After the main part of the meal we took a break, and Howie and Emma and I played board games while Mom and Mr. Besser cleaned up the kitchen. Howie and I started to help them but they shooed us away. Very subtle.

  Later we ate dessert. Before we were served the pie, Mr. Besser handed out party poppers. Some old Besser family tradition. So we ate the pie with these silly paper hats on our heads.

  Sigh.

  I think it was a perfect afternoon.

  And now I am waiting for your call; waiting for news about Scarlett.

  Talk to you in a few minutes!

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: November 26 3:26:08 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: The Report

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  As promised, here is the report.

  I know that when I talked with you I spoke very quickly … and it was hard to keep track of everything.

  It’s just that I was sooooooo excited.

  Barb is fine…. Now that I know she is fine, I can tell you that I was very worried something terrible would happen and she would die and it would be my job to raise the baby. (I know there was no reason to believe that, but I kind of did…. Phil says sometimes I can be a real drama queen, but I was very worried about losing Barb and about being left with a baby. Phew.)

  You asked me to write down the vital statistics.

  Scarlett Lane:

  She weighed 6 pounds, 1 ounce at birth.

  She is 19 inches long.

  Her hair is sooooooooooo red.

  She looks fine … for a baby.

  The only jewelry she has on is her hospital bracelet.

  She’s OK, my sister…. I have no idea what she’s going to be like later, but she’s OK.

  To be honest, I’m not totally excited about Scarlett, the sister, the person. I’m just glad she and Barb are in good shape.

  Time will tell how much I am involved with her.

  Is it selfish that I am soooooo glad that now I can go to school activities again?

  Even though I missed being in Annie, I’m going to try out for the next play.

  Oh, before I forget, I want to say that I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving…. For Scarlett, for the fact that you were so happy this holiday.

  I’ve got to go.

  Barb, Luke, and Scarlett will be coming home … HOME … any minute.

  Love,

  Tara★

  P.S. I feel a little weird.

  Date: December 6 4:57:31 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Christmas and More

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. I really didn’t mean for more than a week to go by. But I’ve been very busy (as I’m SURE you have). And I have, at least, been thinking about you every day. Did Scarlett get the package I sent? Did you get the card I sent? Can you believe you can buy cards that say “Congratulations, big sister!?” What do you think of the outfit I made Scarlett? I know it isn’t as fancy an outfit as you would make, and I know it won’t fit her right away (maybe in a few months) – but, well, anyway, it comes to her with lots of love.

  I’m not surprised that you feel weird, Tara. You’ve been an only child for so long, and suddenly you have to share your parents and your room and your life with a baby. I know you’ve known about the baby for a long time, but it’s impossible to predict how an event (any event) will actually feel. We have to experience it first. It’s like when my family decided to move last spring. We started packing, we had the auction to sell our stuff, Mom showed Emma and me the apartment at DEER RUN, and so forth. But after we’d moved, I did feel weird for a long time, even though I also felt better.

  And, Tara, don’t worry about how much time you feel like spending with Scarlett. Remember – she’s Barb and Luke’s baby, not yours. Five years from now you’ll be away at college. I mean, I think it would be wonderful if you bonded with the baby and just adored her and everything, but don’t give yourself a hard time if you’re ambivalent about her. She’s your sister, not your child. And of course you should be getting involved with things at school again. (Mom always tells me that school is my “job.”)

  So … now that Scarlett is home, how does it feel? How is everything going? Is she sleeping in your room at night, or in Barb and Luke’s? Are there any baby-related things that you particularly like doing? What do Barb and Luke let you do (besides dress her)?

  Well … I’m afraid I have more Dad news. Every time I get my hopes up and think he’s out of our lives forever – he shows up again. I was so relieved and thankful when he didn’t call about Thanksgiving. I thought maybe that meant he had moved away or something. (Actually, what I hoped was that because he had seen Mom and Mr. Besser together he would think we were getting on with our lives and he wouldn’t try to be part of them anymore. But that was wishful thinking.) Dad called last weekend and told Mom he wants to spend Christmas with us. He said Christmas is a family time. Can you believe that, Tara? What a joke. Well, to be perfectly honest, I know that we are a family, but still, to hear him say that after everything he’s done … Mom’s reaction was pretty much the same as mine. She told him we have plans for Christmas (if we do, I don’t know anything about them), but he argued with her for a long time, and finally she gave in and told him he could come over on the day after Christmas if he wanted. She also told him that Howie and Mr. Besser would be here then. Now – I would think I’d know about day-after-Christmas plans with the Bessers. I could tell Mom just made that up on the spur of the moment. And you know what, Tara? I don’t think she made it up to try to keep Dad from coming. I think she made it up because she’s afraid to be alone with him – I mean, not to have another adult around. I was already feeling a little afraid of Dad, but now, just knowing that Mom is afraid too, I suddenly feel more afraid.

  Anyway, the rest of the story is that Dad agreed to stop by the day after Christmas, even knowing Mr. Besser would be here, and Mom has since arranged for Howie and Mr. Besser to actually come over that day. (How embarrassing.)

  I’ll keep you posted.

  Love you lots!

  – Elizabeth

  Date: December 11 10:02:55 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Babies – Your Father, My Sister

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  Don’t feel bad that you haven’t e-mailed in a while. I understand…. I’ve been really busy too.

  I do wish your father would just go away forever. There’s no reason for him to be bothering your mom and you and Emma. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he just won’t show up on the day after Christmas. You know … he promises to do something and then he doesn’t. Hopefully, he’ll repeat that pattern. Or maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll have drunk so much alcohol that when he lights a cigarette he’ll just explode. (I hope you don’t mind my saying that … and anyway, I don’t think it could really happen. Sometimes when I say bad things about your father, I feel guilty even though I keep thinking about how your father deserted everyone on the day you were all supposed to move to the apartment. He really doesn’t deserve the consideration your mom is giving him.) Anyway, it is very smart of your mom to have Mr. Besser and Howie at your house when he comes. I just hope your father doesn’t make some dumb humiliating scene. Although if he does, you should try not to be too embarrassed. It’s not your fault he’s so awful.

  I just hope he doesn’t show up.

  About everything you have sent … that outfit with the smocking on it is so beautiful. I know you’ve been working on it since last summer, but still … how do you manage to make those things? And the cute little buttons … Elizabeth, you are a real artist ! ! ! ! ! We are all in awe. Luke said we are just going to have to find some special place to go to so Scarlett can dress up. Then we realized that the rest of us don’t own clothes that wonderful, so Scarlett will wear the outfit to celebrate her first Christmas. We’ll take a picture of her in it and send it to you. As for the cards, it was great that you found the perfect one for each of us. You are soooooo thoughtful.

  Barb requested that I ask you if the potholder vest for Emma arrived yet. She says she is sorry some of the loops are not sewn down. She wants you to know she’s so busy that she no longer had time to work on it, so she sent it out before it was quite finished. (Elizabeth, between us … I would totally understand if Emma pukes when she sees it.)

  As for me and the baby … thanks for all the advice. In some ways, the baby’s birth has been wonderful for me. I have more time for myself. My parents aren’t watching what I do as closely as they were before.

  I think the baby’s OK…. I don’t have any heartwarming bonding stories to tell, nor do I have horror stories. I’m hoping that Scarlett’s first word will be “sequins.” Actually, I think I’m adjusting better to Scarlett than Little Bo is, now that he’s no longer the baby in this family.

  The next play will be You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I’m going to try out for the part of Lucy. Luke says if I get it, it will be typecasting, but I THINK he’s teasing. I’m not that bossy ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  Some of my friends and I are on our way to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. Ho-ho-ho….

  Much Love,

  Tara★

  Date: December 18 2:25:19 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Christmas and SNOW! !

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  It is exactly one week before Christmas and it is SNOWING ! ! ! ! ! I am so excited! I don’t care whether we get enough snow to close school. I just want the snow to last until Christmas Day. I’m looking out the sliding door here in the living room, and the courtyard is a fairyland. The snow has been falling since early this morning. We probably have six or seven inches so far. I already had to take Emma outside to make a snowman. It’s standing at the edge of the patio – carrot nose, a scarf, a hat, and marble eyes.

  Oh, Tara, I am also soooooooo excited about Christmas. I know it’s going to be really different from last year. It’ll be the first Christmas in the apartment, and Mom doesn’t have much extra money, so there won’t be a lot of gifts, but I’m still excited. Howie and Susie and I will exchange presents (we made plans for Christmas Eve Day), and I’m excited about a lot of the presents I’ve made for people. Plus, we’re going to have Howie and his dad over for Christmas dinner. Plus, Nana and Grandpa are thinking about visiting us sometime during the week between Christmas and New Year. (They’ll have to stay in a hotel, though, because there isn’t room for them in our apartment. They’re a little too old to sleep on the floor. And their only other choices would be the convertible sofa in the living room without any privacy, or the bunk beds in Emma’s and my room. I don’t think so.)

  Anyway.

  Tara, I don’t mind the things you said about my father. You know I don’t like him any more than you do. The only thing I disagree with is your saying there’s no reason for him to be “bothering” Mom and Emma and me. Unfortunately, he has a right to do this. Not to bother us but to remain in our lives. He IS still Emma’s and my father, and he and Mom aren’t divorced yet. So legally I think he has a right to see us. I wish he didn’t, but I don’t make the laws. I don’t think Mom can bar him from the house; not without putting our custody in jeopardy, and believe me, she does NOT want Dad to wind up with even partial custody of us. So she’s following the rules now.

  About whether Dad will actually show up on the day after Christmas – I don’t know and I don’t care.

  On to more pleasant topics. Yes, the potholder vest arrived. Don’t tell Barb, but I kind of laughed when I saw it. I mean, she did a really nice job on the individual pot holders, but when they’re all sewn together … well, they just make an odd-looking vest. I hope you don’t mind, but I haven’t given it to Emma yet. Since it’s going to be a slim Christmas, I thought I’d save it for the big day. I wrapped it in Santa paper and put a tag on it that says TO EMMA FROM BARB. It’ll be one more gift for Emma under the tree.

  Tara, thank you so much for what you said about Scarlett’s outfit. That means a lot to me. Are you really going to take a picture of her in it on Christmas? I can’t wait to see it ! ! (I do think the outfit is going to be a bit big on her then, though.)

  On Monday I’m going to mail a box to you and Barb and Luke and Scarlett. It should get there before Christmas. Don’t you love all the surprises and secrets that go with Christmas?

  I think of you every day, Tara. Scarlett too. I try to imagine what she’s doing. Do you have any idea how old babies are when they begin to smile?

  When are the auditions for You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown? I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope you get the part of Lucy. You deserve it.

  Deck the halls and all that.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: December 21 6:34:51 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Christmas is almost here ! ! ! ! ! !

  To: Eliz812

  It’s a winter wonderland here in Ohio. In fact, we’ve had two snow days in a row. I bet you think I am overjoyed about the snow days, but I’m not. As weird as it may seem, I’d rather be in school.

  Do you have any idea how loudly our little bundle of Scarlett can cry ? ? ? ? That baby has a very healthy set of lungs. Right now she is sleeping in my parents’ bedroom (her parents’ too … I know), but one of these days, I am going to have to share my room with her. (I will never be able to call it “our” room.)

  It’s kind of weird. I worry about her a lot. When we did the egg project, we learned about SIDS … Sudden Infant Death Syndrome … and now I get very nervous wondering whether she’s all right. I go check on her a lot when I am at home….

  One day when Barb was napping I watched Scarlett. I literally just sat there and watched her. Oh, and I had a discussion with her (OK … a lecture … it would be a discussion if she could talk back, and she can’t do that yet). I talked to her about fashion and style … about being an individual … about being creative … about how she should always do whatever her big sister says.

  About your dad … I’m nervous. What if he actually does show up? Do you think he will be drunk? Do you think he will say or do something to Mr. Besser? Do you think he will try to get back with your mother? Do you think maybe he is going to AA meetings and getting better? Do you think he will let you tell him how you feel about what happened? Will he listen? What if he does something weird or crazy? These are some of the things I think about.

  What are you planning to do with your grandparents? How do you think they will feel about Mr. Besser and Howie? Will your grandmother make her spiced apple cake, and if so, would you please send me a piece?

  My Christmas is going to be fun. I’m going caroling with the gang, and then there is going to be a party on Christmas Eve Eve (that’s right – the day before Christmas Eve). Then on Christmas Eve my family will trim the tree, and then it’s Christmas. On the day after Christmas, Hannah’s family is having a party for all of their friends. (Yes, Phil and his family will be there. Luke is being very embarrassing and referring to Phil’s parents as the “in-laws.”)

  Your package arrived today. I think it is wonderful that Emma decorated the brown wrapping paper with Christmas decorations. I especially liked Rudolph the Purple-Nosed Reindeer. I can’t wait to open the presents.

  I hope my package arrived at your house, and that your family loves the presents…. I wish I could be there to see your face when you open yours.

  Anyway, joy to the world. Happy holidays!

  Love,

  Tara★

  Date: December 25 8:35:12 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: CHRISTMAS !!

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  I can’t believe it. Christmas is (basically) over. Every year it seems to take forever to come, and then – suddenly – it’s over. Well, it isn’t really over. We’ll celebrate again when Nana and Grandpa come, plus, there are still about 3½ hours left this evening, but … you know what I mean.

  Tara, we had the nicest day, although it started on the early side. Emma found it impossible to stay in bed beyond 5:30 AM, so we all got up then. This year there was no grand staircase to run down in order to see what Santa brought, and our tree is puny compared to the mile-high ones we used to get. On the other hand, there was no drunken dad sitting around in his bathrobe all day, handing out gifts he couldn’t afford to buy. Anyway, Emma and I hurried into the living room and woke up Mom. Right away, we had an interesting dilemma. Emma asked Mom point-blank if she had seen Santa (since Mom sleeps in the living room), and how he had arrived (since we have no fireplace). You want to hear Mom’s answer to those questions? She put her hand to her mouth and cried, “Oh, my gosh, Emma! Look what’s under the tree!” When Emma saw her very own roller skates (thank you, Value Town), she nearly had a heart attack. And she completely forgot about her questions (or else she’s starting not to believe in Santa and didn’t want to press the issue in case we said something she didn’t really want to hear). Anyway, the next hour was a blur of looking through our stockings and opening presents. We finished opening everything before 6:30. That’s SIX-THIRTY AM. Oh, well. We just had a nice quiet morning after that. The afternoon was spent getting ready to have Howie and Mr. Besser over for dinner. I could just go on and on about the rest of the day and about our presents, Tara, but I better not. Before I answer all the questions you asked in your last e, though, let me just say two things: