He holds me tighter. “You’re the most stubborn woman in the world to love. Damn, would you stop being difficult?”

  I twist around and kick him in the balls. He immediately falls to the ground, giving me the opportunity for a head start. I take off in a patch of woods, determined to hide until he gives up. I’m a tough girl. I can stand to walk a couple miles and call for a cab. I won’t depend on this man ever again. “Don’t follow me, asshole. We’re done!”

  He’s been chasing after me for a while. I can hear him in the distance calling my name. I don’t know why I thought running into a forest was a great idea. With the knowledge of the sun setting in the west, I keep trekking on in hopes of coming out somewhere familiar. It’s starting to cool off. Sounds of nature surround me. The ground is damp and my Converse keep sinking with each step. My short-sleeved shirt isn’t enough to keep me warm. I hug my chest and wonder if I’m smart enough to figure out how to make a fire, just in case I can’t find my way out.

  When I’m too tired to walk, I sit against a tree and pick moss. I know there’s probably bugs everywhere, but that’s not what bothers me.

  Pulling out my cell phone, I search for a signal. The thick greenery only gives me one bar. When I hold it in the air a few text messages come through. Knowing they’re from Crane, I open them and begin reading.

  Stop being stupid. – C

  Answer your damn phone. –C

  Hello? – C

  I’m going to assume you got a ride. – C

  Call me back bitch. – C

  Sighing heavily, I type the first thing that comes to mind.

  Dying in the woods would be better than having to see your lying ass again. – R

  I watch as he reads it and begins writing back.

  Quit playing around. Where are you? – C

  None of your fucking business. Leave! – R

  You’re really pissing me off. – C

  Join the club, dickhead. – R

  Fine! I’m done with this shit. Find your own way home. – C

  Oh, you won’t be seeing me again. Promise. – R

  In my defense, I’m a little overwhelmed. After taking a few minutes to scream at the top of my lungs, I hear leaves crackling in the distance. As they get closer I know I have to give up this stupid chase.

  Crane comes into view, hunches over with his palms on his knees and catches his breath, as if he’s been running this whole time.

  I walk right past him. “I hope you know where the car is.”

  Eventually he leads us back to the vehicle, which thankfully is still parked in the same spot. We get in, but say nothing to each other. My mind is filled to the max, and if I have another conversation about someone lying or stealing something I’m afraid I might commit murder.

  Crane waits until we’re a couple miles from his apartment to speak. When he starts I jump because it’s unexpected. “Who told you I took the company?”

  “Tuck.”

  “Did Linc?”

  “No. He said I should talk to you though.”

  “What about Del? Did he say anything about it?”

  “No. He was too busy telling me other things.”

  Refusing to look in his direction, I stare at the road in front of us. He sighs and clears his throat. “I didn’t take shit from them, Raims.”

  “Then how did you pay for all the nice things you have? All the rigs? This car? The shop? The construction costs for the apartment? The office?” He can’t tell me he made that money legitimately. I’m ready to hear it straight from his mouth. It’s time we stopped playing this guessing game and he came out with it.

  “Dad had a life insurance policy for one point two million dollars. Mom kept two hundred grand to live off of. The house was paid for, but she’s got utilities and taxes. She gave the rest to me to start my company and build a house.”

  “Wait. What did you just say?”

  “I said my father left me a million dollars, and I used it to start my company. I financed the rigs and paid for the property in cash. I hired local contractors to do the inside work, and did the office after I was already living there. When Tanner Towing started falling apart, I even gave your brothers jobs so they’d be able to stay afloat. You can blame me for the past, but I’m not responsible for their problems. I got the fuck out of there before the shit hit the fan.”

  I bring my knees up to my chest and bury my head between them. I feel lightheaded. It’s like someone kicked me in the stomach and I’m fighting to catch my breath.

  I knew his father. He worked so hard. Of course he’d want his family taken care of in case of his sudden death.

  “Why would Tuck blame you?”

  He finally looks at me, exactly when I gaze at him. When our eyes meet I know he’s telling me the truth. He’s suffering too. I’ve hurt this strong man. He’s hurt me. We’re in this mess because we let others make decisions for us.

  “There’s a lot your brother isn’t telling you. In fact, they’re all keeping things from you. You can be pissed at me, but it’s not my place to get involved. It’s a serious matter and I think you need to wait for Tuck to come to you.”

  I laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding? He’s never going to come to me, so spit it out.”

  When he doesn’t, I threaten him. “If you don’t tell me what he’s hiding, I swear to God I will never talk to you again. I’m not messing around either.”

  “It’s your mother, Raims. Your mother is back in Jersey.”

  Chapter 16

  Analicious – The act of licking on, in, and around the ass. Don’t knock it until you’ve had someone do it to you.

  Crane has knocked on the bedroom door at least fifty times. I would think by now he’d get the hint that I have no intentions of letting him inside. He’s bribed me with food, drinks, and even the dog, who he claimed was posted outside waiting for me.

  I’m in disbelief. I’m utterly sick to my stomach over recent revelations. My mother is back? How can that be? It’s been twenty years since anyone has heard from her. She is nothing to me; a stranger. I wouldn’t recognize her if I passed her on the street.

  It’s near midnight when I retreat from the bedroom. The television is on in Crane’s room, but I assume he’s sleeping. Just like he said, Zeus is sprawled out on the floor in the hallway. I give him some much needed love and head to the kitchen. In the refrigerator I find the plate of food he made for me. Picking at the cold items, I lean on the counter and look around at the space. It’s more significant now that I know where the money came from.

  For the past four years I’ve been selfish. I’ve ignored the people important to me for my own personal gain. It got me nowhere. I have nothing to show for.

  Crane is the opposite. He’s spent the last few years making a life for himself. He’s built a company from the ground up, and still done everything in his power to take care of his lonely mother.

  I’m not sure what happened to the hoodlum I left behind, but this person I’m living across the hall from is a good man. I’m mad about the secrets. I’d be foolish if I thought I could easily forgive him. He betrayed me, maybe not physically, but in theory and mind. He manipulated me to make a sudden decision. I ached for him, for that crazy love we shared. Then I learned to adapt; to push those feelings aside.

  I’ve been living in the shell of a person, and new revelations have somehow given me a second chance to be who I need to be, for me, and my broken family.

  I know we were never perfect. Our home has always been broken, irreparable even. Linc did his best, and I don’t blame him for wanting to start a family of his own. Tuck could never fill his shoes. He’s not wired to be a leader.

  I imagine Del and Hath, and how they’re locked away because of bad choices. We’ve all made them. As frustrated as I feel, I need help. I can’t go down this road without support. Where I was once a tough cookie to break, I’m now scarred. I can’t face my mother. I don’t even want to, and I certainly don’t want to refer to her as someone who cares for her children. If she cared she wouldn’t have abandoned us.

  Leaving the plate on the counter, I grab a bottle of water and head back to my room. Right before my hand clutches the doorknob, I stop and look to the adjacent space. The glow of the television illuminates the space. I peer in the direction of the bed. The blankets are disheveled, his legs exposed and spread, while his chest and arms sit above the fabric. From the way he’s sleeping it looks like he’s naked, but I could almost bet he’s wearing briefs. Not the hot kind, but those tight white ones. For some reason he likes wearing them to bed. One time he told me he sleeps better when his junk is nice and tight. He even gave me a visual example of rolling around and them being pulled. I almost laugh thinking about it.

  While I’m staring, I imagine what it would be like to be together again. What scares me the most is knowing how easy it could be if I allowed it to happen. I didn’t come home to fall right back into the life I had before, but damn if imagining it doesn’t excite me.

  Creeping closer, I bring my knee down on his bed and slide in. I don’t necessarily want him to know I’m there. It’s more about not wanting to be alone. I’ve played the alone card and it really didn’t help me any.

  After I’ve pulled the covers over me, I turn to the side facing Crane. He’s sleeping soundly, so I promise not to disturb him. While I’m there next to him I study his features and think about what my life would have been like had I stayed. I’ve convinced myself that I hate him for a long time. Now I need to accept I was lying to myself. I don’t hate Crane. I hate things he’s done, but not him. Right now I appreciate him. He’s doing everything in his power to keep me safe, from supplying me with a space to live and even an opportunity for my own business. I’m grateful to him, because I know the shit is about to hit the fan with my family. He may not want to get involved, but his support will go a long way.

  “I’m sorry I stayed away so long,” I whisper.

  The lids of his eyes fleet open. For a second he seems confused. He focuses on my face, and the fact that we’re inches apart. “Raims? You okay?”

  I shrug. “Can’t sleep.”

  He reaches over and touches my arm. It’s nothing sexual, but merely a conscious gesture. “You’ve got a ton of shit on your mind.” Wiping his face, he continues. “What time is it?”

  “After midnight. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s okay,” he announces while sitting up. I watch him stand, the sheets falling down to reveal he’s in those briefs I suspected. “I’ll be back. Gotta take a piss.”

  I close my eyes while I wait. It’s only a minute, but I’m already drifting when he climbs back onto the mattress. Without asking, he pulls me into his arms and holds me there closely. “Do you want me to do anything?”

  I laugh against his chest. “No. I’m good.” It couldn’t be anymore distant from the truth.

  “You sure. I know one thing that might relax you.”

  I look up into his eyes with a grin plastered across my face. In this moment between us all of my emotions hit a wall and explode around me. I have no idea it’s happening until it’s too late. I’m raging with wretchedness. Tears fall down my face, my body shaking out of control. I’m weeping. I’ve held it all in for too long. I can’t stop, and I don’t know if I want to. I need this. I have to let it out.

  Crane rubs my back. It’s endearing and unexpected. I’m not saying he isn’t supportive. He’s just usually not gentle and understanding. I hardly know this man I used to love. He’s everything I need in this current dilemma. It’s got to be bad news if Crane isn’t willing to talk about it. The insidious nature of my brother’s secrets has left me feeling abandoned all over again. As the pain of rejection rips through me, I focus on the secrets and lies he's keeping. Why hide the truth? Why blame everything on Crane? Unless he assumed I hated Crane so much I wouldn't believe anything he said.

  "Damn him," I mumble against his warm skin.

  Crane looks down at me. "Who? Me?"

  "No. Tuck. He played me. He blamed you because he knew I'd be bitter. He thought I wouldn't want anything to do with you. If I didn't want to see you his secret was safe."

  "Guess he didn't figure I wasn't going to let you slip away again."

  I'm quiet, only my sniffles can be heard. Then I come up with new questions. "Have you met her?"

  "I've seen her in passing."

  "I've never even seen a picture of her."

  “You’re nothing like that woman, Raims.”

  “She’s not my mother. I don’t have one. Besides, what could she possible have expected when she showed up to see them?”

  He sighs. “Look, I know this is a lot, but have you considered that maybe Tuck and the others have been in contact with her this whole time?”

  There’s a knot in my stomach. Is it possible? Could there be lies after lies?

  “Tomorrow I’m going to confront Tuck.”

  “Raims, maybe you should just leave it be. You’re here. You’re safe. You shouldn’t even be worried about the towing company. It’s not your problem or burden. They’re grown men. You don’t have to put yourself in the middle of this.”

  “I know you’re trying to protect me, but there are some fights that need to be dealt with. I won’t be excluded. If that company is in the shitter, I deserve a good explanation as to why. If my mother has anything to do with it, or Del and Hath getting put away, I’m going to...”

  He stops me by putting his fingers over my lips.

  I shove them away. “I’ll fucking strangle the bitch.”

  He rolls on top of me and pins my arms to the bed. “Before you go all psycho killer, let’s get your mind off things for a while.” He’s sliding down. I know where he’s headed, and I’m not going to stop him. He thinks this will distract me. Crane believes he has the power to...

  “Oh, yeah. Right there. Don’t stop.”

  Suddenly, my problems dissipate. I know this is a temporary welcomed reprieve. I want all this man has to give, every kiss, lick, suck and finally a mind-blowing orgasm.

  Crane flips me around on my stomach. I place my face down over my hands and relax, putting all of my trust into what’s to come. I feel his warm hands cup each of my ass cheeks. He jiggles them around and slaps, not once, but three times with the same power. He begins massaging them with firm pressure, until he leans down and kisses away the sting.

  Then he’s back to giving my ass some much needed attention. My pussy is already throbbing, remnants of wetness remain when I reach down to touch myself. His focus makes me so fucking horny. He caresses the cheeks again, separating them, probably getting a full-on view of my asshole.

  Why are all men so fixated on the ass? I don’t get it, but I still like a little attention every now and again, just not a big fat dick in there.

  I remain quiet as he fondles me, focusing on the good time and not everything else. Then I feel his tongue licking over the soft skin of my backside. His warm saliva leaves a trail as he continues on. With every inch that it moves, I can feel things in every part of my body again. My clit, still tingling from my first orgasm, is begging to be touched. I continue to move in a circular motion around the little hoop ring. I just about scream when I feel his tongue slip inside, and then back out. He’s teasing me, forcing this distraction. Another bout of euphoria hits me suddenly. I cry out against a pillow until I’m flipped back to face him.

  Crane snarls as his lips course over mine. His tongue tastes of me, and I hungrily lap it up. “I’m still in love with you, Raims,” he whispers over my mouth.

  Our eyes open and stare. This intense moment could be the end of me, because I’m already too stressed to fathom what this means. All I know is that I have to stop lying to myself. Crane Lord isn’t the enemy. In fact, I think he’s the opposite. It’s quite possible he’s the love of my life, if I stop denying it.

  “Well, that’s pretty obvious,” I tease.

  He shakes his head and kisses me quickly. “Figures. I knew you wouldn’t say it back. I guess I’ll have to fuck it out you.”

  I’m on my knees, ass in the air, face against the sheets. His hands hold my hips, while his forceful thrusts make us both cry out in ecstasy. “Say it. Tell me you love me.”

  “No!” I fight. It’s a game. I refuse. If I say it then it’s real. If I say it I can’t be mad anymore.

  I still want to be angry, just a little while longer, and not to torture him, but to be able to sort through it all.

  The faster he pumps, the better it feels. Every part of my body comes alive. My senses are in overdrive. I’m convulsing, losing myself again, just as he tightens and rests head on my shoulder. “Oh, shit yeah.”

  We’re both catching our breath when he turns to face me. “You suck.”

  “Sometimes,” I remind him.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “You want me to say it? What if I’m lying?”

  He runs his hand over my breast as he replies. “At this point, I don’t even care. You’re here with me. If it has to be...”

  I hush him with my fingers and kiss him softly. “Losing you wouldn’t have hurt if I didn’t love you. I’m a fucking mess right now, but I’m not going anywhere, as long as there aren’t any secrets between us.”

  He rests his head on my forehead. “There’s not. I told you everything.”

  “Good, because if you were lying to me right now, and I found out, I’m gone.”

  Crane is quiet. Soon he’s snoring. I nestle my body against his and finally find peace. For now I’m safe from it all, but I know tomorrow is another day, and when it comes maybe I’ll be able to face my brother again.

  Sunday morning comes with an early call from my brother Linc reminding me I’m to visit. I’d forgotten all about it. Crane comes out into the kitchen in only a towel while I’m still on the call. He’s so damn distracting I can barely make out what my brother is saying. It doesn’t help when he reaches into the cabinet for coffee and the towel drops. He glances in my direction and winks. That does it for me. “I’ll be over later. Something just came up.”