“Excuses, excuses.”

  “Eat shit, Crane.”

  “You’re in denial. Maybe you should see a shrink to help you figure it out.”

  “Maybe you should walk off a cliff and call it a day,” I counter.

  “You wouldn’t like that. You’d be in a world without me.”

  “I’ve done fine without you.”

  “Clearly,” he reminds me.

  I’d like to scream, or haul off and punch him in the gut, but he’s right. Of course he is. It’s just like that cock sucker to rub shit in my face. He likes when I’m uneasy. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk.”

  “The truth hurts, babe.”

  “I’m not your babe.” It’s a simple statement to reiterate what he already knows.

  “Raims, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve always been my babe.”

  “I left you, remember? I walked away.”

  “Maybe I waited.”

  This makes me crack up. “Yeah right. You’ve probably been through the whole town, fucking whatever came your way. I’m not an idiot. You weren’t satisfied with me, so what would make me think you waited around.”

  “I never said I waited. I simply laid claim to what’s always been mine. I’ve owned you since that very first time in the tow truck, and you know it.”

  “We were kids.”

  “Owned you,” he repeats.

  “Shut up already.” I growl. “God, you piss me off.”

  He reaches over and squeezes my thigh. I shove his hand away. “The more you fight, the hotter it gets for me. Keep it up, and I’m going to pull over and take you right here on the road for everyone to see.”

  “Don’t threaten me. I’d have to agree to it, and right now I’d like to stick a pencil in your eye.”

  “So violent. Is that how you talked to your ex?”

  “No. We didn’t talk much. We were always too busy fucking. He’d last for hours, and then he’d take it from my ass for even more.” Okay, in all fairness he had it coming. So what if I told a little lie? The sex with Jeffery was incomparable to what Crane and I share, but he doesn’t need to know that. What hits a nerve for him is the ass part, and I plan on watching him suffer while he spends the next twenty miles thinking about it.

  Crane is never quiet, not unless his ego is bruised. I let it go for nearly ten minutes before a laugh escapes me.

  “What’s so funny?” He asks.

  “You. What’s wrong? Did I hurt your little feelings?” I ask in a childish tone.

  “You’re such a bitch. Of course you’d let some other guy have that. You should have kept it to yourself.”

  I’m slapping myself in the leg, almost about to pee myself from amusement. “You stupid ass, he didn’t go there, okay. I made it up to piss you off.”

  He jerks the car to the shoulder of the road and throws it into the parked position. “That’s fucked up.”

  “I was proving a point.”

  “About what? I’ve never held back when it comes to you.”

  All of a sudden it’s serious. He’s staring at me like he’s about to confess some undying love for me. I’m uncomfortable, and searching for a way to change the subject, yet nothing comes to mind. “You betrayed me. What you did left scars. I can’t do this with you. We’re friends Crane, and I’m not going to deny we still have chemistry, or that I like having sex with you, but that’s all it can be. I’m done being hurt. The only way to protect myself is to not feel anything. I know you think we can pick up and be something again, but it’s not happening.”

  “Are you done? Who says I want to be in a romantic relationship with someone who walks around acting tough all day? Could you be anymore ambiguous?”

  I shove him and snicker. “Shut up.”

  “At this point, Raims, I’ll be whatever the fuck you need me to be.” He puts his hand over mine and grips it. “I mean that.” My hearts hammers hearing it. I loathe him for making me feel things, but at the same time, I’m grateful I’m still capable of feeling somewhat human, when everything around me has fallen apart.

  I smile. “I know you do.” It’s genuine, and for the first time since being back I know all he wants to do is protect me. I don’t know why it gives me so much comfort. I know he’s hiding things, but for some reason I feel like it’s for someone else. I just need to figure out why, and how it pertains to the downfall of my family.

  Small talk makes the drive go faster. Before I know it we’re pulling into the facility. My stomach is in knots, almost like I’m seeing my brother for the first time in my life. He’s been made aware of me being back in town, but Crane hasn’t said anything other than the fact that I need to see him. I wish Hath was in the same prison, but they’ve been separated. Hath won’t be locked up much longer. Crane told me his smaller sentence could allow him to get out before the end of the year, where Del was sentenced to ten. Even if he only serves five, it will be a long time before he sees freedom.

  I’ve gone through this process before, but it never gets less annoying. We go through security, log our names in, and are led to a room lined with tables. Crane and I sit side by side and wait as each convict enters the room. It’s nearly fifteen minutes before Crane straightens up. His hand goes to my leg to signal Del has arrived. When I look up I barely recognize the person being led toward us. He’s in an orange suit with short sleeves. His hair is shaved almost bald, and he’s covered in tattoos, most of which I had nothing to do with. They’re so bad I almost cringe at the work I’ll have to eventually do to make them look remotely professional. When our eyes meet I become emotional. It’s been years since the three of us were in the same room, and the last time I spoke to my brother it was with enough hate and anger to last a lifetime. I blamed him for letting Crane cheat on me and lying about it. I said things I can never take back, and his words weren’t any better. “Hi Del.”

  “Raimey. Wow. It’s been a minute.”

  “It feels like four years,” I correct him. I’m usually not this fragile. There’s no real way to put into words what it feels like to see someone I love suffering. “I’ve missed your stupid ass.”

  He grins and flashes those pretty white teeth in my direction. I can’t get over how built he’s become. I’m pretty sure he could kick Crane’s ass if he needed to. “Yeah. I bet you don’t like my new digs.”

  “I thought Tuck was lying.”

  “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

  Crane laughs, and I turn in his direction to mentally tell him to beat it so I can talk to my brother. He stands and pats me on the shoulder. “Your sister wants some time alone. I’ll catch ya next week, dude.”

  I’m surprised when they stand and half hug, until a prison guard comes over and sits my brother back down, telling him he’ll lose his privileges if he doesn’t abide by the rules. “Sorry. They’re funny about touching.”

  “So, I can’t hug you?”

  “You can. I just need to have him come over and watch. He needs to make sure you aren’t passing me anything illegal.”

  “Gotcha.” I stare down at my hands as I begin. “There’s so much I want to say to you, Del. Are you okay? Can I bring anything next time? Do you have any outstanding bills I should look into?”

  He shakes his head. “Crane paid off what little I owed. I get three meals and time outside every day. It’s not so bad. The food sucks ass, and sometimes I think the special sauce might actually be someone’s special sauce, but other than that it’s cool. I don’t have it as bad as Hath.”

  “Crane probably paid off your shit because he feels guilty.”

  “Guilty? What would he be guilty for?” Then his eyes light up. I think he catches onto what I’m saying, but his next words leave me shocked and unable to breathe. “Oh, you’re talking about what we did to get you to go to Vegas.” He rubs his face, shaking his head. “I know it was a dick move. Crane was all twisted up and shit. He knew he was holding you back. The chick was my idea. He bitched the whole time, and after it worked we really had it out. He broke my fucking nose, got drunk and crashed his car. After a week in the hospital, he came after me again, but you were already long gone. You’d changed your number, which only pissed him off more. He flew to Vegas and spent a whole fucking weekend looking for you. He checked every tattoo shop he could find in the phone book. Dude had it bad.”

  My hands are shaking. I wanted answers. I came here to get the truth from my brother, but not this. It can’t be. It’s not possible. My brother has to be blowing smoke up my ass. I know what I saw. “No. You’re not funny, Del. I was there. I saw him with my own eyes.”

  “You saw what we wanted you to see. Linc and Hath knew we were doing it. We made a pact not to tell you, because we knew you’d want to stick around.”

  “Why? How could you do that to me? Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?”

  He tosses up his hands. “How would I know? You don’t call or write. For all I knew you were dead, or wanted nothing to do with us. I figured you stay away for a couple months tops. I never expected you to forget about us.”

  “I didn’t.” My eyes sting. It’s too much to hear. I’m in disbelief.

  “Anyway, I’m sorry. I’d take it back if I could. I’m sure Crane filled you in on his beat down and how he wouldn’t speak to me for months.”

  I shake my head. “Crane didn’t...He never said anything to me.”

  My brother reaches over and cups my hand. He pulls away before the guard can see. “Shit, Raimey. I guess you’re sorry you came to see me then.”

  “No.” I squint when a raging migraine starts to show it’s presence. It’s too stressful. I never expected them to force me to leave. I never thought they’d stoop so low to convince me to see the world. I hate them for this, for taking away a life I could have had. Sure, I experienced a lot in Vegas. For a while I loved living there, but never more than being home. “I can’t believe this. You all knew? You all screwed me over?”

  “Raimey, we were all stupid immature kids. Hell, I still am. Look at me. I’m right where I belong.”

  “You think punishing yourself makes me feel better?”

  “No. Nothing does, but at least you know I’m being punished.”

  I cover my face with my hands. “This isn’t why I came.” When I open my eyes and rest my palms against the table I focus on the now, instead of the past I still can’t wrap my head around. “What happened to the company, Del? Did you and Crane have anything to do with it going under?”

  He seems confused. “Huh?”

  “Tuck told me. He said Crane manipulated everyone and stole our leads. He’s renting out the business. He told me you were in jail because Crane had you doing illegal tows. He said he has to sell the equipment to pay off lawyers for you and Hath.”

  My brother’s expression says it all. “What the fuck are you talking about? Crane didn’t have me running cars for that chop shop. He’s the one who paid my bail and got me an attorney. Tuck’s a liar. Don’t believe a word out of his mouth. The best thing Crane ever did was start his own gig. Once Linc walked away Tuck lost his shit. He’s messed up, Raimey. Don’t believe a word out of his mouth.”

  Something rings over the intercom. “Visiting hours end in five minutes. All prisoners are to report back to their blocks for attendance.” The message repeats twice before it stops.

  “I guess we should have gotten here sooner.”

  “Don’t go away mad, sis. I fucked up a lot of things. I can live with what I’ve done, but now that you’re back I need you to forgive me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I manage to get out with trembling lips. “I don’t know if it’s possible.” When I stand I realize I don’t have many answers, at least not the ones I need, but enough to know I have to settle the past before I can deal with the present.

  “I love ya, sis. I just wanted you to see the world. So did Crane. It crushed him when you left, Raimey. He did it for you. We all did.”

  Crane is leaning up against a brick wall when I exit the building. He’s looking down at his phone, not paying any attention to the people coming out of the building. I stop in front of him and open my mouth, but nothing will come. I can’t speak. Looking into his eyes has never been hard, but seeing him for the first time again is terrifying. I’ve hated him for years. I’ve blamed him for my heartache. He broke me. I can’t remember how many countless nights I spent alone, helpless and hating my life. He pushed me into a decision he knew I wouldn’t make if we were together. He forced my hand, probably thinking I’d come back and forgive him.

  But I never planned on returning. If Jeffery hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have come home, thus never learning the truth.

  This sucks.

  I want to scream and kick and throw things until the frustration subsides, but instead I have to sit in that compact car interior with one of the culprits. It’s going to take all of my willpower to not grab onto his balls and rip them from his body. I’m pissed, and hurt, and just numb.

  Chapter 15

  Well Polish My Nuts and Serve me a Milkshake: HOLY SHIT, I didn’t expect this. To be caught off guard. Extremely surprised to the extent of crapping your pants, at least metaphorically speaking.

  Ignoring Crane is like hammering nails into my own knees. It’s an impossible task. It’s been ten minutes since we got in the car and the quiet is agitating me. He breaks the silence first with simple conversation. “I bet it was good to see your brother.”

  “It was. He’s changed. He’s bigger, kind of scary looking.”

  “He misses you. We talk about you whenever I visit. Last week when I told him you’d come home I thought he was going to ask me to help him escape. He started talking about taking you out and celebrating.”

  “Yeah.” It’s all that comes out.

  “What did you talk about?” He asks after the hush is unnerving.

  “Me mostly.” I keep looking out the passenger side window, hoping to avoid the conversation I know I’m about to have. It’s ridiculous to bottle it up.

  “You can talk more next week. We’ll come earlier.”

  “I might sit next week out. I think I need to take a few days and figure out what I want to do with my life. It’s not fair to give him false hope if I’m not going to stick around.”

  “False hope? What are you talking about? Did he say something that upset you?” Crane looks over and meets my gaze. In that instant I think he knows the truth. I’m not a crier, but there are tears in my eyes. Now I feel betrayed for a completely different reason.

  “Why did you let them do it, Crane? You, of all people, could have stopped me. You could have said no. All this time.” I’m shaking. “All this fucking time I thought I wasn’t enough for you.”

  He slams his fists over the steering wheel. “Fuck! He promised.”

  “Promised what? That he’d never tell me the truth? What you did wasn’t right. I was happy. You knew something like that would force me to leave. How could you do that me? To us?”

  He finally stops the car on the shoulder of the highway near a closed pawn shop. He leans against the steering wheel but searches my face as he begins. “Because I loved you enough to let you go. I wanted you to have more than a job with a towing company. You’re an artist, Raims.”

  “I can do art anywhere. I can tattoo here in Jersey. You ruined my life.”

  “Trust me, I tried to find you. I regretted it from the very moment it happened. God, I hated myself.” He peers out the window. “I even went to Vegas to find you. I figured I could track you down and bring you home, and do whatever it took to convince you to stay with me.”

  “I saw you in bed with her. You were naked and kissing her.”

  “No. You saw her kissing on me. I wore shorts, and I refused to reciprocate. I was so fucking drunk that night. It’s the only way I could go through with it. Things were bad after that. I started using drugs, and drinking until I couldn’t remember. Mom and Dad kicked me out of the house. I was living in the apartment over the tow shop with the guys. Every night was some kind of party. We spent our paychecks on booze, drugs, and even women.”

  “What?” I shake my head. “No. Linc wouldn’t stand for it.”

  “Linc wasn’t there. He was off with Michelle playing house.”

  “I can’t believe this.” There’s a good chance I could hurt someone before this car ride ends.

  “My dad getting sick saved my life. He was put into the hospital and I headed home to stay with Mom. I went through withdrawals and cleaned up. I started saving all my money and working overtime to avoid the pressure from the guys. The more I worked, the harder they partied. We all made a lot of bad choices.”

  “Like stealing the company from under us?”

  Crane doesn’t even flinch. “I told you before. I’m not responsible for...”

  I stop him.

  “Please don’t. Just don’t talk to me. You say it like you want me to feel sorry for you. Well I don’t. I hope you went down broken roads and made a lifetime of regrettable mistakes. You deserve to be miserable for what you did to me. All of you. You were all my family. I trusted you.”

  “Raimey, whether you admit it or not, you were miserable. You’d been itching to move away for years. How many times did you tell me this wasn’t where you wanted to be? How many conversations did we have where you asked me to run away with you?”

  “Together, you stupid prick. I wanted to do it together.”

  “Well, if you wouldn’t have dropped off the face of the earth maybe I could have changed things.”

  “I really hate you right now. I hate all of you. Coming home has been the biggest mistake yet.” I start to get out of the car in the middle of the highway. I don’t care if there’s nothing around for miles, or if I die as a result of a trucker wanting to have his way with me and leaving me for the elements. I don’t care about anything but getting away from Crane Lord.

  He follows me, runs around the car until he’s captured me. In his arms, he pulls my back to his chest while I fight to get free. “Let me go. Get back in your fancy car and get the fuck out of my life. For once, do what’s right. Leave me be, Crane. I don’t want to see you. I can’t stand to look at you.”