Crane stands and pulls me to my feet. He pushes me backward until I’m falling on the mattress. His strong, naked, sculpted, body climbs over mine, and the moment our eyes meet I feel that connection we once shared. It’s impossible to pretend it doesn’t exist as he laces one of our hands together and comes down for another hungry kiss. Mapping his way downward again, Crane takes one nipple into his mouth and tugs. I cry out, and watch as he does it to the opposite side next. Then he sits up and watches my reaction as he flicks one of them with this thumb and middle finger. “Fuck, they’re so hard. I want you to beg, Raims. Tell me you missed me.” He flicks the other this time. My body jerks, pain mixing with pleasure equally, each time a rush of heat flooding between my legs.

  “Oh shit, I missed you.” It’s not a lie. I don’t want this with him, not the relationship part. Fucking him could be agreed upon, especially when I know it can be this rewarding. “Harder. Do it harder, Crane. Hurt me, baby.”

  He likes when we play on each other’s words and talk dirty. I watch the lids of his eyes get heavy. He’s trying to focus, but drunk on sex. Crane takes his cock into his hand and teases my pussy. He slithers it around at the hole and pretends he can’t enter. I feel it drawing across my clit. The more pressure he uses the harder it is to keep my face from displaying the orgasm that’s about to set me crazy. When he starts moving the warm skin across it faster I grip his one hand and cry out until his mouth finds mine. I’m still coming undone when he enters me, my pussy so tight he’s fighting to stay inside. This heightens my orgasm. Every inch of my skin tickles, waves of euphoria ripping through me like a thousand year old volcanic eruption. With me writhing and incoherent, he goes to town, fucking me so hard I swear the bed will come off it’s frame. My tits spring around as our bodies continue to slap together. My excitement peaks and remains steady as he brings himself home, finally stiffening, followed by collapsing over me.

  We‘re both out of breath, but neither of us part. Crane draws lines over my skin, while I come to terms with what I’ve actually done. If I cared about myself at all I wouldn’t use sex as a weapon. In this case it has more than one advantage. It’s not until Crane speaks again that I realize how dangerous this is going to get, and what else I could be risking by stringing him along. “God, I missed you. I won’t let you leave again, Raims. Never again.”

  Crane snores lightly in the bed beside me, while I stare out the window feeling sorry for myself. We’re still naked, my leg hung over his, our hands laced together, but in my mind we’re worlds apart. This man hurt me more than anyone ever has before. It’s nothing that can be solved by time and a fun fuck. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s anything in the world that can fix what’s broken inside of me. Up until now I’ve been okay with it. If I have a problem I walk away. It’s just now I wonder if sometimes the past creeps up and forces us to make changes to what we feel doesn’t need to be fixed.

  Chapter 11

  Bitchtits: To be stealth, unseen, invisible, or ninja-like.

  This should be awkward. There’s supposed to be regret and mixed emotions, yet my focus remains on point. I have a particular interest in uncovering secrets I’m obviously not supposed to know.

  Sick of waiting for the people closest to me to give me some damn answers, I’ve turned to the oldest trick known to man. Refusing to give up until I have what I want, I’m using Crane’s weakness against him. It just so happens that weakness is me. Lies may be keeping the truth at bay, but I’ll do whatever it takes to set them free.

  Crane sleeps in the bed next to me. We were once tangled, but have since parted when it became too hot. When I know it’s safe, I venture into my brother’s old room. It kills me to accept that everyone has changed so much. Looking through the closet, I find clothing I never thought he’d wear. The dresser holds the same result. Remaining quiet, I sort through old mail and anything I can find to give me clues about my brother’s activities. When I come up with nothing, I sink down on the mattress and look around. I never pegged him to be into motorcycles, yet the walls are covered in different makes and models. When I rest my body down on the soft mattress I think about Del, and if he was happy while I was gone. I wonder if he had any serious relationships, or if there’s still someone waiting for him to get out. It makes me hate myself for never calling. I should have checked on my brothers, all of them.

  The sound of Crane’s voice startles me. I straighten on the bed and take in his naked physique. His arm flexes as it rests against the doorframe. He’s poised and confident, while I feel the need to cover up, even though I know he’s seen everything I have. My leg crosses, and I bring my hands across the front of me to evade his view. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

  He points to the new piece on my leg. “Revenge tat?”

  “Maybe.” I stroke the still tender area.

  “What do you think of the space?” He’s not even curious what I’ve been doing. It’s unbelievable how easy this is going to be.

  “It’s nice, although living together is a terrible idea.”

  “Good thing I’ll be at Mom’s house most of the time.”

  I cock my head and try to read him. “You honestly think I believe that? You and I both know the moment I agree to move in, you’ll be here every night.”

  He breaks the distance between us and sits beside me on the bed. He’s so calm it irks me. He’s acting as if no time has passed since we were together before. It’s like he thinks we can pick right back up where we ended. I want to tell him where to go. I’d like to kick his naked ass until he begs for reprieve, but it won’t get me what I seek. Patience is the only way to do this, which means I have to keep my cool.

  I smile and turn my gaze to those tempting eyes. “I’m not going to lie, Raims, I’d like nothing more than to be with you again, but I know I have to tread lightly. You’re right. I’m asking you to move in here because I know you’ll be close. I know it will give us a chance to...”

  “To what?” I ask, even if I already know the answer.

  He takes my chin and brings his lips forward, pressing a gentle kiss over mine. “We’re so fucking good together. You can’t deny that.”

  “We were, before you...”

  “Don’t. Let’s just agree to make this new friendship about right now, instead of past mistakes. Maybe I’m pushing. It’s probably a terrible idea, one that might cause you to turn around and leave again, but I’m willing to take the chance. I can make you want this again.”

  “And you’re going to do it with me under your roof?”

  “It isn’t the only reason I want you here. You need a place to stay where you won’t be threatened. Hell, I’ll even let you bring the dog.”

  “Let me? You got me the dog, or have you forgotten?”

  “That dog doesn’t let me forget. If it were up to me I would have brought him here a long time ago, but Tuck pretends he’s some guard dog.”

  “He’s a lap dog.”

  He grins. “I know. And he also missed you.”

  “Aside from you, he’s the only friend I have left.”

  “The room is yours, and if you’re interested in the space downstairs we can talk about a month to month fair price.”

  “Life isn’t that easy, Crane.”

  “Raims, I know you’re not mine. You might never be mine again, but you have to be something. I can’t know you’re here struggling. I owe you enough to get you back on your feet.”

  “He cheated on me,” I blurt out. I know I’m supposed to be in some kind of character, seducing the shit out of him until I can get what I want, but he’s listening to me. He’s right here wanting some kind of connection I don’t know how to give. The only way I can think of making him trust me is to tell him something he doesn’t know about me. “I left Vegas because my boyfriend was screwing my best friend. We shared an apartment, and apparently they’d been doing it for a while. I picked up what I was able to and left. Next thing I know I’m back in Jersey, discovering there isn’t much left for me here either.”

  “I’m here.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He nods. “Yeah.”

  “I can’t believe I slept with you.”

  “Among other things,” he reminds me. Crane nudges me and watches until I match his smile. “It wasn’t so bad. At least we’re still good at some things.”

  “Yeah.”

  He stands and claps his hands together. “I need to get dressed and take care of a couple things. Give me an hour and I’ll follow you over to the shop. You can gather your things and ride back with me, so you don’t have to hear shit from Tuck anymore.”

  “It’s like he’s not even my brother.”

  “Tuck is,” Crane pauses and scratches his head. “He has problems, Raims, and they’re not mine to tell. Give him time.”

  “I hate secrets,” I remind him.

  “You should.”

  “I haven’t agreed to move in.” I hate that he already knows my answer.

  “Yeah you have,” he says before walking out of the room. I have to admit I watch him take every step, because the back is just as fine as the front when it comes to Crane Lord.

  The idea of living in a building owned by Crane leaves me uneasy, but so does the fact that he can come and go in said location whenever he wants. This means I have to be careful with whatever I get myself into.

  My plan is to move my things this afternoon then wait for Crane to leave. I suspect he’ll give me some space, because he knows I hate to feel smothered. I’ll go through the apartment from top to bottom, and when I’m finished with that I’ll figure out how to sneak into the office part and rummage until I’ve gone through his books since the business opened.

  Sleeping with Crane will be a perk of the job. That’s all it can be. If I let my past emotions come into play, this dangerous game of cat and mouse will be over, and I’ll be left in pieces.

  Even though I’ve kept my cool with Crane it hasn’t been easy to be around him again. I’m not only consumed with the hurt he caused me, but also the could have beens. I’ve often wondered if we would have stayed together and been a family. Even though I never expected a fancy diamond ring, I did want to be in a committed relationship. I think I loved him from the moment I first met him. He was tough as nails, fowl mouthed, and every mother’s nightmare for their daughters. Except, I didn’t have a mother. Crane became best friends with my brothers and then my lover. We were inseparable. I spent every single day with him by my side, until I left for Vegas and never looked back.

  Our short goodbye left nothing resolved. As soon as I’d arrived I changed my number, and refused to call home to let anyone know I was alive. For a while I kept in touch with Linc. He was the only brother I knew wouldn’t talk to Crane. My broken heart didn’t heal faster from moving away. I felt like it consumed my every waking thought. I drank a lot, and even shed a few tears at my lowest.

  The picture of him being with another woman were frozen in my mind. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing it over and over again.

  Meeting Jeffery came out of nowhere. He was flirtatious, but well organized. He liked me because I was different. Truth be told, he was different too. The polar opposite of Crane, I was able to throw myself into something new to get over the old. I’m fully aware it was a rebound relationship, and that odds were never in my favor.

  I slip into the shower to be alone, while Crane heads back into the office to finish up. When the beads of water come down over my skin everything we've just done hits me.

  I'm mad at myself for enjoying it, for wanting and needing it. This goes beyond deprivation, it's more about a longing I was never able to fill, not since I left him for cheating on me.

  With my eyes closed I fight the burning in my throat. I need to stay angry, because any other emotions make me weak, and that's not who I am.

  Crane deserves this. He hurt me, so I can hurt him back. With hopes that it won't take long to uncover the truth and get my company back to operational, I'll keep with the plan and reap the benefits that are being offered.

  For now I'll have a place to rest my head at night without the worry of being threatened. I'll have sex whenever I feel like I want it, and enough time alone to be able to come to terms with the awful person I see in the mirror. No longer do I wish I could be someone else. This is my life. I'm Raimey Tanner, and I will fix this mess.

  Chapter 12

  Buttfuckscumshot: Not a phrase, but a word I made up. It has to be said in one unrecognizable slur. Generally referring to assholes and or douche nuggets. At this point in the definition it may be noted that you could be one of these people.

  When I arrive at the apartment Tuck has left Zeus outside on the chain. The first thing I do is set him free. I'm watching him sniff around as Crane pulls into the lot behind me. He's not in his fancy car, but has driven a large four door Ford Diesel pickup. The engine shuts off and he climbs out. "I wasn't sure how much stuff you want to take."

  "This is your truck?"

  "It was my father's. Mom can't even climb in."

  "It's massive."

  "They pulled the camper with it," he tells me. Then it makes sense. His parents always went to Florida for a month in the winter with other friends.

  "I guess your mom is pretty lonely."

  "You should visit. She'd love to see you."

  I smile. This isn't part of the plan. I can't get emotionally attached to someone else I loved.

  "Maybe."

  "She loved you, Raims."

  I nod and smile. For what it's worth, she was like a mom to me. When I left town I missed her guidance and support. There were several times I thought about calling, but I knew it would be too hard for the both of us. Plus I didn't want Crane getting my number.

  Crane calls Zeus and we all climb the stairs to the apartment. I don't know why I'm surprised to find Tuck inside. He's carried a bunch of things from the bedrooms. Boxes are piled high by the door. When he hears us he peeks his head out of my room. I go off.

  "What are you doing? You can't just throw my shit away."

  "I've got to move everything downstairs until I can take it to a storage facility."

  "Today?"

  "Yeah, today. That dude you sent away put a deposit on the place this morning. I told him we'd be out by the end of the week."

  "And I told you I'd take the apartment."

  He shoos me. "Your measly money isn't enough."

  "Why? Aren't you working for Crane?"

  "I have bills, Raimey. Stay the fuck out of my business."

  I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. If I were a cartoon steam would be shooting from my ears. "Your business? It's our business!"

  "Bitch, get your shit and get out. You haven't been a part of this family for years, or did you forget? Why don't you ask Del and Hath if they have a sister."

  I lunge forward, catching my much bigger brother off guard. We fall into the couch, and then Zeus gets involved, thinking I'm in danger. His teeth lock down on Tuck's forearm. Before I know it Tuck is yelling and trying to punch my dog. I kick him while Crane pulls Zeus away. "Cut this shit out!" He says, making sure my fist doesn't come down across my brother's jaw.

  I sit back, but keep my cold-hearted stare on my new worst enemy. My index finger extends in his direction. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but I'm a part of this family whether you like it or not. Whatever you're hiding is about to come out, and we'll see who's really at fault. I didn't run the company into the ground, or make bad business decisions." I don't care if Crane takes offense. This is about me standing up for myself and I've never needed a man to help me. "Get the fuck out of my face, Tuck. Go somewhere until I get my things."

  Noticing that Crane is still holding Zeus's collar, I pat my dog on the head and call him to my bedroom.

  Crane doesn't follow me.

  I'm shaking as I shove all of my belongings in trash bags and boxes. I'm fuming with rage, and Zeus knows it. He's sitting on the floor watching me with worried eyes. I sink down next to him and offer a hug. He still smells like shampoo from his bath. "Thanks for taking up for me, buddy. At least I can count on you."

  He licks my face, and as we sit in silence I hear Crane talking to Tuck. "Tell her the fucking truth."

  "Or what?" Tuck wonders. "What the fuck are you going to do about it?"

  "I'll tell her the truth, about everything."

  "Do you honestly think she'd believe a word out of your mouth? We're talking about Raimey, not some stupid little cunt you're fucking."

  "I know exactly who she is. In fact, I'm the only one who has given a damn since she's been home. She's your sister. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You need help."

  The next thing I know the door slams. Then Crane appears in the hallway. "What can I help with?"

  Avoiding questions, I point to a few boxes. "Can you take those?"

  "Sure." He picks them up and I watch his biceps flex. It's very distracting. Before he exits he turns to me. "You all right?"

  I shrug. "Do I have a choice?"

  "I'm sorry you came home to this, Raims."

  "I just didn't expect it."

  "Let's hurry up and get done so we can stop by the pet store on the way home."

  Home. It sounds weird coming from him. I'm officially moving in with Crane, and I'm horrified.

  “Why would we need to go there?”

  “Because it’s time Zeus has his own bowls, and a better collar than that chain one. Plus I want to make sure he’s on a flea treatment, just in case.”

  “Okay. I can pay for it. He’s my dog.”

  “Correction, Raims, he was our dog, and now that you’ll be at the apartment he can finally get the attention he deserves.”

  I’m irritated he’s been ignored for four years, especially when I asked my brothers to keep him for me. “I can’t believe they tied him up and left him outside.”

  “Yeah, well you should have seen the fight when I tried to take him.”