It was probably a mistake to think that Irving would be any different than the last two schools. She’d thought that each time she’d transferred, and while things had always started out well, within a year, they’d taken a serious downturn, and by the end of two years, she couldn’t bring herself to stay there.

  But it seemed her problems were growing exponentially now. She’d moved there to start fresh, but it seemed as if her past was catching up with her far faster than she’d ever thought possible. Esther blew out a breath as she tried some coping exercises, recognizing the panic settling into the center of her chest.

  And then there was Melanie.

  What was she supposed to do? She hadn’t let anyone except Anthony hug her since she’d left Skip. She’d already allowed Melanie to touch her in ways she’d never thought she would, but that hug? Esther’s cheeks heated at the thought of it. She had loved being encircled in Melanie’s warm arms.

  Having yelled at her for crossing the boundary of going on a date with a student’s parent, it would be so wrong of her to allow the same ethical faux pas for herself. She couldn’t do it, and Melanie was probably straight anyway.

  She was just dreaming, and her dreams were clouding her vision of reality, which was something she really had to watch. She couldn’t be overanalyzing everything she said and did around Melanie when they were going to be stuck working together for the rest of the school year.

  Esther closed her eyes and curled into a tiny ball on her couch. She hated what her brain did most days. She struggled so hard to think clearly and focus on what she needed to get done instead of the anxiety that insisted on taking the driver’s seat in her life.

  She needed to talk to Carissa. She wished her sister wasn’t in a PTA meeting that night. Holding onto her phone tightly, Esther hit the button to turn it on. She scrolled through until she found the dozens of missed calls from the prior weekend. The temptation was there. She was pretty sure Melanie would answer if she called, but she wasn’t even sure what she would say.

  Closing out of it, Esther sighed, buried her face into the back of the couch, and groaned. She was a mess. She’d never not been a mess, but she had perfected her facade of having everything together. Little did anyone know, even Carissa, just how badly she was broken inside.

  Tears stung her eyes, and she cursed them. She was so tired of crying, yet it seemed to be one of the few emotions she could manage that week. She was just tired of it all. Fighting Skip wasn’t what she wanted to do with her life, and yet she couldn’t stop until Anthony was old enough to understand and make his own decisions.

  They had a child together. She was stuck with Skip for life, even if she didn’t want to be. Opening up her missed calls again, Esther stared at the number, memorizing the ten digits. She could call. It would be so easy to tap the button and listen to the ring, yet she knew she would be bothering Melanie.

  She had said something about a family emergency. Esther hadn’t even had the wherewithal to ask what the emergency was. She closed out of her phone again. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t disrupt Melanie’s evening off. They all valued that time away from school and school problems, and that was all Esther was to Melanie. She knew it. The only reason Melanie talked to her was because she’d been assigned as her mentor.

  Esther scoffed. She’d known that from the start, but she’d just forgotten it. No one wanted to get to know her. It was why she had no friends. She wasn’t someone worthy of getting to know. She’d understood that since she was little, but it had only been proven right the older she got. She had no friends from college. She had no friends from either of her previous schools. Esther knew her role was always to be the outsider, to be the one who didn’t fit into the categories everyone else did.

  Still, she was glad she had spoken with Melanie earlier that week. It had calmed her, even if she didn’t want to admit it. That hug. Esther sighed again, although this time a bit wistfully. That hug had been the first time someone had willingly touched her in so long she couldn’t even remember. Melanie would never know what it meant to her.

  Dragging her sorry butt off the couch, Esther checked the locks on all the doors and the windows. Then she got into her bed, covered herself with her weighted blanket and lay awake, staring at the ceiling for hours. She couldn’t get Melanie’s selfless hug out of her mind, the warmth of her body as they had pressed together, the comfort Melanie had given her in that one sensitive moment. Esther had treated her horribly all year, and yet Melanie hadn’t given up. Esther didn’t understand why, but she did know she couldn’t exploit it any longer.

  Chapter Eleven

  Everything from Esther had been eerily quiet since that fateful Monday conversation in her classroom. Melanie didn’t regret it for a second, but equally she hadn’t expected nearly all communication to stop for the rest of the week.

  The hallways were quiet on Saturday as no students were in and hardly any teachers were there. Melanie had gotten so far behind from dealing with Ella to the drama with Esther that it had been a struggle to get any work done during the week. As the weekend had rolled around, she really had no other choice except to go into the school or work from home, and frankly, she needed to get out of her house.

  She never quite enjoyed the school when it was this still. Something about it didn’t seem right. Without the bubbling excitement from the kids or even the soft chatter of teachers and staff, it all just seemed too quiet. Melanie stepped into her classroom and turned on some music. That would help combat the silence. She had enough loneliness being at home by herself. She didn’t need to add anything to it.

  She started with cleaning up from Friday. The kids had been so excited for their quick little Halloween party that she’d let them leave their mess for her to deal with today. She hummed along with the music as she picked up trash and dumped it.

  Halfway through, Melanie swayed her hips and danced, trying to move to keep her energy going. The rest of the day was boring paperwork for the most part, and she would rather spend what little time moving that she could. She walked toward the trash can again, her hands full, and stopped short—startled by Esther standing in her doorway, satchel clasped in one hand and—was that a smile playing on her lips?

  “Oh! I didn’t see you there,” Melanie said, dusting her hands off.

  Esther schooled her features. “I came in to do some work. My house is too quiet without Anthony. I didn’t think anyone else would be here.”

  “Is he with Skip?” Melanie regretted the question instantly. Of course if Anthony wasn’t with Esther then he was with Skip. She knew that instinctively.

  Esther nodded slightly. “He said he enjoyed his party. I was able to catch him before the bus came to get him.”

  Melanie beamed. “I’m glad! It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

  Melanie wondered how Esther’s party in her class had gone, but she wasn’t exactly sure where they stood either. She was amazed Esther was even gracing her door, although she’d have to walk by Melanie’s to get to her classroom. They eyed each other carefully, neither saying a word, but it also didn’t look as though Esther wanted to run away like she normally did.

  Stepping closer, Melanie decided to take the first step. “I’m sorry about last weekend. Really, I am.”

  “I know you are.” Esther’s voice was gentle in a way Melanie hadn’t expected. Monday she had been so angry, ready to yell at a moment’s notice, continue the argument, but now—this was an Esther who Melanie wasn’t sure she’d ever seen before.

  “Well, I’ll continue saying it, because I feel awful.”

  “What was the family emergency?”

  “What?”

  Esther dipped her chin. “You said you had a family emergency you were dealing with. What was it?”

  “Oh, it’s my daughter, Ella. She found out she’s pregnant.”

  Esther’s look of understanding was unexpected, although considering what Melanie knew of Anthony and the entire relationship between his parents, perhaps Esther did understand in a way Melanie never could. “I assume so far everything is good with the pregnancy?”

  “As far as we know. She can’t go to the doctor until she’s ten or twelve weeks.”

  Nodding, Esther shifted her satchel from one hand to the other. “That’s normal.”

  “That’s what Becky said.”

  “Who’s Becky?”

  “My other daughter, Ella’s twin.”

  Esther frowned, and her mouth opened as if she wanted to ask a question but then stopped herself. She started again before blowing out a stream of air sharply. “I guess I’m not the only one who is reserved in sharing about my family.”

  Melanie couldn’t fault her for that, but it was more because she forgot that Esther wouldn’t know, and it wasn’t like Esther fished for information. Melanie shifted her weight as she continued to stand, looking at Esther in her doorway. “My youngest graduated high school last year, so I don’t have any kids at home right now.”

  “Your youngest? How many kids do you have?”

  “Four. Becky and Ella are twenty-four, Jeremy is twenty-two, and Avery turns nineteen right after Christmas.”

  “You have four kids.” Esther looked perplexed. “You never talk about them.”

  “You never ask about anything in my life.”

  Esther raised her gaze to the ceiling before dropping it back down. That was a look Melanie couldn’t read. Was it exasperation? Annoyance? Self-sabotage? Instead of trying to speculate further, Melanie let the silence do its work. It was something she’d found usually helpful whenever she had discussions with Esther.

  “You’re right,” Esther admitted. “Aren’t you a bit young to have adult children?”

  Melanie’s lips quirked at that. “I could say the same about you. I’d wager a bet that you’ll be my age when Anthony hits his early twenties.”

  “I was twenty-one when he was born.”

  “And I was eighteen when the twins were born.” Melanie was enjoying this exchange. She knew she was about to win an argument that Esther didn’t even know she’d walked into, but it was a fun one to play out when she had the time.

  “Your kids are my age.”

  “They are.” Melanie’s lips pulled to one side. “I have two grandkids—well, three considering the one on the way.”

  “Could be twins, especially if they run in the family.”

  Melanie’s lips parted in surprise at Esther’s devilish look. She couldn’t figure out what had gotten into her. “They do, obviously, but I’m pretty sure this is one.”

  “How can you tell without an ultrasound?”

  “Call it a gut feeling.” Melanie watched Esther very carefully. “I adopted the kids when I was twenty-seven, in case you’re wondering.”

  “I wasn’t.”

  “Most people do.”

  Esther’s entire upper body listed forward as she leaned in and dropped her tone. “I don’t tend to judge others unless I have to. When it comes to kids and parents, I accept what I’m told and move on.”

  “That can be a dangerous problem to have.”

  Esther glowered. “Not about anything bad going on, but in terms of who is who and what is what.”

  “How do you know when something bad isn’t going on at home? Hmm? Did you know Amelia’s situation?”

  “I knew she was food scarce.” Esther raised an eyebrow. “How much would you have gotten from her if you didn’t know her family?”

  “Fair.” Melanie backed down, unsure why she was pushing. “Every teacher teaches in a different way, I suppose.”

  “Hmm.” Esther nodded, agreeing.

  That might very well be the first time they agreed on anything, but Melanie wasn’t about to point out that fact. Not when they seemed to be making progress. Still they awkwardly stood together, almost as if they were playing a game of tennis instead of really talking with each other.

  “Anthony said he might not get to go trick-or-treating this Halloween.”

  Esther scowled. “Skip doesn’t like to take him, but Halloween is Sunday night, so if Skip drops him off early enough then I still might be able to take him out.”

  “I’m sure he would love that.”

  “I know he would.”

  “My granddaughters decided to be vampire-witches this year?” Melanie said it like a question before she moved around her room, picking up more trash to toss, figuring she was going to try to slide this into friendly-conversation territory. “I don’t quite understand. I should say, one decided and the other one gets to bear the brunt of her sister’s decision.”

  “How old are they?”

  “Megan is four, and Bailey is two.”

  “Fun ages.”

  “They are. I wish they lived closer, but at least I can still pop over to see them on the weekends if I need to.”

  “And why aren’t you doing that this weekend?”

  Melanie sighed heavily as she dumped another load of garbage into the trash can. Putting her hands on her hips, she eyed Esther up and down. “Because as much as I would love to see them, I needed to get work done. Taking those extra days for Ella put me further behind than I anticipated. She seems to be doing well enough now, but I’ll go out with her for her first appointment. She struggles with anxiety, so she’ll likely need me there.”

  “That’ll be good for her, I bet. I wish I’d had someone there when I went to my first appointment.” Esther gave her a hard stare before stating, “I need to get some work done, too.” Esther nodded toward the door. “See you around, Melanie.”

  As soon as Esther was gone, Melanie beamed. They were back on a first name basis, and they’d had a pleasant conversation. Surely that would mean Esther didn’t really hate her, right?

  The walk down to the principal’s office seemed longer than normal, but Esther knew she had some explaining to do and some decisions to make, and her time was officially up. Chris had told her they would meet that Saturday afternoon, briefly, as they both came in to get some work done. She hadn’t liked working on the weekend, but there was little else that she had to do. She knew she could have met with Chris on Monday, but in some ways, Esther was tired of living in limbo and just wanted to get the lashing over with.

  The lights to the central part of the office were off, but Esther could see the lights to Chris’ office were on. She knocked on the door as she stepped in, ready for whatever punishment was about to be doled out.

  “Hey,” Chris’ radiant smile was a warm welcome, considering the last week had been tenuously emotional. It wasn’t what Esther had expected.

  “Hey.” Esther held her position near the door until Chris motioned to the two chairs against the far wall with the large window. For some reason, this time, she felt as though she was walking into a firing squad.

  She had struggled with all her other principals, but something about Chris’ personality put her at ease. Chris sat in the wooden chair and brushed her brown frizzy hair over her shoulder. They were all dressed down that day, the advantage to working on a Saturday.

  “How’s it going?” Chris’ question seemed so innocent, but it wasn’t.

  She could barely contain the anxiety that sprang forth. She had to pick and choose what would be too much to share and what would be acceptable, because it was never going well. Esther clenched her hand against the stress ball she wished she had but didn’t. “It’s going well enough.”

  Chris raised a curious eyebrow and shook her head. “No, how is it really going?”

  Esther sighed. So she wasn’t going to get out of this one so easily. “It’s been a struggle.”

  “In what ways?”

  Swallowing the lump in her throat, Esther waited for the rug to be pulled out from under her, that she wasn’t fit to be a teacher and she was being fired, because why else would they be having this conversation. “My students are great this year.”

  “That’s good. They’re an excellent bunch. Even last year, those kids had it together.”

  “Right.” Esther pressed her palm into the arm of the wooden chair, reminding herself that she couldn’t get into too much detail or else she might risk losing her job.

  “Esther.” Chris gave her a placating smile. “This isn’t a talking to or a correction on your behavior or conduct. I’m truly just checking in with you. I do it with all my teachers, but especially the new ones to the school. I want to make sure you have everything you need in order to succeed here.”

  Her heart raced. Chris had to have an ulterior motive in there somewhere. Everyone did. Maybe she was trying to get to Skip, to figure out a way to get in good with the board. Esther wasn’t sure, and she still had her guard up so she didn’t make a mistake.

  “I’m doing fine.”

  “Even after last week?”

  Sighing heavily, Esther slouched slightly, caught. “That isn’t related to school.”

  “But it is.” Chris’ face was open and ready, but Esther didn’t dare give her anything. Nothing that could be used against her in the long run. She’d made that mistake one too many times.

  “It’s not, really. I talked with Melanie when I came in, and we’re fine.”

  “Fine?” Chris didn’t believe her.

  Esther would be able to read that look from a mile away. “Yeah, we had a nice talk.”

  Silence filled the air between them, as if Chris was trying to get her to talk more. Little did Chris know that Esther could live with this kind of silence far longer than most people. She waited it out until Chris asked her next question.

  “Where do you hope to see yourself by the end of the year?”

  Esther’s lips parted in surprise. She hadn’t honestly thought of it, mostly because she wasn’t sure that she was going to make it to the end of the year. She’d assumed she was coming into this meeting to be fired or written up and that would be the quick slide to the end. Esther raised her eyes to the ceiling as she thought.

  “Take your time.”

  Esther snorted lightly, finally having the answer. “I would still like to be here.”