I run my fingers along his thick shaft and have to suppress a moan when he throbs beneath them. Before I get too carried away, I move my hand back to his stomach, but can’t get the thought of him inside of me out of my head.

  He’s right about what he said, and it’s best this doesn’t happen, yet I can’t help but think about him on top of me, hearing his soft grunts in my ear, his fingers digging into my skin as he fucks me. I groan and roll over, looking around the room for a clock, but find nothing.

  I have no idea what time it is. It could be six in the morning or four in the afternoon.

  The fact the door is still intact tells me Jordy and Luka haven’t been here, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Are they so angry they didn’t care to come get me? Or are they already talking about how they’re going to forgive him... and possibly me?

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Jensen

  I wake in a fog, knowing I slept too much and won’t have a clue as to what time it is until I bring my ass downstairs. I shift, wondering if I should go back to sleep when I knock something with my elbow and remember I’m not alone. My eyes shoot open and out of the corner of my eye I see Skye lying there in my T-shirt, staring at the ceiling.

  “Morning,” I say, pushing myself into a sitting position. She turns her head towards me and gives a small smile.

  “Morning.”

  Something’s bothering her, I can tell, and it probably has everything to do with me.

  “Ah, the morning-after guilt. Aren’t you glad I put a stop to things going further?” I ask as I throw my legs off the side of the bed, placing my feet on the floor, and rub my eyes.

  I expect her to say yes and tell me to fuck off. Emotions were high last night, not only between us but before that too. With the party and all the families and then the issue with the other pack.

  “Actually, I’m kind of regretting not sitting on your face to wake you up.”

  I jerk my head in her direction so quickly I’m surprised my head doesn’t spin all the way around. “Come again?”

  She smirks. “I mean, that would have been the idea...”

  I huff out a laugh, shake my head, and stand up before rummaging through my suitcase and looking for something to wear, ignoring the fact that my dick is rock-hard.

  “What’s the plan, Skye? You can’t hide out here forever.”

  I hate that I have to be the bigger person. I’d love nothing more than to bury my face between her legs, then my cock.

  “Who said I’m hiding out?”

  I glance in her direction and see her standing beside the bed. With the light gleaming behind her and her hair a wild mess, it stirs something inside me. I miss that and miss seeing her like this. Of course I love seeing her all put together and alpha-like, but it’s moments like this when she’s just her natural self that I enjoy the most.

  I raise a brow and go back through my suitcase. Her footsteps are soft on the hardwood floor, but I try to ignore where she’s going, both hoping she’ll come to me and keep distance at the same time. The latter wins out and I breathe a sigh of relief as I pull the last clean shirt I have out. I’m going to have to find a place to do laundry.

  “I was actually hoping you’d go talk to Jordy and Luka.”

  I straighten up and turn towards her. “Why in the world would I do that?”

  She chews on her cheek before answering. “I think if you were as open with them as you were with me last night, they’d be more willing to forgive you.”

  “Who says I want their forgiveness?” She frowns and I let out a sigh, knowing that was not the right thing to say. “I’m sorry,” I say quickly and move towards her, tossing my shirt on the bed so I can grip her around her waist, and take a breath to calm myself before I speak again. “I’ve been playing the part of someone I want to be for so long that it just comes out naturally.”

  “You were naturally a douche before you left, don’t act like you have to try.” She smirks.

  I grin, and my chest warms when her smirk turns into a smile.

  “You’re not wrong about that,” I add. “But it’s a little besides the point.”

  “Yeah...” she says in a soft tone, pulling her eyes from me and staring down at her feet.

  “Hey,” I say, reaching for her chin and tilting it upwards. Her eyes hold sadness again and I hate it. “Look, I’m not going over there and begging for forgiveness for nothing. What... what do you want out of this?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  Obvious? I’m not sure. I can’t tell if it’s wishful thinking or me seeing what I want to see. I haven’t even thought if this is what I want or not. My life back home is so different than this one, and I’m on the right track to getting the life I’ve been gunning for. I mean, a beach on Santorini? Girls in bikinis bringing me cold drinks and fanning me with banana leaves? Okay, maybe the leaves are a little much, but fuck. I’ve busted my ass over these last six years to build my business from the ground up and turn it into what it is today. It’s a multi-million-dollar investment company for fuck’s sake. Can I just drop that to come back here and live off the fucking land? Honestly, the thought has me a little sick.

  I shrug and give a small shake of my head. “I’m not sure.”

  She reaches forward, planting her hands on my chest again. “I want you, Jensen. I want all of us to be how we were. I want us to be the alpha pack like we were supposed to be. Like we talked about.”

  I let my hands slide away from her face and fall to my sides. “We talked about a lot of things, Skye,” I say softly, not wanting to hurt her feelings but not entirely sure that’s possible.

  “So let’s do them all.”

  “It’s not that easy...”

  “Why not? It’s not like we don’t have money. You said it yourself; you have a multi-billion-dollar company or something.”

  “Multi-million, but that doesn’t mean I have it sitting around in a suitcase under my bed. It’s invested in stocks and bonds and other stuff.”

  Her brows furrow and I know those words mean nothing to her. It didn’t mean much to me at first either, but I caught on quickly when I realized it would be my ticket to a better life—of what I thought would be a better life. Is the reality of it going to be as good as my dreams? I’ll still be alone... but wasn’t that the point? To leave everyone behind so I don’t get hurt or end up hurting anyone?

  “You can’t tell me you don’t feel this.” She pushes on my chest, gesturing towards my heart.

  “I do,” I assure her.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  I thought we went over this last night. I thought I made myself clear. “Skye, my sudden explanation of everything that happened doesn’t mean I’m going to take everything back. I did what I did for a reason.”

  “And you realized it was a mistake.”

  “Did I?”

  Her brows furrow even deeper and she takes a step back, letting her hands slide away from me, breaking all contact. I move closer to her though, but she only takes another step away. The room isn’t big enough for us to keep doing this, so I move forward again, and when she goes to move away, I hold my arm up and place my hand against the wall, blocking her in.

  “My feelings for you are there. My feelings for Jordy and Luka are there. I promise you this, but I can’t stay here.”

  “Why not?” she says through clenched teeth.

  That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?

  Why can’t I?

  Because I don’t want to? There is nothing physically stopping me from doing that. Nothing at all. There is no reason for me to go back there. Ever. Yet I find myself terrified of not doing it, and I really wish I had a simple way to explain that to her.

  “Just talk to them,” she begs. “Please.”

  I let out a sigh and scratch the back of my neck. “Fine, but—” Her lips spread into a wide smile and I hold up a finger. “But this is the last time. I can’t make them forgive me for anything, and I won’t beg.”

  “Just be honest with them,” she tells me.

  Easier said than done. Especially with Luka.

  I roll my eyes and step away but pause when I feel her grab my wrist. I look back at her as she tugs at my arm, pulling me down. I could stop her, my strength is much more than hers, but I can’t deny kissing her when it’s what she wants.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jensen

  To anyone who can hear me or has seen me walking alone, I probably sound like a madman. I’ve been talking out loud to myself the entire walk to the cabin, and I’m not even sorry for it. They already hate me around here, what’s the point in worrying about whether they think I’m nuts too?

  I don’t hesitate when I see the cabin, knowing if I slow down I may not go in at all. As I walk through the gate, I find a weird-looking dog hunched over and eating grass across the yard. I stop and narrow my eyes, trying to get a closer look, only to realize it isn’t a dog at all.

  “A fucking goat...” I mumble to myself, shaking my head as I keep going to the door. I raise my hand to knock, but the door opens before I get the chance. I’m met with a glare from Luka and brace myself to get punched. I’ve taken hits from him before, and they aren’t pretty. I can only imagine with the amount he’s grown and the anger he’s harboring, it’ll be worse than what I can remember.

  “Inside,” he growls, and I step right in.

  Just as with the cabin I grew up in, everything in here looks similar but different. There’s a new coat of paint and some new decor, but there’s also some things that look the same. Like the missing knob on the end table and the dent along the top of the baseboard from when Jordy threw a golf ball in the wrong direction; though, I can’t remember why he was throwing a golf ball to begin with.

  “If you’re going to kill me, it’s probably better you do it outside. Blood soaks into carpet really well...” I slide my foot along the cream carpet beneath me, gesturing toward it.

  “You say that as if you know from experience,” he grunts. I shrug as he moves towards the hallway. “Jordy! Get out here,” he calls out. I glance around, not feeling comfortable enough to sit down while also feeling so awkward I don’t know what to do at all. Luka comes back into the living room, pinning me with a stare. “I’m assuming since you’re not asking where she is, you already know.”

  “I do,” I admit cautiously.

  “Did you fuck her?”

  “Luka,” Jordy chastises as he comes into the room, my eyes going wide at Luka’s blunt question, though I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not unlike him.

  “No,” I say, keeping my tone even and calm. “I wouldn’t do that to either of you.”

  “Oh, so you do have some morals, then? Good to know,” Luka sneers. Jordy moves to Luka’s side and shoves his hands into his pockets, looking at me with a tired expression. The closer I look, the more I realize they both look tired, and I suddenly feel guilty because they probably didn’t sleep last night due to me being selfish and not telling Skye to go home.

  “Okay... well, good start to this conversation, then,” I say. “Uh, I didn’t come here to fight with you, first off.” I hold my hands up, palms out to show them I come in peace. “I do know where Skye is, and she’s safe. In fact, she’s the one who sent me here.”

  Luka scoffs and shakes his head. Jordy elbows him in the side, but he acts as if he didn’t feel it.

  “You both have tried talking to me already, and I wasn’t exactly forthcoming. In fact, I was a bit of an asshole.”

  “At least you can admit it,” Luka says, leaning on the arm of the recliner and crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Luka, just let him talk,” Jordy groans.

  “I’m not sure where the both of you stand with this whole... us thing, but I want you to know I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did the way I did. It was unfair, immature, and just wrong. I also want you to know it hasn’t been easy on me either.”

  “Of course,” Luka barks, taking a few steps toward me before stopping. It doesn’t stop him from shouting though. “Of course you make this about you!”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do, Luka.”

  He shakes his head and runs his tongue along his bottom lip, letting out a harsh chuckle.

  “I’m not going to lie, Jensen, I have thought about you a lot. I’ve wondered night after night how it felt sleeping in that lavish fucking apartment of yours, and if you felt bad for what you did, because I don’t exactly know what you did, but whatever it was, it wasn’t a fucking rejection. Not in the way it should be anyway.”

  “Yeah, I kn—”

  “Let me finish,” he growls, straightening his spine and taking another step towards me. “You fucked it up. Somehow, you fucked up a rejection, and we’ve been suffering for six. Fucking. Years.” His words hit me right in the chest like a heavy weight. “Do you have any idea what that’s like? I assume you don’t, considering you made the choice to do it in the first place, nor did you come back for any reason that had to do with us. In fact, the only reason you came back was for your own selfish bullshit. As usual.”

  “I know,” I agree simply.

  “Yet, somehow, we’re the ones hurting. Again.” He moves closer, so close I feel the heat radiating off him. “We’re the ones who are suffering. Again. And we’re the ones who are going to have to pick up the pieces when you leave, Jensen. A-fucking-gain!”

  “What if I said I didn’t want to leave?”

  I don’t know where the words come from or why I say them. I haven’t given myself time to think about what the hell I want to do about staying or going, but something about seeing the pain in Luka’s eyes, hearing the struggle in his voice, I want to make it better. I don’t want to see him hurting. I don’t want any of them hurting, because I’m sure it’s worse than what I’ve been feeling.

  I made the decision to go, therefore, I’d already made some kind of peace with it from the get-go. I didn’t get hit with the impact of a rejection because I was the asshole who did it. Because that’s exactly what I was afraid of. After my brother died, then my father, then my mother... and then basically losing my brother to his struggles, I was tired of people leaving. So I made sure it couldn’t happen again.

  Luka stares at me with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes are slightly wide and his jaw a little tense, but I can’t tell if it’s the anger he’s been holding onto or new anger over what I just said.

  “What did you say?” Jordy’s voice is soft and unsure as he steps around Luka, meeting my eyes.

  “Ya know... hypothetically.” I shrug before lifting my arm and scratching the back of my neck.

  “You want to stay?” he asks, needing clarification. Answering his question isn’t easy though. It’s a simple word, yet I can’t bring myself to say it.

  It’s silent for a long time, and I catch Luka shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

  “Figures,” he scoffs, turning to leave the room and disappearing down the hallway before I can say anything to stop him.

  I feel Jordy’s gaze on me, so I bring my attention to him, still unsure how to proceed here.

  “Jensen...”

  “I don’t know what I want, Jordy,” I admit. “And that’s the truth. It’s all confusing. Being back here... it’s messed me up, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “Do you regret it? The rejection...” he asks.

  Do I? I think so... “Some days, yeah.”

  He moves closer to me. “Don’t you think that’s enough to stay, then?”

  “Is it?”

  “If it’s enough to have you confused, then yeah, I think it is.”

  “I don’t know, Jordy...”

  He closes the distance between us, placing his hand on the back of my neck. He’s so close I can smell the mint on his breath.

  “I think you should stay,” he says softly before pulling his gaze away and looking around the cabin we all used to share. “The universe wanted us together—the four of us—for a reason.” He brings his eyes back to mine before continuing. “And I think that holds some weight. Regardless of how Luka’s acting, we miss you. All of us. Yes, we’ve moved on with our lives, but that pain has always been there.” He holds his free hand to his chest, driving the point home of how much I’ve hurt them. “I think we just got used to dealing with it. Besides, you know Luka only gets like this when he’s passionate about something.” I lift my hand up and place it over his, but before I can say anything, he leans in and kisses me.

  It completely throws me off guard, and for a moment, I can’t even react. Of course kissing Jordy isn’t weird, I’ve done it a million times before, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen here and now. I’m not used to him being so forward.

  He takes a step closer, and I slide my hand down to his hip, pulling him even closer to me. His free hand slides away from his body and moves up around the other side of my neck. He pulls back after a moment and lets out a soft sigh.

  “I want you to stay,” he whispers. “Stay.” The emotion in his voice has my chest tightening and all I can do is agree.

  “Okay, Jordy. Okay, I’ll stay.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Jordy

  Being alone with Jensen, everything is different. The mate call is harder to ignore, even though it shouldn’t be there at all. With Skye and Luka, the feeling is always there lingering like a sixth sense, making me aware of their mood and how far away they are. It makes me feel close with them—connected.

  When Jensen left, it was like he ripped a chunk off my heart and took it with him. Each day got a little easier, as if my heart somehow found a way to repair itself enough to move on. Ever since he’s been back though, my heart is calling for its missing piece, knowing they’re supposed to be together.

  When I’m with Luka and Skye, those feelings of loss are easier to look past because of the love I feel from them, but now, when it’s just Jensen and me, it isn’t so easy to ignore. The fact that I don’t want to may have something to do with it too.