THE MEMBER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE.

  October 29 9:41:48 PM

  INSTANT MESSAGE

  Eliz812: Tara, it’s me again. I’ll stay on the computer for a while in case you want to try to send me an IM.

  THE MEMBER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE.

  Date: October 30 11:24:11 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: THE BABY

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  I tried all yesterday afternoon and evening to send you Instant Messages, which I guess you’re not receiving for some reason. Ever since I got your last e I’ve been wanting to “talk” with you.

  Anyway, I can’t believe your e. I feel horrible about the baby, the play, even Bart’s egg … but especially about the baby. How is Barb feeling now? Any changes? Anything different? Anything I should know about?

  Tara, I think you did the right thing when you decided to take care of Barb in the afternoons. It’s like when I told Mom I would get home in time to make dinner every night. I sort of figure it’s the least I can do. I mean, these are our families, right? What else would we do but pitch in and help?

  So what happened when Barb went into premature labor? (You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.) Was it scary? Did she have to go to the hospital? Did you go with her?

  I just figured out that if Barb really does have to stay in bed until her due date, that’s almost two MONTHS. What a long time, I hope she has plenty of books to read. I hope she isn’t bored already.

  You said she can’t get up much. Can she get up to go to the bathroom? Does she have to eat her meals in bed? What happens when she has a doctor’s appointment? Does the doctor make house calls?

  And Tara, the play. That’s awful. I do think you’re doing the right thing, but it’s still awful. You must be so disappointed. Will you go see the play with Lisa in it? I bet you will, just to be grown-up. But I bet Lisa won’t be nearly as good a Miss Hannigan as you would have been.

  What about your column for the paper? I guess you can work on that at home. And obviously Phil can come over with the eggs, so that isn’t a problem. What about the yearbook? Can you work on that at home too?

  Well, to change the subject … I was just thinking of something weird. Today is the day before Halloween. I remember writing you a letter last year around Halloween, or maybe on Halloween. It was such a bad time. I didn’t know what was going on with Dad yet, but we were all anxious. And I didn’t have any friends (I mean, any friends here) and didn’t want to have any friends. Now it’s a year later – and SO different. Dad is gone, so family things are better, and I have Howie and Susie. Susie and I have been busy making costumes for Matt and Emma. Tomorrow afternoon we’ll take the kids trick-or-treating in DEER RUN (they should really rake in the candy, since so many people live here, plus with Halloween on Sunday most everyone should be at home). And tonight, Howie and Susie and I are going to a Halloween party/dance at school. I’d like to be able to tell you that Howie is my date, but the three of us are going together, as a group. Howie will be the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, Susie will be the Scarecrow, and I am going to be Dorothy. I’m even going to carry a basket with a stuffed dog in it. The only stuffed dog Emma has that will fit in the basket is a dalmatian, but that’s okay. (By the way, Emma’s costume is a princess, and Matt’s is a fireman. That is SO five years old.)

  Are you doing anything tonight or tomorrow, Tara? Party? Dance? Trick-or-treating? Or do you have to stay at home? If you do, maybe Phil could come over and you could make costumes for Eggbert, Eggsmerelda, and Little Bo.

  Speaking of Little Bo, how is he? How are his worms?

  Hey, you didn’t say whether you received the receiving blankets. (I know you could make a pun out of that, but I can’t.)

  Write when you have a chance.

  Give Barb and Luke and the baby my love,

  Elizabeth

  Date: November 27:02:18 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: The Three B’s … the Baby, Barb, and Bored

  To: Eliz812

  The report (it’s easier putting it in a list):

  1. What happened … Barb was making dinner (Luke was at work with the car), and she went into premature labor and started to bleed. We called 911 and an ambulance came and took her (us) to the hospital. It was very scary. When we got to the hospital, her doctor was already there (had just delivered a baby). She examined Barb and said she had to stay in the hospital overnight. Luke arrived (I’d called him from the hospital) and he took me home and then went back to the hospital. Around midnight he came home and said that everything seemed OK … that the baby hadn’t miscarried or come too early. (I would have a sibling who wants to rush into the world ! ! ! !) Elizabeth, I was so scared waiting alone in the apartment, not knowing what was happening with Barb and the baby.

  2. The doctor explained everything to me when I called her. (Barb had said I should call the doctor so I wouldn’t worry that my parents were keeping something form me.) The doc says that if the baby arrived now and was alive, it could end up in neonatal intensive care until her birthday (the baby’s estimated birth day, not the doctor’s birthday). It would eventually have to be at least five pounds to get out with no need for life support.

  3. Barb must stay in bed or on the couch … no cooking, no cleaning, no anything having to do with housework. (That’s my job for now. Luke helps out a little bit but not much because he is trying to stay in school and go to work.) Thankfully, Barb can go to the bathroom on her own.

  4. I am bored. Barb is bored. Eggsmerelda and Eggbert are bored. Actually, we’re only bored until Phil comes over. He makes Barb and me laugh… Yesterday he brought over some books and read them to all of us. Make Way for Ducklings is a personal favorite.

  5. Sorry I didn’t thank you right away for the receiving blankets. The twins looked wonderful in them….

  6. I didn’t do anything on Halloween except give out candy. Little Bo dressed up as a can of worms.

  I’m sorry that you couldn’t get through to IM me. I had to block incoming messages so I could concentrate on doing research for a paper of Mr. lzzard.

  I’m also sorry that I don’t feel like talking much now. I’m very tired.

  Love,

  TSTARR

  P.S. I’m not sure that I’m going to go to the play.

  Date: November 7 8:23:48 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: And Once Again … Dad

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  Are you going by TSTARR now instead of Tara★? (That’s how you’ve been signing some of your e’s.)

  I have a lot to tell you, but before I get started, a few questions: How is Barb? How are the twins? Did you really dress Little Bo as a can of worms? If you did, what did his costume look like?

  The big news around here is that Dad showed up again. Yesterday (Saturday) Mom and Emma and I were sitting in the living room with Howie and Mr. Besser, who had dropped by on their way to run errands so Howie could return a library book for me.

  The doorbell rang and there was Dad. Emma hadn’t seen him since he left last spring, and she was all shy and apprehensive around him. Then she noticed the bag of Gummy Worms he was holding and she became friendlier. Dad announced that he was there to take Emma to the movies. At this, I saw Mom and Mr. Besser glance at each other. The reason was obvious. Dad was drunk as usual.

  “Did you drive here?” Mr. Besser asked him.

  Dad seemed to notice Mr. Besser for the first time. “Who’s he?” he asked Mom.

  Mom introduced them.

  Dad just nodded. Then he held out his hand to Emma.

  “Wait a second,” said Mom. “We haven’t discussed this. Emma can’t go with you.”

  “I have a right to see her. She’s my daughter,” said Dad.

  (Tara, I ask you – not that I really care, but aren’t* I his daughter too? How come he’s so focused on Emma? Maybe it’s because she’s little and not already mad at him.)

  Anyway, Mom said, “You should have called first. Besides –”

  “Besides, you’ve been drinking,” interrupted Mr. Besser.

  Needless to say, that did not go over well with Dad. He tried to deny it, but then he stumbled over absolutely nothing.

  “I think I’ll call the police,” said Mr. Besser, “and tell them you’re driving while intoxicated.”

  Dad looked all smug at that and said, “I came by bus.”

  Well, that was interesting. Maybe he doesn’t have a car. Maybe he came over by bus the last time too. Who knows?

  I’d been looking back and forth between Dad and Mr. Besser. Now I looked at Mom again. She was absolutely furious. “I told you never to come here drunk again,” she said quietly. “And yes, Emma is your daughter, and I suppose you do have a right to see her, but I will not let you take her away from this apartment when you’ve been drinking. Now, please leave.”

  “You can’t keep my children from me,” said Dad.

  “Maybe we’d better decide that in court,” Mom replied.

  Dad backed off then. I thought he was just going to walk out the door, but instead he turned to Mr. Besser and said, “You stay away from my wife.” Then he left.

  Tara, I wanted to disappear. Can you imagine how embarrassed I was?

  The second Dad had left, Mom and Mr. Besser went into the kitchen and I could hear them talking quietly. I couldn’t even look at Howie. But before I had a chance to burst into tears, or to make a run for the bedroom, Howie swung Emma up in his arms and said, “Who wants to go get ice cream?”

  “Me!” cried Emma.

  So we waited about ten minutes in case Dad was hanging around, and then we went out, leaving Mom and Mr. Besser behind. The walk to Dair-E Freez completely distracted Emma from Dad’s visit. And it distracted me a little bit. Enough to see that Howie doesn’t think I’m some kind of alien, even if my father is.

  I have decided that Howie is one of the greatest people on this planet.

  I’ll keep you posted.

  Love,

  Elizabeth

  * I know “aren’t” isn’t correct here, but “am I not” sounds SO old-fashioned.

  Date: November 11 8:45:22 PM

  From: TSTARR

  Subj: And Once again …

  TO: Eliz812

  Dear Elizabeth,

  Hi … I’m back to Tara★. I tried out TSTARR for a while but don’t like being called that. (It’s fine for my e-mail address, though.) You know me. I like to try out new things. My hair this week, by the way, is a lovely shade of puce…. Just kidding.

  Anyway … wow … your father came back. He is LOWER than pond scum, to show up drunk to take Emma out. And he’s so mean to exclude you. (Not that you would want to go with him, but still that’s soooo hurtful.)

  Wow…. Your mom was incredibly strong. She has changed sooooo much ! And Mr. Besser really got involved. That’s so amazing. I wonder if he and your mom are getting “involved” too. I am so glad he and Howie are in your lives, whatever way it is.

  What about Emma? I can’t believe ice cream so easily distracted her from what was a really powerful scene. Maybe when she’s older and in therapy or something, it will all come back to her and she’ll deal with it then.

  Elizabeth, I can’t believe that in the middle of telling something so big, you would take the time to worry about word choice. That is sooooo YOU.

  Now for what’s happening in the Lane House (and outside environs):

  1. Little Bo Poop has lost his pinworms … and can’t tell where to find them. For Halloween, I made a tube to go around his body, drew on it so it looked like a soup can, and labeled it Campbell’s Cream of Worms Soup. He was not happy wearing his costume.

  2. The twins are fine. The project is almost over. Some kids say that when we are done, they are going to hold a “Smash Them” day and break the eggs and then have a party. Phil and I have decided we will come back to my house, blow out the liquid from each egg, and then each keep one of them. (I’ll probably take Eggsmerelda. Phil does not have a strong fashion sense.) Or maybe we will share custody. I really do think Phil is terrific and I am soooo glad we are friends. Actually, he is getting cuter and cuter the longer I know him.

  3. Bart came over yesterday to apologize and ask if we could get back together. He was so sweet. He brought candy for me … and flowers for Barb. (I think his older brother coached him.) We talked for a while and I told him I didn’t want to go out with him again, that he had acted like a jerk. (He agreed that he had acted like a jerk.) We talked for a while more and decided to be friends. (I am learning so much this year, it’s amazing.) So he isn’t perfect, but he’s still worth knowing. After our big talk, he and Barb and I played Scrabble. It was nice.

  4. About Luke … He is just the best dad. (I hope you don’t mind my saying that.) He is going to school, working, and doing his best to help out around the house. The other day I walked into my parent’s bedroom and Luke was resting his head on Barb’s stomach and singing “Hello Baby” (to the tune of “Hello Dolly”) to the baby. Barb was kind of patting him on his head. I almost turned around to leave them alone but they told me to come in and join them. We all sat there singing songs to the baby. I sang “Sisters.” (Luke says that if the baby is a boy that might confuse him.) It was one of the best times in my life. It was so “family.” I really do love my parents soooooo much (even though they drive me nuts sometimes). And I’m prepared to give the baby a chance. I’m not promising to adore her but I’m beginning to think of her as part of the family, of my family.

  5. About Barb … I saved this part for last because there’s so much to say and at the same time, not so much. She’s doing OK. There was a scare the other night. She thought she was going into labor again but she wasn’t. (She’s giving up pizza with sausage until after the baby is born.) She’s not great at staying in bed, but she’s managing … reading a lot of books and watching too much television. Sometimes I feel like I’m her personal servant, but most of the time I feel like we are “mother-daughter bonding,” which is something they talk about on those daytime TV shows. (I confess. I’ve been watching them with her.)

  6. It’s hard to come right home from school when all my friends are staying to work on the play and the yearbook, and for just having fun. But my friends have been terrific, coming over here … calling … talking on e-mail … and instant Messaging.

  Phew, this is a very, very long e-mail. You can tell I am spending a lot of time at home.

  Elizabeth … do you think we could work out a time and day when we could IM each other? It would be so great if we could do that. I’m going a little stircrazy … and I do miss “conversing” with you.

  Lots of Love,

  Tara★

  Date: November 13 2:13:13 PM

  From: Eliz812

  Subj: Thanksgiving

  To: TSTARR

  Dear Tara★,

  Well. Of all the developments. You won’t believe what happened this morning. (Don’t worry. It isn’t Dad related. And it’s a good thing.) The phone rang, Mom answered it, talked for a few minutes, and then came into the living room, where Emma and I were watching Charlotte’s Web on TV (I just love rainy Saturdays). She said Mr. Besser had called and wanted to know if we would like to join him and Howie for Thanksgiving. It’s going to be the first Thanksgiving they’ve actually celebrated since Howie’s mother died. (She died not long before Thanksgiving last year, and Howie said he and his dad were too sad to celebrate either Thanksgiving or Christmas then.) And of course, this will be our first Thanksgiving since Dad moved out. So … we’re going to do it. We’re going to have the meal at Howie’s because his apartment is bigger than ours, but we’re going to share the cooking equally. I can’t wait. This is going to be so much fun! It won’t be a BIG Thanksgiving celebration like we’re used to, but I just know it’s going to be better.

  One worry – what if Dad calls and wants to know what we’re doing for Thanksgiving? Maybe he’ll expect us to spend it together. I know Mom won’t change our plans, but still, how will we handle this? Maybe this is something I should leave in the adults’ hands. I guess so. I don’t know. I have a funny feeling about Dad and the Bessers and Thanksgiving. (But mostly I’m really excited.)

  You know, I’ve been thinking about Howie, Tara. There have been those times when I’ve felt certain strong sensations when I’m near him – like the heat from his hand in the movies that time, or just … I don’t know, weird, powerful vibrations when we’re alone together. But I’m still not sure I feel anything more than a really wonderful, close friendship with him. You know how it is (how very exciting) when you first discover that a person is more of a soulmate than just a regular friend? You must have felt that at some point with Hannah, and maybe with Phil too. And I remember the first time I felt that with you, even though we were pretty young then. It was the fourth or fifth day we’d eaten lunch together in the cafeteria, and suddenly we discovered that we both like to write, that we both keep journals, that we adored Harriet the Spy because it’s a journal. Remember that? I bet you do. At the time I just thought you were my new best friend. But looking back I see that what I was feeling was the discovery of a soulmate. I kind of think that’s what I feel with Howie, except that I’ve never felt that way about a boy before, so maybe I confused what those feelings meant. Oh, Tara, I hope you understand what I’m saying. I don’t know if I’m making myself clear.

  All right. On to a different subject.

  I love what is happening with you and Luke and Barb right now. You are so lucky. Nothing has REALLY changed in your family, and yet you’re all growing so close. (And no, Tara, of course I don’t mind if you say what a great dad Luke is. I like hearing about great dads. Maybe that’s one reason I like Mr. Besser. Knowing about people like him and Luke gives me hope, even if I’ve given up hope with my own dad.)