After a good half hour I realize I’m not going to get any information out of my brother. It’s clear he’s been used and mistreated and doesn’t want me getting involved. He’s protective of me, and I appreciate the gesture, but wish he’d see that I only want to know the truth.

  At this rate I may never know.

  I reach my hand across the table and take his. We were never really into comforting each other, but I missed this beautiful man who took on so much when he didn’t have to. He sacrificed his own happiness to care for us when Dad died. “I’d really like to get to know my nieces.”

  “Stop by whenever you want. I’ll have Michelle give you a key, just in case the shit hits the fan at the apartment. There’s an ad in the paper. Tuck is going to rent out that building, unless you can come up with a good reason for him not to.”

  With that being said, I stand. “I better hunt him down. I need to stop at the phone store and change my number around. I’d rather my Vegas peeps not be able to get in touch with me.”

  “So, you’re home for good then?”

  I nod and smile. “Yeah. I’d say it’s great to be back, but it’s pretty much sucked the same way it did when I left.”

  “Things aren’t always as good as they appear. Just remember that.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What happened in Vegas?” When he sees my posture change he continues. “You don’t have to tell me, but I know it would take a lot for you to never want to go back there.”

  “I was stupid. I got into a relationship with a man I thought I could trust. Turns out, he’s just as sketchy as Crane was. I caught him banging our other roommate. Serves me right for thinking my life would be different.”

  “How long ago was this?”

  “Yesterday. It happened in the morning. I was so damn distraught I grabbed what I could and just left. There’s nothing there for me.”

  “What about your job? Your equipment?”

  “The tattoo shop provided their own equipment. I have my kit in my bag. It was already in there from a time I went to someone’s house to do a big piece on the side. Thank God, because it’s probably my most prized possession.”

  “You look good, considering.” He smirks, like he’s surprised at how tough I’m able to be. I’m sure he knows that deep inside I’m a mess. He could always tell when something was wrong. “I’m okay, Linc. Really. I’m going to be fine.”

  “I don’t doubt it. You’re the toughest chick I know.”

  “Thanks to you.”

  “Don’t give me all the credit.”

  My gaze goes to the window. I can see the backyard and a wooden swing set sits in a patch of lush green grass. I’m not used to seeing real grass. Most places in Vegas have this alternative turf they use, because the desert weather doesn’t allow for it to grow. “Vegas was good while it lasted. I worked alongside a well-known artist and got my foot in the door. Finding a shop here shouldn’t be a problem. U have the references and the years of experience.”

  “You were always a natural, Raimey.”

  “Stop it.” I play around. “You might make me blush.”

  He shakes his head with a chuckle. “Come by for dinner next weekend. Sunday. Be here in the afternoon. That’ll give you time to play with the girls. I’d tell you to stay today, but we’ve got a company party to attend. It’s the grand opening of the building we just finished. Kind of a big deal for me. We worked a couple years on this one.”

  “That cool. I’m glad you like your job.”

  He nods. “I do. It’s nice to come home drama free. I’ve got a good crew, benefits, and convenient hours. Michelle works in town, and since I get off early afternoons, I’m able to get the girls from daycare and school.”

  “Mr. Mom up in here.”

  “Fuck off,” he whispers in case the children are listening. Come for dinner next Sunday. If you’re not here I’m going to hunt you down.”

  I snicker imagining him actually doing it. “I’ll be here.”

  My brother stands and pulls me into his arms for another hug. “Just because I’m out of the business doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you. I know you don’t like change, but life is too short to dwell on the bullshit.”

  “I know. I get it. I really do. I guess yesterday was just a lot for me. I acted compulsively, and because of that made things worse.” We break from our hug. “I promise I’ll be here next weekend.”

  “Good.” I’m halfway out the door when he speaks again. “Oh and Raimey, don’t try to fix things. Just stay out of it.”

  I nod, but say nothing. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

  Chapter 7

  Befuckled: to be so intensely shocked at someone’s actions that you physically think or say ‘what the fuck’.

  Visiting with my brother didn’t get me any answers, but I feel a sense of peace with my decision to come home. Things aren’t how I want them to be, but I’m used to being disappointed. This is just a bump in the road.

  I’m almost back at the garage when I spot a female pulled over on the side of the road with her hazard lights on. She’s waving her arms around, screaming at the top of her lungs. Since I’m driving a tow truck, I figure I have nothing to lose if I offer some assistance.

  She brings the phone away from her ear as I approach her. “I’m on the phone with your company now. It’s about time you got here.”

  “Um, I was only passing by. I’m not sure who you called, but I figured I’d offer my services.”

  She picks up the phone and screams into it. “Go fuck yourself! I’m leaving a terrible Yelp review as soon as I get back to the office.”

  When the call is swiftly ended, she gives me her undivided attention. “You saved my life, sweetie. I called the BMW dealer and they said they’d send out someone, but I’ve been waiting for over an hour.”

  “It’s no problem at all. Let me get you all hooked up and I’ll be able to give you a ride wherever you need to go.”

  It take me a bit longer than usual. It’s been a while since I worked with this type of equipment. Once we’re on the road I get the address of the dealership where she needs me to take her. She’s bitching the whole time about the messy truck and the day she’s having. She tells me customer service isn’t how it used to be, and how she feels like the whole state of Jersey needs a full-blown makeover. She complains about liquor stores on every corner, and the amount of crime in the area, and then she has the nerve to ask if I have a criminal record. I’m ready to give this woman a piece of my mind when I realize I could use the cash.

  Since I know the dealership is closed on a Sunday, I agree to take her somewhere else. An hour later my head is about to explode, but one thing makes me smile inside.

  It was Crane’s company who neglected to arrive on time.

  I’m such a bitch, and it makes me happy.

  Well, I’m in a good mood until I pull up in the lot.

  I recognize the fancy car even before I put the truck into the parked position. After a second inspection, I make a note that Tuck hasn’t come back. Climbing out of the vehicle, I make my way to the car and peer inside. Much to my dismay it’s empty, which can only mean that cocky son-of-a-bitch was somewhere inside.

  Hoping Zeus took care of the rodent problem, also known as my ex, I climb the metal stairs and mentally prepare for what comes next.

  When I open the door I’m immediately pissed at the dog. The little traitor is sitting on the couch getting his backside rubbed, while a smiling douchebag waves me inside. After tossing my bag onto the countertop, I notice a brown bag of groceries. Turning to Crane, who hasn’t moved an inch, I go off. “What the fuck are you doing here, Crane?”

  He stands, but keep his distance, probably because he knows his balls are in serious danger. “I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday. You came in raising hell and didn’t give me much time to defend myself, or at least catch up. Besides, I happen to have some extra time on my hands because for some reason my girlfriend up and left me last night. No clue why that would happen. Any ideas?”

  I shrug and scrunch my face. “Don’t look at me. Maybe she realized you’re a lying asshole.”

  He holds up his finger, shaking his head at me. “See that’s where you’re mistaken. I was a good boyfriend. I treated her right, bought her things, and we were talking about settling down. A person doesn’t normally walk away from something good, not unless they were coerced into it.”

  “You obviously think too highly of yourself. Maybe she found your black book, or caught you in the act.”

  “Or maybe someone said something to her in passing, perhaps a jealous ex of mine who may or may not be on a mission to ruin my life.”

  “Ruin your life?” I question. “You can take that bunch off bullshit and shove it up your ass. I’m not jealous of you, or her for that matter. Bang all the little tramps you want for all I care.”

  “Wow, we’re back to this already?”

  “You’re damn right we are.” When I say it our eyes are locked. I’m unable to put my finger on it, but I swear he’s taken offense to this. Something about the way his eyes seem saddened. Maybe the time apart took away my ability to read him. Maybe my head is too clustered with other drama to do anything. “I want you to leave, Crane.”

  He crosses his arms and laughs at me. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to make you a nice meal, because from the looks of that body, it’s been neglected.”

  I briefly give myself a once over. “What’s wrong with the way I look?” Suddenly conscious of my weight loss, I feel defeated. I haven’t been taking care of myself. For a long time I didn’t eat meals, instead snacked on whatever I could find. I was busy at work, and too tired to cook once I got home. Every now and again I’d have a big sub, which would last at least two days, but nothing green has passed my lips for years.

  I may have been hard to deal with before I left Jersey, but I took care of myself. We ate healthy meals and went to the gym. I hold back a snicker when I think about it, because it’s simply easier to laugh at my downfall then admit Vegas was nothing but trouble from day one.

  “Don’t get those little thongs in a bunch, Raims. You still look alright.” Oh my god, he’s talking about my preferred choice of underwear like he still knows me. I know it’s a small detail, but for him to blatantly make a note of it rubs me the wrong way. This is how Crane works. He studies so he’s able to conquer later.

  I hate him. I want to choke him, kick him so hard they feel it in China. Yeah, that would make this situation much more entertaining.

  “All right? Just all right?”

  “You really want my opinion?” Before I can answer he’s already giving it. “You’ve lost an insane amount of weight, especially in your ass. You face is more defined, and even though you’re still irresistibly sexy, you’re not the Jersey girl I remember.”

  “Of course I’m not. People change.”

  “You still have that fire in you, Raims.”

  It’s not that I hate the nickname. I always found it cute when we were together, almost like it was special between us. Since we’re nothing but strangers now hearing it feels wrong and inappropriate, like he doesn’t have the right.

  “I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

  “Too bad.” Crane ignores my disturbed gaze and heads in the direction of the kitchen. He begins removing items from the brown paper bags and setting the ingredients for dinner to the side.

  He’s remembered my favorite cereal. A large box of Lucky Charms sits next to a gallon of milk. I haven’t had milk in so long I’m probably lactose intolerant. Next I see a pint of cookies and cream frozen yogurt. He puts it in the freezer and takes a mental note of the contents inside, shaking his head as if he’s not surprised there’s nothing good left.

  The second bag has rotini noodles, olive oil, and fresh produce. He sits a can of tomato paste on the counter and searches the drawers until he locates a knife.

  I’m trying to ignore the fact that he’s ignoring me to make me a home cooked meal. If my stomach wasn’t reacting to seeing such deliciousness come to life I might order him to leave, but I’m too selfish. I want to eat first, and after I’ve licked my plate clean, then I’ll tell him where he can take his ass.

  Zeus hops down from the sofa and heads in Crane’s direction. Before I know it, he’s sitting under him waiting for scraps. I whisper under my breath when the mutt looks in my direction. “Traitor.”

  When it gets to be uncomfortably silent I retreat to my bedroom to change out of the clothes I’m wearing. I’m not filthy, but feel like the tow truck job got grease all over me. I can catch a hint of tire rubber every now and again. It’s probably my imagination, but I shower quickly and put on a pair of comfortable yoga pants and an old T-shirt. I’m brushing my hair when I come back out into the open floor plan main area of the apartment. The smell hits me immediately. I’m so taken by the delicious aroma that I have to keep from licking my lips.

  A large pot sits on the stove while Crane uses a wooden spoon to stir the contents. Of course he’d be able to cook like his mother. If he was good at anything, it’s that. I miss her meals. I haven’t thought about them in a long time, but as it all comes back I realize I’m salivating.

  Crane puts some of his homemade sauce on the tip of the spoon, blows on it and then brings it to his lips. He closes his eyes and nods, then adds a few more fresh herbs he must have gotten from another one of the grocery bags.

  He turns and notices I’m back in the room. “You didn’t have to shower on my account. You’re just as hot dirty.”

  “Fuck you,” I spat as I sit on the kitchen stool at the other end of the island. “I towed some woman earlier. Found her stranded on the side of the road waiting for a truck that never showed.”

  “She should have called me.”

  I laugh out loud. “She did. Your guys didn’t show, so I took the job right out from under you.”

  He shakes his head, leans back on the counter and crosses his arms. “Figures. You were always good at being a bitch.”

  “It’s takes one to know one,” I remind.

  “All is fair in love and...”

  “Save the melodramatic notations for someone who gives a shit. We’re way beyond that.”

  “Since you’re taking my business, should I be worried this is only the beginning of your vengeance?”

  I nod in a wicked kind of way. “Probably.”

  He smirks and turns back to his sauce. “What brought you back to Jersey?”

  “None of your damn business.”

  “I’m only asking because you’ve never been one to fail. Coming home is like accepting defeat.”

  “God, I really loathe you.”

  “Love and hate are often misconstrued.”

  I pick up the knife he used for chopping and point it at him. I’m by no means into violence, but he doesn’t have to know that. “Keep running your mouth and you’ll be sorry.”

  He puts his hand to his heart. “Should I be afraid you’ll hurt me?” He tosses his hands in the air and moves his head from side to side. “You can’t hurt me anymore than you already have.”

  Now I’m pissed. “Don’t even go there, Crane. We both know who hurt who.”

  “So you’re admitting you actually have feelings?” He knows how to push my buttons until I break. It’s important I stay in control. He can’t know he’s actually getting under my skin.

  Pretending I’m about to leave, I grab my shoes and put them on my feet, then head for the door where I toss my bag over my shoulder. “It’s been fun, but I have dinner plans.”

  One second my hand is on the door, and the next he’s wedging himself in front of it so I can’t leave. Our bodies are touching, and as I look up into his eyes I know I can’t hide that there is something still between us. Maybe it’s the familiarity, or just the fact that he’s so significant to my past. I don’t know the reason, but I am fully aware that he’s thinking the same thing. “Get out of my way.”

  “I can’t let you do that, Raims. I’m not leaving until we’re friends.”

  “Friends don’t steal from and lie to one another.”

  “People make mistakes.”

  “People also think with their dicks instead of their minds, or have you forgotten?”

  He raises one hand and brushes it against my cheek. I’m starting to cave, but pretend his tough disgusts me. “I’m human. I make mistakes. Losing you is the biggest one.”

  I push his hand away. “I’ll never forgive you.”

  “We were kids, Raims.”

  “Yesterday I walked in on some bimbo giving you head, and now you’re here trying to get into my pants. I’d say nothing has changed.”

  Crane shoves me away from the door, making sure there is a good distance between us. “I’m not here to fuck you.”

  I shove him back. He hits the door and a fire ignites in his eyes. He’s coming at me, grabbing me before I’m able to retract. “Don’t touch me.”

  Crane has a hold of me from behind. His arms come around both sides of my waist as he rests his head into the small of my neck. His words tickle as they come out, and I start to grow tingles that travel to every limb. “You can act tough around the whole world, Raims. That hard facade might work on other people, but I know you. You keep it all inside; all your pain and fears. I know you don’t hate me. Deep down inside you can’t.”

  It’s easier to lie when he’s not staring me down. “You’re delusional, and your sauce is about to burn.”

  When he turns his attention to the stove I make a mad dash for my bedroom. It’s silly to think I can hide from him, but I do it anyway, because the truth is I don’t think I’ll ever be strong enough to deny feelings for Crane still exist.

  Chapter 8

  Diepnophobia: Fear of dinner conversations.

  There have been plenty of moments in my life where I denied defeat, but never have I ever felt as out of control as I do standing in my old bedroom in hopes that one door can’t keep my feelings at bay. Crane has hit a nerve, and I refuse to let him see it.