

  Sam grinned. “When someone is trying to get you to go out with them and you’ve made up your mind against it only on principle, the stubborn thing is a little frustrating.”

  Terri had to give Sam credit for trying. “Answer’s still no. What else you got?”

  “I could have lots of money.”

  “I’ve got plenty.” Terri returned Sam’s smile. For better or worse, she liked it when they were back to flirting. But she had to keep it in check. “And you don’t actually have the money if you quit.”

  “So basically I’m screwed.”

  “Or not.” Terri knew she’d overstepped, but Sam only laughed. When the other diners turned to look in their direction, Terri wished they were alone. But that would definitely complicate matters. She reached for her water and took a long sip. No matter how tempting Sam was, she couldn’t go thinking about what it would feel like to be under her.

  “So what’s your family like?” Sam asked. “Sisters, brothers? Crazy-rich grandparents?”

  “No crazy-rich anybody. Two sisters, divorced parents.”

  “That’s all I get?”

  Sharing personal details about her family wasn’t part of the script, but she felt like she owed Sam a little. “Mom got pregnant with me when she was a teenager. Dad split. Then a handful of years later he came back and Mom got pregnant again. And again. Cue lots of parental fighting. Dad split for good and Mom raised us working two jobs.”

  “How old are your sisters?”

  “Thirty-three and thirty-one.” Terri wondered if Sam had guessed her age. It wouldn’t be impossible to figure out—a simple Google search would show when she’d graduated college and med school. Although Sam was nothing like her younger sister, she couldn’t help thinking that they were the same age and that nearly ten years separated them. She wondered if Sam would be flirting as hard if she knew that detail, but she couldn’t exactly blurt out her age.

  “Are you close to them?”

  “We see each other for the holidays and talk when we can. But we’re all busy. Kelly manages a boutique hotel in San Francisco and Bianca’s in Reno, married with three kids. It usually takes some life crisis to get one of us to pick up the phone…”

  “I’m guessing you’re the one they come to for help.”

  Terri nodded. “Growing up I took care of them a lot. The divorce wasn’t finalized until I was fourteen, but my dad skipped out way before then. Mom had to work all the time so I took over parenting. Made dinners, made sure everyone did their homework, that sort of thing.”

  “Sounds like you had to grow up fast.”

  “I did. But I don’t have any regrets—not about that anyway.”

  “What’s one of your regrets?”

  Terri leaned back in her seat. Sam was easy to talk to, but she had to remember boundaries were still there for a reason. “I think that’s enough about me.”

  “Come on. One regret. I’m sure the wise Dr. Anderson learned something the hard way.”

  “Oh, plenty.” Terri sighed. “But as for regrets… Well, I guess I regret that my younger self let people talk me into things that weren’t right for me. And here I am trying to talk you into something. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me.”

  “What’d you get talked into?”

  “Marriage.”

  Sam looked as if she didn’t believe her. “And I can’t even talk you into a date.”

  Terri smiled. “I’ve become a hard ass in my old age.”

  “Someone seriously talked you into marrying them when you didn’t want to?”

  “Twice. But don’t worry I learned my lesson. I wouldn’t do it again even if someone paid me.”

  “Huh. I wasn’t expecting that.”

  “Okay, my turn.” Terri took a deep breath. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. I really don’t. But I want you to have time to think this over. So I’m going to ask you for a favor. Take some time off. You’ve been working yourself too hard—and that’s coming from me.”

  Sam’s shoulders dropped. She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “Time off won’t change my decision.”

  “What if it did? What’s the worst thing that would happen?” When Sam didn’t argue, Terri added, “I don’t want you to quit—because you’re a damn good doctor. And you don’t want to lose forty-one million dollars. I know you say it’s only money, but it’s a lot of money, money that some anti-gay foundation doesn’t need. You at least have to admit that much is true.”

  Sam still didn’t respond so Terri continued. “A couple more years of the residency and then go work at your grandpa’s practice part-time. There’s no stipulation on that part, is there?”

  Sam shook her head.

  “Then you could still make it work with the photography. You’re so close. What if you only need a break for a few weeks?”

  “I need more than that.”

  “Are you sure?” Terri pressed. “Tell me that there isn’t some part of you that’s questioning your decision.”

  Sam didn’t say anything for a long moment and Terri knew she wasn’t certain. Some part of her had to be doubting her choice.

  “I already gave Weiss my written notice,” Sam said finally.

  “And he’ll shred it if you change your mind.”

  Sam shook her head again, but Terri was determined. “I want you to show up for rounds tomorrow morning. We both need to check on Jack. And then I want you to go up to Weiss’ office and talk to him about taking some time off.”

  “You think Jack’s going to be okay?”

  “I know he is. And you need to give yourself a break.” Terri reached out and touched Sam’s shoulder. She’d only intended a little pat, but the contact of her palm against Sam’s skin sent off flares in her brain. She pulled her hand back as she felt the temptation to slide it all the way down Sam’s toned arm. She straightened up. “We should probably go. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”

  Chapter Nine

  For a day in competition for worst ever, it had ended better than expected. After they’d finished dinner, Sam offered to walk Terri home. She knew the answer would be no and the added eye roll came as no surprise. But she left the restaurant with the memory of Terri’s hand caressing her shoulder. It had taken all of her control to not show any response to the touch that had lit through her body.

  On the drive home, her thoughts bounced from Jack, who was still stable when she’d called to check in, to where she’d take Terri on a date. A date wasn’t happening, but she liked the fantasy anyway. And for someone who was adamantly against dating, Terri had tried awfully hard to convince her not to quit. But she couldn’t stay on simply because Terri wanted her to.

  After she pulled into the apartment complex, she sat in her car for a few minutes. Now that Terri wasn’t sitting next to her, convincing her she should finish the residency, all of her doubts had returned in full force. She didn’t want to go up to her apartment, but where else could she go tonight?

  Reluctantly she forced herself out of the car and up the steps, ignoring the barking dog that had spotted her. The apartment still didn’t feel like home. She even had trouble remembering the address when she had to fill out forms. One nondescript brown building in a sea of brown apartment buildings surrounded by freeways and strip malls. She’d never intended to stay long. Like so many other things, the place was temporary. A stepping stone in a river full of them. But where would she be in two years’ time? Working at her grandfather’s clinic?

  She unlocked the door and set her wallet and keys in the basket, wondering how many more nights she’d repeat that move. If she could be anywhere, she’d be back in the beach house in a heartbeat. But maybe she needed to listen to Terri and ask Weiss for time off. God knows she didn’t need the time to think—she’d done plenty of that. But a break might at least clear her mind.

  “You’re home late. Want a beer? Kylie replenished our stock.” Daniel was sitting cross-legged too close to the TV with a video game controller in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other.

  “Not so you could drink it all in one night, however.” Kylie came out of the kitchen. She had two bottles of beer, both open, and without asking, handed one to Sam. “You look exhausted. Shitty day?”

  Sam shrugged. “No worse than the last 400.”

  “Truth.” Kylie sighed. “I wonder how much money I would have saved on beer if I hadn’t decided on oncology.”

  “Don’t start budgeting now,” Daniel said, his eyes still on the screen.

  Sam took a long sip and dropped onto the couch. Kylie settled in at the other end. She sipped her beer slowly and trained her gaze on Sam. Squinting at her, she said, “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Not really. I’m so tired lately I can’t sleep.” Sam didn’t want to admit the rest.

  “You’ve been acting off for weeks now,” Kylie pressed.

  “Yeah. Since I’ve been on Med-Peds with Dr. Anderson.”

  “Which means she’s barely surviving hell.” Daniel blasted an alien, cussing as a meteor came out of nowhere and exploded the screen. The image of the red planet reformed a moment later. “Give her a break, Ky. You were a mess when you were on Med-Peds, too.”

  Kylie ignored Daniel and said, “It started before that. After you spent that weekend in Santa Cruz… I’m worried about you.”

  “She’s concerned about your mental health,” Daniel said, practicing his formal British accent. “Would you care to set up an appointment to discuss your feelings?”

  “Shut up, you.” Kylie tossed a pillow at Daniel’s head. “I’m being serious.”

  “I appreciate the fact that I live with someone who cares about my mental health. But at the moment my mental health wants to drink this beer and fall asleep. Can we do a therapy session another day, maybe?”

  After a long minute with Kylie still eyeing her, Sam thought of getting up and going to bed. But she was too tired to move. Kylie was right. She’d been holding everything together until her last trip down to Santa Cruz. That was when she’d found the box of letters and receipts and her world had been upturned.

  Kylie tapped her knee. “I’ll get it out of you eventually.”

  One damn box. A month ago she’d thought she’d known what the rest of her life would look like. Now she was swimming in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. Although she’d never wanted it, she’d thought she could be a doctor. And maybe even be good at it. But now the last thing she wanted to do was follow in her grandfather’s footsteps.

  And yet Terri had almost convinced her that she should finish anyway. Maybe taking the job in her grandfather’s practice would be the biggest F.U. she could give him. If she quit, she’d go back to her old life, but what about where the money went? Could she actually let that money go to an anti-gay foundation?