He laughs at me. “Pat down?”

  I stand and begin to pace. “This is a fucking disaster. I’m calling Linc.”

  He chases me into the bedroom where I’ve left my phone to charge. “Just hold up a minute. We talked about this.”

  I shove him. “No. You talked about it. You keep telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, but screw you, Crane. You don’t understand how guilty it makes me feel that I wasn’t around for my whole family to fuck everything up. You told me you were done with the lies and that I should trust you. The thing is, you were the last person to talk to Tuck, then all of a sudden the cops have the place surrounded and he’s being arrested.”

  “What are you trying to say?” He’s up in my face acting defensive.

  “I’m trying to say that I think you’re the one who called the cops. You’re so adamant about me backing off, and part of it was because you knew I’d find out you were involved, but then you realized if you got rid of the people involved you’d be in the clear.” I shove him backward. “You did this, didn’t you?”

  “No!”

  “Bullshit! You know what I think?”

  “What?”

  “I think you’ve been pissed at my family since they forced your hand and made you push me away. I think it’s been your plan all along to ruin them. I think you’re intelligent, patient, and spiteful. In fact, I don’t think it, I know it.”

  He motions to the ceiling and surrounding walls. “I explained how I got this place. I told you about my involvement. Think what you want, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to your shit.”

  “Why? Did I hurt your feelings?”

  The veins pop out on his forehead. His eyes are beading, and when he speaks he’s spitting. This is the real Crane; the one who doesn’t take shit from anyone, including me. This is the guy I walked away from. Lies or not, this is who I remember breaking my heart, not the improved version who claims to have his life in check. I shove him once more, this time he captures me and has a firm hold on me. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “I want the truth.”

  “I gave it to you.”

  I stare into his eyes. “I will never trust you.”

  “Oh, when I’m between your legs it’s okay, but any other time I’m just a piece of shit.” He lets go of me and lifts his arms in the air. “You know what? Fuck this. You’re right, Raimey. I’m a liar. I’ve said whatever it is you’ve wanted to hear to keep you around. You’re an easy target because you’re so fucking gullible. Even at your worst I can break you, I always could. What’s another lie?” he asks. “I’m glad you know the truth, because if I had to hear your mouth for five more seconds I was liable to rip my hair out. I don’t know why I missed you. You’re nothing but a damn train wreck. Pussy ain’t worth the trouble.”

  I slap him as hard as I can right across his cheek. His head turns with the blow, but he refuses to react. There’s nothing I can say to make this blow any less. I’m devastated, but grateful. At least he put me out of my misery, instead of pulling me along his invisible sex leash.

  With Zeus following behind, I race out the door and head toward the street. After grabbing his leash out of the truck, we take off out of the parking lot on foot. I don’t want to have to see him again. He can drop my things off or keep them for all I care. We are done. This time it’s for good. Crane Lord is officially out of my system and it feels fucking enlightening.

  The cab ride to Linc’s house feels like it takes forever. Without a phone, I’m unable to notify him of my arrival, or ask for the fare for the drive over. While the cab driver waits, I knock on the door and wait for someone to answer. Michelle takes one look at me and Zeus and knows something is off. “Raimey, are you okay?”

  I shake my head. “Not really. Can I borrow a twenty to pay the driver?”

  She goes back inside and comes out with her wallet, pulling out the cash. Linc comes up behind her and sees me. His first inclination is to pull me in his arms. I don’t realize how much I need it until it happens. Wrapped in his comforting hold, I lose it. Minutes go by. The cab leaves, and Michelle returns to the porch in which we still stand. Linc manages to get me to sit down on the porch furniture so I can explain, while Michelle takes the spot beside me. “I’m sorry for showing up like this,” I say between annoying sniffles. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Is it Tuck?” I called Linc earlier to ask if he knew anything, so he’s aware about the police bust.

  “No. It’s Crane. It’s everything. I’m so sick of it all. For the past two weeks I’ve been disregarded and lied to. I’ve felt like an outcast with my own family. I’m tired of my stomach being in knots, and everyone I care about keeping things from me. I’m not a little kid. You can’t protect me anymore.”

  Linc stares down at the porch floor. “What do you want to know?”

  I rub my face as I speak. “Start from the beginning, Lincoln,” I announce with hate-filled adrenaline running through my veins. “Who the hell is my father, Linc? Why do I look like you guys? Did you have a relationship with Paula the whole time she’s been gone?”

  “Wow. You need to give me a second.”

  Michelle put her arm around me. “Just tell her, Linc. We talked about this.”

  “You did?” The question is for Michelle.

  “The day you showed up on our doorstep. Linc and I sat up all night talking about how you deserved to know, especially since we knew Paula was back in town.”

  “Have you seen her too? Please tell me she doesn’t know the girls.”

  “No way,” she assures me. “Linc would never allow that.”

  “At least one of my family members has some sense.”

  “Raimey,” my brother starts. “I didn’t tell you because you were better off not knowing. That woman is a terrible person. She inserted herself back in our lives when we were teenagers.”

  “Why am I just hearing about it?” I inquire.

  “Because Tuck and I knew she’d been in prison, and that she had everything to do with Dad’s death.”

  My eyes flew to his face. I’d never even considered the possibility of it. “Dad’s death?”

  “Yeah. When she got out of jail the first time she came looking for us in Oklahoma. Dad was out every night, so she would sneak around behind his back to see us.”

  I was too young to remember back then, but I’m pretty sure I have never been told this information. It wasn’t hard for her to track us down. We still lived in the same house.

  “I don’t understand. I’ve always been told a woman showed up on our doorstep with a kid saying it was Dad’s illegitimate child.”

  “He was ashamed. Dad couldn’t walk around telling people about his problems.”

  “Raimey, here’s the thing, Mom has never been the type of person you can rely on. She’s a con artist, and once she figured out she could make a living without the responsibilities, she walked away. I was old enough to know we were nothing but pawns to her, but Tuck and Hath didn’t see it that way. She filled their heads with bullshit and brainwashed them into thinking Dad was always the bad guy.”

  “He was though,” I correct him.

  Linc shakes his head. “No, actually he wasn’t. The truth is, Dad never drank until he found out about the affair. At the time I didn’t understand why they kept fighting. Mom was supposedly working two jobs, but come to find out the second was a story she made up so she could see her lover on the side.”

  “Her lover, meaning my biological father?”

  Linc shrugs. “There was never a DNA test to prove it, but Dad made comments through the years. He’d never say it around you. It was his idea to keep you. He didn’t want Mom running around putting you in danger.”

  “I don’t understand. What about Del?”

  “Delany was the result of a drunken night between two people who had both been screwed over. Del’s mom is your father’s wife. Or was.”

  “Hold on. I’m squinting because all of this is making my brain hurt. “I’m sort of lost.”

  “When Mom started having the affair Dad caught them together. He was so upset about it he told the guy’s wife. They ended up sleeping together as paybacks.”

  “I read an article about his mother. How come she went off with Mom?”

  “Well, I didn’t find this out until later, but they were best friends. Del’s mom wanted out of her marriage, so she had Mom seduce her husband. They were in cahoots together. I don’t think either planned on getting pregnant. The whole ordeal really messed Dad up.”

  “Do you know who my father is?” I ask. It’s like he’s avoiding the question, talking about everything else besides his name.

  Linc nods. “Did you ever wonder why Dad stopped talking to his brother?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “Uncle Jesse is the man Mom was sleeping with.”

  My jaw hits the ground. It explains why Dad still loved me, and why I look so much like him. It explains why he got lost inside of a bottle, and became estranged from his family. It explains why there were never pictures of Mom, and he rarely said two words about the woman. It also explained why he had such a distant relationship with Del. “So my dad is my uncle?”

  “That’s what I was told.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “About thirty miles from here, remarried with a teenage son.”

  “You’ve seen him?”

  “Dad’s funeral.”

  I nod. I vaguely remember it. “I can’t believe this. I thought my breakup in Vegas was going to destroy me again, but this is fucking insane. Can my life be anymore of a fucked up mess?”

  “Raimey, it’s not all bad. Your brother only kept it from you because it was better if you didn’t know. You can’t imagine the burden he’s carried through the years.”

  I know Michelle is right, but a lie is a lie. “I’m just sick of everyone keeping things from me.”

  “On the bright side, you have another brother you could get to know.”

  “Why hasn’t Uncle Jesse ever reached out to me?”

  “He always denied it,” Linc explains.

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t need to be a part of his life. At this rate I’m ready to pack up and move out of the country.”

  “At least you don’t have to worry about Paula anymore,” Michelle affirms.

  “Why do you say that?”

  Linc answers for her. “The reason Tuck has been so distant is because he’s working with the feds. He agreed to get them information on Mom and her accomplices in exchange for his immunity. He couldn’t tell you, Raimey. I only found out a couple hours ago when he called.”

  “What about the money situation and the business? Is everything going to be okay now?”

  “I’m afraid it’s not that simple. Feds caught up to Tuck because he was fucking up. He’d already run the company into the ground. The city took his license away and he couldn’t work with the financial institutions without insurance.”

  “So he’s only helping them to save his own ass?”

  He moves his head from side to side as if he’s unsure. “I don’t know. Tuck’s got a lot of problems. He needs to worry about getting back with Karen, and finding a job where he can work his way up. If I were Crane I would have fired him by now.”

  “Don’t say his name. I’m so sick of hearing it.”

  “Why? Crane has done everything in his power to keep Tuck above water. He visits Del and Hath every weekend he’s able to, and also takes care of his mother. I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but he’s done a lot. Granted, I assumed the worst when everything went to shit with the company, but I get why he did what he did.”

  “He told me he knew Paula was in town. He said he did a job with her when she first got back. He told me he used it to his advantage.”

  “He said that?”

  I shrug. “Maybe I said it, but he didn’t deny it.”

  “Yeah, as far as I know, Crane knew Paula was bad news. Tuck just told me Crane was the one who talked him into turning himself in. He said Crane got him a consult with a lawyer he knows and helped him make the deal.”

  “I just thought, I figured he was trying to get paybacks for having to push me away when I left.”

  “Oh, he was pissed. There were a lot of fights, and words none of us will ever forget, but Crane wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his relationship with Del. He can be a douche, but we never should have forced his hand with you.”

  My hands cover my face as tears fall down my cheeks. There’s no way I can hold back the pain. It’s too much. My mom is a criminal. My father is my uncle. My brother isn’t my brother. My boyfriend wasn’t a traitor after all.

  It’s. All. Too. Much.

  Michelle goes inside to check on the girls. She’d put them to bed, but wondered if they’d gotten up. Maybe she just knew I needed some alone time with Linc. He sits in the chair beside me and pats my leg. “I’m sorry I never told you, Raimey. The thing is, you had potential to make something of you life without the past breathing down your neck. You didn’t ask to be brought into such a clusterfuck, so I refused to burden you with the truth. Tuck and I made a pact that we’d take it to the grave if we had to. I know you’re pissed, but I hope you can forgive me. It was hard being your brother and your parent. I was just a kid. I made shitty decisions back then.”

  “I get it, Linc. I do. No child should have to deal with this.”

  “Tuck should be home in the morning, if not tonight. I told him I’d give him a ride to rehab if you want to tag along.”

  I nod. “Yeah. Count me in.”

  He rubs my shoulder. “You have a million reasons not to want to stay, but I hope you do anyway. It always felt like something was missing when you were gone. You may be the girl, but you’re the tough one.”

  I can’t tell him I have no where else to go. Truth be told, I could pick up and leave whenever I wanted. Linc is right though, this is home. It’s where I’m needed, even when they refuse to admit it.

  Chapter 24

  Douche Mate: The state of being surrounded by douche bags with no other option but to surrender.

  I feel like I’ve been put in a garbage disposal and torn to shreds. My head spins, while every bone in my body is weak. I’m tired; tired of the lies, the head games, and the not knowing. Now that the truth has been revealed I’m at a loss for words. Everything I’ve been told was fabricated. Nothing was as it seemed.

  Worst part is, I’m not sure Crane was the bad guy. Naturally I feel like an asshole, and I’m terrible with apologies.

  I’ve tattooed over a dozen people with the words ‘the truth will set you free’ yet never in my life understood it. I wouldn’t call it being free. When I came home I thought it was my family that needed fixing. They all have issues, but it’s the things that were kept from me that make this challenge so difficult. Everywhere I turn I’ve been betrayed. The reasons no longer matter. I am who I am because of these lies and mistakes.

  The person looking back at me in the mirror is someone I no longer recognize. I hate myself, who I’ve turned into. I feel like an outcast, like everyone did what they could to eradicate me from their lives. I’m trying to fill a void that may no longer have openings.

  It’s the middle of the night and I’ve yet to receive a call from Crane. It’s now apparent that he told me those things because I made him furious. He tried to prove himself by telling me everything he knew, but I kept pushing. Linc made me promise I’d stay at their house tonight, probably because he’s worried I’ll go off the deep end and do something rash. He thinks I’m unstable. I guess in a lot of ways he’s right to be concerned. I wouldn’t know where to begin in fixing this. That’s the problem. I always want to fix things, and most are none of my damn business. What is wrong with me?

  A knock on the guest room door gets Zeus’s attention. He puts his head up and watches Linc come into the room. My brother pats him on the head and takes the seat next to him. “I just wanted to check on you before I headed to bed.”

  I play with the fabric of the blanket. “The beer helped a little.”

  Linc runs his hands through his thick dark hair. Even at thirty one, he’s still an attractive young-looking man. We have the same hazel eyes, and I’d like to think people can tell we’re siblings.

  “Have you talked to Crane?”

  “Nope.” I plop down on the pillow. “I really fucked things up with him. I’d be surprised if he even cared what happens to me.”

  “I doubt that’s true. That man’s had it bad for you since you were kids.”

  “I took his virginity,” I tease. There’s no need to verify that Crane was my first. My brother already knows.

  “Yeah, I think it’s a little more than that, Raimey.”

  “You know, he set up a tattoo parlor in the shop for me to work out of. I’ve been home for two weeks and he’s already moved me in and setting me up with a job. It’s a little unbelievable considering everything else.”

  “Maybe he wanted you to know that amidst tragedy there’s light at the end of the tunnel. He wants you to be happy.”

  “Happy,” I repeat. “That’s something I’ve never expected to experience.”

  “Raimey, it’s not fair for you to have to suffer for what others have done. As much as I appreciate how much you care, sometimes you need to take a step back and consider being a little selfish.”

  “Like you did?”

  “You’re damn right. I chose to have a life for myself, instead of dwell in what I couldn’t change. Tuck, Del, and Hath are adults. They made their beds and now they’re paying for it. You don’t have to save them. It’s not our responsibility. They are capable of finding other jobs and starting over. I get that before you left we all contributed equally, but that way of life is over. To each his own. If you want to stick around I suggest you start thinking of the future instead of dwelling on the past.” He puts his hand on my ankle and smiles. “I know the girls would really love to be able to see their aunt on Sundays. Maybe one day she’ll give them some cousins to play with.”

  I kick him. “Don’t jinx me. That’s the last thing I need.”