Esther’s beautiful face popped through the crack before she opened the door wider. Melanie had missed her, that sly smile that barely brushed her cheeks when she wasn’t thinking. Melanie’s chest tightened at just the thought of what had almost happened the last time they were in this very spot.

  “Hey?” Esther questioned.

  “Sorry! I… we didn’t finish your pie, and I thought since Anthony is still gone you might like some company and maybe pie for breakfast.”

  “Oh.” Esther’s cold eyes stared down at her from the house as she judged Melanie.

  “So can I come in?”

  A wary look washed over Esther’s gaze, but she did open the door wider and let Melanie through. Stepping into the house, she was immediately greeted with warmth. The chill air outside was setting in, and Esther had the heat turned up so it was perfect inside. As soon as the door was shut, Esther locked it and took the pie.

  “Was it good? I didn’t get any the other day.”

  “It’s excellent.” Melanie followed her into the kitchen and helped make up two plates while Esther made more coffee. They worked well in tandem, and Melanie noticed she couldn’t stop sneaking looks at Esther. The curves of her body, the softness of her skin—everything about Esther intrigued her now. As if the glass had been shattered, all she’d done the last couple days was to think about Esther and wondered if there might be more between them than mere friendship.

  Either way, she wanted to find out.

  They sat together at the table, awkward silence filtering over them. Melanie eyed Esther carefully, trying to judge how she was doing that morning without asking. She’d been working on her skills of reading Esther, trying to figure out if it was a skill she could learn or not. Melanie took a bite of the pie, moaning when the flavors hit her tongue.

  “This pie is really good.”

  “My sister gave me the recipe.”

  “Yeah? I’d love to have it.”

  “I can get it for you.”

  Melanie grinned and took another bite. “Ella had her first ultrasound. One baby, just like I told you.”

  “Good. Everything else fine?”

  “Yeah. She said to thank you for the peppermint oil. It’s really helped. She was able to go back to work this weekend so she went home.”

  “I’m glad.” Esther’s lips twitched but didn’t reach a smile. “It really was the only thing that saved me with Anthony.”

  “Well, she’s very thankful, and so am I.” Melanie reached over and touched Esther’s hand gently. Her skin was smooth and warm, and she trailed her fingers over the back of it. Esther stilled and eyed her carefully. “I did want to talk to you about the other night.”

  Esther frowned, and she wouldn’t make eye contact. Melanie’s stomach churned at the thought she’d done something to offend her, but that moment of pity in her gaze before implied she hadn’t. Moving her hand back into her lap, Melanie stared down at her plate.

  “Do you mind?”

  “No,” Esther answered, her voice so quiet but still firm.

  They were back to one word answers, which meant Melanie was going to have to work hard to move into full sentences. “Are you…I don’t even know how to ask this…you were with Skip.”

  “Yes, I was, and before Skip, I was with a woman. Carlisle.”

  “Carlisle.” Melanie frowned and moved her fork around the plate absentmindedly. For some reason, she didn’t mind thinking of Esther with Skip, someone she clearly didn’t like any more, but to think of her with another woman bothered her. Her stomach tightened, and she couldn’t put a name to the feeling.

  She wished she could.

  “I’m bisexual,” Esther supplied. “Meaning I date both men and women. Well, right now I don’t date anyone.”

  Melanie stopped her spiral of thoughts. “You don’t date? Why?”

  Esther frowned into her slice of pie. “I don’t have the time, and Anthony is my priority.”

  “Oh. I guess that makes sense. I didn’t date when the kids were little, either. It was too difficult to take care of their needs and someone else’s. I had enough pressure just to make sure they were doing okay.”

  Esther did smile then. “I’m glad you understand.”

  “But…how did you know?”

  “Know what?” Esther took a bite of pie.

  “That you liked women.” That same pitying look Esther had Thursday was back in place, and it didn’t settle well with Melanie. How was she supposed to ask that question and not be self-conscious? “I mean, should I know by now? I’m forty-two. I should know, right?”

  “Melanie…” Esther’s voice trailed off, but her fingers found Melanie’s in her lap and gave a gentle squeeze, keeping her hand in place. “Sometimes people just know, and sometimes they have to figure it out. It’s not science. There isn’t only one right answer. And age and culture and the way we were all raised has something to do with it, too.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “This is something I know about, I promise.”

  “I suppose I should talk to Chris about this, huh?” Melanie’s cheeks heated as embarrassment filtered through her. She’d thought of calling her best friend, the one lesbian she knew was out and proud about it, but she’d been too embarrassed to even think about starting that conversation. Chris thought she was straight, and while she didn’t think Chris would shun her, it would surprise her that Melanie was questioning.

  “You could,” Esther said. “But I’m here if you want to talk about it, too. I always knew I liked women and, well, really any sex or gender identity out there. It wasn’t something I really had to question, but I did have to come out, and that’s scary no matter how young or confident someone is.”

  “I suppose,” Melanie mumbled. “Can I even know if I haven’t tried it?”

  “Yes, you absolutely can.”

  That comforted Melanie. She wasn’t sure why, but it did. She flipped her hand over and held onto Esther’s, lacing their fingers together. She didn’t want to let go. Even if nothing came of them, this was comforting, this felt authentic and real, and vulnerable. Tears stung her eyes, and when she looked up, Esther was staring directly at her.

  “It’s okay to cry. Things like this can be overwhelming.”

  “Did you cry?”

  “No.” Esther snorted and smiled. “But I don’t cry often.”

  “I bet you cry ugly tears when you do, though.”

  “That might be accurate.” Esther’s cheeks tinged pink.

  Melanie wished she could see it, not because she wanted Esther to be embarrassed, but because she wanted to see everything that involved Esther. Since Avery’s little revelation, she hadn’t stopped thinking about this woman, about the weight she carried, and what it might be for her to shoulder even a little bit of it. Her chest constricted as her mind slipped back in the direction it had all night. She did want to kiss Esther—of that she was certain. It had been so long since she’d kissed someone, since she’d longed to be connected physically, intimately.

  And not just with anyone.

  She was pretty sure she wanted Esther and no one else. She wanted this woman who was so stand-offish that she came off as bitchy. This woman who melted as soon as a student was put in front of her. She wanted to know what it would feel like to be wrapped up in her.

  Esther’s breathing quickened when their gazes locked, and Melanie swore she saw that same longing echoed back at her, but it was quickly masked and she could have been wrong. It’d been decades since she’d been out with someone properly or in a committed relationship. She was so out of practice.

  “Is Carlisle the only woman you’ve dated?”

  “No, but she was the most serious, and the most toxic woman I’ve been with.”

  “Toxic?” Melanie’s brows drew together. “Like Skip toxic?”

  “In some ways, and not in others. I’m…” Esther blew out a breath. “I’m not very good at choosing people I date, which is mostly why I’m not dating right now. I can’t put Anthony through my poor decisions.”

  “Makes sense.” Melanie stared down at their connected hands. She wouldn’t hurt Esther like that. She’d been in bad relationships before, not like Esther had, but in ones that weren’t good for either party. “I do wish you would be willing to try again, though.”

  “I am,” Esther whispered. “But not right now.”

  “When?” That had been the question Avery told her to find out, and she was curious. Maybe not because she and Esther were destined to be together but because Esther needed to know when it would be time to give dating another try.

  “I don’t know.” Sadness filled Esther’s eyes, and Melanie watched as she tried to draw it back in.

  Holding Esther’s hand tightly, Melanie remained as stoic as she could to give Esther the support she needed. “You know if you want to date, I’ll help out in any way I can. I’ll watch Anthony for you, I’ll be there when you break up with someone, whatever you need. I’m here for you.”

  “Because you’ve been assigned to me.”

  “No.” Melanie shook her head. “Because I like you and I hope by now we’ve moved beyond mentoring and into the realm of friendship. I hope you count me as your friend, at the very least.”

  “At the very least?” Esther locked her eyes on Melanie’s face.

  Nodding, Melanie looked back at her. “Yeah. Friends.”

  “I could use a friend.”

  “Me too.” Melanie grinned. “Sometimes the world is way too lonely, even if we see dozens of people every day.”

  “Yeah.” Esther looked like she might cry again, but she didn’t. She was insanely strong, although Melanie knew that sometimes strength lay in vulnerability, not in one’s ability to avoid it.

  “I think I like women. I think I always have, but I never really considered it an option, especially because I also like men.”

  Esther’s eyes crinkled. “Welcome to the bisexual club. We’re glad to have you.”

  “Thanks.” Melanie relaxed, all the tightness that had been held in her body for the last couple days was completely gone. It felt so good, a coming out of her own, to herself and to Esther in the same moment. But she still wanted to kiss Esther, and the dreams she’d had the night before were not out of her head yet.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Melanie had texted her on and off throughout the rest of the weekend, but as soon as Anthony had gotten home Sunday, she had focused solely on him. Esther had breathed in his scent to settle herself, and had listened to his tales of the holiday, mostly about his grandmother and how she had doted on him. At least one person in that family seemed to like and enjoy him.

  Esther had always liked Skip’s mother, if only because she was one of the few people who didn’t put up with her son’s crap. How Skip came from a household she had run, Esther had never figured out.

  By Tuesday, Esther was setting up decorations in her classroom for winter, changing out the themes and getting everything ready for the holidays. She honestly should have done a good chunk of it before the Thanksgiving break, but she’d been mopey about the fact that Anthony wouldn’t be with her.

  The decoration continued at home, and Anthony had dragged her to the closet in the back of the house where they’d stashed the Christmas things when they’d moved in. How he remembered where they put them all was a mystery to her, but he did. She dragged the boxes out, and Anthony helped set everything up.

  With music playing on the television, they spent hours figuring out where each strand of lights would go and where to put the Christmas tree. When it was time to stop for a bath and bed, Anthony was begging to sleep under the lights. Esther turned him down, putting him to bed by bringing in his own strand to hang in the window of his room. Sleeping under the lights when she was growing up was one of her favorite things to do, and she would let him once Christmas break hit.

  As Anthony slept, Esther finished the decorating and put the boxes away neatly right where they belonged. She stood in front of the large window in her living room and smiled as the first flakes of snow began to fall. This was what she enjoyed the most. Even though Anthony wasn’t awake, Esther stepped into the kitchen and started the water in her electric kettle.

  Since she had focused so much on lesson plans while Anthony was gone, she had managed not to have anything to do that night. It made her fingers itch to have no plans, but the snowfall had given her a good idea, and she was determined to follow through with it.

  Efficiently, she made a mug of hot chocolate, swirling her spoon through the mixture to make sure the powdered chocolate was melted by the hot water. If Anthony had been awake, she would have heated up milk for it, but since it was just her, this was easier.

  Carrying the hot chocolate to the living room, she set it down to grab her warm winter jacket and a blanket. Then she stepped out the front door, turning off the porch light as an afterthought. She wrapped the blanket around her legs as she sat on the front steps of the house and sipped her hot chocolate, enjoying the first snowfall as if she was the five-year-old, not Anthony.

  It was beautiful outside, the fluffy flakes tenderly falling to the ground in a slow descent. Not something that normally happened in Cheyenne because of the wind, but the day had been built for this. She used the heat from the mug to warm her fingers and keep her centered as she listened to the dull silence the snow always seemed to bring with it.

  Esther sighed. She hadn’t seen Melanie since that morning in one of their many meetings, but it had been a reminder as to why they shouldn’t do anything together. Esther had enough going on in her life, and Anthony was her sole priority, no matter what.

  Shuffling footsteps surprised her, and she glanced around, trying to figure out where they were coming from. From her vantage point, she made out a dark figure at the end of the block on her side of the street walking toward her. Her heart raced, and she clenched the mug so tightly she was afraid she might break it.

  Esther took deep, calming breaths. Not everyone was out to get her. Not everyone was there to make her life a miserable hell. By the time the figure stepped under the light, she’d convinced herself to at least stay outside for another five seconds, but when the street lamp lit Melanie’s beautiful face, Esther relaxed instantly.

  She eyed Melanie carefully as she continued to walk, her face lifted toward the sky as if she was going to try to catch the snowflakes on her tongue. Instead, she reached Esther’s house and stopped short, finally turning to see Esther sitting on the front stoop and raising an eyebrow in her direction, a grin reflecting on her lips.

  “I see I’m not the only one who enjoys the first snowfall.” Melanie’s voice was wistful as she rocked from side to side.

  “No, you’re not,” Esther answered.

  “Mind if I join? I was just taking a walk.”

  “Join away.” Esther shifted slightly as Melanie moved to sit next to her, her wool jacket falling down to her knees as she stretched her legs out in front of her. Her heart raced again, but this time for an entirely different reason. She liked Melanie, and her body’s insistent reaction every time the two of them were together outside of the school, and even sometimes in it, told her as much. Yet, she still didn’t want to act on those physical feelings.

  Melanie bumped their shoulders together to get Esther’s attention. “Hot chocolate?”

  “An indulgence. If Anthony had been awake, I would have made some for him too.”

  Melanie grinned. “He didn't seem down when he came home this time.”

  “Grandmas make a world of difference, you know.”

  Chuckling, Melanie nodded. “I can only hope I’m the same type of grandma then.”

  Esther’s lips parted. She so often forgot that Melanie was already a grandma, even though she was so young. It startled her into the reality that they had more issues to contend with than just Esther’s problems and Melanie being Anthony’s teacher. They were easily fifteen years apart from each other.

  Blowing out a breath, Esther lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. “I can make you a cup, if you’d like.”

  “I think I’m good for now, thanks.” Melanie faced her, eyed her, searched her.

  It sent a shiver down Esther’s spine, one she tried her best to ignore, though she was pretty sure she was unsuccessful in that. Melanie leaned in closer. “Ella told me to thank you, again.”

  “She’s a sweet girl.”

  “She’s an anxious girl.”

  Esther stopped at that. Melanie had mentioned it several times, but Esther hadn’t commented on it much, wondering if Melanie realized she struggled with the same issue. She shrugged and stared out at her front yard as the snow continued to fall. “So am I.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, and it’s only gotten worse through the years, not better.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Esther sighed and pursed her lips. She still didn’t look at Melanie, not sure if she could when she admitted this. “I’ve always had anxiety, but my college years and shortly after were rough. It made my anxiety far worse than it ever has been.”

  “How do you deal with it?”

  Snorting, Esther shook her head. “Mostly I just learned to live with it, but when it comes to dealing with it, I don’t really.”

  “Esther.” Melanie settled a hand on Esther’s knee and squeezed. “What made it worse?”

  “Skip. Carlisle. Anthony, if I’m honest. Being a parent is scary as hell.”

  “It is. I’ll agree with you on that.”

  “My parents weren’t the greatest, and Carissa is much older than me. I was a bit of an oops baby, so Carissa raised me since our parents wanted a life of their own at that point. But in college I was on my own, I was able to explore and do things I’d never had the opportunity for before.”

  “Were you a wild child?”

  “No.” Esther softened. She liked that Melanie had left her hand on her leg, but she didn’t move to touch her in the same way or to cover her fingers, as much as she wanted to. “I did drink, a lot. I went to parties and had friends, but that was mostly with Carlisle.”