Anyway, this is why Mom and I are still sort of recovering and why we want time to ourselves. I told Howie and Susie what happened, of course, and we went out for ice cream last night, but tonight I just wanted to be alone. And to write and tell you what’s going on.

  Are you enjoying the Langston Hughes poetry? We’re LOVING it and are thinking about staying with it for one more week before moving on to Robert Frost. Do you have a favorite Hughes poem yet?

  About the baby – of course you can come visit us at Christmas (well, I suppose I should check with Mom, but I don’t see why you couldn’t come), but Tara, I really think you’ll want to get to know your little sister or brother after the baby comes home from the hospital. What do I like about having a little sister? Almost everything. Emma has her bad times, but her tantrums and messes and endless questions are more than made up for by the wonderfulness of herself. Do you know what it’s like to live with a little person who ADORES you? Who looks up to you and wants to be with you and be like you? I love reading to her and teaching her things and taking her places. And dressing her. Tara, you’ll like dressing the baby. You love to dress people. Think of the baby as a sartorial playground.

  All right, Mom and Emma will be back soon and I want to take a bath and read in the tub while I still have the chance, so I’ll sign off now.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: August 3 10:22:41 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: News – Yours and Mine

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  Grounding is over. It lasted for the three days … and then Barb and Luke said I had learned my lesson. (I have. I really have. So has Nan. So has Hannah.) Hannah’s parents and mine had a meeting with Hannah and Nan and me, and then, believe it or not, they all decided I could still go to the lake with their family for a week … so I went. But there’s no computer there, so I couldn’t get or send e-mail. I did send a postcard. (Remember the “old days” before e-mail????????)

  Anyway, I did not get back until late last night (very sunburned) and didn’t read my e-mail until this morning (very tired).

  Elizabeth, your news is sad … and very very angry-making !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish someone would just take your father and put him in some place where he could “dry out,” get sober, grow up. Maybe he should go to the place that president’s wife set up, the Betty Ford Clinic. (I saw something about it on TV.) A lot of famous people go there. And then he would leave you and your mom alone. I hope you don’t mind my mentioning this, but that same TV show mentioned AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the AA groups that help the family members of alcoholics. One group is called Alateen. Maybe you should see if there’s one near you. That may help. And there’s one for your mom. Don’t get mad that I mentioned this. I know that sometimes you think I get too dramatic about stuff, but I don’t think I’m doing that this time. I’m really worried about you. I do think it’s good that you are SO angry.

  I’m glad you have Howie and Susie to talk with. To be honest, it was kind of hard to read that you told them what was going on first … but I’ll get over it.

  I’m not sure which Langston Hughes poem I like best. Maybe the one about the caged bird. What do you think of that one???

  About visiting at Christmas … thanks for letting me know it’s a possibility. Sometimes I feel really closed in here, thinking about the baby. Am I going to have to take care of it a lot? (I know that Barb said no … but she works and goes to school. Duh.) I’ve thought about what you said. It would be nice to have a little nerdlet in the house who absolutely adores me … which, if it is a girl, I can teach to accessorize. And now that I’m getting older (and so are my parents), I feel like Barb and Luke are getting stricter. Maybe with the baby they won’t have as much time to worry about me. (That’s sort of a plus and a minus at the same time.)

  I’m going to go peel some of my sunburned skin off right now. I know that sounds gross … but you should see me. I look like my body is unraveling. I love peeling skin off. I try to take it off in long strips. It’s sooooooooooooo disgusting. Is it weird that I like doing that????????

  With my sunburn … and all the books I read while I was at the lake … I am not only well-read, I’m well-red.

  Love,

  Tara★

  Date: August 5 11:35:51 AM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: A Rainy Day

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★Starr,

  It’s a rainy day … totally pouring. And it’s so dark and foggy you can hardly see. Luckily, Matt wanted to play with Emma, so Susie walked him over here this morning. The three of us are in the living room now. Matt and Emma are playing their own version of Candy Land, which doesn’t even involve the board from the game. They’re just pretending they live in a land filled with candy and can eat whatever they want whenever they want. What a shock they’re going to have at lunchtime when I serve them chicken noodle soup and apples.

  Anyway, I can keep writing to you as long as the kids keep entertaining themselves.

  Yes, I’m REALLY mad at Dad. We haven’t heard from him since the night he didn’t show up. I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky that he called to say he wasn’t going to arrive. At least he did that. You know something? We still don’t know where Dad is living or what he’s doing, what he’s living on, but since he at least calls from time to time we don’t worry about him so much anymore. It’s not like when he first left and no one had heard from him. I imagine he lives somewhere nearby, but I have no idea where. And what do you suppose he’s living on? I mean, where is he getting $$? He certainly doesn’t ask us for any, not that we have any extra to give him.

  Tara, you should really be more careful with the sun. Did you know that just a few bad sunburns can lead to SKIN CANCER? I’m not kidding. Mom and Emma and I never get sunburns anymore. I slather Emma and myself with waterproof sunblock every day of the summer, whether we’re going to the pool or not. (Well, I don’t put it on us on a day like today.) And at the pool we always wear hats and big, long T-shirts except for when we go in the water. We may appear a little pasty by the end of the summer, but I don’t care. I can’t help but look at really tan people and think, “Someday they’re probably going to get skin cancer.” I don’t want to scare you, but be more careful – at least for my sake. I want us to be friends forever and ever, even when we’re ninety and doddering in rocking chairs on a front porch somewhere.

  Yes, I have heard of Alateen, and also Al-Anon. I even looked them up in the phone book after I got your e-mail AND I made a couple of phone calls. I found out that there are Alateen meetings over in Stockton. That’s not TOO far away. It’s something to think about.

  I LOVE that you’re reading Langston Hughes too! That is so cool. You can be the Ohio branch of our workshop. My favorite Hughes poem is still “Mother to Son.” Sometimes I look at it and just read and reread those first few lines over and over. They give me a lump in my throat.

  Yesterday I was in an autumn frame of mind (probably because of all the back-to-school stuff in the stores) and I wrote this poem about trees in late fall:

  Pride

  Tall white birches

  Stretch stately fingers

  Up to the sky.

  The wind ruffles

  Their few dry, brown leaves

  But not their pride.

  Uh-oh. Candy Land has erupted into a shouting match. Maybe it’s time for lunch.

  More later.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  P.S. Howie and Susie and I are talking about having a little party. We’re just thinking of inviting ourselves – but we see each other all the time. Is this a weird idea?

  Date: August 6 10:52:03 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Shopping for the DS

  TO: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  Sorry this is going to be a short e but Barb and Luke and I are going out in a few minutes … checking out the garage sales. We are shopping for the Baby formerly known as “It.” Since the Baby is not due until December, we really don’t have to shop now, in the summer, in August … but in the winter there won’t be as many chances to shop secondhand. (No garage sales or lawn sales with snow on the ground.) Anyway, it means that if we find stuff, we’ll just trip over it from now until December. You know how little storage space there is in this apartment. It’ll be a constant reminder to me that life is going to change.

  It really dawned on me this morning that I’m going to have to share my room with this creature … this baby … this crying pooping thing. Barb and Luke say the baby will be in their bedroom for a long time … but knowing them, they are going to want their privacy. Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  To quickly mention the things in your e:

  I promise to be more careful in the sun. It was an accident. I fell asleep. I will never do that again. (I will fall asleep, just not in the sun at noon.)

  I’m glad you checked out Alateen, etc. Let me know what happens with that (if you want to tell me).

  I think it’s great that the three of you are going to have a party. It’s never silly to celebrate friends !!!!!!!

  Gotta go…. Luke is honking the horn.

  Bye for now.

  Tara★Starr

  Date: August 12 9:38:48 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: My Birthday (And More)

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara,

  How did a whole week go by since I received your e-mail? So much is happening here – some of it good, some of it bad. I’m trying to figure out how to organize my thoughts. I think I’ll tell you the things in the order in which they happened. But before I begin, how did shopping for the Baby go? Hey, have you and Barb and Luke been thinking about baby names yet? I know I asked about this before, but now there are only four months to go, and I’m dying to know the possibilities. How about Elizabeth for a girl? (Just kidding.)

  Okay, here’s what’s been going on, and also why it’s taken me so long to get back to you:

  Howie and Susie kept asking me about having a little party, the one I mentioned to you in my last e. I thought a party was a nice idea and all (and I LOVED what you said about celebrating friends), but I couldn’t figure out why they were so insistent that we choose the evening on which to hold it. They wouldn’t stop asking me about it, though, so finally I suggested we hold it on Tuesday (two nights ago), in place of our poetry workshop. They kind of glanced at each other and then Susie said, “What’s wrong with Wednesday night?” and Howie said, “Or better yet, Thurs –” but Susie elbowed him, and he didn’t finish his sentence. In the end we decided to have it on Wednesday. Considering that it was supposed to be this casual get-together, they were awfully nervous about it. They kept saying to me, “You’re sure you’re free on Wednesday?” and “Wednesday isn’t going to change at the last minute, is it?” Things like that. Tara, I swear, I just wasn’t thinking. Otherwise I might have figured it out. But I couldn’t think about it too much because on Tuesday, Dad intervened again.

  You’re not going to believe this. That afternoon, just before Mom was due home from work, our doorbell rang, and when I peeked through the peephole … there was Dad. For a few seconds I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t figure out what to do. I wasn’t sure I was supposed to let him in. On the other hand, he’s my father. He’s one of my parents. Why shouldn’t I let him in? Up until a few months ago we lived with him. And Mom had invited him over for dinner and everything. I stood there thinking for so long that he rang the bell again. And I opened the door.

  Right away I wished I hadn’t, because I could tell he was drunk. He was sort of swaying. And his eyes were red and watery. When he saw me he held his hand out to me. I didn’t reach for it. I just stared at him. And then Emma appeared behind me. She looked from Dad to me and back to Dad, but she didn’t say anything. Tara, I had absolutely no idea what to say, so I was totally relieved when Mom drove her car into our parking space just then. Mom got out of the car, saw what was going on, and the only (the ONLY) words she said were, “Don’t ever come here drunk again. I mean it.”

  So Dad turned around and walked away. And that was his whole visit. He didn’t say a word.

  I was freaked out. It’s no wonder I didn’t realize what Howie and Susie had planned for Wednesday. Not until I rang Susie’s bell the next night (we’d decided to have the party at her apartment) and she threw open the door and she and Howie cried, “Happy birthday!” Tara, they’d planned a birthday party for me. They’d decorated Susie’s living room with streamers and balloons, and gotten a cake and presents and everything. Most of the presents were silly, jokey things, but they had also pooled their money to get me this BEAUTIFUL hardcover book of Langston Hughes poems. I was SO happy. I practically floated back to our apartment later.

  Today is my actual birthday, of course, and I’ve been thinking about our early celebration last month. Mom and Emma and I went out to dinner tonight, and when we came back we had presents and cake. I just finished opening my gifts. Now Mom is putting Emma to bed. As soon as I finish this letter I am going to begin a new embroidery project. Mom gave me this big book of embroidery stitches (some that you can do with silk ribbon; I’ll show you sometime) and lots of materials for embroidery and cross-stitching. (I know, I know, your eyes are glazing over.)

  Anyway, it turned out to be a great birthday.

  And that’s the news of the week.

  Lots of Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: August 13 11:50:31 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Celebrations and Not-so-Celebrations

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  This has to be a fast e because I have to go babysit. Yes, that’s right … baby-sit. Hard to believe, huh????!!!! One of Barb’s friends from work is having a problem. Her regular baby-sitter has a cold or the plague or something, so I’m going to help out for a few days. (One four-month-old baby and a three-year-old. I hope I live through it!!!!!!!!) Oh, well, it will be good money, which I can definitely use with school starting soon and clothes to buy. And it will be good practice for being with an actual B … as in Baby. Yikes ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Wish me luck ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Wish those kids luck ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  Your birthday celebration sounds wonderful. Howie and Susie are such good friends for you. (Any romance happening between you and Howie??????????????? Just wondering.)

  As for your father … Yow…. Ouch…. I’m so glad your mom showed up when she did … scary and awful. Poor you. Poor Emma. How did he get to your house????? He didn’t drive there, did he ????????? I hope not ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  Gotta go. I’ll send you a report of how my baby-sitting adventure went. Baby-sitting … you know that’s not something I ever wanted to do. I know you like it, but I wish I could work in a clothing or jewelry store. As soon as I’m old enough that’s what I want to do.

  Really gotta go. Luke’s dropping me off at the lady’s house. (He’s on his way to class ! ! ! ! ! !)

  Lots of Love … and happy day after your birthday,

  Tara★

  Date: August 16 3:47:53 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Weekend

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  Well, it was quite a weekend. And now it’s over and we’re back to normal (well, normal for summer vacation). Mom is at work and Emma is napping, so I have a few free moments.

  All I have to say about this weekend is … you just never know. I didn’t have any plans for the weekend, so I thought it would just be two days of hanging out. And it was, but not the kind of hanging out I had expected.

  On Saturday morning, I was trying to decide whether to lie around on our patio and read, or to call Susie and ask her if she wanted to meet me at the pool … when the phone rang. It was Susie wondering if I wanted to take the town bus to the mall and shop for back-to-school stuff. (The great thing about Susie is that she’s as broke as I am, so I didn’t have to make a big deal out of the fact that I have VERY limited funds.) I said yes, and then Susie asked if Howie could come with us. A boy who wants to go back-to-school shopping? I was skeptical, thinking this might be very much like shopping with Emma, which usually lasts about six minutes. But I said yes, because Howie is nothing if not unusual.

  Once we got to the mall, Howie decided he had enough $$ for all his actual supplies – notebooks and pens and stuff. Susie and I decided we had enough $$ for a few supplies and one article of clothing each. I was about to suggest that we split up, and Susie and I go to Old Navy and Howie go to Staples, when Susie suddenly said she just remembered she had to buy a present for someone (she was very vague) and ran off, calling over her shoulder that she’d meet us at Old Navy in half an hour.

  So Howie and I went off on our own. About fifteen minutes later, at the exact same moment, we realized what Susie had done. She had purposely left Howie and me alone together. “She’s probably spying on us from somewhere,” said Howie, glancing around. She wasn’t, of course (at least, not that we could see), but we were sure she had tried to set us up.

  “Well?” said Howie.

  “Well?” I said.

  “Well, let’s just continue shopping,” said Howie.

  So we did. And we had a great time. Even though nothing at all happened, except that we stocked up on paper and stuff.

  But then yesterday, Howie called and asked me if I wanted to meet him at the pool, which I did. At first I felt bad, like we were leaving Susie out, but then Howie said she and her mom had gone to visit Susie’s aunt. Then I felt bad thinking that this was only a Howie-and-me activity by default – even though I don’t know WHAT my feelings for Howie are, just that I like the idea of his liking me and wanting to spend time with me alone. Well, not ALONE alone, but you know what I mean.