1. Mom and Emma and I LOVED the presents you sent. Did Barb help you pick out the perfume for my mother? Mom said it was perfect, and that it’s been a long time since anyone has given her perfume. Emma spent nearly half an hour putting those stick-on glitter stars on her fingernails. Oh, and she really liked the pot-holder vest. She wore it to dinner, in fact. (I think this is one of the great things about being five. You just love all your presents, no matter what they are.) And Tara, the necklace is wonderful. Truly. You made it, didn’t you? I bet you got the supplies at that sewing and crafts store you took me to. Anyway, I do love it. I’m wearing it now.

  2. We had a truly great dinner – all relaxed and cozy. And Howie gave me this book about women poets. I gave him cuff links that look like computers (not sure he’ll wear them). In fact, we all gave each other presents, but I was most curious to see what Mom and Mr. Besser gave each other. She gave him a sweater, he gave her earrings. (What, if anything, do you think these presents mean?)

  Okay, on to your questions: I just have absolutely no idea about what might happen tomorrow if Dad arrives. Will he actually show up? I don’t know. There have been those memorable times when he didn’t show up. And those memorable times when he showed up unannounced. We know he’d like to buy back Emma’s affection with presents, so here’s a good opportunity. Plus, he said something to Mom about having a big surprise for us. I think Mom thinks he’s going to show; otherwise, she wouldn’t have bothered to ask Mr. Besser to be on hand. As for all of your other questions except two, I can only say once again, “I don’t know.” The two questions I think I can answer are, “Do you think he will let you tell him how you feel about what happened?” and “Will he listen?” And my answer to both is no.

  My grandparents – 1. We’re just going to do regular (inexpensive) family things – make popcorn and watch videos, go to Chuck E. Cheese, maybe go to the skating rink. And we’ll have a Christmas celebration the night they arrive. 2. I think they will like Howie and Mr. Besser very much. 3. Yes, I think Grandma will make the apple cake – but I don’t know how well it will fare in the mail!

  Oh, Tara, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, your first with Scarlett. I understand about watching over her the way you do – and about not particularly liking her healthy set of lungs. Everyone could live without the sleepless nights that babies bring. But then … there’s so much more to babies. You’ll find that out as Scarlett gets older.

  Merry Christmas, Tara! And if we don’t e in the next few days, Happy New Year too!

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: December 27 1:25:28 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: News … news … news … please …

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  It’s the day after Christmas … actually a little past the day after Christmas … and your father was supposed to come to your house and you haven’t let me know what happened ! ! ! ! ! It’s making me crazy. Barb said to respect your privacy … that this is a really major deal in your life, and that you will tell me in “your own good time.” (Barb keeps reminding me how different we are and that I can’t expect you to do things the way I do. But still, THIS is so major.) Anyway, I want to know not just because I am curious, but because I am really concerned. I don’t want to think about what could have happened if your father came into the house drunk, angry, jealous…. I’m trying not to be toooooooo dramatic about all of this, but if I knew what happened, my imagination wouldn’t run wild. So please let me know what is happening.

  It is very late … or very early … to be writing this e-mail, but Scarlett Lane has made her presence known once more. She is just the loudest crier. I think maybe she was awakened when Luke was yelling at me for coming in sooooooooo late from the party at Hannah’s. I guess he didn’t appreciate my calling him from Hannah’s for a ride home after he and Barb had gone to bed. But I can’t help it if Scarlett has been keeping them awake at night, and if he has to get up soooooooo early to go to the college library to study.

  Barb seems to be a little depressed lately. She says that happens sometimes after giving birth. She said she was very depressed for a while after she had me. (Let me tell you … that’s something I really liked hearing … that my birth depressed my mother. But by the time I was old enough to understand things, she was fine, so I expect she will pull out of it for Scarlett too.)

  Life is very different at the Lane house. One of the good changes is that the computer is out of the living room, so I can use it in my room.

  Elizabeth, I have a question. (I know … I have a lot of questions.) This is an e-mail one. How can you NOT check your e-mail every day ? ? ? ? ? ? I check mine all the time … at least twice a day. (Also, some of my friends and I send Instant Messages a lot.) And if I’m not careful, there are a gazillion messages piled up in my mailbox, awaiting my answer. Doesn’t that happen to you? When you haven’t checked your e-mail, don’t you wonder what’s in it ? ? ? ? Sometimes I think you miss the old days, when we sent letters to each other. Is that true? I’m just curious about all of this.

  About Christmas … We had a great time. (Once we get them developed, I will send you the pictures we took. You will see how beauteous Scarlett looks in the outfit you made. And you will see how we all look now. I think you will agree that Luke looks quite handsome with his new beard … and that my red hair looks quite festive with the green streak in it.) Friends stopped by and we sent out for pizza for our meal. (I realize that my family doesn’t always do things like a lot of the world, but pizza seemed right … and the delivery guy showed up in a Santa suit, so that was fun.)

  Presents … I got clothes and jewelry … not a lot … but I really liked what I got. Scarlett “gave” me cute earrings. I got her books, including a wonderful POETRY book (I know you’ll appreciate that). It’s called You Read to Me, I’ll Read to You. (When Scarlett is old enough, she’ll be able to read the easier poems. Until then I will read both parts, using two different voices.) Also, I got her some George and Martha books.

  As for your presents, they are just soooooooooooo wonderful. When do you find time to make such beautiful things? The beaded barrette is splendiferous, and your latest collection of your own poetry is really amazing. (I just wish some of it wasn’t so sad!) Little Bo is just wild about the catnip mouse you sewed for him. Luke loved his notebook. You decorated it so well. When did you learn to decoupage? Barb loves the place mats. We used them with our Christmas dinner and were very careful not to get pizza sauce on them.

  Speaking of presents … Howie’s cuff links. Does Howie own any shirts that need cuff links? I don’t know one single boy who owns a shirt that needs cuff links, but maybe Howie’s different. Just curious. I’m sure the ones you got him were wonderful.

  Anyway, I’m getting tired, so I’m going to sign off.

  Please let me know what’s going on at your house, and I hope I hear from you before New Year’s, but if not, have a happy one.

  Much Love,

  Tara★

  Date: December 28 7:57:07 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: my stupid father

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  Sorry I didn’t write you right away. Dad’s “visit” was a nonevent, so I didn’t feel as if I had anything much to tell you. What happened on the day after Christmas? Absolutely nothing. Because Dad didn’t show up. Again. Wasn’t that what I said might happen? I don’t know why I got all geared up for a visit, what with his history of not showing up. Maybe it was because he said he had a surprise for us. Or maybe it was because Mom made such a big deal out of making sure Mr. Besser would be here when Dad arrived. MOM certainly thought he was going to show up. So … he wasn’t drunk, angry, or jealous. He didn’t have inappropriate presents for Emma. He didn’t have a showdown with Mr. Besser. Nothing.

  Howie and Mr. Besser came over at about two in the afternoon (an hour before Dad was supposed to arrive). They were still sitting here at six-thirty, so we sent out for Chinese food, ate it, and when Dad STILL hadn’t arrived, they finally went home. And that is the end of that story.

  I don’t know what to think. Once again, I am relieved. I was so afraid of an embarrassing encounter between Dad and Mr. Besser – with Howie watching. Or of something worse. But I’m also disappointed. I don’t know why I want to feel that someone so hideous as my father cares about me, but I do. So now I am hurt. And relieved. Which is a very strange combination.

  About my e-mail … I don’t know why I don’t check it more often. I guess mostly because while I like getting e-mail, there are things I like better than sitting in front of the computer and answering it – such as reading, sewing, or seeing people in person. E-mail is fun, but there’s nothing like actually spending time with people. To be honest, sometimes my e-mail (not the letters from you, of course) begins to feel a little like homework. And my homework is something I try to get out of the way so I can do fun things. Yes, plenty of letters pile up in my mailbox, but I figure I can answer them just as easily by spending one hunk of time at the computer every couple of days as I can by sitting down at it several times a day. Plus, I think you are right, Tara – I do kind of like snail mail better than e-mail. It’s just more … personal, I guess. Especially if it’s handwritten, but even when it’s typed or written on the computer. How often do you save a piece of e-mail? Almost never, I bet, even if you print it out. How often do you save snail mail? Well, I don’t know about you, but I save most of it. I have every single piece of snail mail you’ve written to me since you moved.

  Nana and Grandpa arrive this evening. In fact, Mom and Emma are at the airport picking them up right now. (I said I wanted to stay behind and be by myself for a while.)

  Howie’s cuff links – What do I know about boys? Or cuff links? To be honest, I’d never seen Howie wear cuff links, but I thought maybe boys wore those cuff link shirts on special occasions like bar mitzvahs or Christmas dinner. In any case, Howie seems to like them, so that’s a good thing.

  I’m sorry I’m so crabby, Tara. I’m not mad at you, you know. Maybe Nana and Grandpa will improve my mood.

  More soon.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: December 29 8:56:44 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Can’t Be Reached

  To: Eliz812, PhilRup, Palindrome, Sarabeth111, NotA-Goofup, KateiK, nanlew, marcm, kittycat, booger, teenortot, inafog, susieq, sarahheartburn, Eddieiz, futureactress, blob, cookielover, kidinnj, cyberteen, pizzahog, tunaburger, petra, littlemo, lillipop, jimjohn, wiseguy, frenchfry, Alarmclock, bartboy, skibum, cdrob, cindella

  I’m grounded until Jan. 1…. Can’t use phone … no e-mail coming or going … twenty-five words or less to say this…. Happy New Year.

  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg.

  Date: December 29 2:20:51 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: WHAT DID YOU DO?

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  I know you won’t be able to read this for three more days, but WHAT HAPPENED? Even I couldn’t NOT respond immediately to an e like the one you sent. (Also, I’m thinking that just maybe you’ll find some way to sneak into your e-mail before New Year’s Day. If you do, PLEASE WRITE, even if it’s just another 25-word note.)

  I can’t imagine what happened. Whatever it was, was it really your fault? Does it have to do with Scarlett? With Phil? Some kind of over-the-holiday homework assignment?

  I’m dying to know.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: January 1 7:12:01 AM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: HAPPY NEW YEAR – NOW PLEASE WRITE TO ME

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  Okay, it’s New Year’s Day. Your grounding should be over. So please write to me ASAP and tell me what happened. As you can see from the time at which I’m writing this, I am beside myself wondering. (Well, I suppose you can also see that I didn’t really stay up all that late last night.)

  All right. Let me fill you in on the last few days.

  It’s been great having Nana and Grandpa here. I’m in a much better mood. We celebrated Christmas again, which was SO nice. We did the whole thing – presents under the tree and another dinner (this time Nana and Grandpa cooked). And we’ve done pretty much everything else I told you we might do. Also, Nana and Grandpa took us out for a really nice dinner two evenings ago. We got all dressed up and went to Blue Mountain. Yum.

  Last night … New Year’s Eve … Howie and Susie and I all went to a party at Maura Hansonmeyer’s. (She lives at DEER RUN too. Her family moved here at the beginning of the school year.) The party was really fun. But if you can believe it, not one single guest had permission to stay out past 10:00. So I watched the ball drop at home on our television with Mom, Emma, Nana, Grandpa, Howie, and Mr. Besser. At the stroke of midnight, we opened out sliding door and we could hear people cheering and yelling, and even a couple of firecrackers going off. Then Mom poured champagne for the adults, and sparkling cider for Howie and Emma and me. It was nice (but I was in bed by 1:00).

  Okay, Tara, get this – Mom has started divorce proceedings. I’m not quite sure how all of this works, but I know that she and Nana and Grandpa have seen Mom’s lawyer a couple of times. I think maybe Dad’s not showing up on Sunday was what finally made Mom take charge of this. (Well, that and Mr. Besser. I’m pretty sure she wants to be serious about him, but she can’t be until things are straightened out with Dad.)

  Okay, I’ve about exhausted my supply of things to tell you.

  Please write, please write, please write.

  What happened?

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: January 1 9:01:12 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: I’m Ungrounded !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  To: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  You are the very first person I am writing to, now that my “sentence” is over. I wish I could call you.

  Barb and Luke were really really really angry with me. I haven’t been able to go out at all since THE PARTY … at Cindi’s … Dec. 28th…. It started out OK, but then a couple of kids snuck in some liquor and beer in knapsacks … and some of us drank it. I had two cans of beer, one taste of Southern Comfort, two sips of Bailey’s lrish Cream, and a mouthful of scotch. I thought the beer had a disgusting taste, but when you mix everything together it’s totally revolting, especially after onion dip, potato chips, and green olives.

  And then I really felt sick … and rushed to the bathroom. (I know you are hating all of this, Elizabeth, and I don’t blame you ! It was sooooooooooooo dumb.) But there was a line for the bathroom. (There was already a kid in the bathroom being sick.) Someone in the front of the line started barfing, and that got me started, and two other kids also … and then it was a total group barf. (I did think of Karen Frank and how she always barfs on the first day of school. Well, this was much worse !)

  Cindi’s parents (who had spent the night in the kitchen with friends having a party of their own) came out to investigate. They were very mad (and not just because of their new wall-to-wall carpeting). The party was canceled and we all had to call our parents to pick us up.

  Luke picked up Hannah and me. Hannah and I both threw up in the backseat. Luke was very angry, and I said something I shouldn’t have … that he never got angry when Scarlett spit up.

  After we dropped off Hannah (her parents were angry too), we went home.

  I went into the bathroom and threw up some more. I don’t know when I’ve ever felt that sick.

  Then I went into the living room, where my parents were waiting. I got a major lecture.

  Elizabeth, I told them I was sorry. I really was … and am … sorry. I don’t understand why anyone in his or her right mind would want to get drunk. It was disgusting and no fun … no fun at all. I felt dizzy and sick and like I was being a dumb, bad person.

  It wasn’t enough just to tell my parents I wouldn’t do it again. They made me sign a pledge…. I am not allowed to smoke, drink, or do drugs. (I wasn’t planning on smoking or doing drugs. You know how disgusting I think those things are.) So I promised. I signed the paper.

  Then they told me I couldn’t go out until New Year’s Day … no New Year’s Eve party for me … and I wasn’t allowed to communicate with the outside world until now.

  Elizabeth, don’t you be angry with me too. I know I was being dumb, not thinking … but now I know what it’s like to drink, and I know I won’t do it again. So the experience wasn’t a total loss. Since your father is an alcoholic, I know you must have really strong feelings about what I did. But I’m just a kid … and no one is perfect.

  Anyway, I spent a lot of time with Scarlett. She was the one person in the house who didn’t look angry and sad when she saw me … and she didn’t lecture me every three minutes.

  I told her never to drink alcohol.

  Anyway, now you know.

  Love from your sorry friend,

  Tara★

  Date: January 1 10:46:46 AM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: (no subject)

  To: TSTARR

  Tara –

  I am trying SO HARD not to be angry, but I can’t help how I feel.

  What a stupid, stupid thing to do. Of course I have strong feelings about it.

  I know you said NOT to be angry with you, but please … you’re a kid? No one is perfect? What kind of stupid excuses are those?

  I don’t really want to talk with you right now, Tara. And don’t bother writing to me. I can’t answer you for a while.

  – Elizabeth

  Date: January 12 4:37:10 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: I hope we’re still friends

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  I don’t know how long you can hold on to e-mail you’ve sent, but my last letter to you is still in my computer. I just read it and I feel awful. I still think that what you did was really dumb (and maybe dangerous), but I know that I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you. And that the reason I did get angry doesn’t have much to do with you. You were right when you said that because of my father I must have strong feelings about drinking. I have REALLY strong feelings about it. I don’t want you (or anyone) to become what my father has become. I don’t ever want to see you wobbling around, slurring your words, ruining your life – and hurting practically everyone you know. What you did at the party wasn’t anything like that … like my father. But Dad had to start somewhere, didn’t he? Was it at a party when he was thirteen? Maybe he didn’t like the taste of liquor then either. Or maybe he did. I don’t know. Anyway, I was thinking more about Dad than about you when I wrote you that note.