“And Skip?” Melanie pushed, wondering if her third guess was right.

  Esther’s chin bobbed up and down, but she still didn’t turn to face Melanie. Dragging in a deep breath, Melanie sighed and switched her gaze to the same far off spot that Esther looked at. “I’d like to be flippant and say I don’t care about those things. And I don’t, for me. But I do care about them for you. Well, I care about Anthony a whole lot more than just for you.”

  Esther’s lips twitched at that, and Melanie found ironically enough that while Esther couldn’t look at her, she couldn’t stop watching Esther. There was so much unsaid in Esther’s physical reactions, and over the past five months, she had gotten so good at reading her.

  “For the record, I want this, but I’m not going to put your job or your custody in jeopardy because of it.”

  “Thank you,” Esther murmured.

  They lapsed into a long silence, neither of them moving or saying anything. Finally, Melanie was the one who broke it. “Will you look at me?”

  “What?” Esther twisted around, her eyes wide.

  “You haven’t looked at me since you put Anthony to bed.” Melanie raised an eyebrow in Esther’s direction. “And I just want to see your face.”

  “You want to see my face?” Something in Esther’s gaze was almost unreadable, but Melanie could have sworn she detected a small note of humor behind the expression.

  “I quite like your face,” Melanie answered, digging deep and trusting her gut on what to say and do next. “In fact, I quite like you, despite your numerous attempts to prove me wrong. I do like you.”

  Esther’s lips parted in surprise, and Melanie dove right back in now that she had Esther’s rapt attention.

  “I know it scares you. Not just all the external circumstances like Skip, and Anthony, and Chris, and your job. But it scares you.” Melanie licked her lips, dropping her gaze from Esther’s eyes to her mouth, lingering and then back up. “I know you’re scared of what it might mean to put yourself out there for another relationship, even a potential one like this.”

  Esther drew in a shuddering breath, and Melanie did reach out then, sliding a hand onto Esther’s and squeezing tightly.

  “I want you to know that if that’s the reason you’re saying this now, that’s okay. I won’t push you. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for. But you’ve also told me that you’ll never be fully ready, so I want to make sure that you know and I know what decision we’re making here.”

  Melanie’s heart raced as the words flowed from her lips, finally having figured out what she wanted to say, how she wanted to explain what she was feeling and get out of her head for a bit.

  “I want you to know how much you mean to me, that this isn’t just some fling, that this isn’t something I’m jumping into without thinking about consequences or changes or how this will affect my life or your life. I want you to know that I enjoy your company, that I love coming over here and hanging out with you and Anthony, and I love it when you come to my house and see my family. My kids love you too, by the way.”

  Esther did smile slightly at that, and Melanie was glad to see into her again.

  “I know you struggle with anxiety, and with that and your past abusive relationships, that I know there comes a whole lot of hesitation and struggle when starting something new. But I’m patient. If we have to wait, then we wait. If this is the end, then this is the end. But I want you to know that I don’t want it to be the end for us. I don’t want this to stop, whatever this is.”

  Nodding, Esther gripped Melanie’s hand tightly, then flipped her hands so she clasped Melanie’s like she wasn’t ever going to let go of it. Esther swallowed hard as she lifted her gaze to meet Melanie. “I never intended to date again.”

  “Me either,” Melanie added truthfully.

  “I don’t have an answer for you, but…” She trailed off, as if she was struggling to find words to put her thoughts and feelings together. Eventually, Esther lifted her chin with a sly smile playing at her lips. “If it was for anyone else, I wouldn’t even consider this.”

  “Consider what?” Melanie pushed.

  “Love.”

  That one word warmed Melanie all over. Even if she didn’t get the kisses she had hoped for tonight, even if she didn’t get them in the next six months, or even year, there was still the possibility she would at some point in their future.

  “That’s all I can hope for tonight,” Melanie murmured.

  Esther moved slowly. She shifted, moving in closer and pulling Melanie toward her by the hand that she still had tightly clasped. Melanie allowed Esther to guide the moment, and when their lips touched, her heart soared. She hadn’t lied. She wanted Esther, not just now, not just in this moment, but in the future. Next month. Next year. She wanted to be there when Esther flourished at Irving, when Anthony graduated sixth grade and went to junior high. Heck, she wanted to be there when he graduated high school.

  Melanie slid her hand behind Esther’s neck, holding their mouths together as she deepened the embrace and fell into the moment and all that Esther could give her for now. She didn’t seek to incite. All she did was take what Esther freely gave, finally knowing they were at least understanding each other.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Saturday was as good a day as any, so when Melanie pulled on her jacket and locked her front door with a still sleeping Avery inside, she felt good about walking down to Esther’s. That week had been easy. Even with it being the first week back at school after the holiday break, her students had picked up right where they left off, which was a miracle.

  Esther’s texting had become more frequent over the past week, and it seemed as though there was a lightness to her that hadn’t been there before. Melanie loved seeing it. Her gazes throughout the week at school were open, her smiles genuine, and her eyes full of joy that Melanie hadn’t seen in her before. If she was the reason behind it all, then she was happy, but she hoped it wasn’t solely because of her.

  Knocking on the front door, Melanie shoved her hands back into her pockets to fight off the chilly air of an early January morning. They were headed right into the coldest time of year for Cheyenne, and she wasn’t going to risk being stuck in the cold for longer than necessary at that point.

  Luckily, Esther and Anthony opened the door right away and ushered her inside. As soon as she had her jacket off, Esther was right next to her, but Anthony had all Melanie’s attention. He was talking a mile a minute about some television show he was watching. Melanie honestly hadn’t heard of it before.

  She allowed Anthony to lead her to the couch where they sat down together and watched the show Anthony had been going on about. Esther leaned in and brushed her fingers over Melanie’s shoulder before whispering, “Breakfast will be ready soon.”

  “I can help,” Melanie said.

  Esther shook her head. “Hang out with him. He’s excited you’re here.”

  Melanie’s lips turned up at that, her heart warming. The more she got to know Anthony, the more she fell in love with him. He was an incredibly insightful kid, and at school he was always ready to learn and do what needed to be done. Melanie brushed her fingers through Anthony’s soft hair as she relaxed into the couch.

  “This is when the big bad guy comes, and they have to fight him off.”

  Melanie smiled at him, trying to track what he’d been saying when she’d been distracted by Esther. She would love to be in the same room as Esther, maybe sneak a few touches if Esther was up for it, and with her mood that morning so far, it seemed as though she was. Instead, she stayed with Anthony as he explained the entire plot of the show he had clearly seen so many times over he had memorized it.

  “Breakfast is ready,” Esther called from the kitchen.

  Anthony stayed put until Melanie touched his shoulder. “Hey kid, your mom says the food is ready.”

  “Right.” Though he sounded slightly disappointed when he moved to pause the show.

  Melanie walked with him into the kitchen where Esther already had plates made up for each of them. As they sat, Esther settled her hand lightly on Melanie’s thigh under the table. It surprised her. She was being far more open with her touches than she ever had been, yet with the way they had left their last conversation, she wasn’t sure where that left them.

  “Do you have plans for today?” Melanie asked.

  “Home days are cleaning days,” Anthony answered, beaming.

  “They are,” Esther responded, her eyes twinkling as she looked Anthony over. “Though, I think we can move that to tomorrow so we can have some fun today. Don’t you?”

  “Yes!” He nearly shouted back as he dove into his eggs and bacon.

  Melanie almost laughed at the situation when she started in on her own meal. They hadn’t lied when they said they ate this every weekend. Rolling her shoulders, Melanie listened to the banter between mother and son, the light teasing along with deep listening that was happening. Anthony finished well before either of them, but he stayed seated.

  “Ms. Przybyla?”

  “Yes, Anthony?” Melanie turned to focus on him.

  He hesitated, his gaze dropping to the table before raising up to her eyes again. “Do you think I can call you by your other name when you’re here?”

  “My other name?” Melanie frowned.

  “I think he means by Melanie,” Esther interjected. “I keep flipping back and forth when we talk about you, and I think in some ways it’s confusing.”

  “Oh.” Melanie’s eyebrows rose as she turned to Anthony again. “Yes, you can call me Melanie while outside of school, but how about we stick with Ms. Przybyla while in school.”

  “Awesome.” He grinned and bounced in his seat.

  “I think we know each other well enough outside of school at this point. Right?” Melanie looked for some indication that he thought of her as more than just his teacher. For some reason, that point really mattered to her, and she wanted it.

  He nodded. “Yes. I went to your house!”

  She laughed lightly and picked at her eggs. “That you did, and I’ve come to yours several times.”

  “Yup! Like the other night, when I was sick.” Anthony frowned slightly. “You were here all night.”

  “I was.” Melanie lowered her tone. “I was worried about you, and your mom, and I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

  “I am.”

  “Good.” Melanie grinned again.

  “Anthony, why don’t you put your plate up and then you can go watch some more cartoons for a bit.”

  “Yes!” He shouted as he jumped up from his seat.

  Melanie and Esther waited as he moved around the kitchen and then left. Melanie shifted, twisting on her seat, so she faced Esther fully. “So what are we doing today?”

  “This.” Esther reached forward and pulled Melanie in by the back of her neck for a sweet kiss that promised more. Melanie could just about taste it, but she didn’t want to push, not with Anthony a few feet from them.

  Pulling back, Melanie gave Esther a curious glance. “What was that for?”

  “I've wanted to do that since Monday.”

  “Monday?” Melanie raised an eyebrow.

  Esther nodded. “When you were in my classroom, talking to me. It was—quite honestly—all I could think about doing.”

  “I never would have guessed.”

  “I could have sworn you knew.” Esther’s cheeks tinged pink, and Melanie enjoyed seeing that color in her face. It was so sweet to know that even after all these years of not dating, of focusing on her family, of being middle-aged, that someone might actually find her attractive.

  Melanie took another bite of her eggs. “I didn’t. I suppose I’ll have to pay more attention next time.”

  “I hope there’s a next time,” Esther whispered, her voice so soft that Melanie had to strain to hear her.

  “Me too,” Melanie answered with a slight cheeky nuance to her voice. “I really do enjoy these mornings with you and Anthony, though. I won’t lie about that. It’s wonderful to see him outside of school.”

  “He’s a good kid,” Esther responded, picking at her own food as Melanie had now come to expect her to do.

  “He’s one of the best in my class. Luckily.”

  Esther wrinkled her nose. “You don’t have to say that for my benefit.”

  “I’m not.” Reaching forward, Melanie covered Esther’s hand with hers, glad to have such freedom to touch that day. “Really.”

  “Well, then I’m glad.”

  “You should be proud, Esther. He comes from a loving home, that’s what his behavior says about him. It tells me how much you love him and care for him.”

  “I try to.”

  “You don’t try. You succeed.” Melanie gave her a sincere look. She knew, intimately, the odds that were against Anthony now, and if he made it this far with the personality he had, she knew he would go miles more. “Trust me on that. And you should trust yourself too. We see kids all the time who don’t come from such privilege as a supportive home life. Anthony does. At least here he does, though I don’t think Skip is that unsupportive in some respects.”

  “He’s not in some ways.” Esther glanced toward the living room, with the television playing. She dropped her voice. “Usually only where it involves me, and I’d rather he keep that animosity aimed at me than at Anthony.”

  “But he uses Anthony to get to you.”

  Esther’s lips thinned. “He does, but that’s not something I can control.”

  “It’s not,” Melanie replied, slowing the pace of the conversation. “But you can control if he affects you.”

  “I know, and I’m trying to push past that.”

  “Good. I think it’ll be really good for you and Anthony if you’re able to do that.”

  “I’m doing it for us, yes, but I’m doing it because of you.”

  Melanie furrowed her brow, her stomach churning with a dash of anxiety and confusion. “I don’t think Skip is going to do anything to me.”

  “He might,” Esther answered honestly. “And that’s something you need to be prepared for if we go any further in this relationship because he very well might. He’s done it to me many times, and if he thinks you’re the reason he can’t get to me—”

  “Then he’ll turn on me,” Melanie finished for her. “I had thought of that, briefly. But I have Chris.”

  “You do.” Esther nodded firmly. “And that’s something to hold on to, as much as it worries me.”

  “I know it worries you, but I promise, Chris won’t do anything rash.”

  Esther fell quiet for a moment, and Melanie let her have the time. Finally, Esther knocked her chin up, something fierce in her gaze. “It’s not rash I’m afraid of.”

  “Then what are you afraid of?” Melanie truly wanted to know. Any more insight into this gorgeous woman in front of her would give her one more thing to add to her file on Esther Dunja.

  “I’m afraid it’ll be a slow demise until the end.”

  “Oh, Esther.” Melanie reached forward and cupped Esther’s cheek. “I wish you would trust me that I won’t let that happen.”

  “Maybe someday.” Esther shook her head, seeming to rethink her words. “I hope for someday, let me put it that way.”

  Melanie smiled. “I guess that’s all I can hope for then, too.”

  Melanie had spent all day with them, and by the time Esther had finished putting Anthony to bed, she collapsed onto the couch and snuggled into Melanie’s side. Something about this Saturday had been so different than any other time Melanie had been there. She’d been trying to put her finger on it all day, but the only thing she could come up with was that she was finally being honest.

  It wasn’t about absolutes. It wasn’t about love or courage or saying yes when she really wanted to say no. Melanie gave her the time and the space to say she didn’t know, to say she wasn’t sure, to sit in the unease and distress that indecision caused. And it felt wonderful, absolutely freeing. She wished every relationship, romantic or otherwise, had allowed that to happen.

  Those moments had given her enough time in the last week for her to really reflect on what she wanted, and she could truthfully say that she wanted Melanie. She wanted to see where they could go together, if they could go together. She wanted the excitement of a new relationship, one that might just be the healthiest relationship she had ever been in.

  Carissa had even told her as much during their regular Thursday night call. Esther had blushed furiously at some of the things Carissa had told her, things she would never repeat, but it had been enough of a push for Esther to make the purposeful decisions to allow herself some grace for the time being.

  Grace was something she had needed in abundance that week. Closing her eyes, Esther drew in Melanie’s scent. It was so familiar at that point, and she loved that it had become a norm in her life. That Melanie’s presence, no matter how much she had resisted it in the beginning, had become a constant she looked forward to. That alone should tell her what Melanie meant to her.

  “Mel?” Esther murmured, keeping her eyes closed and enjoying the moment.

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you stay the night?” Esther was almost too scared to look at Melanie, too scared to see what her reaction might be. It was a risk on her part, but how she longed for the company, for the companionship, for someone to be there when she needed, and so far, Melanie had done that, even with all the drama going on in her own life.

  Melanie paused, the silence echoing in the air as if it had such a weight to it that Esther didn’t want to define. She held her breath, clenched her fingers, each muscle in her body tightening as she tried to wait it out and allow Melanie the time to answer, the time that Melanie was so good at giving her. But with each pause, with each second that passed, Esther knew what the answer was going to be.

  No.

  Melanie finally hummed, then she nuzzled her nose into Esther’s hair before pulling back and lifting Esther’s chin with a gentle finger. Esther had to force herself to raise her gaze, to look into those deep brown eyes and hope for the answer she knew was coming to not be there.