I am sooooooooooo glad you are here.

  SO GLAD…. Okay, I’ll calm down again. I know you like things quieter than I sometimes do.

  I can’t wait for you and Barb to get back from the store. I know you both said you just wanted to make a “donut run” (I hope you get lots of the ones with rainbow sprinkles !!!!!). But I know you two really just want to be alone to talk. That’s okay. I’m only a little jealous. I know you and my mother have always had your “private chats.” And I know that without me along you will be able to gush about the BTB. (That’s Baby To Be. Isn’t BTB much better than when I was calling IT the DS – Demon Seed? ! ? !)

  I forgot how early you wake up. I know you tried to be very quiet … but 6 AM. I can’t believe you were up and sewing at that hour ! ! ! And I do think it is very sweet of you to be making something for the baby, my future brother of sister. I’m sorry I asked you if the bottom part will be big enough for cloven hooves. (I guess I’ve watched too many horror movies … which I know you hate. Remember the time we saw Rosemary’s Baby and you practically passed out? !)

  Anyway, today we’ll go sightseeing. I’ll show you my school. (It’s sooo much bigger than our old one. Well, my old one … you are still there.) And we can walk past Darren Ross’s house. He’s sooooo nice. All the girls like him. You’ll meet him at the party tomorrow night. And we can go hang out at the mall for a while. They have a big fabric store there. I bet you’ll really like it. I can go into the crafts section and look for things for making jewelry. It’ll be just like “old times.” (It’s funny to think about old times when we’re just kids … but growing-up kids.)

  Well, that’s it for now. You and Barb’ll be back any sec. I just wanted to practice on the computer and send you this e-mail to say I’M GLAD YOU ARE HERE.

  Your excited friend,

  Tara★Starr

  Date: July 15 4:14:55 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Extreme Nervousness

  To: Mouse16

  Dear Susie,

  Hi! How is everything going? How is Emma doing? Is she behaving herself? Will you ever baby-sit for her again? Tell her that her big sister misses her very much and give her this message: Sylvester Mc-Monkey McBean. I can’t tell you what it means, but Emma will know. It’s part of our secret code.

  I’m having a great time seeing Tara again. Susie, she lives in the nicest apartment. It’s really cool. It’s in an old house. Barb and Luke are just like I remember them, except that they have real jobs and are SO much more organized. And of course Barb is pregnant, so she looks different, at least from the side.

  Tara and I have been sightseeing (Tara’s word). There aren’t really any sights here, not like monuments or something. The sights are Tara’s school, the ice-cream place (flavor-of-the-month: Berry Blast, which is red, white, and blue), the mall (which has an EXCELLENT sewing store), Barb’s office, Luke’s office, the hospital where the baby will be born, the school where Barb and Luke are getting their college degrees, Tara’s favorite jewelry store, and stuff like that. I love seeing Tara’s world. I’ll be able to picture Tara in it when I write to her from now on.

  Confession: I am getting SO nervous. Tonight is the night of the party Tara planned, the one I told you about before I left. I talked her out of having it in my honor, but she’s still having it. ALL her friends are going to be there. It’s, like, 15 kids. And one of them is Darren Ross, this kid she has a huge crush on. I think she met him when he helped set up her computer. I’m a little hazy on the details. All I know is that he’s cute, nice, all the girls like him, and Tara has invited him to the party. I think she’s hoping to get to know him better tonight. Susie, I hope I don’t do anything to embarrass Tara in front of her friends. I just hate parties. I never know what to say to people, especially ones I haven’t met before. Also, I can’t figure out what to wear. Whatever I choose is probably going to be way too plain, but I don’t have anything else. And no money to get anything else. And even if I did have $$, there’s not enough time to go shopping. The party starts in just a few hours.

  Pray for me.

  Anxious in Ohio,

  Elizabeth XXOO

  Date: July 15 5:05:21 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: I am getting nervous ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  To: Palindrome

  Dear Hannah,

  I am getting soooooooooo nervous … but I don’t want Elizabeth to find out that I am getting soooooooooo nervous. That’s why I’m not calling you to talk. (What if Elizabeth accidentally overheard the call?) She’s right in the next room with Luke. (I’m loaning her my father since … oh, well. Never mind. It’s a long story and it’s her story, so I don’t want to say anything.) Anyway, they are in the kitchen talking. She’s showing him the poetry journal she’s editor of.

  I’m nervous about the party … and about THE SECRET PLAN. I really hope Elizabeth and Darren like each other so we can all triple date. (How could Jeff’s parents have decided to go to Disneyland this week???? Don’t they have any respect for my plans??!!?? After he promised to take Elizabeth out!!!!) But never mind. On to Plan B. I really think Elizabeth and Darren will get along. After all, they are both kind of quiet … and really nice.

  I love our plan for the triple date. We go to Mickey D’s for dinner and then we go to the new place for miniature golf. Perfecto.

  Let’s just hope this works out. It’ll be soooo much fun. I’m going to be positive about this…. I know Elizabeth and Darren are going to ADORE each other.

  And remember, just because Elizabeth is visiting doesn’t mean you are not my Ohio best friend…. YOU ARE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  Your Ohio best friend,

  Tara★Starr

  Date: July 16 12:41:38 AM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Party

  To: Mouse16

  Dear Susie,

  This is a VERY quick note. Party is over. Just told Tara I was going to go brush my teeth, then ran out here to the computer to give you an update.

  I think the party went well. I had fun. Am confused, though. Tara introduced me to Darren, that guy she thinks is so cute, but then she spent entire evening with Bart, old boyfriend. What’s going on? Thought Tara wanted to get together with new guy.

  Anyway, did not embarrass myself or Tara at any time during party. Was nice and polite and not geeky with cute Darren. (Howie’s cuter.) And LOVED Hannah, who’s one of Tara’s best friends here. Hannah and I spent almost the whole evening talking.

  Okay. Better go. More tomorrow.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: July 16 10:22:45 AM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Farts

  To: Palindrome

  Hannah, my pal,

  This is soooooooooo funny. I wish you’d been at breakfast this morning to hear what happened.

  After the MAJOR cleanup, Elizabeth and I were sitting around (she was eating the granola cereal I bought especially for her, and I was eating my Chocobits cereal) and we were talking. She said that she had a great time at the party and that her favorite person was YOU … that she’s glad you and I are such close friends, that we all have “excellent” taste in friends. I agree, don’t you? (I just knew the two of you would like each other … although not more than me, right?????)

  Anyway, I asked her, “So what do you think of Darren? Isn’t he nice?”

  And Elizabeth said, “Yes, but I’m confused. I thought you had a crush on him, and then you spent the whole party with Bart.”

  I started to laugh and explained to her that I wanted her and Darren to like each other and triple date with us. Elizabeth, in her very calm Elizabeth way, said, “Well, if that’s what you wanted, why didn’t you tell me?”

  Good point.

  Anyway, it turns out that she’s got this gigantic crush on a guy back home named Howie but doesn’t know how to let him know … isn’t even sure she wants to let him know.

  I think that before she goes back, we’ve got to give her lessons on how to deal with boys.

  Anyway, we ended up laughing a lot about it.

  Oh, thanks for sending me the e-mail about July being “Bean Appreciation Month” with the fart sounds on it.

  It’s incredibly gross. I’m going to play it for Elizabeth after l e-mail this.

  Anyway, back to the triple-date thing. Elizabeth and I decided that it should be a double-and-a-half date … that the five of us can go out and have a great time.

  Gotta go. Luke is going to take Elizabeth and me to the mall. She needs to pick up some more buttons for the baby thing she’s sewing for my Future Sibling.

  Talk to you later.

  Love,

  Tara★Starr

  P.S. I know what your name spells backwards … I just figured out that my name backwards (without the extra r) is Rats A Rat…. Gross.

  Date: July 17 10:35:21 AM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Father

  To: Mouse16

  Dear Susie,

  Have you heard the news yet? Have you talked to Mom? Well, she probably wouldn’t have told you, but Emma might have said something. She was the one who broke the news to me.

  This is SUCH bad news, Susie.

  Dad is back. I mean, he called. He hasn’t been in touch with us in weeks. I really thought he was gone forever. I wish he WERE gone forever. I like it so much better when he’s out of our lives.

  This is how I found out: Last night Mom and Emma called for a quick chat. I was SO glad to hear their voices. Mom and I talked first and I told her about the party and sightseeing and everything. Then Emma wanted to say hi, but the second Mom handed the phone to her she said, “Elizabeth, Daddy called and Mommy cried.”

  Well, Mom was back on the phone in a flash. “Honey,” she said, “I was going to wait until you came home to tell you. I didn’t want to spoil your vacation.”

  I said, “So he really did call?”

  “Yes. The night before last.”

  “Why did you cry?”

  Mom paused. “Because he was drunk.”

  Suddenly I didn’t have any more questions, so Mom and I ended the conversation.

  Isn’t that awful, Susie?

  Why did Dad have to resurface? I wish he would just go someplace far away and never bother us again. He’s ruining everything.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: July 18 12:08:52 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Double-and-a-half date … what fun!

  To: Eliz812

  OK. So I got the low score in miniature golf. Well, actually the high score … 198. So what if everyone else managed to have scores of less than 100?

  Hi, Elizabeth … I know it’s a little silly to send you an e-mail while you are still here, in fact in the kitchen once more talking with my mom about my Future Sibling. (Maybe after it’s born I’ll send it to you so you can be its big sister. OK, just kidding. I know you don’t have room for it … and I’ll try to stop calling it IT.)

  Anyway, I’m sending this to you for two reasons:

  1. I’m still practicing how to send e-mails.

  2. There’s a lot I want to say that’s easier to say this way instead of in person, but once you read all of this, we can talk about it … or you can e-mail me back. (Isn’t it weird how sometimes it’s easier to say things in letters or e-mail ?????) And you know that sometimes I talk without thinking first, so this way I can think about what I want to say, write it down, look at it, and then change it if it doesn’t come out right. (Life would be so much easier if we could do that with talk too.)

  Anyway, here goes:

  1. I’m really glad you are here. In some ways letters work, but in others they just don’t. Now we know what we look like. (It’s not sooooo different, but you’ve got to admit we’re growing up and changing. My bust is getting bigger … your hair is getting longer … and we act different too. You aren’t as scared of everything as you used to be. Remember how when we did crafts at day camp you practiced at home for days before you would make something at camp (so you wouldn’t make mistakes in public)? Well, I was so proud of you last night. You went out on the miniature golf course and just played. (And beat my score ! ! ! Bart’s too…. And you even joked around. Not as much as you do when it’s just us, but some!)

  2. I know you are upset about the phone call from your mom. I just wish you weren’t having so many problem with your father and that you would let me know what’s going on. (You always get so quiet when something is really bothering you ! ! !) Maybe it’s hard to talk with me about your dad because you know how I feel about him, but I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. And here’s another thing that’s hard to say in person…. I get a little jealous when you talk to Barb privately. I think that when I’m with you, the two of you start talking about the baby so I’ll leave the room … and then when I do, you talk about the other stuff. I’m sorry I get so weirded out by this but I do!

  3. Your vacation … I am soooo sorry it’s almost over. I hate that you’re only going to be here a few more days.

  4. Our birthdays … it’s going to be really fun to celebrate them together. August 12th and August 18th…. So what if we celebrate a little early? That just means we’ll be able to celebrate again on the actual days … me here, and you in New Jersey. (Have I mentioned that I wish we still lived in the same town ? ? ? Remember how we used to celebrate on August 15th because it was right between our birthdays?) Anyway, I’m not going to whine about it. We’ll have a great party … you and me and my parents.

  I guess that’s all for now.

  I’m going to join you and Barb in the kitchen. Maybe you’ll be talking about something besides the FS … Future Sibling.

  XXX Tara★Starr

  Date: July 18 5:34:28 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: My father

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara,

  I’m going to respond to your e-mail thoughts in order, since I like order and a focus for things.

  1. First of all, I’m really glad I’m here too! This is a great vacation. Even with the news about Dad it’s a great vacation. I’ve missed you so much that I almost can’t believe I’m here with you. Does it seem like I’ve been here for five days already? Not to me. It feels like I just got here yesterday. And yes, you and I are changing – in good ways. I’m glad you think I’m a little more outgoing. I think you’re a little calmer. And I think you’re starting to accept that you ARE the kid in your family, not the parent. You should enjoy that while you can. Being the parent is a lot of responsibility. I should know. I feel like Emma’s parent most days now, even though Mom tries hard not to let me feel that way. (I know that will change in September when Emma and I are back in school.)

  2. Yes, the call from Mom did upset me. But the reason I’m not talking about it is because I simply want to enjoy being on vacation while I’m here. I don’t want to waste all my time thinking about Dad. I’ll be doing enough of that when I get back home. But now that I’m finally with you again, I just want to eat ice cream, and play miniature golf, and goof around with you and your friends, and laugh with you and Barb and Luke. We only have two days left. Why waste them worrying about Dad? You know I’ll send you e’s about him when I’m home again.

  For the record, Mom didn’t tell me anything new about Dad. All she said was that he called a few nights ago and he was drunk. I don’t know where he was calling from or why he called or anything. Just that he was drunk, which upset Mom and made her cry.

  Tara, I wish SO MUCH that Dad hadn’t gotten in touch with us again. When he left (and it’s SO hard to believe that that was just a couple of months ago) I was upset at first, of course, but now I’m glad he’s out of our lives. Everything is so much easier and calmer and more predictable without him. It’s more orderly and more focused. (See? I really do like order and focus.) There’s no more wondering whether Dad’s going to come home, whether he’s going to be drunk, whether he’s going to spend $$ we don’t have. Mom and Emma and I are a good family without him. We pay our bills on time, we eat nice normal meals at nice regular hours. We are stable. Emma and I are starting to feel safe again.

  And now he’s back. Dad is like the scary guy who turns up in those Halloween movies JUST when you thought he was finally gone.

  Maybe the phone call is all we’ll hear from him. Maybe he only wanted to say hi to us. I hope so. I don’t ever want to see him again.

  Okay, that’s enough about Dad for now. But I do promise, Tara, that I won’t shut you out where Dad, or anything else, is concerned.

  About talking to Barb – I do NOT talk to her about the baby just to get you out of the room. I talk to her about the baby because I’m so excited. Then you leave the room because we’re talking about the baby, and then Barb and I continue to talk about the baby, not about anything else. Okay? (You COULD stay and talk with us, you know.)

  3. Vacation – I think I covered this in #1.

  4. Our birthdays – I can’t wait until tomorrow night! Our party is going to be excellent.

  Okay. This is a VERY long e, so I’ll stop here.

  Talk to you in a minute!

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: July 20 12:07:17 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: Yag. You’re gone ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  To: Eliz812

  I can’t believe it. You are on the plane … on your way back home.

  I just had to e-mail you the second we got back from the airport.

  It’s so weird.

  I was sooooooooooo used to e-mailing you and then being able to talk with you in person right away.

  I know. I know. We stopped doing that after your long e-mail about your dad and the call. We decided just to talk face-to-face as long as we could do that … and now we can’t.

  Let me tell you that I miss you already. So does Luke. On the way back he said he felt like we’d had a visit from the “calm patrol.” He knows how much you like being “organized and focused” and how much we all learn from you in that area. Barb mentioned how much we give you. (I think she was feeling guilty about not being so organized and focused.) She said we bring out your sense of play and humor, and we help you become more spontaneous, that this is a great friendship for us … for you and for me, and for them too.