Eating the air and promise of supply,

  Flatt’ring himself in project of a power

  Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts;

  30

  And so with great imagination,

  Proper to madmen, led his powers to death

  And, winking, leapt into destruction.

  HASTINGS

  But by your leave, it never yet did hurt

  To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.

  35

  LORD BARDOLPH

  FYes, if this present quality of war –

  Indeed, the instant action, a cause on foot –

  Lives so in hope as in an early spring

  We see th’appearing buds, which to prove fruit

  Hope gives not so much warrant as despair

  40

  That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build,

  We first survey the plot, then draw the model;

  And when we see the figure of the house,

  Then must we rate the cost of the erection

  Which, if we find outweighs ability,

  45

  What do we then but draw anew the model

  In fewer offices, or at least desist

  To build at all? Much more in this great work,

  Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down

  And set another up, should we survey

  50

  The plot of situation and the model,

  Consent upon a sure foundation,

  Question surveyors, know our own estate,

  How able such a work to undergo,

  To weigh against his opposite; or elseF

  55

  We fortify in paper and in figures,

  Using the names of men instead of men,

  Like one that draws the model of an house

  Beyond his power to build it, who, half through,

  Gives o’er and leaves his part-created cost

  60

  A naked subject to the weeping clouds

  And waste for churlish winter’s tyranny.

  HASTINGS

  Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,

  Should be stillborn, and that we now possessed

  The utmost man of expectation,

  65

  I think we are FaF body strong enough,

  Even as we are, to equal with the King.

  LORD BARDOLPH

  What, is the King but five and twenty thousand?

  HASTINGS

  To us no more; nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph;

  For his divisions, as the times do brawl,

  70

  FAreF in three heads: one power against the French,

  And one against Glendower, perforce a third

  Must take up us. So is the unfirm King

  In three divided, and his coffers sound

  With hollow poverty and emptiness.

  75

  ARCHBISHOP

  That he should draw his several strengths together

  And come against us in full puissance

  Need not to be dreaded.

  HASTINGS If he should do so,

  FHe leaves his back unarmed, the French and WelshF

  Baying him at the heels: never fear that.

  80

  LORD BARDOLPH

  Who is it like should lead his forces hither?

  HASTINGS

  The Duke of Lancaster and Westmorland;

  Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth.

  But who is substituted against the French

  I have no certain notice.

  FARCHBISHOP Let us on,

  85

  And publish the occasion of our arms.

  The commonwealth is sick of their own choice;

  Their over-greedy love hath surfeited.

  An habitation giddy and unsure

  Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.

  90

  O thou fond many, with what loud applause

  Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bolingbroke

  Before he was what thou wouldst have him be?

  And being now trimmed in thine own desires,

  Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him

  95

  That thou provok’st thyself to cast him up.

  So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge

  Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard,

  And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up

  And howl’st to find it. What trust is in these times?

  100

  They that when Richard lived would have him die

  Are now become enamoured on his grave.

  Thou, that threw’st dust upon his goodly head

  When through proud London he came sighing on

  After th’admired heels of Bolingbroke,

  105

  Cry’st now, ‘O earth, yield us that king again

  And take thou this!’ O thoughts of men accursed!

  Past and to come seems best; things present, worst.F

  FMOWBRAYF

  Shall we go draw our numbers, and set on?

  109

  HASTINGS

  We are time’s subjects, and time bids be gone. Exeunt.

  2.1

  Enter HOSTESS of the tavern, and an Officer[, FANG].

  HOSTESS Master Fang, have you entered the action?

  FANG It is entered.

  HOSTESS Where’s your yeoman? Is’t a lusty yeoman?

  Will ’a stand to’t?

  FANG Sirrah – Where’s Snare?

  5

  HOSTESS O Lord, ay, good Master Snare.

  [Enter SNARE.]

  SNARE Here, here.

  FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

  HOSTESS Yea, good Master Snare, I have entered him

  and all.

  10

  SNARE It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he

  will stab.

  HOSTESS Alas the day, take heed of him. He stabbed me

  in mine own house, most beastly in good faith. ’A

  cares not what mischief he does; if his weapon be

  15

  out, he will foin like any devil. He will spare neither

  man, woman nor child.

  FANG If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

  HOSTESS No, nor I neither. I’ll be at your elbow.

  FANG An I but fist him once, an ’a come but within my

  20

  FviceF –

  HOSTESS I am undone by his going, I warrant you:

  he’s an infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master

  Fang, hold him sure! Good Master Snare, let him not

  scape! ’A comes FcontinuantlyF to Pie Corner, saving

  25

  your manhoods, to buy a saddle, and he is indited to

  dinner to the Lubber’s Head in Lumbert Street to

  Master Smooths the silkman. I pray you, since my

  exion is entered and my case so openly known to the

  world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred

  30

  mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear; and

  I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been

  fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off, from this

  day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on.

  There is no honesty in such dealing, unless a woman

  35

  should be made an ass and a beast to bear every

  knave’s wrong.

  Enter Sir John FFALSTAFFF, BARDOLPH

  and the Boy [PAGE].

  Yonder he comes, and that arrant malmsey-nose

  knave Bardolph with him. Do your offices, do your

  offices, Master Fang and Master Snare! Do me, do

  40

  me, do me your offices!

  FALSTAFF How now, whose mare’s dead? What’s the

  matter?

  FANG I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

  FALSTAFF Away, varlets! – Draw, Bardolph! Cut me off

  45

  the villain’s head! Throw the quean in the channel! [Fang and Snare attempt to apprehend Falstaff. A brawl ensues.]

  HOSTESS Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee

  in the channel! Wilt thou, wilt thou, thou bastardly

  rogue? – Murder! Murder! – Ah, thou honeysuckle

  villain, wilt thou kill God’s officers and the King’s?

  50

  Ah, thou honeyseed rogue! Thou art a honeyseed,

  a man queller, and a woman queller!

  FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph.

  OFFICERS A rescue, a rescue!

  HOSTESS Good people, bring a rescue or two! – Thou

  55

  wot, wot thou? Thou wot, wot ta? – Do, do, thou

  rogue! Do, thou hempseed!

  PAGE [to Hostess] Away, you scullion, you rampallian,

  you fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe.

  Enter Lord Chief JUSTICE and his Men.

  JUSTICE What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

  60

  HOSTESS Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you

  stand to me.

  JUSTICE

  How now, Sir John? What are you brawling here?

  Doth this become your place, your time and business?

  You should have been well on your way to York.

  65

  [to Fang] Stand from him, fellow! Wherefore hang’st thou upon him?

  HOSTESS O my most worshipful lord, an’t please your

  grace, I am a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is

  arrested at my suit.

  JUSTICE For what sum?

  70

  HOSTESS It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all

  I have! He hath eaten me out of house and home.

  He hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his;

  [to Falstaff] but I will have some of it out again, or

  I will ride thee a’nights like the mare.

  75

  FALSTAFF I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have

  any vantage of ground to get up.

  JUSTICE How comes this, Sir John? What man of good

  temper would endure this tempest of exclamation?

  Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so

  80

  rough a course to come by her own?

  FALSTAFF [to Hostess] What is the gross sum that I owe

  thee?

  HOSTESS Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself

  and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a

  85

  parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin chamber at

  the round table by a seacoal fire upon Wednesday in

  Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for

  liking his father to a singing man of Windsor – thou

  didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wound,

  90

  to marry me and make me ‘my lady’, thy wife. Canst

  thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech the butcher’s

  wife come in then and call me gossip Quickly, coming

  in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had

  a good dish of prawns, whereby thou didst desire to

  95

  eat some, whereby I told thee they were ill for a

  green wound? And didst thou not, when she was gone

  downstairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity

  with such poor people, saying that ere long they

  should call me madam? And didst thou not kiss me,

  100

  and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now

  to thy book-oath; deny it if thou canst.

  FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says

  up and down the town that her eldest son is like you.

  She hath been in good case; and the truth is, poverty

  105

  hath distracted her. But for these foolish officers, I

  beseech you I may have redress against them.

  JUSTICE Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with

  your manner of wrenching the true cause the false

  way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng of

  110

  words that come with such more-than-impudent

  sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level

  consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practised

  upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and

  made her serve your uses both in purse and in person.

  115

  HOSTESS Yea, in truth, my lord.

  JUSTICE Pray thee, peace. [to Falstaff] Pay her the debt

  you owe her, and unpay the villainy you have done

  with her: the one you may do with sterling money,

  and the other with current repentance.

  120

  FALSTAFF My lord, I will not undergo this sneap

  without reply. You call honorable boldness ‘impudent

  sauciness’. If a man will make curtsy and say nothing,

  he is virtuous. No, my lord, my humble duty

  remembered, I will not be your suitor. I say to you

  125

  I do desire deliverance from these officers, being

  upon hasty employment in the King’s affairs.

  JUSTICE You speak as having power to do wrong; but

  answer in th’effect of your reputation, and satisfy the

  poor woman.

  130

  FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess. [Takes her aside.]

  Enter a Messenger[, GOWER].

  JUSTICE Now, Master Gower, what news?

  GOWER

  The King, my lord, and Harry, Prince of Wales, Are near at hand; the rest the paper tells.

  [Hands a paper to the Lord Chief Justice, who reads it.]

  FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman!

  135

  HOSTESS Faith, you said so before.

  FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman; come, no more words

  of it.

  HOSTESS By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be

  fain to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my

  140

  dining chambers.

  FALSTAFF Glasses, glasses is the only drinking. And for

  thy walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the

  prodigal, or the German hunting in waterwork is

  worth a thousand of these bed-hangers and these fly-

  145

  bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pounds, if thou canst.

  Come, an ’twere not for thy humours, there’s not a

  better wench in England. Go wash thy face and draw

  the action. Come, thou must not be in this humour

  with me. Dost not know me? Come, come; I know

  150

  thou wast set on to this.

  HOSTESS Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles;

  i’faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save

  me, la!

  FALSTAFF Let it alone; I’ll make other shift. You’ll be