“Oh, Bella.” Nadine placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. When Bella didn’t pull away, she rubbed her back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry it feels that way. But it’s not too late.”

  “Yeah, sure. Like I can be a freshman at thirty when I can’t even afford the tuition.” Bella took a deep breath, regaining some composure. “I’m sorry. I just feel so embarrassed. Especially around you.”

  Nadine pulled her hand back. “You don’t have to be embarrassed around me. God, I’m not in a position to look down on anyone. And even if I were, I wouldn’t look down on you.” She sighed. “I know you hate what I did as much as anyone, but you treat me like a human being. You’re sensitive, kind, talented—and you’re a good person. You should be proud of yourself. I really mean that.”

  “Thank you,” Bella whispered. She shifted to face Nadine, eyes shiny with tears. Then she flung herself forward, smashed her lips against Nadine’s, and pulled her close.

  Nadine froze at first but then quickly surrendered, losing herself in the hot, wet mouth that tasted of rum and salt and Bella.

  Then she remembered—I can’t. She broke the kiss, tearing her swollen lips away as she pressed her palms to Bella’s shoulders and pushed. The loss of contact made her chest ache.

  Bella’s eyes were wide and horrified. “Oh my God.”

  “Bella, it’s… I…” Nadine fumbled for words, any words that would fix what had just happened.

  Bella staggered to her feet. “I can’t believe I just… Oh Lord.” She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

  Nadine sank back on the couch, shaky and aching with desire. Fuck.

  Why had she kissed back? She should have pulled away, should have stopped before anything happened, before Bella realized her feelings. But it was too late.

  Bella knows now. Fuck. She knows.

  Maybe, somehow, it would be okay. Bella could blame the rum, and Nadine could blame exhaustion. They could both forget it ever happened.

  Unless.

  That fiery kiss left no doubt about their mutual attraction. They were both single. If they both wanted it…

  Nadine shook her head, banishing the thought. Bella had been drunk and sad, reaching for any warm body. When she sobered up, she would remember that Nadine was a criminal who had betrayed the country and made Alyssa cry. That’s who Nadine was to Bella and who she would always be to the world. Bella deserved better.

  Nadine looked over at the bathroom door. What was Bella doing? Crying again? Puking her guts out?

  Then the shower started. Nadine had lived there long enough to know Bella would stay until the hot water ran out.

  Nadine stretched out on the sofa and hugged her knees to her chest. On top of fucking everything, she had to pee.

  * * *

  Bella huddled on the floor of the bathtub as hot water poured down on her like heavy rain. Her limbs were loose from the rum and the steamy shower, but her mind was clear.

  I kissed Nadine. Not just kissed—attacked. She had thrown herself at the woman and smothered her with sloppy desperation.

  Her cheeks burned. She had forced an unwanted kiss on a straight woman, and, worse, it had turned her on. For a second, she’d thought Nadine was kissing her too, until hands pushed her away.

  I’m as bad as Todd. How ironic that she’d spent days judging Nadine, who had never once harmed her personally, only to behave like this.

  Bella sat under the spray until the water turned lukewarm, then cool. She dragged herself to her feet and lathered her hair as the temperature turned even colder. Icy water shocked her skin as she rinsed the suds from her hair. By the time she hugged her body with a towel, her teeth chattered.

  She couldn’t face Nadine tonight. Not like this. When she was dry enough, she opened the bathroom door and slipped into her bedroom, quickly closing the door behind her. Then she pulled on pajamas and crawled into bed, dragging the covers over her head.

  Tomorrow, she would apologize. She would blame the booze, say that it didn’t mean anything. She’d say whatever it took to make it okay. Tomorrow.

  Chapter 20

  Bella stood before the bathroom mirror, assessing the wreckage. Her swollen eyelids were like a neon I’ve been crying sign. Her hair was frizzy and tangled from sleeping on it wet.

  She washed her face and combed her hair, resulting in a marginal improvement. Well, I look as pathetic as I feel.

  It was time to face Nadine. Her stomach lurched as she peeked out from behind the bathroom door.

  Nadine was reclining on the couch, studying her phone. A mug and a half-eaten Pop-Tart sat on the nearby coffee table.

  Bella stepped out. “Hi.”

  Nadine’s head shot up as her phone fell into her lap. “Hello. Good morning.” She swung around to a sitting position. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay.” Bella searched Nadine’s face for a sign of disgust but saw only worry, which was almost worse. She’s afraid I’m going to try to kiss her again. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  Nadine gestured to the space next to her. “Of course.”

  Bella hesitated, reluctant to be so close. But the only alternative was hovering over her. She sat.

  Afraid to meet Nadine’s eyes, Bella looked down at her chipped nail polish. “I’m really, really sorry for what I did last night. I know how it feels to be grabbed and kissed against your will, and I feel awful that I did that to you.” She took a breath. “I’m not going to blame the alcohol or my mood. I don’t want to make excuses. But I swear I will never do anything like that again.” She looked up, expecting to see judgment.

  Instead, Nadine looked confused. As if she didn’t know what Bella was talking about. But obviously she knew—she’d been there. She was probably baffled that Bella’s apology was so inadequate.

  Bella babbled on. “I know I can’t fix it by saying I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it must be to share an apartment with me. If you want, I could stay at my mom’s house for a few days to give you some space. I mean, we’d still have to work together, but—”

  “Bella.” Nadine’s voice broke through. “Stop. Stop talking.” She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were full of turmoil. “You weren’t the only one. I kissed you back. I kissed you too.”

  “You… What?” Bella flashed back to the crush of lips and tongue, Nadine’s mouth moving against hers as she tried to escape, or….she had been kissing back? “But I thought you were straight.”

  Nadine twisted her T-shirt. “No.”

  “No? You’re bisexual?”

  Nadine glanced away. “No.”

  Bella’s heart thumped. “Are you saying…?”

  Nadine turned back to meet her gaze. “I’m gay.”

  What the hell? “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me?” She thought back to Nadine’s first night in her apartment when she’d discovered the lesbian romance novels. Bella had worried Nadine would be uncomfortable with her sexuality. Now she felt foolish—and hurt.

  Nadine rubbed her temples. “Because I don’t tell anyone. I’ve always been private. Now that I’m the least dateable person in America, there’s no point in coming out as gay or anything else. And I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  Bella grabbed a fistful of her own hair and pulled on it. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you’re a lesbian too.” She paused. “Sorry, is that word okay? Lesbian? I don’t know how you—”

  “It’s fine,” Nadine said, although her face said nothing was fine. “It’s accurate.”

  Lesbian. Gay. Nadine was like her. The revelation sloshed around in her brain. Then she heard the rest of Nadine’s words. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

  It didn’t make sense. Bella was obviously not a homophobe. Why would Nadine’s sexuality make Bella uncomfortable? Unless…

  Her head was spinning. “Do you…do you like me like that? I mean, have you been wanting to kiss me too?”

  Nadine straightened her back. “I behaved impulsively. Just like you. We both know it shouldn’t happen again.”

  “Oh. Right. Yeah, of course.” She tried to think of something to say. Keep it together. Act natural. “Should we drive together? For work, I mean.” They were both scheduled to start at eleven.

  “Sure. We can take my car.”

  That was a given; Bella still hadn’t gotten around to cleaning hers out.

  “Okay, good. Well, I need some coffee. Oh, and another shower, I think.” She stood, still a little unsteady, then turned to look at Nadine. “Thanks for telling me. I’m glad things are back to normal.”

  Nadine nodded, giving her a tight smile.

  Hooray for complete bullshit. Nothing was normal anymore. Not even close.

  * * *

  The box was small but seemed to contain an anvil. Nadine grunted as she hoisted it to the top of the stack on the handcart. After checking the alignment, she wheeled the boxes down the ramp and into the stockroom.

  Her muscles stretched and throbbed as she arranged the boxes into the neat stacks she had created. Just another day at the gym.

  It helped to think of the punishing labor as a free fitness opportunity. Her endurance had increased; she didn’t need as many breaks as she had a few weeks ago. The hard work was a great way to relieve stress and frustration, and these days she had an abundance of both.

  When she finished dragging the last box into the stockroom, Nadine sat on the floor and leaned against a large box to catch her breath. It was a cool day in November, but her shirt was soaked with sweat.

  She pulled out her phone and saw a message from Bella. Text me when you’re done with the truck. :)

  The message meant Bella would bring her a drink and a snack. Nadine texted back: Just finished.

  It was another sign that Bella was no longer angry, that things were back to normal. Well, almost normal.

  Within seconds of Nadine’s response, Bella pushed through the doors, bearing a sandwich from the deli and a diet cola. “Special delivery.” She sat next to Nadine on the floor.

  “God. Thank you.” Nadine twisted open the soda. She had guzzled the last of her water half an hour earlier. She tilted her head back and drank deeply, taking several gulps before she paused to breathe.

  Bella was staring at Nadine’s damp shirt, which clung to her breasts, revealing the outline of her skimpy sports bra and her nipples. When their eyes met, Bella flinched and looked away, pretending to glance around the stockroom.

  And there was the difference.

  “Um,” Bella said, “you emptied that truck really fast.”

  “Yeah. This truck wasn’t too bad. There were some heavy boxes but also a lot of light ones.”

  “Still, a whole truck in a such a short time. You’ve gotten really strong.” Bella gazed admiringly at her arms, and Nadine felt it again—the heat between them. While Nadine had decades of practice at keeping her feelings to herself, Bella couldn’t hide hers to save her life.

  Bella shifted on the hard floor, curling her legs. “How do you say sandwich in Filipino?”

  “We just say sandwich. I can’t think of another word.”

  “Oh.” Bella licked her lips. “Hmm. What about the word for food?”

  “Pagkain.”

  “Pag-ka-in.” Bella pointed at the sandwich. “Pagkain.” Her pronunciation was hopeless, but the word was comprehensible.

  Nadine nodded. “Correct.”

  “Salamat.” Bella smiled playfully, fluttering her lashes. “Maybe you can teach me another word tonight.”

  “Sure. I’m planning to cook.”

  “Oh, sweet. I can’t wait.” Bella pushed herself to her feet. “Well, I’d better get back on register.”

  “Okay. Thanks again for lunch.”

  Bella beamed. “Walang anuman.”

  Nadine watched as Bella walked away, hair swishing against her back. Her black jeans hugged and accentuated every curve.

  God, it was getting harder.

  * * *

  Nadine set the burner to simmer and inhaled the heavenly aroma of Filipino chicken stew.

  Bella walked in, wearing pajama shorts and an oversized T-shirt. “Mmm. That pagkain smells good.”

  “Thank you.” At Bella’s expectant face, she added, “Salamat. But it won’t be ready for an hour.”

  “That’s fine.” Bella leaned against the counter. “Your cooking is worth the wait.”

  Nadine’s phone chimed. Patricia. “It’s my sister. I’m going to step outside. Would you mind turning the burner off if it starts to boil over?”

  “Of course. Tell her I said hi.” Bella started to leave the kitchen, then turned around. “I mean, kumusta.”

  “I will.” Nadine grabbed her jacket and walked out the door, then down the steps. She sat on the curb and answered the call. “Hello, Pati.”

  “Hi, ate.” Her sister sat on the floral-print loveseat, bouncing Miko in her lap. “Say hi to Auntie Nadine.” The baby waved hesitantly.

  “Hi, sweetheart. I hope you’re being good for your mommy.”

  Miko reached for the screen and hung up.

  Patricia called right back. “Sorry about that. I put him on the floor with his cars.” She settled back on the loveseat. “How are you?”

  It was a simple question that Nadine had no idea how to answer. “I’m okay.” Then she remembered. “Oh, and Bella says hi. Actually she says kumusta.”

  “You’re teaching your roommate Filipino?”

  Nadine shrugged. “She wants to learn.”

  “Sounds like she’s becoming a good friend. I’m happy for you.” Patricia looked intently through the screen at Nadine. “What? What’s wrong?”

  Nadine winced. Patricia knew her too well. She glanced around the parking lot. “We kissed.”

  Patricia sat up, leaning in toward the screen. “What? She’s gay too?”

  “Yes.” It felt good to tell someone what had happened, despite the interrogation she knew would follow. “She told me a while ago, but she didn’t know, you know, about me.”

  “Eek, I can’t believe it. Wow. Is she your girlfriend now?” Patricia bounced with excitement.

  “No.” Nadine shook her head vehemently. “Look, it was a mistake. She was sad, and I was lonely. But obviously, nothing like that can ever happen again.”

  Patricia furrowed her brow. “Why not?”

  Her sister didn’t get it. “You know why not. Because of who I am. My situation.”

  “Does she know the truth?”

  “No.”

  “Why the h-e-l-l not?”

  Nadine sighed. “At first, I didn’t think she would believe me, but now…I think maybe she would.”

  “Hmm. I like her already. Perhaps she can talk some sense into you.”

  Nadine pinched the bridge of her nose. “As much as we both adore having this fight, can we skip it tonight?”

  “Fine.” Patricia sat back. “So she thinks you’re evil, but she kissed you anyway. Why can’t you two be together?”

  A jacked-up pickup truck pulled into the parking lot. Nadine recognized Bella’s frat boy neighbors, who had never paid attention to her. Still, she lowered her voice. “You don’t know what it’s like for me here. I’m a pariah. I’m not going to drag her into this existence. She already gets shit at work for being my friend.”

  The baby fussed off screen. Patricia leaned over and whispered to him in rapid Filipino, then sat back up. “So what are you going to do?”

  “The plan hasn’t changed. I’m saving up to rent my own place. Bella and I are just friends.”

  “So you move into a small apartment and hide there until you die? Meanwhile, Alyssa Jackson gets to be president of the United States. Am I missing something, or is that the entire plan?” As Patricia spoke, Miko’s fussing intensified.

  “I guess so. I thought we weren’t going to talk about this.”

  But Patricia had dropped the iPad to soothe Miko, leaving Nadine with a view of the ceiling.

  Nadine looked across the parking lot into the dark, open field across the street. The stars were bright and clear. She was still getting used to the quiet of the country, but she didn’t mind the view.

  Patricia reappeared, clutching Miko. “Ate, I’d better go.”

  “Okay. Kiss him for me.” She waved her fingers at her red-faced nephew.

  “I will. And you kiss Bella for me.” She made a kissy face.

  Nadine rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, Pati.”

  She set her phone down and rested her chin on her knees. The concrete curb was cold on her ass, but she wasn’t ready to get up.

  In prison, everything had been so simple. She had lost her career, her reputation, and her life, but she didn’t deserve those things anyway. Out in the world, making choices was harder. She didn’t know what to do.

  Chapter 21

  Bella arrived for work fifteen minutes before the store opened, exactly on time. As she walked to the break room to clock in, she heard excited voices coming from Grady’s office.

  She swiped her badge, then peeked into the office to see what was happening. Grady, Jason, Ashley, and Kenny were crowded around Grady’s desk, watching something on the computer monitor.

  “What’s going on?”

  “The cameras recorded a shoplifter.” Grady pointed triumphantly at the screen.

  Bella squeezed between Ashley and Kenny to see. On the monitor, a woman hovered in front of the shelves that held angel figurines.

  “Watch this.” Jason hit the spacebar, and the grainy image came to life. The woman glanced to her right and then her left before pocketing a figurine in a quick, smooth motion.

  “The suspect is Caucasian, between five and six feet tall,” Jason said seriously.