Esther had to force a smile to her lips, the slim happiness Avery was talking about already fading, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to get it back. She nodded at Avery and walked toward the door, hoping that she would get the hint that it was time to go. Luckily, Avery followed.

  “Thank you again.”

  “Just call or text if you need something else and we’ll get it.”

  “Right.” Esther forced another smile as she shut and locked the door behind Avery. Closing her eyes, she pressed her forehead into the cold steel door.

  What were we thinking? This will be a disaster.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Two days of being stuck home with Anthony sick hadn’t given Esther any peace of mind. In fact, the conversation with Avery had sent her into a tailspin of nerves and anxiety she hadn’t expected. Normally she was so good at anticipating those. By that time in her life, she had figured out what was most likely to trigger a tailspin, but this was one she hadn’t thought about. Then again, it had been five years since she’d dated anyone seriously, or even tried to date anyone at all.

  Anthony stood next to her as she sat at the dining room table sipping her morning coffee. She’d been awake for hours, unable to get her mind out of the spiral it had fallen into, and by three in the morning she had given up and gotten up for the day.

  “Mama,” Anthony’s voice was so sweet when he had that tone.

  It took everything in Esther to focus on him and forget her anxiety for one brief moment. “What is it, baby?”

  “Do I get a new teacher today?”

  “What?” Esther frowned as she stared at him, utterly confused as to why he would be asking that question. Did Melanie say something to him when she hadn’t been around? Was there something she didn’t know and he’d be moving into Johanna’s class? No one had told her anything. Crap, Skip must have done it. How he had figured out she and Melanie were—

  “Mama.” This time Anthony’s voice was slightly impatient.

  Blinking, Esther stared at Anthony with wide eyes. “You should still be in Ms. Przybyla’s class.”

  “Oh, okay because any time there was a long break from school at daycare, there would be a new teacher. So I thought I’d have a new teacher.”

  Esther narrowed her gaze at him, mentally recounting all the teachers he’d had in his time at daycare, and he was right. It did seem that there was always a long break of one or two weeks before a new teacher would start and where the director would watch the kids. Add in the fact he’d switched daycares so many times throughout the years because Skip had insisted the next one was always better.

  Brushing her fingers over his smooth brown hair, Esther gave him a smile to try and soothe his confusion. “No, in big kids school, you get one teacher for the entire year. Then you’ll take a long break off where you’ll go to summer camp and come back to a new teacher and a new grade.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” Esther had forgotten to tell him that. She hadn’t realized he hadn’t known she had more time off during the summers because Skip insisted he stay in daycare even when she could easily watch him. It had frustrated her, not only because she had the time to be with him but because of the added and unnecessary cost. But, she’d never so much as made a peep about it when Anthony would be there to witness it.

  “Awesome!” Anthony’s face lit up brightly. “Is it time for school yet?”

  Esther glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was early yet, but she understood his excitement. He could stay in the building with her before he went outside when the other students joined. “Sure, we can get ready to go. But you need boots and your warm jacket today.”

  Anthony grinned at her as he ran to get his backpack ready. Esther already had all her work ready to go, so she finished her coffee, made herself a travel mug that she could take with her, and put on her own winter jacket.

  They were coming up on the coldest part of the year, when winter hit full on, and she had no doubt there would be many mornings when the kids would be inside the school before the first bell because the temperature was just too low to keep them outside. That also meant indoor recess, which she was not pleased about.

  Rolling her shoulders, Esther headed to her room and grabbed a brand new stress ball. She folded it into the palm of her hand, feeling the familiar texture and weight. She loved when they were new, always having the perfect amount of tension and resistance when she used them. She started the car while Anthony filled his backpack with his things and two snacks for the day. The vehicle likely wouldn’t be warm by the time they got to the school since it was only a few blocks away, but at the very least, it wouldn’t have such a chill to it that she could barely stand to sit in her seat.

  Anthony bubbled with excitement as he stepped out of the front door toward the car. Esther followed with her bag and coffee in tow, locking up the house as they left. As they drove, she hoped her tension and anxiety would dwindle, but they didn’t. For some reason, pulling up to Irving that day was exactly like it had been that first day of school months before. She knew more about the people and the students, but even that didn’t help ease her anxiety.

  She stared at the looming front doors, knowing she had to go inside and get her day started, but she just couldn’t make her legs move. She couldn’t force herself to open the car door and step outside into the frigid air.

  “Are we going inside?” Anthony popped his head up front in between the two seats, pure excitement and joy on his face.

  If only she was able to harvest some of that. Her heart raced, and she nodded at him, knowing she didn’t have a choice. She couldn’t just not show up for her job. It would put everything in jeopardy if she did that. And Anthony wasn’t sick, so she couldn’t even use that as an excuse anymore.

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, baby. We’re going inside.” Because she had no other option, Esther reached to her passenger seat to grab her satchel. They were out of the semi-warm car in a matter of seconds and heading inside to the school.

  Anthony ran straight for his classroom, and Esther had to stop him with a firm hand on his shoulder. She guided him toward her class and started setting things up and getting ready for the week until it was time to send him out to the playground or down for breakfast. Without any urging, Anthony nearly ran out of her class and disappeared. Esther tried not to let it bother her that he hadn’t lingered or that it was now so damn quiet in her room.

  She was just about to check her emails when there was a knock on her door and Melanie stepped inside, shutting it behind her. “I’m glad to see Anthony is feeling better.”

  “He is,” Esther answered, trying not to move her gaze from her computer, but she couldn’t help but stare at Melanie.

  How had she managed to maintain any semblance of control before the break? Melanie looked stunning in her element. Her slacks made her hips look wide, but the shape of her blouse showed off all her curves, curves that Esther now knew intimately. Suddenly her mouth was parched and she wished she hadn’t finished her coffee already.

  Melanie stepped in closer, sitting on the edge of the desk as if nothing had changed over the break. However, as much as Esther hadn’t wanted it to change, as much as for the last two days she’d wished it was a blob in her memory, a one-off kind of night, she knew it wasn’t. She knew it couldn’t be, not for Melanie, but perhaps more importantly, not for her.

  Her heart raced as she stared up into Melanie’s deep brown eyes, a gaze that seemed to reach into the depths of her soul and pull her own piece by piece to put her together in a way she hadn’t ever been before. Esther swallowed hard.

  “He came into my room after you let him escape from here.”

  “Oh.” Esther tried to rein her mind back in, to focus on the conversation at hand, something Melanie was definitely not having issues with. Not like she was anyway. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “Are we back to pulling teeth for conversation?” Melanie gave her a brilliant smile. “Because I’d really rather not be doing that again, for the sake of my sanity.”

  Esther couldn’t stop the rush of heat to her cheeks, or the tingle that moved across her skin and landed in her nipples, hardening them, at that look. Her breaths became shallow as her lips parted, and as much as she wanted to control her reaction, she couldn’t. She couldn’t make her body stop.

  “Esther.” Melanie leaned in and pressed warm fingers to the top of her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  She managed a slight nod, but that was it. Melanie was too good at this. They had spent too much time together and Melanie knew her too well at this point. Finally, she managed to squeak out, “Come to dinner tonight.”

  If at all possible, Melanie’s smile was even brighter than before. “With you and Anthony?”

  Esther swallowed the lump in her throat. She had nearly forgotten Anthony would be there, that she would in essence be exposing him to their relationship—whatever that relationship was—in the same way Skip did. But she found herself nodding anyway. This was Melanie. This wasn’t some woman Skip found at a bar who had zero interest in or concern for a small child. This was someone who loved Anthony nearly as much as she did.

  “Yes,” Esther answered.

  “Then, yes, I’ll come to dinner.” Melanie trailed her hand down Esther’s arm until she could tangle their fingers together in a tight grip, but she ever-so-tenderly brushed the pad of her thumb across the top of Esther’s hand. “Do I get to kiss you at dinner?”

  Esther immediately flicked her gaze to the door to her classroom, glad to find it was still closed. Her heart raced, and those tingles moved from her nipples to between her legs, because God she wanted Melanie to touch her so reverently again. Yet, she was still so afraid of what Auntie Chris would do when she found out.

  Now was her chance to put her worries in place, to put some kind of wall up so that she would be safe, that her job would potentially be secure. “Let’s talk after Anthony goes to sleep tonight.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Melanie didn’t move in, although her gaze dropped to Esther’s lips and lingered there. “I guess I should get back to my classroom.”

  Esther didn’t say anything. She waited as Melanie slowly let go of her hand and stood up, the scent from her body wash or shampoo or whatever it was, filling her as Melanie stood so close. Then she was gone. Esther had missed it, missed seeing Melanie walk away and leave the classroom, missed the calm expression as she shut the door behind her. But she could imagine it, and it was only the loud ringing of the bell that shocked Esther back to the reality that the school day had begun.

  Melanie had been excited all day, and it had taken nearly all of her patience to get the kids—and herself—to calm down. It felt glorious to be back in the rhythm of teaching after the break. Even though it was a short break, she had found time to relax with her family and straighten out some of their drama.

  By the time it was evening, she bundled herself up in her jacket and stepped out the front door. Avery was on a date, which was surprising, but Melanie let it go because the girl needed to get out of the house more, and Laramie to Cheyenne wasn’t that much of a distance in a newly budding relationship.

  As she walked the two blocks to Esther’s, Melanie couldn’t help but dream about what might happen that night. She wanted to kiss Esther again. She wanted to do more than that, and it seemed as though they were finally at the point of talking about where their relationship might go, which was something she had been hoping would happen sooner rather than later. Especially since all that had happened over the break.

  Lifting her cold hand, Melanie knocked on the door and waited with bated breath for Esther to answer it. Like she anticipated, Esther opened the door with Anthony giddy right next to her.

  “I helped make dinner!” He nearly shouted as she stepped inside.

  “Did you? What did you make?” Melanie took off her jacket and laid it over the back of the couch.

  “I made the cornbread.”

  “It’s chicken tonight,” Esther chimed in.

  There was still that guarded expression behind her eyes that Melanie had noticed that morning, but she didn’t comment on it. She was sure this particular conversation would be a source of anxiety for Esther, which had been part of why she’d held off on forcing her hand for so long.

  Before she knew it, they were sitting at the dining room table, Anthony chattering on about anything and everything under the sun, Esther staying stoically quiet and giving only short answers while Melanie was the one who entertained the kindergartner. She hadn’t thought that Esther’s nerves would be this overwhelming, but the sooner she could get Esther alone, the faster she could alleviate the problem.

  She listened with rapt attention to Anthony while also paying attention to his mother, who seemed to be withdrawing more with each passing minute. When dinner was finally through, Esther sent Anthony to take a bath.

  Finally, they were mostly alone. Although Melanie understood that small prying ears were still around. They stayed seated at the dining room table, as if some sort of formal discussion was going to happen. Melanie wanted it to, but with the tense looks Esther was sending anywhere but in her direction, she wasn’t sure about starting it right then and there.

  Reaching over, Melanie clasped Esther’s hand. Esther tensed sharply, shying away from the touch as she gingerly broke the physical connection between them. Melanie’s stomach twisted, trying not to read it as rejection but as Esther sorting through her own issues at the moment.

  “I would like to stay until after he goes to bed, if you’re still okay with that.”

  Esther’s gaze flashed up to hers for a brief second before dropping back down. “Yeah, I think that would be good.”

  “Esther.” Melanie leaned forward and put her palm flat on the tabletop to get Esther’s attention without touching her. “You’re a ball of nerves.”

  “I know,” Esther whispered, the confession falling off her lips most unexpectedly to both of them it seemed.

  “What’s going on?”

  Esther flicked her gaze toward the bathroom, then shook her head. “Does Chris know?”

  “Does she know what?”

  “About us?”

  Melanie’s stomach tightened. She stayed in the position she was in, holding firm to looking into Esther’s worried blue-gray eyes, the tightness of her jaw and shoulders. “She knows I like you, nothing more than that.”

  “Does she know you’re here?”

  “Right now? No.”

  Esther nodded ever-so-slightly, and her shoulders twitched down from their tightened state, but if Melanie hadn’t been watching for it, she wouldn’t have even seen it.

  “I haven’t told her anything because there really isn’t much to tell her.” Their voices were low and murmuring, surely so Anthony didn’t hear them talking, but Melanie also wondered if it was because the conversation they were having was so serious, as if their futures hinged on it. “I want to, though.”

  Esther’s gaze jerked up and latched onto Melanie’s face at that comment. She was shaking her head, and Melanie wasn’t even sure she was aware of doing it.

  “I won’t tell her anything without you knowing I’m going to first. I promise you that.” But this time, Melanie’s words didn’t seem to ease the tension riding in Esther. “Please trust me on that.”

  “She’s my boss,” Esther whispered.

  “She’s mine, too.”

  Shaking her head, Esther implored Melanie with her gaze. “She’s your best friend.”

  “But she’s also my boss, and it’s not an easy line to walk some days.”

  “She’s your best friend,” Esther repeated.

  Melanie was about to respond, but the bathroom door opened, the bathtub draining, and Anthony stepped out wrapped tightly in a towel. He grinned at them before coming up to his mother for a hug and a kiss. Then he skittered away to his room.

  For the next hour, their conversation was on pause, but Melanie at least had some inkling of what Esther was thinking. If only she could find a way to ease that anxiety for her without making Chris talk to her and tell her it wouldn’t affect their jobs. Yet at the same time, she wasn’t sure that was actually possible. She wanted it to be, but it had already affected things, like mentoring, like parent-teacher conferences.

  As Esther lay with Anthony to put him to bed, Melanie struggled to figure out what to say and do that would put Esther’s mind at ease. It was almost as if everything she thought of was easily counteracted with an excuse or a reason they shouldn’t be doing this. Sighing, she rubbed her temple and closed her eyes. This must be what it was like to live with anxiety, every waking second of life exactly in this spiral of worst case scenarios.

  When Esther finally emerged from the bedroom, she slid onto the couch next to Melanie, her back still ramrod straight. Melanie wanted to touch her, wanted to comfort her and hold her, but she was pretty sure it wouldn’t be welcome.

  “Is he asleep?” Melanie asked, checking after Anthony first.

  “He is,” Esther responded coolly. “I’m not sure we should do this.”

  “Do what?” Melanie’s stomach was in knots from all her own spiraling and that she was finally glad to hear someone else’s opinion on the matter, even if it was what she anticipated Esther saying.

  “A relationship.”

  Esther wouldn’t even look at her, staring at the closed curtains instead of turning to face Melanie. Tears pricked her eyes, and Melanie couldn’t put words to what she was feeling other than desperate. “Why do you say that?”

  “It’s too complicated, and I can’t lose my job over this. I can’t put Anthony through that.”

  Melanie nodded right along with her, understanding the sentiment. She had known from the start that those were going to be the two pressing issues, but really Anthony was the only one. Esther could stand to lose a job except that she had Anthony, and without income for him, she wouldn’t be able to support him.