Why did I think they did? Why did I even come here? What was I trying to accomplish?

  With one last look at the three of them, I nod my head and turn down a path that’ll take me back to town. My chest is tight and my mouth is dry as I walk back. My head is spinning and foggy, and I can’t get a clear fucking thought through my head. Everything is a jumble, one big fucking mess.

  The only thing I can clearly think is why the fuck did I come here at all?

  Chapter Thirty

  Jensen

  I take the long way back by going in the opposite direction. Which doesn’t make any sense, but I guess I’m not really trying to get back to the inn at all. I need to walk off some of this energy, and since there isn’t a gym anywhere around here, walking and running are all I have. Yet, I don’t have the energy to run. In fact, I don’t even want to walk. I kind of want to just lie down and see if someone will come and eat me. It’s the strangest feeling. Inside, I feel nothing, just emptiness, but on the outside, it’s like my skin is vibrating with all this shitty energy I need to let go of, and I don’t know how to do that.

  When I get to a point where I’m not sure if I’m lost, I turn back. The best thing to do is hide out in my room for the duration of my stay here—like I’d intended to do this morning. It shouldn’t be too hard. Just a few more days holed up in that room and I’ll be on a plane home where I can get back to my normal life.

  The walk back to the inn takes forever, and I realize I went farther than I’d thought, but when the light of the front door catches my eye, I breathe a sigh of relief. My legs are starting to ache from not being used this much in a while, along with eating like shit, and the thought of lying in bed—even that trash mattress—sounds so damn good.

  When I go through the front door, I’m happy to see the desk empty because I’m not in the mood for chitchat. I hurry through the room and up the stairs, not wanting to be seen by anyone. I just want to be left the hell alone.

  But of course, I don’t get what I want. Not in Kierheart.

  When I reach the top landing, I find Skye waiting for me. I stop as I set both feet on the floor and just stare at her. She’s sitting on the floor, her back against my door, knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her eyes are closed and her head is resting against the lip of the doorframe, which I can’t imagine is comfortable. Why is she here... especially alone? With a huff, I move towards her and crouch down.

  “Skye,” I whisper. She jerks her head up, confusion in her eyes before realization sets in. She clears her throat and rubs at her eyes. “What are you doing here?” She uses her hands to push herself to standing and I do the same, looking down at her. She’s dressed differently than she was earlier, and I wonder what could have happened between then and now.

  When I last saw her at the party, she was dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a black blouse. Now, she dons a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of leggings that probably makes her ass look fucking amazing.

  I curse myself for that, knowing it’s the last thing I should be thinking about.

  “Can I come in?” she asks, looking up at me.

  “Is that a good idea?” I hate that my brain and mouth never agree. Of course it’s not a good idea but that won’t stop me from letting her in.

  Her response is to shrug, and I pull the key from my pocket before I say something stupid. She moves out of the way, tucking some hair behind her ear. She waits patiently and doesn’t say a word as I wrestle with the stupid lock. I push the door open and gesture for her to go in with one hand as I use my other to swipe at the wall and turn the light switch up. The small room lights up just as she steps inside, and I follow, shutting and locking the door behind me.

  It’s silent for a long time, a really long fucking time, as we both stand there, avoiding looking at each other, and pretty much acting like the other doesn’t exist.

  Are we going to do this all night? Would she kill me if I laid down in the bed and fell asleep? Okay, yeah, that’s stupid. I probably shouldn’t do that.

  I need to say something because this silence is too much. It’s driving me insane. I dare to glance at her, noting the blank look on her face as she stares at the wall beyond me.

  “Skye...”

  “Why, Jensen? Why did you do it?”

  She turns to look at me, her eyes watery and red... how didn’t I notice that? How didn’t I feel it?

  “Do what?” I ask softly.

  “You know what,” she snaps, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. “Don’t play dumb with me.” She takes a step closer, her gaze fixed on mine. “You don’t have to be that way with me, don’t you know that? I just want to know why. Please, just tell me why...” Her bottom lip trembles and she bites down on it. She hates crying in front of people, because even though she knows it’s completely normal, she feels it makes her look weak.

  It doesn’t. She only looks beautiful.

  I brush my thumb along her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear but can’t pull my hand away, so I let it rest on her neck. I’m grateful when she doesn’t pull away.

  “I feel like I don’t know the answer to that question anymore,” I answer.

  “What does that mean?”

  I look her over for a long moment, taking in her features. How much she’s changed, yet is exactly the same. She’s still so beautiful. More so, if that’s even possible. Her pouty lips are just as kissable, and her eyes are big and bright. I drop my hand from her, knowing the physical contact is a bad idea. I can’t think clearly.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Jesus, do you know anything?!” she shouts. I take a step back in shock. “I just want a straight answer from you. It’s the least you could do!”

  I nod absently, pulling my gaze from her and looking towards the windows.

  “You’re right,” I say with a half shrug. “You’re right, Skye, it is the least I could do. You deserve answers... and so much more.” I look back at her, meeting her hopeful eyes. I don’t know what to tell her because it doesn’t make sense to me anymore, but I have to try. “At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. There was so much going on. I was... scared.”

  “Scared of what?” she asks, taking another step closer. Her voice is calm again, and I see her hand twitch as she reaches it towards me but then lets it drop back by her side.

  “Of hurting you. Of losing you.”

  She scoffs. “You’re kidding, right? Do you not realize that’s exactly what you did?”

  “I know how it sounds. I know it doesn’t make sense, not really, but in my head, it did. At least if I made the decision, it would be on my terms. I had the control. It wouldn’t come out of nowhere and throw me on my ass. I wouldn’t wake up one day and be alone. I wouldn’t have to wait for the bad news that something happened to you, and I certainly didn’t have to hear those words coming from you.”

  Well, that’s some truth…

  “So everything you didn’t want done to yourself, you did to us instead? You did to me?” Her voice breaks and it breaks my fucking heart.

  I shrug. “You wanted the truth. You have it.”

  She shakes her head, her eyes welling with tears. “That can’t be it,” she whispers.

  “It is,” I assure her.

  She lifts her chin up, defiance in her golden eyes.

  “Well, I don’t accept it.”

  “It’ll be easier if you do.”

  “No!” she shouts, this time a tear falls from her eye. “No, that’s not good enough. All these years, I thought... God, there are so many things I thought, but that? That’s bullshit, Jensen. That’s the most cowardly thing I’ve ever heard. It’s not you! You wouldn’t do that to me. You wouldn’t hurt me like that.”

  I keep my gaze locked on her and try not to flinch when I hear the word.

  Coward.

  I never claimed not to be one. Not once in my life did I ever say I wasn’t a fucking coward.

  I am. I know that. I always have been, and probably always will be. I’m strong, and I can deal with a lot, but that’s because I keep my walls up and people at arm’s length. It’s what helps me get by. I don’t like making myself vulnerable and I certainly don’t like being in situations where I can get emotionally hurt. It’s happened too many times before. I’ve felt the pain enough times to know I never want to feel it again. I know this about myself, and it’s why I live my life the way I do.

  “I’m so—”

  “No,” she says, shaking her head and stepping even closer, so close I feel her warmth. She tilts her head back to look up at me and my breath catches in my throat. “That isn’t a good enough reason, and I won’t accept it. I’ve never accepted it, not fully. Deep down, I always knew there was no way you meant those words. How could you? After everything we’d been through, there is no way you’d throw away our plans for anything. It didn’t make any sense. You had a weak moment, Jensen.” She places her palms on my chest. My eyes want to fall shut and give in to her touch, but I force them to stay open. I can’t give in to this. I can’t allow her touch to bring me to my knees, even though I really want to drop to them and apologize a thousand times “You can’t tell me your feelings for me are gone.”

  They aren’t. They’re just... hiding.

  I push them away every single day. I have ever since I left.

  Something in me knew a rejection shouldn’t be like that. We learned all about it as cubs and knew that when you say it, it severs the bond and stops the emotions. So everything I still felt for her and Jordy and Luka should have been gone.

  But it wasn’t. It was all still there, just... less. I missed them every day and thought of them every day. It became a habit to push them away, and eventually, it was second nature to do it.

  “Skye...”

  “No,” she says again, this time more firmly and so unlike her. She grasps at my shirt, scraping against my chest, and her eyes squeeze shut. She takes in a deep breath, and I watch as another tear falls. “I just want the truth from you, Jensen. Please. Just give me that.”

  I try to work through my thoughts, wondering if I should tell her the truth or not. What will happen if I do? What kind of shit show will that cause? Do I care? Can it be any worse than what I’ve already done?

  “No, Skye, they aren’t gone.” She sucks in a sharp breath, her fingers tightening in my shirt. “They’ve always been here.” I cover her right hand with mine and pull it up over my heart so she can feel how hard it’s beating for her. A sob escapes her, and she uses her free hand to wipe her eyes. She doesn’t open them though and doesn’t look at me like I want her to. She just cries harder and I fucking hate it. I hate that this is what I’ve done to her.

  All of this was so much easier when I didn’t have to see her every day, and if that’s not the most cowardly thing to ever do, I don’t know what is.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Juniper-Skye

  My chest aches so hard I swear it’s going to explode. The weight I feel on it is almost unbearable, and I just want it to go away before I suffocate.

  Which is probably why I do what I do without thinking.

  I wipe the last bit of wetness from my eyes and bring my hand to Jensen’s chest, pushing him as hard as I can. Compared to him, I don’t have much strength or weight behind me, even though I’m a shifter too, but I catch him off guard and it’s enough for him to lose his balance and stumble back. He catches himself on the bed and ends up in a sitting position, the look of shock clear in his wide eyes.

  I don’t wait for him to say anything or ask me what the hell I’m doing, I just act. I’ve spent too much time over these last years thinking and wondering, and I’m tired of it. My brain is tired. I don’t want to think or worry, I just want to do.

  I lean forward and smash my lips to Jensen’s, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands go to my waist and he pulls me between his spread legs while kissing me back, as I hoped he would. I shift and straddle his lap as I eagerly beg for entrance into his mouth with my tongue. He matches my energy, kissing me back like I’m the air he needs to breathe, his fingers digging into my skin so hard I swear it’ll bruise.

  Kissing Jensen is like a whirlwind, like a tornado. It’s wild and messy and dangerous, but I crave it. He was meant to be mine, and I was meant to be his. We were meant to be four, not three. Nothing has been the same since he left; things never settled. Yes, we got into our routine, but nothing ever felt... right.

  I tug at the hem of Jensen’s shirt, pulling it up, needing to feel his bare skin on mine.

  “Skye,” he warns between kissing me, but I don’t stop, don’t acknowledge him, I tug on his shirt harder and kiss him deeper, hoping he’ll ignore his thoughts and go with it. He tries to warn me again, but I only keep kissing him, not allowing him even a second to speak. His hands slide up a little and he pushes me back as he pulls away, putting space between us.

  “Skye,” he says again. My eyes dart to his red and swollen lips, and all I can think about is kissing him more. “We can’t do this.”

  “Why not?” I ask through panting, bringing my gaze back to his. My body feels alive, buzzing with energy. Warm and needy.

  “Because...”

  “Because what?” He looks at me as if I should know the answer to that and then it hits me. I shake my head. “No, it doesn’t work that way and you know it.”

  “Things are different now.”

  “No, they aren’t.”

  “Yes,” he says, squeezing my hips to make a point.

  “You’re our mate.”

  “I rejected you. All of you.”

  “But you didn’t mean it!” I argue, holding back more tears.

  “Skye...”

  I lean forward, press my forehead to his, and close my eyes. His body relax beneath me and his arms wrap around me as he pulls me against his chest in an embrace.

  “Jensen, please. I need this...”

  “I can’t do this to them, Skye. It isn’t fair and you know it,” he whispers.

  I hate that he’s right. The lines are blurred when it comes to us. What is right and what is wrong?

  Jordy and Luka wouldn’t be happy if they found out about me doing this behind their backs. Not with how they feel about Jensen right now.

  Jensen is right. We can’t do this. As much as I want to, we can’t.

  We stay together in our embrace for a long time, Jensen’s fingers brushing along my back in the most soothing way. I swear I fall asleep at some point, and it’s only his voice that pulls me from it.

  “I’ll fix this. I’ll make it right.” I hum in response and hold him a little tighter, not wanting him to go but knowing his words are the first hint that our time is up. After everything that’s happened, I believe him, though. I know he’ll do what he can to make this right. “We should get you home.”

  “I want to stay here,” I say in a sleepy voice.

  “Do they even know where you are?”

  With a deep breath, I pull back and fix my hair. “They’ll know.”

  He lets out a huff before nodding and shifting me off his lap and gets to his feet. He moves over to his suitcase and pulls out a T-shirt and hands it to me.

  “You can change in the bathroom.”

  I take his T-shirt and bite my lip to hide my smile, happy I won this argument. I move into the bathroom and quickly change. Jordy and Luka don’t know where I am specifically, but they’ll figure it out. They aren’t stupid, and if they’re pissed about it, they’ll show up here. So I think the next few hours will say a lot.

  They have a right to be angry with Jensen, and maybe even me, but I know deep down if I decide to forgive Jensen and he proves he’s worthy of forgiveness to him the way he did to me, they’ll forgive him too.

  Because that’s what mates do.

  I don’t know what happened with his rejection, but I don’t think it fully worked on any of us. I know Jordy and Luka still have feelings for him. They still feel the bond, and they’ll forgive him. I know they will.

  When I open the door, I find Jensen tugging a different T-shirt over his head, already changed into a pair of sweatpants to sleep in.

  The bed is small and I’m not upset about it. I toss my clothes onto the chair in the corner and get into bed as Jensen turns the light off. His footsteps get closer and soon enough the bed is dipping as he gets in. Without hesitation, his hand is around my waist and he’s tugging me to him, nuzzling his nose into the back of my neck. His lips are soft when he presses a kiss there, and I smile to myself, knowing things are going to be okay.

  I stir awake and find the room dark, the only light peeking out behind the shades. The soft snoring behind me tells me Jensen is still asleep. He rolled onto his back at some point through the night, but his hand is still resting on my hip. I roll over, turning to face him, and rest my hand on his stomach, underneath his shirt, and drag my fingers over his warm skin, feeling each and every firm line of his abs as I go.

  Gods, I’ve missed him.

  Not only are my mates beautiful to look at, but they’re beautiful souls too. It doesn’t matter that Jensen made a mistake, albeit a big one, he’s still a person at heart and he isn’t perfect. He’s allowed to mess up, and he’s going to make everything better. We are going to make everything better because he needs to know he’s not alone. I’m with him, and I always will be.

  As I drag my fingers lower, running along the waistband of Jensen’s sweatpants, his hips rise the slightest and a pang of jealousy creeps into my gut, wondering if he’s been with anyone else since he’s been gone. I mean, he probably has, right? Can I be upset about that? Of course I’ve only been with Jordy and Luka, but that isn’t the same, is it?

  Why are you even worried about this?

  I honestly have no fucking idea, and I shouldn’t be. It doesn’t matter.

  I run my fingers back up, circling his belly button before bringing it back down, and smile when his hips raise again, this time a little more.

  Feeling brave, I slide my hand over his sweatpants and find him hard as stone. My thighs clench together as my core aches for him...