Esther reminded her of all of that and more. Maybe teaching a new grade would give her some of that energy back, but then she thought of the newness with her kindergartners, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to give that up. They talked for hours until Becky was packing up the girls and Avery was putting clean dishes away.

  Ella would stay the night at least, if not the rest of the week. She was too sick to go into work anyway. Melanie checked on her briefly before donning her jacket and stepping outside into the chilly air with Esther. When had it gotten dark? She’d been so caught up in all the facets of Esther that she had never seen before, that she’d lost complete track of time.

  “Mom,” Avery said from the doorway.

  Turning back, she narrowed her gaze.

  “Come here for a minute.”

  Melanie frowned, but she touched Esther’s arm to get her attention. “Give me a minute.”

  “Sure.”

  Going inside, Avery shut the door and put her hands on her hips while cocking her head to the side. All the sass in the world. “What are you doing with her?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Avery raised an eyebrow. “What are your intentions with poor young Esther out there?”

  Melanie was thoroughly confused. “I don’t understand what you mean. She’s a coworker, my mentee.”

  “Is she?” Avery held Melanie’s gaze. “Because you’ve been flirting with her all night. You’ve been touching her.”

  “I have not.”

  “Mom,” Avery sternly said. “You did not stop touching her arm, her hand, her leg. Becky said something about it, too.”

  “I…” Melanie stopped as she thought. She supposed she could have touched Esther more than she should have. “I didn’t offend her, did I?”

  “I think she liked it. A lot.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Every time you did it, she would get flushed.”

  Melanie wrinkled her nose. “Now you’re making stuff up.”

  “I’m not. You’ve been flirting with her all day. I swear. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “No, it is.” Avery laughed lightly. “So are you going to ask her out or what? I mean, Jeremy might have issues because she’s pretty young, but I don’t care. To each their own. If you like her, go for it.”

  Stunned into silence, Melanie stared at Avery. She had no idea how to answer that question. She liked Esther, that was for sure. She enjoyed spending time with her and getting to know her more each passing week. It was as though layers were being lifted, ones that hadn’t seen the light of day in years, and she wanted to know what was underneath it all.

  “I’m not going to ask her out,” Melanie finally answered, her tone gentle. She could honestly say that. It hadn’t even been a thought until Avery had asked. She had never been with a woman before.

  Avery leaned in. “Well I, for one, think you should.”

  With a flourish she turned, hair flying around her, stalked toward her bedroom, and disappeared. Melanie stared after her, not sure what to say or do. She glanced at her front door, where she hoped Esther was waiting for her. Shaking herself from the conversation, she stepped outside only to find Esther already at the sidewalk as if she was leaving.

  “Hey! Wait up!” Melanie jogged to try and catch up. Esther stopped and Melanie slowed as soon as she got there. “Sorry. Kids.”

  “Yeah,” Esther answered, as if she understood, but Melanie wasn’t sure she did.

  They slowly walked down the road toward Esther’s house, the two blocks seeming to take longer than she’d expected and less time than she’d hoped. “What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?”

  “Don’t know. I’ll probably deep clean something and then do some work to get ahead for when Anthony comes home.”

  “Makes sense,” Melanie murmured, trying her best to get her brain off what Avery had said, but she kept coming back to it. Had she really been flirting? She risked a glance to Esther, at the soft lines of her face, her full lips and dark shadowed eyes. She was beautiful. Melanie had thought that many times, but that didn’t mean she liked her, did it?

  They stepped off the curb to the end of the first block, and Melanie struggled to find something to say. Suddenly she was nervous, like she had been before her date with Skip, except in a different and much better way. These nerves didn’t scream disaster, but anticipation.

  “What are you doing?”

  Melanie stopped in the middle of the street, trying to find the thread of conversation that she’d lost when she’d been caught staring. Esther followed her lead, stopping short and glancing up.

  “Excuse me?” Melanie said the only thing she could think of even though it likely made no sense.

  Esther’s brow creased. “This weekend. What are you doing?”

  “Oh. Um… Avery is home, so I figure I’ll entertain some of her friends and avoid them the rest of the time. Ella is staying, too.”

  “Must be nice to have adult kids.”

  “Some days,” Melanie murmured, making a move in the direction toward Esther’s house. They stepped up the curb and walked side by side, their shoulders bumping on the narrow sidewalk. “Other days I miss having little kids, though I guess I didn’t really have them when they were little. Other than Avery.”

  “How old was she when you adopted her?”

  “She was five by the time the adoption went through, but she was three when they came to live with me.”

  Esther flicked her gaze up at Melanie. “Forgive me for asking, but how did you end up with them?”

  “That is in some ways a long story and in others short. The twins were in my kindergarten class when they were little. Then I had Jeremy. By then their mom had gotten way worse, and the kids spent a lot of time in my classroom waiting for her to pick them up after school. Anyway, I got a call one night from a social worker who had picked the kids up. They said they wanted to come home with me.”

  “What happened?”

  “Alex was an addict, that much we teachers knew, but no matter how many times we called, nothing happened. But that day they had picked the kids up because she was so high when they showed up. Turns out, Alex had been diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. It’s the only thing that sobered her up in the long run.”

  “The diagnosis?”

  “Dying.” Melanie gave Esther a hard look. “She arranged with me before she died that I would be their guardian, and the kids moved in with me during the last few months she lived. The adoption was finalized after she died.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “Better for them in the long run, I think. I’m not sure she ever would have sobered up.”

  They stopped in front of Esther’s door, huddled together because of the chill in the air. It wasn’t freezing yet, but the temperature had certainly dropped in the last few weeks.

  “It’s still hard for them,” Esther commented.

  “It is, but they’ve worked through it. Lots of therapy, probably more to come in the future as new things arise. It’s part of living life with trauma.”

  “I suppose.” Esther was so quiet that Melanie almost didn’t hear her.

  Stepping in closer, Melanie gripped Esther’s hand and squeezed. “Thanks for coming today. I think Ella really liked you, actually, and she is not someone who is easy to impress.”

  “Likely only because I eased her nausea.”

  “It’s a trick she hasn’t tried and it worked.”

  Esther gave a small smile, but she still didn’t turn to unlock her door and go inside. Melanie couldn’t quite figure out why she hadn’t until she realized she was unexpectedly holding her hand again. But Melanie didn’t stop. Instead, she slid in even closer and looked into Esther’s face, into her eyes.

  Esther’s breathing increased slightly and her tongue dashed across her lips. What would it be like to kiss a woman? Melanie had never done something like that before, but she’d thought of it once, many years ago when she was in college. She struggled to tear her gaze away from Esther’s mouth and back up to her eyes, her gaze that flashed with something she couldn’t read yet, something she didn’t understand.

  “Melanie?” Esther murmured.

  “Hmm?” She leaned in even more, but Esther moved away.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I…” She paused, her hand still holding Esther’s tightly, her heart racing and her cheeks heating with arousal. “I think I was going to kiss you.”

  Esther’s gaze steeled. “Don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Have you ever kissed a woman before?”

  Melanie shook her head.

  “Then don’t. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”

  The words Esther spoke weren’t angry. In fact, when Melanie focused on them long enough, she detected a hint of pity, which was something she had never heard from Esther before. “Esther—”

  “I’ll see you Monday, but this isn’t the time.” She nodded sharply, squeezing Melanie’s fingers, then letting go.

  Nothing had felt colder than standing there and watching Esther unlock her door and go into her house. Alone. Echoes of shock rippled through her, not because of what Esther had said or done, but because of what she had been about to do. She had wanted it. She had…desired…it.

  The walk back to her house was slow, but the cold air against her cheeks was enough to clear her head. If this was something she wanted, then she was going to have to let Esther know it was more than a passing thought, and she’d likely have to do it stone cold sober. With that thought in place, Melanie walked into her house to spend the rest of the weekend with her girls.

  Chapter Sixteen

  By Saturday morning the loneliness hit again. Thanksgiving with Melanie and her family had been a welcome distraction, but now that she was alone again for more than twenty-four hours and Carissa had been gone the day before at her in-laws, Esther couldn’t settle into the quiet.

  She hated being without Anthony, and since Skip was a controlling asshole, she knew she couldn’t expect any phone calls or text updates until right before Skip was to drop him off if she was lucky enough to get that. She had her morning coffee pressed between her fingers, the steam rising from it as she stared over the rim and out the front window. The sky was darkening instead of getting lighter, but she’d read they were expecting a good storm in that week.

  Something else to look forward to.

  Her phone buzzed and the picture on the screen was a welcome sight. She was glad Carissa was calling her again. Her sister was always good at helping her out through these quiet days without Anthony. “Hey, sis.”

  “Hey. How many cups have you had?”

  “Two. Why?”

  “I haven’t had a single one yet.”

  “Damn.” Esther frowned. “What happened?”

  “We ran out, and Dillon went to get me some at the drive thru, but he’s not back yet.” Carissa sighed heavily. “And the girls are driving me insane today.”

  “Too many days in a row unstructured?”

  “You don’t have to be a teacher every day, you know.”

  “No.” Esther chuckled. “But I get it. I love Anthony, but he does drive me nuts by the end of a long weekend.”

  “Bonus for joint custody?”

  Esther pursed her lips, then shook her head, even though Carissa couldn’t see her. “No. I’d still rather have him with me full time. I think it’d be better for him too.”

  “Probably. So how did Thanksgiving go at Melanie’s?”

  “Oh.” Esther’s cheeks heated. She’d spent most of the prior day deep cleaning her entire house as she tried to avoid thinking about what Melanie had said. Then she spent the entire night dreaming of what it would have been like. She couldn’t decide which one she wanted, and until she made that decision, she was best left avoiding it.

  “Esther?”

  “Um…I had a good time. She’s so relaxed around her kids. It’s hard to imagine being that way with Anthony when he grows up.”

  Carissa grunted. “I always take that as a sign of good parenting, honestly. Being able to move from parent to friend. It’s a slippery slope.”

  “I know.” Esther tightened her grip around her mug. “I do hope to get that way with Anthony, eventually, but it was odd in a way to see it.”

  “See what your future could be?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Esther went back to staring out the window and at the gray clouds as they moved in. “The future isn’t something I think about often.”

  “And was there more to that future? Something in your tone is telling me there’s more.”

  “No. Nothing happened.” Esther was quick to assure her, although they had gotten very close to something happening. It would have been all wrong though. Esther was not someone who moved quickly anymore. She wouldn’t let herself be. She needed more stability than that, more trust. She wouldn’t make the same mistake a third time.

  “Did you want it to, though?”

  “No,” Esther answered honestly. “But she did.”

  “What?” Carissa nearly screeched, then gasped as if she was choking.

  Esther smirked lightly, loving having this hold over Carissa. “She walked me back to the house, and I don’t know. Something felt different about it the entire time. She was really distracted. When we got to the house, she started leaning in, and I asked what she was doing and she said she thought she was going to kiss me.”

  “Thought she was?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “Okay, good, so I’m not the only one who thinks that.” Esther set her mug on the coffee table and folded her legs under her. “I’m still not quite sure what it means.”

  “You should ask her.”

  “I might.”

  “That means you won’t, but fair. She thought she was going to kiss you, like she didn’t know that’s what she was doing? I mean, don’t you usually just kiss someone if you want to, especially if you’re not going to ask permission first.”

  “Yeah.” Esther frowned. She hadn’t quite thought of it like that, but maybe Carissa was on to something. Maybe Melanie hadn’t quite known what was going on or what she was feeling or what she wanted.

  “Did you want to kiss her?”

  Yes. The answer was yes, but Esther was so scared to admit that out loud. Considering the last time she admitted something that involved Melanie it turned into Carissa pushing her toward a relationship, she really wasn’t sure she wanted to admit it this time. But Carissa had directly asked the question. “Yeah, I did.”

  “Do you still?”

  “It doesn’t matter if I still do, I can’t. We’re just starting to figure each other out as friends and coworkers. I don’t want to mess that up.”

  “Who says kissing her will mess that up?”

  Esther grabbed her coffee again. “Every dating experience of my life. I’ve never kissed the right person.”

  “Maybe Melanie is.”

  “Carissa, I appreciate the enthusiasm and support, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to throw more chaos into my life than is already there. I just want to focus on Anthony, get him through school, and then I’ll figure out the rest. He’s my priority.”

  “I know he is.” Carissa sighed. “I just want you to have everything you want, too.”

  “I have everything I need right now.”

  “Yes, but you deserve more if you want it, and you deserve someone who is going to be kind to you, love you, and support you—and Anthony. Melanie might be that person.”

  “Or she might not.” Esther frowned into her cooling coffee. “But I’m not willing to find that out right now. I’m at a new school. I don’t want to upset anything, and Melanie has been here for decades. If faculty and staff are going to pick one of us, it will be her. I know it will, and I don’t want to try them.”

  “Esther, just promise me one thing.”

  “What?”

  “Promise me that you won’t completely shut down the possibility.”

  Confused, Esther waited, hoping Carissa would continue, but she didn’t. “Okay.”

  “Good. Oh! Dillon is back. Coffee! Love you, sis.” Carissa hung up without waiting for a response.

  Esther set her phone down on the coffee table and finished her coffee before it got any colder. Everything she’d told Carissa had been true. She didn’t want to start anything more with Melanie, not now. She wanted to figure out friendship first and worry about girlfriends when Anthony was grown up.

  Melanie stood in her kitchen, pacing. Avery had been watching her from the dining room table when she slammed her empty coffee mug onto the tabletop and glared. Melanie narrowed her gaze and slowly brought her mug to her lips.

  “Have something to share with the class, Ave?”

  “You’re driving me nuts.”

  “What?” Melanie straightened her back and leaned against the counter.

  “You. You need to stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  “Pacing like a madwoman. Just go over there already. God, you’re worse than a teenager in love.”

  Melanie’s lips parted with an objection, but Avery threw her hand up to silence her.

  “Get dressed, get out of this house, and go down there and see if she really wants you or not.”

  “She told me no.”

  “No.” Avery gave her a hard look. “She told you not right now, go find out when now is.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes!” Avery scoffed and stood up, walking out of the room and muttering, “Yeesh, it’s like dealing with kids.”

  Melanie stared after her but didn’t move. She glowered as she finished her coffee. Snagging Avery’s empty cup, she turned to put them in the dishwasher and stopped. There was the pie, the beautiful strawberry rhubarb pie that they’d eaten half of on Thursday and Esther had none of. The idea hit her so fast, she knew she was going to do it without thinking twice.

  Getting dressed faster than she ever had, Melanie wrapped up the pie, grabbed her jacket, and took the pie with her as she left the house. She was standing in front of Esther’s front door when her phone buzzed with a text from Avery. A quick “You can thank me later” brought a smile to Melanie’s face as she lifted her fist to knock.