As she continued to lick and tease, Nadine reached down to stroke Bella’s belly. She followed the slope down to her shorts and kept going over the fabric, indulging in the slow exploration of Bella’s generous hips and ass.

  God, I’m gay. Gay, gay, gay. She had accepted as much in recent years, but the throbbing need between her legs was unlike anything she had ever felt with a man. This was how it was supposed to feel, why people risked marriage, money, careers.

  Bella clawed at her back, pulling Nadine’s shirt upward. “Please. I want to feel you. I need your skin on mine.”

  Nadine stripped the shirt from her body and flung it somewhere on the floor. Her breasts hovered over Bella, and now it was her turn to feel self-conscious. While Bella had luscious, womanly curves, Nadine was short with slim hips and humble breasts.

  “Oh wow.” Bella took in her body with greedy eyes. “You’re so hot.”

  Nadine’s breath caught at the naked adoration reflected back at her. Bella would never reject me. This simple truth overwhelmed her. No matter what it cost her, Bella would never push her away. But she couldn’t think about that now, not if she wanted to keep feeling like this.

  Instead, Nadine pressed their bodies together, savoring the feel of Bella’s naked breasts against hers. The heat was rising in the room, and a drop of perspiration trickled into Bella’s cleavage. When Nadine kissed Bella’s other breast—the one she’d neglected—it tasted faintly of salt.

  Nadine wanted more. She yanked on Bella’s pajama shorts. “Off.”

  Bella raised her hips and pushed the shorts past her bottom, revealing lavender bikini panties with lace trim and a visible dark spot where arousal had soaked through.

  Nadine’s mouth went dry at the irrefutable evidence that Bella’s desire was more than affection, friendship, concern. Bella wants me. She lowered her head to the panties, inhaling the heady aroma of sweat and sex. When she kissed the satiny fabric, Bella cried out and gripped the mattress with both hands.

  As Nadine reached for the lacy waistband, sudden hesitation gripped her. With her head between Bella’s thighs, it sank in that she was having sex with a woman for the first time, at age forty, without any knowledge of what Bella liked in bed.

  Nadine had kissed Bella in an explosion of pent-up emotion. She knew that her sweet, generous Bella would let her continue without complaint. But she wanted it to be good for both of them. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

  “Anything.” Her voice was raspy. “Do whatever you want.”

  Nadine traced circles on the panties. “I want to do what you like.”

  Bella propped herself up with her elbow and met Nadine’s eyes. “I like it when you, um, have your way. You doing what you want to me is the hottest thing I could imagine, and I’m going to scream if you don’t get back to doing it.” She flopped back onto the bed. “Touch me, taste me, fuck me. Anything. Please.”

  “O-okay.” Her heart pounded as she slid the panties down Bella’s legs, revealing brown curls. “God. Bella.” She kissed the curls, then dipped lower as wetness coated her chin. Tracing her tongue along the edges, she explored with light pressure.

  Bella bucked her hips, urging her deeper. “Yes, yes, yes.”

  Nadine ventured into the slippery center until she found the unmistakable swell of Bella’s clit. She circled and brushed it, reveling in taste and sensation. Arousal coursed through her, drenching her own panties as her hips moved up and down of their own volition.

  She didn’t know what to do, and yet she did. Bella was vocal and responsive, making no secret of what she liked and where.

  “Yes. Just like that. Oh God.” Bella grabbed Nadine’s shoulders as her moans increased in volume and pitch. Then, all at once, she tensed and clenched, closing her legs as she shuddered hard.

  Nadine lifted her head and watched in wonder as Bella’s face contorted and then melted into a dreamy smile. I made Bella come.

  “Oh. My. God.” Bella’s breasts heaved as she gasped for breath.

  Nadine wiped her mouth, then moved to lie beside Bella so she could wrap an arm around her waist.

  Bella stared at the ceiling, still breathing hard. Finally, her head lolled to the side as she met Nadine’s eyes. “Thank you.”

  Nadine brushed a strand of hair from Bella’s face. “Thank you for letting me.”

  Their lips met in a tender kiss. Nadine wondered if Bella could taste herself, a thought that made her own center throb.

  As they kissed, Bella’s fingers roamed over Nadine’s back and shoulders, then moved to her collarbone and down to her breasts.

  Nadine stilled her hand. “You don’t have to.” She didn’t want Bella to feel obligated, no matter how badly Nadine craved her touch.

  “I want to. I’ve wanted to for so long. Please let me.”

  Her thighs quivered. God, yes. “Okay.”

  Bella wrapped her arms around Nadine, holding her close as she placed reverent kisses on her cheek and chin. Without warning, she nipped Nadine’s earlobe.

  Nadine hissed and clenched her abs. “Oh—oh, I like that.”

  “Good.” Bella’s breath warmed her neck as she teased the outer ear with little bites and flicks of her tongue, making her shiver.

  The light touch was glorious torture. Nadine dug her heels into the bed, unable to lie still.

  When she was done with the ear, Bella slid downward and kissed her way to Nadine’s breasts. “You’re so gorgeous,” she whispered. “I love your boobs and your shoulders and your skin.”

  Nadine twitched involuntarily as Bella lowered her mouth to one nipple. She had never enjoyed men licking her there, somehow finding it too stimulating and not sensual enough all at once.

  But this. This, like a kiss, was completely different with a woman. She barely felt Bella’s tongue, only glorious sensation.

  When Bella peeled off her pants, Nadine remembered her cotton briefs. Not sexy, but at least they were solid black.

  Bella barely looked at them—she just pulled them off and kicked them aside.

  With no clothes between them, Bella curled up next to Nadine and caressed her slick curls with her whole hand, palm to fingertips. “You’re so wet.”

  “Because of you. Everything about you turns me on.” She was hot and swollen beneath Bella’s touch.

  Bella switched to a single finger and probed deeper. “You feel so good.” She touched Nadine with skill and care, adapting the pressure and speed in response to the sounds Nadine couldn’t stop making.

  When Bella grazed her clit, Nadine sucked in a breath. “Holy hell.” She reached backward and grabbed her own hair, needing something to squeeze as her body jerked forward.

  Bella circled a few times, then trailed her finger downward to Nadine’s opening. “Can I go inside? Do you like that, or…?”

  Already out of breath, Nadine choked out, “Yes.”

  Bella slid a finger inside her and then another, thrusting into her. She started slow, then increased the speed.

  Unable to lie still, Nadine bucked and groaned. The loss of control was foreign and frightening and better than she could have dreamed.

  She was panting and desperate, grinding into Bella’s fingers to drive them even deeper. When Bella’s thumb brushed her clit, there was no going back. “I’m going to… Don’t stop… There, right there…” Pleasure surged through her, then relief, then trembling aftershocks.

  “God, that was hot.” Bella slid up the bed and lay next to Nadine. “You know, I was going to do more than that.” Mischief played on Bella’s lips. “I still can. Perk of being a woman.”

  “Mmm.” It was hard to speak. “I’m good. So good.” She closed her eyes, then opened them again to look at Bella. “I’m gay. A lesbian.”

  “You told me that weeks ago.” Bella’s eyes widened. “Wait, this wasn’t…? Was this your first time?”

  “No.” Heat rushed to her cheeks. “It wasn’t my first time having sex. Just… my first time with a woman.”

  “Oh my gosh. I wish you had told me so I could have made it really special.”

  “You did.” Nadine pulled Bella close and curled up against her. “You’re special, and you were amazing.”

  Bella sighed and turned, fitting her back against Nadine’s front so that they were spooning.

  Nadine wrapped her arms around Bella. Tears stung her eyes but didn’t fall. For years, she had fantasized that her first experience with a woman would be with Alyssa. She had hoped that someday she’d leave her husband and they would share more than a kiss.

  Even in her fantasies, she had imagined her boss as a selfish lover. Still, she had thought that just touching her, pleasing her, would be everything.

  Now she knew how lucky she was to share her first experience with Bella, who had shown with every touch that she genuinely cared for Nadine. Even knowing her flaws and thinking the worst about her past, Bella still believed she was a good person who deserved to feel good.

  Bella reached for the sheet and pulled it over them, wrapping their naked bodies in tiny roses.

  Nadine breathed into Bella’s neck and held her tight.

  “I love you,” Bella said softly.

  Nadine tensed. No, no, no.

  Bella couldn’t love her. It was wrong. Nadine would not fuck up Bella’s future, no matter how much she… No. She could not.

  “Bella…” Her voice broke. “You’re a wonderful person, probably the best person I’ve ever known.”

  Bella stiffened in her arms. “Oh. Um, it’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”

  “Sharing this night with you was amazing. I’ll never forget it. But I can’t be in a relationship with you. Not when it would cause you so much harm.”

  “Right. You said that before.” Bella pushed herself out of Nadine’s arms and rolled out of bed. She grabbed a towel that was hanging over her desk chair and, still facing the wall, wrapped it tightly around her body.

  Nadine tried to think of what to say, anything to stop what was happening and how it was ripping her apart. But she had no words. Instead, she watched Bella rush past her. The bathroom door slammed. Soon after that, the shower started.

  Cool air raised bumps on her skin as she slid out of bed and searched the floor for her clothes. She dressed quickly and fled to the couch…the couch that was all of four yards away from the bedroom. There was no escape.

  Nadine huddled there in her borrowed bedsheet, listening to the shower. She couldn’t get warm.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How did she fuck it up so badly?

  They had fallen into bed in a rush of lust and abandon. Surely Bella’s declaration was in the same spirit? It was like three a.m. in Las Vegas. What the hell, let’s get married. Anything to prolong the high.

  Nadine should have said something polite and noncommittal so they could enjoy the fantasy a little longer. But no. Instead she had dragged them back to her miserable reality with Bella still naked in her arms.

  She lay on the couch for a long time, eyes closed but not sleeping.

  Finally, the bathroom door opened. Seconds later, the bedroom door closed. Then silence.

  She sat up and switched on the lamp. The coffee table was littered with dishes, chopsticks, restaurant napkins, and half-empty food cartons. Bella’s rosy lip prints adorned her glass of unfinished wine.

  Nadine dragged herself off the couch and began to clean up the mess. She loaded the dishwasher, washed the wine glasses, and collected the trash. When she picked up the bag the food had arrived in, she found four fortune cookies inside, along with several packets of soy sauce.

  She reached in the bag for a plastic-wrapped cookie and turned it over in her hand, trying to remember the last time she’d had one. It had been a few years—before she went to prison.

  Fortune cookies didn’t contain real fortunes anyway, just benign little sayings or cheery predictions of wealth and romantic success. Americans wouldn’t stand for anything ominous. They didn’t want to hear that they would end up poor or they’d never find love—or, worse, that they’d find it and lose it because they were too broken to reciprocate.

  Nadine threw the cookies away. She knew her future already.

  Chapter 26

  A melodic chord progression pierced Bella’s slumber. Her alarm. She fumbled for her phone, silenced the alarm, and burrowed deeper under the covers. Like hell.

  Sometime later, a knock on the bedroom door once again roused her from blissful oblivion.

  “Bella? It’s time to leave.” Nadine jiggled the door handle.

  Time to leave. The words floated around her brain like a screen saver.

  Another knock. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me, but can you just tell me if you want a ride? Otherwise, I’m leaving without you.”

  With a heavy sigh, Bella reached for her phone and typed a text to Nadine: Leave without me.

  Then she texted Grady’s cell phone number: I’m sick. Stomach flu. Can’t work today.

  Finally, she heard footsteps retreating from the door. She pulled the covers back over her head and closed her eyes.

  * * *

  Bella sat on the couch in her pajamas, inhaling steam from her coffee mug. She had spent the morning in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, emerging from her cocoon only when her bladder reached its breaking point.

  The only two places to sit in her small apartment—the bed and the couch—were also the locations of last night’s horrible decisions. She’d changed the sheets before sleeping, but she could still smell Nadine everywhere.

  Why couldn’t the sex have been bad? At least then Bella could console herself by concluding they just didn’t have chemistry.

  But no. It was everything she could have wanted. Powerful, raw, and deeply emotional. And when Nadine confessed it was her first time with a woman, Bella’s heart had swelled with gratitude…only to be smashed a moment later. All because of Nadine’s martyr complex that was now messing up two lives.

  What the hell was her deal? How could Nadine still believe that Bella was better off without her?

  Unless it was just an excuse. Truthfully, it did sound like bullshit. I’m rejecting you because you deserve better.

  Maybe she really wasn’t smart enough for someone like Nadine. Or maybe Nadine just didn’t want to be with someone who still lived in the same zip code as her elementary school. After all, they were only friends in the first place because of Nadine’s unlikely stint at Overstock Oasis—and Bella’s willingness to overlook her crime.

  Crime. Bella sat up straight, remembering the conversation from the previous night. After Nadine’s rejection, she had almost forgotten. They all thought I was guilty.

  Maybe it was a clumsy choice of words. But Nadine’s reaction when called on it—the rapid blinking, the refusal to discuss it—told Bella otherwise.

  Bella didn’t understand Nadine’s reluctance to confide in her. She didn’t work for CNN. She was nobody, for God’s sake. Who could she even tell? Raelyn? Ashley? Kenny?

  Well, there was Ryan Mitchell. He might be interested in Nadine’s slip of the tongue. She didn’t have his number, but she imagined she could reach him through the Zaller campaign.

  Bella fantasized about calling Ryan and sharing her suspicions. Maybe he could investigate and find out for sure. Then again, it seemed unlikely that he would succeed where prosecutors and reporters had failed.

  If Nadine really was innocent, only a handful of people knew it. The CEO of Atlas had met with either Nadine or Alyssa that day—he knew which one. And, of course, Alyssa knew the truth.

  Great. I’ll just call up Senator Jackson and ask if she’s guilty of campaign-finance fraud, accepting bribes, and perjury.

  Bella unlocked her phone and scrolled through the latest news about Alyssa’s campaign. She was making appearances in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, holding town halls and choking down local delicacies in mom-and-pop diners.

  Bella clicked on a video titled “Jackson Spars with New Hampshire Voter over Marijuana Flip-Flop.”

  In the clip, a man with dreads down to his elbows stepped up to the mic. “Hi, Senator. You support the legalization of marijuana now that it’s popular. So what do you say to the countless Americans who were arrested for weed over the past two decades while you were too chickenshit to stand up for them?”

  Alyssa’s fake smile widened. “First of all, sir, you have mischaracterized both my past and present positions…”

  The clip played on, but Bella wasn’t listening. She was thinking. A random nobody got to confront Alyssa with a hostile question just because he lived in New Hampshire. Maybe an audience with the great Senator Jackson wasn’t impossible.

  Unfortunately, Virginia didn’t hold an early primary. Bella would vote on Super Tuesday, more than two months after the Iowa caucus. Still, Virginia was close to DC, and Jackson was a senator. Maybe something was on the schedule.

  Bella navigated to Jackson’s campaign website—a flashy monstrosity that looked as if someone had barfed American flags all over the home page—and clicked on Events. At the top was an engagement scheduled for that very evening in Sumter, South Carolina: “Community Town Hall with Alyssa Jackson.”

  Interesting. South Carolina was about five hours away. It was almost noon, and the event was at seven.

  She couldn’t, right? What were the chances she would get into the town hall, let alone get a chance to talk to Alyssa? It was a ridiculous idea, certain to flop.

  On the other hand, what the hell else did she have to do with her fake sick day? Stay home and wallow on the couch where they’d kissed, then go to sleep in her bed where they… No. She needed to do something. Even something foolish and doomed would be better than sitting around reliving last night.