He turns towards me after I give him a response I know he wasn’t expecting, and I turn to meet his eyes. They’re a light shade of grey that’s commonly mistaken for blue. You have to look real close to see they aren’t blue at all, and only people Jensen cares for really know that because he doesn’t let just anyone close to him. He appreciates personal space.

  His eyes search mine and I have to look away because his stare is too intense. I take a step away from him and move closer to the woods for no reason other than needing distance. I spin on my heel though, facing him directly and crossing my arms.

  “So, are you gonna tell me why you’re here or not?” I ask, trying to break the tension in the air.

  “Here in Blackcreek, or here at the nest?”

  “The nest...” The words come out breathless. I haven’t heard those words in years. I come back here every now and then, mostly when I need to think or just want to get away from everything, and I completely forgot that’s what we called it. Or maybe it was just a defense mechanism because the feelings that bubble up inside my chest at those words are overwhelming.

  “Did this change while I was gone too?” he asks in a playful tone. Leave it to Jensen to sound lighthearted no matter the situation.

  Jensen was always so playful, so flirty, and fun... Until he wasn’t.

  I smile as I stare out at the lake, watching him in my peripheral. “No, I just haven’t heard anyone call it that in a long time.”

  He looks as if there are words on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t say anything. So, instead, I answer his question.

  “I meant here at all. In Kierheart, in Blackcreek. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to know why you’re right here either, but I’d prefer the bigger picture.”

  “The answer to them all is pretty much the same...” He trails off and I find myself holding my breath. Why? What am I hoping for? For him to be here for me? No. That’s ridiculous. “I’m here for work.”

  The breath leaves my lungs in a whoosh, and I feel suddenly empty, and not just from the air.

  “Work?” I ask in confusion.

  “Yeah, but I can’t say much more than that. It’s a secret project.”

  “Secret project?” I repeat, unable to form my own thoughts.

  “Yeah...” he says, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.

  “What exactly is it that you do, Jensen?” What kind of work would bring him to the middle of the woods to take pictures?

  His lips turn up in a smile and he looks happier than I’ve seen him in a very long time. It’s confusing and unsettling. Work really makes him that happy?

  “I run a multi-million-dollar investment and trading company.” I study his face, looking over his handsome features and how his face just lit up. Why is that what makes him happy?

  “What does that mean?”

  His smile slowly falls. “It means I bring in millions of dollars of revenue each year by working with clients who want to invest in different sorts of things.”

  My mind is spinning at his words.

  “And that makes you happy?” I ask carefully.

  “Well, yeah. I mean, I guess.” He scratches the back of his neck again, glancing off at the trees before looking back to me. “I’m just about at the point of being able to hire someone to handle it for me. I’m hoping to move to a tropical island while someone else makes me money.” He laughs, but my stomach falls.

  “Tropical island?” The words barely leave my lips as I’m struck with memories of the late-night talks we’d have about running away and finding ourselves on a deserted island. Just the four of us.

  “Yeah, you know. Warm sand, hot sun, cool water, palm trees...” I grow nauseous and have to take a few steps to the fallen tree and take a seat. “Are you okay?” he asks, looking at me from where he’s standing. I take note of how he keeps his distance and wonder how it’s so easy for him to forget... everything.

  “Yeah. I’m just tired, I think. I’ve been training a lot over the last few weeks.”

  “Gods, Skye...” I glance up at him and the look on his face is devastating. I don’t correct him for calling me Skye this time, it’s not worth my breath because I know he won’t stop. “I’m so sorry. Jase told me—I’m sorry about your father.” I offer a small, sad smile, forgetting he wasn’t here for that either. So much has happened without him that it became normal, and I stopped resenting him for it. For running away and not having to deal with all the hard stuff. But now that he’s here in front of me, everything that’s happened without him seems so weird. He’s supposed to know everything that’s happened. He’s supposed to share our life... Yet, he doesn’t.

  He finally moves closer, kneeling in front of me. Even on his knees, he’s still so tall and much bigger than me. I take note of how he doesn’t smell like expensive cologne today, instead, it’s his natural woody scent which causes my stomach to flutter.

  “It still hasn’t sunk in.”

  He bows his head, shaking it slowly.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for that...” His words are sincere and so soft, and I know he means that. He lifts his head and his eyes meet mine. I hate that he wasn’t here for that too, not only for me but for my father. They were close, once upon a time. My father loved all my mates like his sons, but he kept a closer eye on Jensen since he didn’t have either of his parents. They had a special bond. He was upset when Jensen left too.

  “Me too...” I keep my gaze locked onto his, taking in how his face has changed over the last six years. The funny thing is it hasn’t changed all that much. He filled in a bit, looks a little older, a little more mature. Maybe even a little paler than when he left, but other than that. “Jensen—”

  “Skye, I’m so sorry. For all of it. For everything. I—”

  I hold my hand out, palm to him, shaking my head as tears burn behind my eyes. How is this happening? How did we get here? This isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to get upset and have him apologize to me; I was just hoping for answers. That’s all I wanted. No emotions, no feelings, just answers.

  “Don’t do this,” I say in a raspy voice. “Please, Jensen. I don’t need the distraction right now. There is too much going on.”

  He moves closer, sliding his knees through the sand and taking my hand in his. They’re warm and firm and gods, I miss the way he feels. His scent envelopes me, and I just want to breathe it in forever—the scent that belongs to only him, that no one could ever replicate no matter how hard they tried.

  “What can I do?” he asks, bringing my hand to his chest and pressing my palm against it. I close my eyes and take in a slow, steadying breath. I don’t want him to see my tears. I don’t want him to see how upset I am over all of this.

  There is something he can do that would help, but I won’t say it because it’s not a possibility. Not now and not ever, and there’s no way he would do it anyway. He rejected us for a reason, there’s no way he’ll take that back just to help me get this pack. If he cared about me at all, he wouldn’t have left in the first place. Aside from that, I won’t stoop so low. I’m not that desperate, and I’m certainly not that stupid. I’m angry at myself for even having the thought in the first place... The alpha spot is not that important to me. Not anymore.

  That thought startles me. It used to be the most important thing. Something I was excited about, something I was proud of... but now? The thought of running this pack doesn’t stir the same feelings it once did, and that’s something I can’t think about right now because I have a ghost from my past haunting me.

  “Nothing. There’s nothing you can do,” I say, my voice stronger.

  “There has to be something. Please, just tell me what it is. I’m not here for long, Skye, if there’s something I can do to help you through this, to make up for...” He lets out a breath. “Just tell me.”

  I search his eyes, feeling the bond running through me as if it’s fighting against his rejection. As if it won’t take no for an answer. It’s always there, always lingering, but with him here, so close in front of me, it’s stronger. It would be so easy to give in to it, to just let go of the anger and the hurt... but that isn’t reality. That isn’t the life we live or the life he chose. Regardless of what I’m feeling, Jensen feels differently. He left. He chose another life, and that’s just how it is. Which is why I grit my teeth, straighten my spine, and pull my hand away from him.

  “I don’t need your help, Jensen.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jensen

  I search her eyes, looking for a sign of weakness. A way to sneak in. I’m filled with guilt and suddenly have this overwhelming need to make up for what I’ve done, and it sucks. Everything about it sucks so bad.

  I don’t find anything in her gaze though, not a single thing that tells me she doesn’t mean what she says.

  She doesn’t need my help.

  She doesn’t want it.

  “I know you don’t, but I need to do something. I need—”

  “You need what?” Her face changes from the understanding girl I know her as to the strong alpha that’s always lurked underneath. “What do you need, Jensen? Hm? Please, tell me all about the things you need.” She wavers her arms around, yelling at me, and I let her. I deserve this. I stare at the ground as she lets out her anger. If this is the only thing I can give her, an outlet to speak her mind, then I’ll do it. “Tell me about how hard it is for you in this fancy new life of yours. How hard it is to have all kinds of money and everything you want. Tell me all the stuff you need!” She shouts the last part and gets to her feet, taking a few steps to the side and giving me her back as she hugs herself. I ache to go to her, to make this better, but it’ll only make this worse. She lets her head fall back and takes a few breaths. I get to my feet and move towards her, but don’t say anything. “If you want to help me, Jensen, then tell me why.” The words are like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head, and I stop abruptly. She turns around slowly, her eyes red and watery. “Tell me why you did what you did. Tell me why you left.” She glares daggers at me, waiting for an answer.

  I stare at her slack-jawed, trying to figure out what to say to that.

  “I... I had to.” It’s a lame excuse and does nothing to answer her question.

  “Oh? Did someone hold a gun to your head?” That anger... it isn’t only felt in her words, it’s swirling around her, and I feel it encompassing me from every direction. She closes her eyes for a long moment and when she opens, them her features are softer. She takes a tentative step forward and then another. Before I know it, she’s right in front of me, looking up at me, and I feel like I can’t breathe. She reaches her hand out, placing her palm flat on my chest, and her touch... Fuck, her touch takes all the air from my lungs. “Why did you leave me?” Her words are a whisper, but a fucking nightmare. A knife right to my chest. That anger, in just an instant, has turned to pain and hurt and I know that’s what was there the whole time. It’s so much easier to project those feelings as anger and hatred... I know all about it. I do it all the time.

  I cover her small hand with mine and grit my teeth, fighting the emotions swirling inside my chest and working their way up my throat. “Skye...”

  “Tell me, Jensen. Please...” Her bottom lip wobbles as she pleads for something I can’t give her.

  After a long moment of me not responding and just staring at her dumbfounded, she curls her hand, her fingers digging into my chest. I take the opportunity to grip her whole hand and pull it up and around my neck as I bend down and do the stupidest thing possible.

  I kiss her.

  And fucking hell, she tastes just as I remember.

  When she doesn’t pull away, doesn’t scream or hit me, I wrap my free hand around her waist and pull her even closer, pressing her body against mine as a million memories flood through me. It’s all familiar and not at the same time. It’s confusing and profound all at once.

  A hum, sweet and soft, sounds in her throat and it tempts me further, so I slide my tongue along her lips, hoping she’ll open for me, and allow me to have this moment. The other part of me hopes she pushes me away and slaps me, calls me an idiot because even though I’m kissing her, I know I shouldn’t be. I know this is wrong. I know this is going to do nothing but complicate every single thing in my life and in hers, and once again, I’m being a selfish prick who only thinks of himself, but I can’t help it. My whole life I did things for everyone else, and it grew tiring. I just need a damn break.

  I fall into the moment deeper, my hands gripping her tighter, my chest warming, and my cock aching for her touch. Fuck, I haven’t felt anything like this in so damn long.

  It’s almost perfect.

  Until it isn’t.

  She pulls away, not entirely out of my grip, but enough to break our kiss. I keep my eyes closed, trying to still my rapid-beating heart.

  “Jensen...” I wait, hoping she’ll say something that won’t make everything worse. “We can’t do this.”

  That isn’t what I want to hear, but it’s what I need to hear, and before I can make another stupid decision, I let her go and take a step back. I open my eyes and school my features, bringing back my stone-cold personality I’ve grown so used to. It’s so easy to call upon now. Easier than shifting, I suspect, and that’s just really fucking sad, now that I think about it.

  “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Her eyes narrow. My sudden change in mood is probably confusing to her, but it needs to be this way. I open my mouth to tell her that, to just let her know I’m doing this because it’s better for both of us, and I’m about to tell her why. About to tell her all of it, including why I left. That’s all she wants. She just wants answers, and I can give that to her.

  She deserves the truth.

  But the second the words are about to fall from my lips, two large figures emerge from the trees behind her. As I lift my head and focus my gaze on them, Skye turns her head to see what I’m looking at.

  They don’t look happy.

  Both Luka and Jordy hold their heads high as they walk towards us, stopping on either side of Skye, looking like two overpaid bodyguards that just got back from the gym. Even Jordy, who still holds those boyish features, looks as if he’s ready to tear someone—probably me—limb from limb. They’re much bigger than I remember.

  “What are you guys doing here?” Skye asks, looking over her shoulder and settling her gaze on Luka.

  “We were worried,” Jordy answers in a calm tone. I look to him before looking at Luka, who is on the verge of shifting. Not only can I sense it, but I can see it in the way his eyes are changing color—shifting from their normal green to the gold of his bear. Luka has always had a temper, and usually for good reason. He’s never been one to take it out on the wrong people, and I know he would never lash out—physically or verbally—at Skye or Jordy or hurt them in any way. Especially if they didn’t do anything wrong.

  But... Skye did do something wrong, and if he saw it, he has every right to be angry with her. Fuck, I really am a selfish asshole. Why didn’t I consider them?

  I almost say something, almost tell them it was my fault, but I don’t want to risk it. If they didn’t see it, then I won’t be the one to tell them. That’ll be for her to decide.

  “I’m fine,” Skye says sharply. “I told you both I just needed some time to myself.” She doesn’t sound upset or angry with them, but she does sound tired, mentally drained, and maybe a little annoyed.

  “Doesn’t look like you’re by yourself,” Luka grounds out, though I know his anger is towards me and not her. But...

  Skye scoffs and takes a step away from Luka, standing closer to Jordy.

  “Are you insinuating something?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

  It isn’t like them to squabble like this. Is this how it’s been or just because of me?

  Jordy shakes his head and slides his arm around her waist. “He’s not. Like I said, we were just worried.” He pins Luka with a glare, even though Luka doesn’t take his eyes off of me.

  “So I can’t take care of myself now?” She steps out of Jordy’s grip, moving farther away from all three of us.

  Jordy lets out a sigh. “I didn’t say that, Juni,” Jordy adds, still using his same soothing tone. Hell, that tone even works on me.

  “Sure made it seem that way. Next you’ll be telling me I shouldn’t be alpha of this pack.”

  “Juni—”

  “Just forget it,” she snaps, turning on her heel and stomping off towards the trees. She disappears into them and I keep my gaze on the ground, too much of a coward to face either of the guys, not only for kissing Skye just now but for leaving in general. I hurt them as much as I hurt her, and I’ve already done a lot of reflecting in these last ten minutes, so I don’t have the emotional capacity for more of that with Jordy and Luka.

  I feel the warmth of Jordy and Luka beside me before I realize they’ve moved.

  “I suggest you leave town, Jensen.” It’s Luka, and I feel his anger falling off him in waves. “And soon,” he growls. I wait for him to hit me, but it never comes—surprisingly. I’ve been on the other end of Luka’s fist many times. Instead, I feel the breeze around me as he spins and stomps off. I watch as he goes until Jordy starts to speak and then I bring my gaze to him.

  “She has too much going on, Jensen. She doesn’t need this too,” Jordy says, looking at me with something that resembles pity. A hint of sadness, and even some hurt.

  “I didn’t come here to cause problems,” I admit. Jordy has always been the easiest to talk to.

  I look up at him, my heart squeezing in my chest. I miss him and Luka as much as I miss Skye. We had such a great thing, all four of us. And suddenly, standing here at the nest, face-to-face with Jordy, I can’t figure out why I left in the first place. Everything now feels so stupid, so insignificant. I left because of what?

  Because I was too much of a damn fucking coward, that’s what.

  “Whether you mean to or not, it’s what you’re doing.” I shake my head and run a hand through my hair, trying to figure out how to respond to that. “If you care about Juni, about any of us, even a little bit, then you’ll do what Luka says and go. If we lose this pack...” He doesn’t finish that thought and instead, lets out an exasperated sigh. “Just go home, Jensen.”