When I was in Jensen’s room the other day, it was hard not to act on my feelings. Not to go to him and kiss him—but I knew I couldn’t. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do for so many reasons. But now? Now everything is grey, and I’m not sure kissing him was the right decision, but I’m sick of fighting this. Sick of feeling like something is missing. Knowing Skye is in agreement makes it easier, but I can’t forget about Luka. If we aren’t all in agreement with this, then it can’t happen. It’s that simple.

  “Okay, Jordy. Okay, I’ll stay.” His words are strained and so quiet, but not as if he doesn’t want to say them. Instead, it’s as if it’s hard to admit.

  It was always meant to be us four. It’s what the universe wanted.

  I lean in again, brushing my lips against his. He sucks in a breath, and it takes every ounce of me to hold back and not push him against the wall like I want to. If Luka weren’t here... it would be a different story, but that’s not what I need him walking in on. It’s also probably for the best because I don’t want to hurt Luka.

  Part of me feels shitty for thinking I’d act differently with Luka not here. It’s not that I’m trying to keep anything from him, or do something behind his back, I mean... this isn’t really cheating, is it? How do I answer that?

  When Skye didn’t come home last night, I knew where she was and I wasn’t upset. I was... hopeful, eager even. If anyone can get through to Jensen, it’s her.

  Things have been fine with Jensen gone. We’ve gotten by and managed. Yes, stuff with the pack isn’t great, especially not after tonight with a bunch of our pack taking off after declaring they don’t feel safe with a “female alpha who was rejected by her mate,” but even if Jensen chooses to leave, we’ll figure it out.

  We always do.

  I just really hope he chooses not to.

  I want him to stay.

  “Where is Skye?” I ask, taking a step back to get some breathing room before I act on something I shouldn’t.

  “At the inn. She asked me to come talk to you both.” He glances over my shoulder, down the hall to where Luka went. “Should I...” He looks back at me but doesn’t finish his sentence.

  I let out a sigh and take another step back because he’s really fucking distracting.

  “I don’t think it could make things worse. Just be prepared for a sucker punch.”

  I smirk, wanting him to know I’m trying to lighten the mood.

  He smiles in return and my chest warms. It’s been so long since I’ve seen that smile... that full-toothed grin that reaches his eyes and takes away from his normally intense stare. It’s a side of Jensen not many get to see. Yet, I’m one of the few who are lucky enough to.

  “I’d deserve it.”

  He takes a step but I grip his elbow and he turns to look at me.

  “You wouldn’t,” I say, staring right into his eyes. “You had your reasons for doing what you did, and everyone is allowed to make choices, even if they end up being mistakes. You have to do what’s best for you.”

  “I’ve always known what’s best for me, Jordy, the problem is I’m convinced I’m not the best for you.”

  I move in close, ducking my head beside his ear and speaking low. “No one is perfect, and no one is expected to be. I’ve always loved you for who you were, and I’m sorry I didn’t show you that enough.”

  He shakes his head. “You did, Jordy, as much as you could for what we were then. You know, young and dumb?” He huffs out a laugh, but it isn’t a happy one.

  “Yeah, young and dumb,” I repeat, dropping his arm and shoving my hands into my pockets as I take a step back. With a quick nod, he heads down the hallway, and I take a seat on the couch, preparing to run in there at the sound of breaking furniture. I don’t think Luka will do anything to hurt him, not really hurt him anyway, but he does have a temper, and so does Jensen. Plus, Jensen can be cocky and he certainly doesn’t take anyone’s shit, and I can see them two going at it.

  I’d rather not have to replace any furniture in the bedroom. It’s my favorite place to be and I don’t want to get new stuff. I like it just the way it is. If they took their fight out into the hallway, I may let it go a little longer, but I’m certain Luka is hiding away in the bedroom right now, thinking Jensen wouldn’t dare walk in there, but... he was very wrong.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Jensen

  I knock gently on the door, then push it open, finding Luka lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

  I fight the urge to look around and see how much the room has changed, but can’t help but notice the new and much larger bed that takes up most of the space in the room. I guess it would make sense they’d want an untainted bed... or maybe they just got a new one because they’ve all grown. I mean, that would make more sense.

  I step into the room and shut the door all the way behind me.

  “Can we talk?” I ask, sure to keep enough distance from the bed so I don’t piss him off right away.

  Luka is like a viper, dangerous and hot-tempered, but if you keep your distance and don’t do anything to rile him, you’re fine. Very unlike the bear he is since bears tend to go after anything in their territory. Of course the human versions of ourselves clash with that at times, which is why he’s very different in bear form altogether.

  After a long moment, and I still haven’t gotten a response, I take a step closer and a little to the side, wanting to get a glimpse of his eyes. They’re definitely open and blinking, so I know he isn’t sleeping and must’ve heard me.

  I clear my throat before deciding I should keep talking, which will at least get him to hear what I have to say. I’m prepared to get sucker punched, so if that’s how it ends, then so be it.

  “I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but I have some things I want you to know. First, I want you to know I had no intention of any of this happening when I came back. I’m not trying to ruin anything, and I definitely am not trying to make things difficult. At this point, I’m not sure if I’m grateful for what Jase did or not. It’s been eye-opening being back here and seeing how much everyone has grown, not just as a pack but as people. I mean, the asshole has a mate and a baby on the way.” I chuckle quietly, still unable to believe it. “The cabins all look great with the updates, the town is flourishing, and Skye is alpha. Those circumstances are bittersweet, I’m sure, and I fucking regret not saying goodbye to Desmond. Fuck, I can’t even remember the last time I saw him and that’s something I’ll never forgive myself for.”

  I take another step forward, inching my way towards the bed. He hasn’t done anything to show me he’s listening, but he’s not that good at ignoring me.

  “Look, Luka... I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on here and I have no idea how it got like this, but this is what we’re working with...” Another step towards the bed and I turn a little and sit on the end of it, which still leaves a good distance between us, but the fact he hasn’t hit me yet is a good sign. “I fucked up, and I want to fix it.”

  “Why?” His word throws me off guard, and my eyes widen. I hadn’t expected him to say a damn thing to me, never mind that.

  “I was stupid. I was thinking about all the wrong things, and the rejec—”

  “No,” he says firmly, cutting me off. “Why do you want to fix it?”

  Oh.

  “Because you’re my mates,” I tell him as I watch him, hoping he’ll respond in a positive way and not tear me a new asshole.

  After a long moment, he turns his head towards me and I find his eyes dark and angry.

  “And we’ve been your mates the entire time, but that didn’t stop you from leaving six years ago. So why do you want to fix this? What about now will make things different? How do I know you aren’t just going to up and leave again and make a worse mess than you did last time?”

  “I don’t—”

  “There’s more on the line now, Jensen. A lot more. This whole fucking pack is our responsibility, okay? We don’t have time to deal with your bullshit excuses.”

  “I know that.”

  “So how am I supposed to know you mean it this time, hm? How am I supposed to trust you?”

  “I’ll do whatever you need me to, Luka. I’ll prove it to you, just as I will the others.”

  I don’t know why I’m suddenly having this realization now, but something about the heaviness of his words has me realizing I’ve clearly made my decision about this entire thing, and I guess I’m staying. Or, at least, I want to. What that means for my business and my entire life out in Seattle, I have no idea, but I’ll figure it out.

  He shakes his head slowly before turning back towards the ceiling.

  “I can’t handle you leaving again,” he says softly.

  “Luka...”

  “I’m serious, Jensen. I fucking can’t.” His tone is so harsh, so angry, but I know it’s coming from the hurt and pain he feels. My stomach twists with guilt at knowing this is my fault. I did this to him. To all of them. They’ve all been affected by this, and even though they learned how to live without one of their mates, it wasn’t fair for them to have to do that.

  With the risk of getting my head torn off, I lift my knee onto the bed and crawl towards him, hoping and praying he doesn’t lash out. I know I’d deserve being punched by him, but I really don’t want to take it. Luka’s got a good fucking swing, and being on the other end of his fist isn’t fun.

  But he doesn’t do anything to hint that I should stop. Doesn’t speak, doesn’t even move, so I push the limits because why the fuck not? I don’t stop when I reach his side. I crawl over him, straddling his waist and boxing him in with my hands on either side of his head.

  After a long moment, he turns his darkened eyes to me and I watch as his jaw clenches. I feel the waves of emotions rolling off him, and I’m not sure who does it first, maybe we do it at the same time, but before I know what’s happening, we’re kissing. Harsh, hungry, and eager.

  Luka’s fingers dig into the back of my neck, pulling me closer. He thrusts his hips up and I feel him hard against me, which fuels a need inside me that I’ve missed. His hands leave my head and grip my shirt. The fabric rips as he tugs it over my head, tossing it somewhere in the room. We break our kiss just long enough for my shirt to be gone and then we’re at it again. Gods, how I’ve missed his energy. It’s chaotic and rough and gives me the freedom to just let go.

  Luka shifts his leg and turns us so he’s on top of me, and reaches over to the end table. Once he has what he wants, he turns back to me, gripping the waistband of my sweatpants and tugging them down. I kick them off, along with my shoes, eager for whatever the hell he has planned. I’m hard and waiting.

  The cap of the lube he grabbed is popped open and he wastes no time lathering it over my ass. The cool liquid has me flinching, but only for a second. It’s been so long since this has happened. I’ve been with women in Seattle, but not with men... the last guy I was with was Luka, over six years ago.

  “Fuck,” I growl out as he slides a finger in without hesitation, swirling it around and making my dick jerk. I forgot how fucking good this feels. He adds another finger, not at all taking it easy, but that’s not how Luka is. Not with me, anyway. He tugs down his pants, squirts some more lube in his hand and rubs it all over his shaft before tossing the bottle away. Luka strokes himself a few times before leaning forward and pressing the tip against my ass.

  He pushes in slowly and I do my best to relax and breathe as his fingers dig into my thighs, holding me in place while he tries to slide all the way in. I focus on breathing, on watching him so I don’t panic. His eyes are closed as he eases his hips closer and closer. Soon enough, he’s bottomed out and wastes no time pulling out and slamming back in again, causing me to groan and clench my jaw as the pain eases into pleasure.

  He leans forward, dragging his hand up my abs and over my chest before resting around my throat. I meet his gaze, finding that familiar, heated look there that I haven’t seen in years.

  Luka is the dominating one, that primal part of him really taking over when me or Jordy are involved. When it comes to Skye, he can be dominating, but he has a soft spot for her and tends to be more loving and tender, giving into her every whim. Skye doesn’t enjoy being dominated the way Jordy and I do, and that’s totally fine, but she’s well aware of how much we like it.

  And this is one of the reasons we all worked so well. We were honest and truthful and open and extremely accepting of one another. We had our own dynamics with each other while also having this fantastic dynamic together. Group sex wasn’t often, but it did happen, and it worked. The four of us have all been intimate, both with and without the others being involved, and nothing was ever bad or judged.

  Everything worked.

  My hand circles his wrist, digging my fingernails into his skin as his squeezes my throat. My dick somehow grows even harder and I’m certain he won’t even have to touch me for me to come.

  I forgot how much I enjoyed being beneath Luka.

  I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to revel in the feel of him.

  “Look at me,” he growls, and I shoot my eyes open. “Eyes on me.”

  I blink and try to nod, but he doesn’t let me move, so I only keep looking at him, watching his face twist into one of pleasure as he slams into me, over and over.

  His breathing grows heavier, and a thin sheen of sweat covers his forehead. His grip is steady on my throat, not enough to cause harm or have me passing out but enough to enhance the pleasure of having him buried inside me. I reach down for my dick and smirk at his small nod of approval as I stroke myself, not wanting to wait any longer to come.

  He glances down, watching me pleasure myself while he slides in and out of me. “Fuck, Jensen,” he rasps. “Fuck—”

  His free hand digs into my hip, pulling me into him as he slams into me even harder. I work my own dick faster, and when Luka shifts the slightest, hitting a different spot, I’m a goner. The orgasm hits out of nowhere. My head digs into the pillow behind me and my eyes squeeze shut as my cock throbs its release.

  Luka pulls out of me, his hot cum landing on my hand, dick, and stomach.

  When I’m milked fucking dry, and feel as if I can think clearly, I still my hand and open my eyes, sucking in breath after breath. I find Luka staring at me, hand still wrapped around his own dick. He loosens his grip on my throat and sits back, looking down at me covered in his and my cum, as I lie on their bed.

  Fuck. This whole situation is a goddamn mess. Will Jordy or Skye be pissed about this?

  I mean, I don’t doubt Jordy could hear what was going on, but Skye asked me to come here and talk to them, not fuck them...

  Jesus, why does everything have to be so damn difficult?

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Luka

  “So what does this mean?”

  I stare out the kitchen window, looking at nothing in particular. There’s nothing to look at on this side of the house, just a bunch of trees, but I need to keep my gaze focused on something other than Jordy. I don’t feel right about what happened in our bedroom a little bit ago, and meeting Jordy’s gaze will only make me feel worse.

  Even though I have no idea why I feel bad at all because his question, along with the look I got when I came out here, makes it clear he knows what happened and he doesn’t seem upset about it. In fact, he seems hopeful. Yet, that doesn’t change how I feel about the whole thing, and I’m trying to figure out what the fuck my problem is.

  Is my hesitation only because I’m harboring anger towards Jensen leaving in the first place? It’s possible. I’m known for holding onto shit and not forgiving people easily. This shouldn’t be a shock to anyone, least of all me, and I guess it isn’t, but...

  “Luka?”

  The chair scrapes against the floor and soon enough the heat of his body is behind me. I turn and rest my palms on the counter and pull in a deep breath before looking up and meeting Jordy’s eyes. I raise a brow in question.

  He shakes his head, giving me a little shrug, and I can tell he doesn’t know what to say either. This whole situation is a mess. A big fucking mess. And of course, Jensen chooses now to walk into the fucking room, looking better than ever with his hair damp and messy. Jensen, in any form, is hot. He just has one of those faces that everyone is attracted to with his perfect bone structure handsome face. He pulls off different styles well, and I’ll admit, I like the clean-cut Jensen who showed up here, but nothing beats this. The way he looks when he isn’t trying. When he just is... straight out of the shower, in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt... freshly fucked. Something that probably shouldn’t have happened, but damnit, I lost control, and it wasn’t entirely fair of me to do, but it’s done now.

  “I, uh... should probably head back,” Jensen says cautiously, looking between me and Jordy. “Skye’s been waiting.”

  I nod and open my mouth to speak, but Jordy speaks first.

  “We should come with you.” He gives me a look of and you better not argue with me before turning towards Jensen and jerking his head towards the door. I feel Jensen’s eyes on me, but don’t look at him. I push off the counter and move past him towards the door.

  “So you’re just going to act like that didn’t happen?” he says under his breath as he moves after me. Leave it to him to freely speak his mind and not know when to shut the hell up.

  “What do you want me to do, Jensen? Get down on one knee and offer you a ring?” I call over my should.

  “Hell fucking no,” he scoffs. “But you could at least act like I’m not invisible.”

  The door closes behind him and we start down the stairs. Jordy is a good distance ahead of us, and I do my best to keep up.

  “I could, but I’m not sure you’ve earned that yet.”

  “Oh, okay. So I’m good enough to fuck, but not acknowledge? Cool, Luka. Real fucking cool.” He doesn’t bother hiding his annoyance and moves faster, easily going past me and quickly gaining on Jordy. Fine by me. Them two can reminisce and hold hands, I’ll stay by myself. I need a few quiet moments alone to work through my thoughts anyway, because I’m fucked up over all of this Jensen-returning-to—Blackcreek-and-me-fucking-him bullshit.