“She’s sharp, but she needs someone tough like you to ride her ass.”

  Is that what Sam needed? Terri wasn’t certain of anything anymore. And as much as she’d been ready to have it out with Sam earlier, both about the case and her attitude, now she only wanted to delay the inevitable. “How’s the rest of the wedding prep going?”

  “I had no idea it was going to be so much work. There’s all these little details… At least we got Sam nailed down as our photographer. She showed me some of her stuff online. She’s amazing. All this artsy stuff. I had no idea. Honestly, I think she could be big if she stuck with it.”

  “Do you think she made a mistake going into medicine instead?” Terri had gone through all the possible reasons of why Sam could have had a change of heart about the career, but nothing made sense. Why come this far and then quit?

  Reed’s forehead creased. “No, of course not. She can always do the photography on the side. Plenty of us have hobbies. Even you. Although does work really count as a hobby?”

  “Trust me, I’d like to have other hobbies.”

  “Sam could be a hobby.”

  “A person can’t be a hobby. Besides, she’s my resident.” And at the moment she needed to focus on giving her a lecture about insulin.

  “I know I’m probably pushing too hard. But, seriously, what’s your hang-up with her? Is it because of everything with Kayla?”

  Terri had mostly pushed the fiasco called her second marriage out of her mind, but not enough time had passed to where she could laugh it off. “I need to keep work separate from my social life.”

  “But you’re always at work. You can’t keep holding yourself back from another relationship.” Another doctor passed in the hall, and Reed waited until she was out of earshot to add, “Even if it’s not happening with you and Sam, my point is, you need to start dating again. You’d be happier with someone.”

  “That’s arguable.”

  “Okay, fine. We can argue it later. I’ll let you go for now.” Reed opened her arms. “Quick hug.”

  Terri stepped into the hug, thankful that Reed knew what she needed even if she’d never admit it. She exhaled, enjoying the sensation of being held, but stepping back before her emotions got to her. “Thanks for being you. Especially tonight.”

  “Whatever you have to tell Sam, go easy. You always take it harder than your residents.”

  “How’d you know it was her that I have to talk to?”

  Reed shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

  Terri watched Reed leave, wishing she could follow. Instead, she had to deal with Sam. She started for the Residents’ Office, but her phone rang before she made it two steps.

  “What’s up?”

  “You still here or did you blow this popsicle stand?” Travis Shellhammer’s drawl made it sound like they were all at a medic outpost in an old Western movie.

  “I’m here.”

  “Got a case I was hoping you’d take a look at. Only if you have time though. I think I saw McReynolds around somewhere…”

  “He already left. How critical?”

  “Well, we’re not bleeding out, but we don’t look good.”

  From Shellhammer, that was saying a lot. Terri didn’t know how long the conversation with Samuels would take, but she doubted she’d be up for going back to ICU after. “I’ll be right there.”

  She sent a quick text to Sam explaining the delay and then turned back to the elevator. Tonight was long from being over.

  Chapter Six

  Waiting in the principal’s office had felt a lot like this. Sam remembered the first time she’d landed herself there. She was eight and the agony of waiting eclipsed all else that followed. Her mistake then had seemed monumental—she’d kissed Jennifer Livingston in front of half the playground. A teacher had seen them and called both girls over in the midst of hooting and jeers from their classmates.

  Even before she’d heard the teacher’s whistle, she’d realized that she should have waited until after school to lock lips. But a dare was a dare and she’d enjoyed the hell out of the kiss. So had Jennifer Livingston. And yet Jennifer had escaped punishment by claiming she hadn’t known Sam was going to kiss her. She’d known all right. She’d been the one to offer the dare.

  If only this was about a kiss. Sam’s stomach rumbled. When had she last eaten? A bagel during rounds that morning? No, she’d had two Reese’s peanut butter cups for lunch along with a third cup of coffee. Lately, that counted as a rounded meal.

  She stared at the computer screen trying to recall the rule-outs for elevated potassium. Usually random facts like that were on instant recall, the page number of the textbook imprinted in her mind along with an image of a list and all she had to do was scroll down. But not tonight. Hyperkalemia. Why couldn’t she think?

  Something had happened the day she’d told Terri about her decision to quit. All the pages in her mind that she’d depended on had gone blank. It was as if she’d been released from all that burden. Unfortunately, that release came several months too early.

  Ignoring another rumble from her belly, she pulled up the Internet. One more record and she’d be finished for the night. But what about Jack? She closed her eyes, remembering the little boy’s face as he’d told her about making origami hats. God, what had she done?

  As much as she’d wanted to charge down to the third floor where Jack and his family were, pull the chart and see her own notes, confirm that Dr. Anderson was right about the mistake she’d made, and then if so, apologize to everyone in the room, she hadn’t done that. Instead she’d dutifully gone to the Residents’ Office to wait.

  Twenty minutes had never lasted so long and now she’d have to wait even longer. Terri’s text had been brief: Shellhammer needs me on a case. Give me another twenty minutes. Of course whatever Shellhammer needed help with took precedence, but she wished Terri would at least tell her if Jack was okay.

  And for once, the Residents’ Office was deserted. Where the hell was everyone? Purgatory couldn’t be this empty. She figured she wouldn’t feel quite as sick if she could talk to someone about what had happened. But maybe talking about it would only make it worse.

  She still hadn’t told any of her friends that she was leaving. No one even knew the real reason why she’d gone to medical school. She’d made a habit of not talking about personal things and didn’t want to start now. All she wanted to do was walk away. Disappear.

  The door popped open and Sam immediately straightened, expecting Dr. Anderson.

  Megan smiled. “There you are.”

  “You’ve been looking for me?”

  “Always.” Megan winked. “You’re a breath of fresh air in this place. What are you doing tonight?”

  “Megan-speak decoded: want to fuck?”

  “You broke my super secret code?” Megan feigned a look of surprise. “You know I’ll have to kill you now.”

  Sam didn’t have the energy to laugh. And she definitely didn’t have the energy for sex. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got records.”

  “If you keep turning me down, I’ll start thinking it’s me and not that you’ve gone celibate.”

  “Don’t knock celibacy. We’d probably be a lot more productive if we didn’t need to get laid.” Sam finished typing and clicked on the search icon. “But it’s not you. I promise.”

  Sex might relieve some tension, but her libido had gone missing. Even thinking about it sounded like too much work. And while sleeping with Megan had short-term benefits, lately it only left her aching for more.

  Megan dropped into the seat next to Sam and peered over her arm at the computer screen. She smelled like strawberry bubblegum. “Why are you looking up hyperkalemia? Got a cool case?”

  “Not really.” Sam wondered if she could bring up Jack and her mistake and then decided against it. She ran her hands through her hair, knowing it was a disheveled mess. Along with a day off, she needed a shower. “Are you finished for the night?”

  “Yep. Off early, but Miles wants us back here at six in the morning. Who has rounds before sunrise?” Megan grumbled. “So how’s it going with you and your Dr. Hot-stuff Anderson?”

  “It’s not going.” Sam eyed Megan. “But are we okay?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You sound a little jealous.”

  “Whatever. I’m not jealous.”

  Sam had heard that “not jealous” line before and it usually meant exactly the opposite. Her arrangement with Megan didn’t include emotional attachment, but she well knew how that could change for someone.

  “We screw around,” Megan said. “We’re both in it for the same thing. That’s why I’m not jealous.”

  Sam cocked her head. “Then why do you sound jealous?”

  “’Cause someday I want someone to look at me the way you look at Dr. Anderson.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Like they want to fuck me senseless and worship me after. Not necessarily you someone, just someone.” Megan shrugged. “Don’t freak out on me, Samuels. We. Only. Fuck. We’re on the same page.”

  “Okay. Not freaking out.” Sam smiled at Megan’s finger gestures depicting what they did in bed. She might be crass, and young, but she had a sweet side that she had trouble hiding for long. “All right, you can stop with the motions. I get the idea. You know, Charlie looks at you like he wants to worship you after a good—”

  “Uh-uh. Nope. Not talking about Charlie until I’m done asking you about Terri Anderson. You sidetracked me there, but I have more questions. Are you still into her three weeks after having to put up with her attitude?”

  “She’s a hard ass, but she’s almost always right. Everyone knows it. And she’s the best internist here. I respect her.”

  “Respect, huh? Which is why you get those puppy dog eyes every time you see her in the hallway and your voice goes all funny?” Megan rolled her eyes when Sam started to argue. “Don’t try to talk your way out of this. I’ve seen it more than once. And I’ve seen how she looks back at you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She likes you.”

  “She puts up with me. Barely.” When she’d started on Med-Peds, Sam thought Terri liked having her on her team. Terri had made it clear at the beginning that she wasn’t going to cross any lines, but they seemed to at least have an understanding that there was something—chemistry or whatever—between them. But after Sam had told her she was quitting, that all vanished.

  Terri’s coldness had taken Sam by surprise. She’d tried to get back in her good graces only to screw up over and over again. And now Jack. Her mistake there wasn’t little like the others and she figured there’d be no coming back from it. Terri might not even acknowledge her after she’d finished chewing her out.

  “Maybe you should tell her how good you are under the covers.”

  “Not gonna happen. She’d never sleep with me.”

  “Never say never.” Megan reached down to stroke a hand up Sam’s thigh. “Do you think about her when we have sex?”

  Sam pushed Megan’s hand off. “Seriously, sometimes I wonder about you. Your relationship with sex is kind of messed up.”

  “There’s a lot of things that are messed up about me. Why are you picking on sex?” Megan jabbed Sam’s arm playfully. “All I’m saying is that I think she’d be into you if circumstances were different. You probably don’t have much of a chance until after you finish your residency. She’s no Dr. Copeland screwing in the OR. But I get why you’re into her. She’s hot for someone who’s probably almost forty.”

  “Almost forty isn’t that old.”

  “Speak for yourself.” Megan pointed at herself. “Twenty-six, remember?”

  “Right. You’re a baby. This is why we have different ideas about sex.”

  “Says the geriatric thirty-one-year-old.” Megan leaned over and kissed Sam’s cheek.

  The peck was quick, but it carried an obvious hint. Megan still wanted sex even if that was all that Sam could offer. “Geriatric might be going a little far.”

  “How about older and wiser?”

  “That I’ll take.”

  “Then lose those sad eyes and take me home. I’d love a good hard fuck from you tonight.”

  Megan hadn’t asked why Sam was down. Maybe she didn’t care. Did it matter if their relationship only centered on sex? Before Sam could decide on an answer—it was almost painful turning down a request for sex despite how lousy she felt—Megan’s phone buzzed. She reached into her pocket and smiled.

  “Charlie wants to meet up for pizza. Want to come?”

  “I can’t.” Sam motioned to her laptop. “I’m stuck here with my records.”

  “He’s been sending me all these texts. I know you said you liked being up in Radiology with Reed, but he says he’s never been so bored.”

  “Tell him that even if he’s not getting covered in blood he can still save lives. And he should be paying more attention to Reed. That woman’s brilliant.”

  “You sure you don’t want to join us? You can convince him in person. Besides, your records aren’t going anywhere.”

  “There’s this case I messed up on…” Sam felt a lump in her throat. She clenched her jaw, clamping down on the emotion, and then cleared her throat. “I have to talk to Dr. Anderson about it.”

  “Is it a big deal?”

  “Maybe. I hope not.” Yes. It was a huge deal.

  “That’s what the sad eyes are about?”

  Sam shrugged. That and everything else. Shit. What the hell was she going to say to Terri? Maybe Terri would do all the talking. Maybe she’d yell or tell her to get out. Sam could take that punishment.

  “We all make mistakes, Sam. That’s why we have an attending to fix things. How about this: talk to your Dr. Anderson, aka Hot-stuff. Apologize and get over whatever is making you look like Eeyore. Then call me. I want pizza, but I also want your hands on me.” Megan reached down and caressed Sam’s middle finger. “And in me.” Her touch was so light it sent a shiver up Sam’s arm. “Sometimes we work too much, you know? We both could use a little release.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “I know I’m right. You’ll call me?”

  Sam nodded.

  “Good. Add that to the list of why I like you. You’re easy.”

  “Do I want to know what else is on the list?”

  “Your eyes got me from the start.” Megan traced Sam’s eyebrow lightly. “These belong on a model. Along with your long eyelashes. God wasn’t messing around on you.”

  “I hope God was paying more attention to my brain than my eyelashes.”

  “Jury’s out there.”

  “Ouch.” Sam chuckled. She didn’t think it’d be possible to get out of her funk but leave it to Megan.

  “And don’t ask me how Dr. Anderson isn’t all hot and bothered with your eyes undressing her all the time. I ought to tell her that your long lashes look even better when you’re going down—”

  “Okay, stop,” Sam said, laughing again. “It’s not happening with me and Dr. Anderson. But you and Charlie have potential. He likes you.”

  “Yeah. I know.” Megan stood up and went over to the bay of lockers. She slipped off her lab coat and stared at the contents of her locker. “Sometimes I think I’ll marry him.”

  “Wait, what? If you like him that much why do you mess around with me?” Suddenly Sam felt a wash of guilt. Charlie was trans and a total sweetheart despite the fact that he had a bit of a one-track mind for orthopedic surgery. “I didn’t think you were that interested. I mean you guys are always going out, but you said it wasn’t anything.”

  “He won’t have sex with me unless I agree to a date. Being friends with benefits isn’t his thing.”

  “So agree,” Sam said immediately.

  “You make it sound simple.” Megan swung her purse over her shoulder. “You want me to bring you back a slice? Veggie, right?”

  “I don’t think we should have sex until you decide yes or no on Charlie.”

  “Now you’re gonna hold out on me too?”

  “I’m serious. I like Charlie. You two would be perfect together. Go have a pizza date.”

  Megan leaned against her locker. “What if I want pizza and no commitment?”

  “Charlie wants a date, not a marriage license, right?” When Megan didn’t argue, Sam continued, “I think this means you get your pizza and you get to eat it too. You know, like cake.”

  “Cake? That’s a terrible line. Don’t use that the next time you want to get laid.”

  “How about I stick to batting my eyelashes?”

  “Worked for me.” Megan’s phone buzzed again and she glanced at the screen. “It’s Charlie again. He’s ordering half veggie and half meat lover’s special. He says I should invite whoever wants to come.” She hesitated. “What if I’m not sure about wanting anything more than sex?”

  Sam stopped herself from saying there was nothing wrong with that. Lately she wasn’t so sure. “What are you scared of?”

  “Charlie’s perfect. I don’t want to screw around with him.”

  “Start with a date, Meg. He’s an adult. He can figure things out on his own. Not dating him because you’re worried about breaking his heart is dumb.”

  “Gee, I feel so much better.”

  “You know how to do sarcasm justice.” Sam smiled. But what business did she have to give anyone advice anyway? “I don’t see what you have to lose.”

  “Maybe nothing.” Megan eyed her phone again. “Okay. I’m gonna ask him if he really wants me to invite other people.” A moment later she added: “Shit that was fast. He says: ‘I’d rather only share with you.’”

  “This is a good thing.”

  “Tell me about it. I could so eat half a pizza right now. Dammit. I do want to date him. You really think I should?”

  “Yes. And I’m crossing my fingers Charlie gets lucky tonight.” Sam held up her crossed fingers as proof.