“You’re the best. I mean it. I should tell Dr. Anderson.” She dropped her phone in her purse. “Wish me luck.”

  After Megan had gone, the quiet of the room bothered Sam more than before. She tried to focus on her last record and managed to finish it, knowing it was one of the worst she’d written in a long time. What was taking Dr. Anderson so long? Over an hour had passed since she’d gotten her first text. Something must have gone wrong. What if something had happened to Jack?

  Chapter Seven

  Terri knocked on the Residents’ Office door at half past eight. She had to squint at her watch twice, not believing so much time could have passed. Most sane people were home having dinner. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she should be having dinner too. Or finished with dinner and enjoying a show. In a perfect world, she’d be snuggled on the couch watching that show with someone.

  “It’s unlocked. Oh, wait, it’s not. Hold on a minute.”

  She recognized Sam’s voice—more strained maybe than usual but still the same sexy low tone that had comfortably eased its way into the short list of sounds she longed to hear every day. Some things she couldn’t fight.

  Sam opened the door. “Sorry. The last person must have locked the door on their way out.” She lifted her chin enough to make eye contact with Terri and then slunk back, holding the door open.

  If Sam had long flowing tresses and wore a toga, she’d be a dead ringer for a Grecian statue with the solemn expression she had on her face. And if Terri had met Sam in a bar, she’d go home with her in a hot second. Then she’d wake up to those midnight blue eyes and long dark lashes. But Sam wasn’t a stranger in a bar.

  Terri cleared her throat. She tried to focus on Sam while at the same time not focusing as she deliberated her opening line. That was when she noticed the trembling lip. Sam had grabbed a hold of the edge of a nearby chair like she needed a life raft.

  “Is he okay?”

  Terri felt a rush of sympathy. For her, the delay had been a good thing. Between her conversation with Reed and then helping Shellhammer, she’d had time to simmer down. She’d also had time to check the most recent lab results and knew the patient was stable. But Sam had been relegated to the seventh floor and had no idea. “He’s fine. He was sleeping when I left him and JoAnne’s on tonight so we’ll hear if anything changes. His numbers are already better.”

  “Thank God.” Sam exhaled. “I don’t know how I made that mistake. I check and double check everything. I don’t see how it was even possible…” Her voice trailed. “But somehow it happened. I’m so, so, sorry. You sure Jack’s okay?”

  Terri nodded. The boy’s name was Jack. She had a head for numbers and patterns. Names not so much. Mostly it didn’t matter—as long as she had the right chart.

  “I promise he’s fine. JoAnne caught the error before she’d even loaded the pump.”

  “She’s good.”

  “She’s the best,” Terri added.

  Sam let out a shaky breath. “Can I go down there and apologize to Maureen?”

  “Maureen?”

  “Jack’s mom. And Rita too.”

  “Rita’s the grandma?” Terri guessed.

  Sam nodded. It was one thing to learn the patient’s name, but she’d gotten everyone in the family as well? That was impressive. Terri had lost count of how many patients they’d seen that day. No way could she name them all, let alone the family members.

  Suddenly it occurred to her that if Sam had some connection to the family, she could have been distracted when she was writing up orders. Obviously it wasn’t an excuse but it was something to consider. “Do you know this family? If so, you should have mentioned that.”

  “I don’t know them. At least I didn’t. I met them when Jack was admitted. But now… God, I don’t know what I’m going to tell Maureen.”

  “You’re not going to tell her anything. The correct dose of insulin is being infused.”

  “But—”

  Terri cut her off with a raised hand. “I realize this is hard, but the family needs to trust that we are taking care of Jack. And we are.”

  Sam sank into the chair she’d been holding onto. “I kept hoping that you were going to send me another text saying that you’d read the chart wrong. That everything was fine after all.”

  “You screwed up, Sam.” She took a deep breath. “I know it feels awful when it happens. We’ve all been there. You should have double checked your math. That’s all.”

  Sam nodded and her shoulders slumped. After a moment, she dropped her head in her hands. “Thank you for fixing everything.”

  “Thank JoAnne.”

  Sam’s head bobbed, but she didn’t look up. Terri wanted to reach out and fix Sam’s messy hair, but she shoved her hands in her coat pockets instead. “Remembering names is a good skill. Patients can tell if you’re scanning a chart before you walk in the door or if you remember who they are.”

  “Jack’s in first grade. His teacher’s Ms. Olson. He likes recess and making paper hats. He got a little origami book for his birthday.” She rubbed her eyes but didn’t look up at Terri. “I like to get to know my patients. And I like to apologize to them when I make a mistake.”

  While that might be the right thing to want, Terri couldn’t let her apologize. When she shook her head, she half-expected Sam to challenge her. Her remorse was palpable. “I’m hard on my team. Everyone knows it. I don’t like these kind of things to ever happen, but none of us are perfect. You made a math error and your nurse caught it. End of story.”

  “I could have killed him.”

  All Terri wanted to do was go to Sam and wrap her in a hug. But she pushed away the thought of even reaching out a hand. Lines were in place for a reason. Sure, Weiss could have her over for dinner—that was a collegial favor to an old classmate’s grandkid. And Reed could take her out for drinks, but they had a butch bond. If she pulled Sam into an embrace now, even she wouldn’t believe it was entirely innocent.

  “Everyone makes mistakes, Samuels. Everyone. I guarantee you won’t make this one again.” She folded her arms. All the better not to forget and accidentally reach out to fix Sam’s unruly hair. Or caress her neck. Anything to comfort her. “What you do now is thank your lucky stars that you work with a team that watches out for each other. Tomorrow you show up and prove you deserve to be on that team. Show up the way you did for the first two weeks. And it never hurts to thank your nurses. They remember.”

  “I don’t deserve to be on your team.” Sam straightened up. Her gaze held Terri’s. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were moist. “I thought I could hang on until January but…I shouldn’t have signed up for this residency in the first place and it’s a mistake for me to stay any longer.”

  “You quitting is a mistake.” Terri had been ready to boot Sam out earlier, but now she’d seen a different side of her. She was more certain than ever she needed to fight to keep her. “When did you last eat?”

  Sam didn’t answer. After a moment of indecision, Terri unfolded her arms and reached out to touch her shoulder. She didn’t expect Sam to lean into her hand. When she did, Terri’s body instantly responded, begging to be allowed to pull her close. She stepped back instead and cleared her throat.

  “So I’m going to assume that the last thing you ate were those Reese’s peanut butter cups I saw you popping after we checked in on that dialysis case.”

  “Jenny Armada—that’s the name of the dialysis patient.”

  “But what’s her grandmother’s name?”

  For a second Sam looked concerned that she should know that tidbit as well. She relaxed as soon as she caught Terri’s half-smile. Her own smile in return was weak at best. “Thanks. Kick me while I’m down.”

  “So those Reese’s were the last thing you ate?”

  Sam nodded.

  “I don’t know how you look so good when all you eat is crap.” Terri swallowed as soon as Sam looked up at her. Yes, the words had slipped out. She should have filtered her thoughts, but she was tired and hungry and it had been a hell of a day. And Sam did still look hot despite everything. Why cover with a lie? With Sam’s eyes locked on her she couldn’t think of one anyway.

  “Reese’s aren’t crap. They’re like little balanced meals—protein, carbs, fat. And I could cite more than one study confirming the health benefits of chocolate.” Sam gave Terri another half smile. The effort it took was obvious. “I hate to do this to you, to everyone, but I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m done.”

  Sam went over to the locker bay. She pulled off her scrub top. The navy blue tank top she wore underneath showed off shoulders that belonged on a crew team. “You know, I didn’t want to quit while I was on your rotation.”

  “Then don’t.” Terri paused. Sam had turned around to face her, and she had to push herself to go on. “Earlier today I would have let you walk away. I’ve been so frustrated with you I probably would have helped you clean out your locker. Why stay ’til the end of the year when you’ve already emotionally quit, right?

  “You’ve been a pain in my ass ever since we talked last week. And I don’t carry dead weight on my team. But after all of this with Jack… You’ve changed my mind. You have so much damn potential. And so much heart. When you focus, you’re an amazing doctor. I can’t let you quit.” Now it was more than making Weiss happy. Way more.

  Sam turned back to her locker. She fished out her wallet and keys and then closed the door. “I’ve known for a while now that I’m not meant for this job. I kept pretending—for a lot of reasons. But if I learned anything today it’s that I need to get out before I screw up again. What if no one had caught my mistake?”

  “You’re not quitting while you’re on my team.” Sam started to argue, but Terri held up her hand. “You’re hungry and tired. And we all want to give up after a hard day. Especially when we mess up. But I’m not letting you. And you’re still my resident which means I get to tell you what to do.”

  “If I didn’t feel like crap, I’d say something inappropriate in response to that.”

  Terri had hoped Sam wouldn’t make any comment about the double entendre that was her last sentence. In fact, given everything that had happened tonight and how professional Sam had been for the past three weeks, she was surprised she’d gone there.

  Sam continued, “It’s hard pretending I’m not attracted to you.”

  Terri sucked in a breath. Declarations like that wouldn’t help either of them, but her honesty was endearing. “I need you to focus, Samuels. Quitting is a mistake. You have to realize that.”

  Sam leaned back against her locker. “You can’t tell me not to quit.”

  “Sure I can. And for the record, I’ve been pretending that I’m not attracted to you too.”

  “I know.”

  Of course Sam knew. A flush went through Terri as Sam’s gaze refused to leave hers. One minute she wanted to shake Sam and the next she wanted to step into her kiss. But she had to be the mature one in all of this. And no part of her decision to stop Sam from quitting could be about how much she wanted her to stay for her own sake.

  “Do you like sushi?”

  Sam cocked her head. “I love sushi.”

  “Good. I’m going to drop off my things at my office and then we’re going to dinner. Meet me in the lobby in ten minutes.” Dinner was risky, but the conversation couldn’t be over yet. She needed to convince Sam to stay. “And just so we’re clear, I’m not asking you out. But we’re both starving and it’s been a shitty day.”

  Chapter Eight

  Terri had picked the sushi restaurant six blocks away from the hospital partly because she didn’t want to chance seeing anyone from work. A walk also seemed like a good idea. They stepped out of the hospital and into the warm evening. After they’d crossed two streets, Terri slipped off her light jacket.

  Sam glanced at her, seemingly about to say something and then looked away.

  “What?”

  “At work you’re always careful to keep covered up.” Sam hesitated. “It’s nice to see your skin. But I probably shouldn’t say that.”

  “People complain about a doctor with too many tattoos.” Terri decided not to comment about what Sam should or shouldn’t say. She certainly appreciated seeing Sam’s shoulders exposed. “I figure we’re far enough away now that I’m safe. Especially at ten o’clock at night.”

  Sam nodded but didn’t say more. Terri would have to work on getting her to open up—after they had some food.

  As soon as they stepped into the restaurant, one of the chefs looked up and smiled. He called out to the other chef who raised his knife in a friendly greeting.

  “You’re a regular here?” Sam guessed.

  “Best sushi in town. And they’re open until midnight.” Without asking Sam, Terri headed for the bar. She wanted to avoid a table and any suggestion of a romantic dinner.

  Little red boats, each carrying a plate of sushi rolls, floated in a narrow stream in front of their seats. Terri waited for several boats to pass before making her selection.

  “Sitting at the bar may be a bad idea,” Sam said. She’d already eaten most of her first roll and now eyed the passing boats, clearly planning her next choice. “I think I could eat everything in front of me.”

  “But sitting at the bar means you don’t have to look at me when I ask you hard questions.”

  Sam slowed her chopsticks, a piece of sushi dangling mid-air. “I read up on diabetes and hyperkalemia.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Jack’s case. I know you’re smart and I don’t need to tell you what could have happened.” Terri dipped her sushi in wasabi-laced soy sauce. “Maybe I should tell you some stories of my own dumb mistakes to make you feel better. But I want to talk about something else.”

  Sam waited for her to go on. She’d set her chopsticks down and the same somber expression she’d had when Terri first walked into the Residents’ Office had returned.

  “What are you going to do after you leave?”

  “Surf.” Sam’s answer came immediately. “It’s been too long since I was in the water. And I’ve got a lot of sleep to catch up on. My bed’s missed me. I need a few days off and then I’ll look into getting my old job back.”

  “Okay, I didn’t expect surfing.” But it did explain where she’d gotten those gorgeous shoulders. “So that’s one of your hobbies along with the stamp collecting and the photography?”

  “Photography’s not a hobby.”

  Terri tilted her head. She’d clearly hit a nerve. “That’s the old job?”

  Sam nodded.

  Terri decided to try the less sensitive subject first. “Where do you surf?”

  “Santa Cruz mostly. I’ve got a place down there.” Sam glanced at her. “Do you surf?”

  “No…but I’ve always wanted to learn.”

  “I could teach you.”

  “I’m scared of sharks. And I have no free time to learn anything. But that’s a different subject. Are you leaving medicine because you love photography more? You don’t think you can do both?”

  “It’s more complicated than that.”

  Terri waited. She had a feeling Sam wanted to open up and the less she said, the more that might happen. “Want to tell me why?”

  “No one dies if you screw up on a photo shoot.” Sam’s smile slipped off her lips as fast as it had appeared. “Sorry. Coping mechanism.” She eyed her plate. “The truth is, photography’s what I love. And you have to go all in if you want to make a living doing it. When I went to med school, I let my business partner—the guy I’d hired to help me shoot—take over. He doesn’t like to work as hard as I do and things have been slow.

  “We can do two weddings a weekend through the summer if I get us back on the map. With family photo shoots and corporate gigs on the side, we can stay plenty busy. And if all that happens, I can get back to my own projects. That’s the goal.”

  Giving up medicine when she’d already gotten this far seemed unfathomable but Terri held back those words. “Reed mentioned you’d shown her your portfolio. She was impressed. She called it artsy, but that’s probably the wrong word.”

  “Well, it’s not the worst word I’ve heard.” Sam leaned back on the barstool. “Can I ask you something?” When Terri nodded, she said, “How do you come back to work the next day when you make a mistake? A big mistake.”

  “After I sit down and cry?” Terri exhaled. “I call Reed. Talk everything over. Tell myself I’ll learn from it. And then I cry some more.”

  “I hate the responsibility of having someone’s life in my hands. I want to help people, but it’s too much. I know people make mistakes and move on, but I can’t. It’s not only Jack. I nearly messed up with Alexa Peters—that little girl who came in vomiting blood. If you hadn’t made me run another electrolyte panel on her, I don’t know if she would have pulled through. And that kid with lymphadenopathy. Isiah Wilkenson. I didn’t even think of—”

  “My job is to help you. Of course I’m going to think of things you don’t. You can’t keep a list of every time you make a judgment error.”

  “This is more than judgment errors.” Sam shook her head. “Every night I go to bed and I think back over the day. I lie there going through the details of every case. Did I miss something? What else could I have done?”

  “We all make mistakes, Sam. None of us are perfect.”

  “You’re calling me Sam now?”

  Terri swallowed. She’d slipped up. Although she’d often called her Sam in her mind, she’d been careful to say Samuels out loud. “Samuels.”

  “Generally I like Sam better. Although when you say Samuels I feel like I’m in trouble and I kind of like it when you’re a little mad at me.”

  “You’ve been in luck lately. I spent most of this past week being completely pissed at you.”

  “I noticed. How are you feeling now?”

  Her anger had slipped away as soon as she’d realized how sorry Sam was about everything. Now? “I’m not sure.”

  “I guess that’s fair.” Sam picked up her chopsticks again. “Can I ask you another question?”