Chapter 17

  A chime roused Nadine from her early evening nap. She fumbled for her phone and read the message on the screen through bleary eyes: Alyssa is so evil!!

  Ah. Morning in the Philippines. Text balloons appeared in rapid succession as Patricia vented. I can’t believe she fucking cried. Why can’t everyone see that she’s faking?? It’s so obvious. Aghhhhh. I hate her so much.

  The couch squeaked as Nadine lurched to a sitting position. The small apartment was dark, and there was no sign of Bella. She switched on the hot-pink lamp on the end table before responding. I didn’t watch the interview. The headline was enough.

  It’s all going to start again. I hope you’re ready. I wish people knew the truth. A series of sad and angry emojis followed.

  I know the truth. You know. That has to be enough. Nadine put the phone down on the coffee table, then stood and stretched.

  Bella was usually home by now, and Nadine couldn’t help worrying. She knew it was silly. Bella was an adult, and she could be out doing any number of things—the things people do when they don’t have to hide from the world.

  Nadine should have been glad to have the apartment to herself. It was the only way she got true privacy. But as much as she cherished the alone time, after ten hours, she was ready for Bella to come home.

  In the kitchen, she spooned leftover chicken adobo and rice into a bowl, leaving enough for Bella to eat when she got home. She smiled, recalling the morning’s Filipino lesson. Bella’s accent hadn’t improved at all, but she had successfully memorized several words.

  While the microwave warmed her dinner, she thought about which word to teach Bella next. Maybe the word for rice, kanin. After all, they’d be eating a lot more of it, now that she knew Bella liked her cooking.

  The front door creaked open, followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the floor—Bella’s massive purse.

  Nadine stepped out of the kitchen. “Kumusta ka?”

  The expression on Bella’s face stopped her cold. Bella met Nadine’s gaze, her eyes hard, then she glanced away, combing her fingers through her hair.

  Nadine’s protective instincts surged. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. Everything’s fine.” Her tone said the opposite.

  “I’m heating leftover chicken for dinner. Would you like some?”

  “No, thanks. I’m going to have something else.” Bella took a step toward the kitchen, then abruptly spun in the other direction. “Actually, I’m going to take a shower.” She disappeared into the bathroom.

  Nadine sat on the couch with her dinner. Something had obviously happened. Bella could have had a bad day at the store—that place had a way of shredding one’s sanity—but after her cold refusal of dinner, Nadine suspected that Bella’s mood was directed at her.

  Was this about Alyssa? Maybe Bella had seen the interview and bought into Alyssa’s fake tears. Nadine ground her teeth at the thought.

  Nearly half an hour passed before Bella emerged from her shower, wearing purple pajama pants and a snug black tank top that hugged every curve of her breasts. Her damp hair was piled on her head in a towel. Nadine looked away before she got caught staring, but Bella walked right past her and into the kitchen without even glancing in her direction.

  She heard the freezer door open and close and the whir of the microwave. A few minutes later, Bella returned to the living room holding a beer and a small plastic tray, one of the freezer-burned prepared meals she ate when she was desperate. She hovered at the edge of the living room before she finally sat next to Nadine, placing the tray and the beer on the coffee table.

  The couch had never felt so cramped, but there was nowhere else for Nadine to go in the small apartment. She stayed out of Bella’s room by unspoken agreement, and she was not about to hide in the bathroom like a teenager. Or take extra-long showers like Bella.

  The only thing left to do was break the silence. “Long day?”

  “Yeah.” Bella dipped her chin in a slight nod, then stuffed another forkful of food into her mouth.

  Okay. Bella was angry with her. But why? They’d been laughing together that morning. What changed?

  Nadine wanted to tell Bella to grow up and have a conversation about whatever was bothering her, but she was only too aware of her precarious position as a guest with no lease or formal agreement. If this arrangement fell through, she’d be screwed.

  Instead, she asked cautiously, “Is something bothering you?”

  Bella swallowed, then turned to face Nadine with troubled eyes. “I just…I’ve been thinking. Why did you do it?”

  Nadine breathed in deeply and slowly exhaled. She knew what “it” meant. Why did you sell out poor people to win an election?

  The urge to tell the truth clawed at her gut. Maybe Bella would believe her. Maybe it would be okay.

  Still uncertain of what she’d end up saying, she eased into the story. “We came in third in Iowa.” Nadine set her plate on the coffee table. “It’s hard for a female candidate to get past the Iowa caucus. It always has been. We spent every penny we had and then some, and we had nothing to show for it.” She could still see Alyssa’s crumpled face, her tears—real tears for once—when the results came in.

  Bella sat completely still, gaze on her lap.

  “The problem with tanking in an early contest is the money dries up fast. Donors won’t support a loser, and without money you can’t compete in later states. Alyssa needed ad buys, ground troops. And she had to show the big donors that she could still raise money online. It was her only chance to stay in the race.”

  Bella looked up to meet Nadine’s eyes. “What are you saying? That it was worth it? You promised to screw over poor people who can’t afford health insurance.”

  “I…” Nadine clenched her jaw. “I didn’t—”

  “Did you know I’m one of those people? I pay three hundred dollars a month for my shitty Overstock Oasis health insurance that I can’t even use because the deductible is so high. I can’t afford to go to the damn doctor. Alyssa wanted to help people like me, and you were going to take that away.”

  Nadine’s fingernails dug into her palms. She hadn’t expected to face anger about the scandal here, not in the home that had become her only safe space, the only place where she wouldn’t be judged or attacked.

  “How were you going to pull it off?” Bella asked. “Were you going to tell Alyssa the truth after you made a dirty deal behind her back and hope she’d keep quiet to avoid a scandal? Or were you just going to trade away the premium cap and tell her she didn’t have enough votes?”

  “Look, I don’t know what brought this on. But if you don’t want me to stay here, I’ll go.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Bella stabbed a piece of limp broccoli with her fork but didn’t eat it.

  “Then what do you want from me?”

  “I want to know why you did it. Rob Gunn is president because of you, and people are hurting, literally dying, because of his horrible policies. I don’t like to think about it, but it’s true.”

  The words were like a punch to the stomach, taking her breath away.

  “Sometimes I feel like I know you.” Bella’s voice caught. “But I clearly don’t because I don’t understand how you could have done what you did. Did the consequences even matter to you? Do you even feel guilty or…?” She made a frustrated gesture.

  Nadine crossed her arms over her body like a shield. Bella would never believe she was innocent. Why should she? Why should anyone? “There’s nothing I can say to you that would change your opinion.”

  “So you don’t feel guilty.”

  “You have no idea how I feel.” The words tasted like acid. In reality, she felt guilty all the time—guilty for lying, guilty for the heartbreak she’d caused her sister. The past two years had been such a mindfuck, she sometimes felt guilty of the crime.

  Bella slumped her shoulders. “Okay. I thought maybe I was missing something. But I guess I’m not.” She shook her head. “It’s my fault. Since I’ve gotten to know you, I wanted to think…wanted to believe… I don’t know. I guess I’m just in a weird mood.” She picked up her tray and her beer. “I’m going to eat in my room.”

  Nadine watched as Bella walked away. The bedroom door clicked shut.

  She sagged back against the couch. It had been a fantasy to think Bella might be different from the rest of the world. Bella would never harass and bully her like the others, but in the end, she saw what everyone else saw: a coldhearted criminal. Nadine never should have allowed herself to hope for anything different.

  I shouldn’t have moved in with her. This night, this conversation, never would have happened if she had simply lived in her car. She would be cold and hungry and alone, but at least she would still be numb.

  * * *

  A loud, obnoxious sound woke Bella from her dream. Fuck. It was her alarm. She groaned and rolled over on her side, twisting her legs in the sheets.

  She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and silenced the alarm, then curled against a pillow while her brain emerged from the fog of heavy slumber.

  Her shift started in two hours. Nadine’s did too. Soon she’d have to leave her cozy bed and face her coworker-slash-roommate-slash-person who induced a confusing mess of feelings every time their eyes met.

  Bella winced as she recalled the argument from the night before. Oh Lord. Everything is fucked-up now.

  She’d had a rock in her stomach ever since the ice cream parlor. As much as she hated to admit it, Raelyn was right. Last night’s train wreck conversation had only confirmed it.

  It’s my fault. Nadine had never lied to her. She had never claimed to be innocent or misunderstood. Even when she thought Bella might kick her out of the apartment, she hadn’t groveled or feigned remorse. Instead, it was Bella who had been pretending.

  As she pushed herself up in bed, Bella resolved to pull back from their deepening friendship. She wouldn’t evict Nadine or treat her badly, but she would stop getting—as Raelyn put it—sucked in.

  She would be professional at work and polite at home. But there would be no more oversharing, no more flirty Filipino language lessons. And no fantasizing about world-famous criminals who weren’t even queer. Absolutely none of that.

  Feeling determined, she kicked off the covers, slid out of bed, and opened her bedroom door.

  Nadine sat cross-legged on the couch, nursing a cup of coffee. She looked up, her gaze guarded.

  “Good morning.” Bella walked past Nadine without waiting for a response.

  In the kitchen, she toasted a Pop-Tart and made coffee. She returned to the living room with one in each hand. “I’m sorry for being weird last night. Everything is fine. Really.”

  “Okay…”

  “Would you like to drive to work together?”

  Nadine eyed her warily. “Sure.”

  “Cool.” Bella nodded. “I’ll be ready on time.” She carried her breakfast into her bedroom.

  That was good. She’d been pleasant but detached. She could do this.

  Chapter 18

  Nadine stabbed through packing tape, stomped on the box, and kicked it into the growing pile of cardboard that had borne her frustration all morning.

  I have to move out. She didn’t know where or how, but she couldn’t remain in the small apartment with someone who made her feel like this.

  Sure, Bella had been cordial on the drive to work, but losing the shared smiles and jokes, the moments that felt like real friendship, hurt more than any sneer from a stranger. She couldn’t deal with it at work and at home, where she couldn’t even retreat behind a bedroom door.

  Money was still a barrier to finding her own place, and her record and reputation hadn’t changed, but maybe there was a new listing in the area. She resolved to search Craigslist that evening when she could access Bella’s Wi-Fi.

  Nadine sliced the next box, dragging the boxcutter down the seam and—“Fuck!”—straight into her thumb. Blood trickled down to her palm.

  The metal doors swung open. A man wearing a black baseball cap and rimless glasses strode in and stopped a few feet in front of her. Nadine opened her mouth to tell him customers weren’t allowed in the stockroom, but when their eyes met, she knew he’d been looking for her.

  “I was going to ask how you’re adjusting to small-town retail, but I guess that’s my answer.” He gestured at her bloody thumb.

  “Who are you?”

  He held his hands up. “Hey, I’m not here to mess with you. I came to talk.”

  “Fine. Tell me your name.” She held her hand away from her body but made no other move to address the blood.

  “Ryan Mitchell. I work for Jeff Zaller. And I just want to ask you a few questions.”

  “Oh, I see. Zaller wants to challenge Rob Gunn, like every other Democratic senator under eighty years old, and you’re doing opposition research on Alyssa for the primary. But why do you think I’d help you? Don’t you think I’ve hurt Alyssa enough?”

  “See, that’s the thing.” Ryan crossed his arms. “I don’t think you did a damn thing to Alyssa Jackson except save her pretty ass from a well-deserved stint in prison.”

  “Oh, so you’re a conspiracy theorist. How unfortunate for your boss. Does he know you’re doing this?”

  He scoffed. “I’m someone who sees through Alyssa’s earnest little patriot act. I also know Atlas wasn’t the first or the last time she traded promises for cash.”

  What was he talking about? Was Alyssa reckless enough to commit the same crime twice? And if there was evidence of another bribe, could it somehow lead to a reexamination of the Atlas deal?

  “Look,” Ryan said, “I’m not sure why you took the fall for her. But whatever the reason, it can’t have been worth it.” He glanced around the dingy stockroom. “Clearly, she didn’t take care of you. You’re alone, and everyone hates you.”

  The words stung because they were true. Even Bella thought she was evil.

  And that was exactly why this was futile. There was no point in recanting and accusing Alyssa. The media frenzy might cast enough doubt to cost Alyssa the primary, but it wouldn’t lead to the public actually believing Nadine.

  Unless the truth came from Alyssa herself, Nadine would never recover her reputation. The best she could hope for was to be left alone, starting with Ryan.

  “Tell me, Ryan, what exactly was your thought process here? You think I’m so loyal to Alyssa that I spent two years in prison for her. Yet you expected my loyalty would crumble when you pointed out that my life sucks?”

  He cocked his head. “I thought you might be interested in talking to someone who doesn’t believe you’re Satan. Someone who wants to hear the real story, who has a professional interest in bringing that story to light.”

  “Well, you thought wrong.” A fat drop of blood spilled off her hand and hit the floor. “I need to clean this up.” She strode past him to the door.

  “Wait.” He caught up with her and thrust a business card into her uninjured hand. “Take this. Think about it. You can call me anytime.”

  She hadn’t meant to take the card, but her fingers closed around it unconsciously. She stuffed it into her pocket and used her good hand to catch another drop of blood.

  He looked at her with pity. “Whatever she promised you, whatever she has on you—this isn’t worth it.”

  “Goodbye.” She walked past him and pushed through the door to wash the blood from her hands.

  * * *

  “Attention, Overstock Oasis shoppers.” Bella’s voice crackled over the speakers. “The store is now closed. Please bring your items to the checkout counter.”

  That was her cue. They had spent most of the day avoiding each other, but tonight they were scheduled to close the store together.

  Nadine hovered in the bath aisle while Bella checked out the last customer. When the transaction was finished, she approached the register. “Hi.”

  “Hello. Ready to close?” Bella sounded upbeat, but Nadine recognized her customer service voice. Polite. Distant.

  “Yes, I’m ready.” Ready to get this over with.

  Bella opened the safe and placed three stacks of cash onto the counter. “How was your day?”

  Well, I maimed myself with a box cutter, and a shady political operative tried to recruit me to take down my corrupt ex-boss. “It was fine, thanks.”

  Nadine counted the stacks of cash while Bella tallied the bills and coins from her register. She jotted down the total and looked up.

  Bella was still counting, mouthing numbers to herself with a creased brow. Finally she said, “I’m short. More than five dollars.” She smacked the counter. “Damn it.”

  “It happens. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “Yeah.” She stuffed the cash into the plastic bag they would give to the bank.

  When the bag was signed and sealed, Bella gave Nadine a self-conscious shrug. “Well, I have to get my purse. I’ll be back.”

  While she was gone, Nadine considered whether to tell Bella what had been on her mind before things had changed between them. It seemed like the worst possible time to bring up Bella’s academic struggles, and yet there might never be a good time.

  Bella returned with her purse hanging from her shoulder.

  They reached Nadine’s car and climbed in. Both stared straight ahead as Nadine drove to the bank.

  Nadine decided to say something. If Bella didn’t want to listen, that was her choice, but she deserved to know what Nadine suspected. Anyway, with their friendship crumbling, there wasn’t much left to lose.

  When they stopped at a red light, she turned her head. “Bella?”

  “Yeah?” She kept looking straight ahead.