“I wouldn’t know. Apparently I’ve never met my dad,” I remind her.

  “Oh, he’s around, but I’ve got to tell ya, you probably won’t like what you see.”

  Tuck comes between us, facing me while he forces me to look into his eyes. “Raimey, I need you to go. Let me handle this.”

  “What? No. You’re doing a shitty job. Look at you, you’re strung out and letting her ruin you.”

  He’s speaking in a whisper. “It’s not what you think. Take your ass back to Crane’s and I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

  “Why? What is going on?”

  “I know you don’t trust me, but I don’t want you involved in this. It’s my problem and I can fix it.” Then he raises his voice so she can hear him over the television. “I said, get the fuck out of here! You’re nothing but a lying snitch. Go back to your two-timing boyfriend and leave us the fuck alone.”

  I’m backing away, unsure of what’s really happening, but when I look in my brother’s eyes I see fear. He’s scared for me, and unlike the way he was before, I honestly feel like he’s doing this to keep me safe. I nod and do as he requests, holding my breath until I’m safely back in the truck. Even after a few minutes I’m still sitting in the parking lot expecting him to come out, but he never does. Whatever is going on is much bigger than the paternity of my father. Tuck is in trouble, and I don’t know whether to call the police or run away as fast as possible.

  Crane is in his office on a phone call when I come in. I say hello to his part-time secretary and show myself inside his private space. He smiles when he sees me and quickly ends the business matter. “Hey. You look like I need to call a lawyer. Raims, I told you seeing your brother was a bad idea. Tell me you didn’t kill someone.”

  “I didn’t kill someone,” I almost say in a robotic tone. “It’s not what you think.”

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Then he gets it. His eyes widen and he doesn’t need me to explain. “Your mom?”

  I nod. “She was at Tuck’s shit-bag motel. I can’t even explain what happened. I’m in shock. God, she was awful, strung out and slurring her words like a junkie. Ew, I’m so disgusted. What the hell would my Dad see in that?” Then I remember my dad isn’t my dad. “Oh shit. I guess I won’t ever know.”

  “I wish you’d drop this. I asked you not to get involved with them.”

  I’m sort of irritated Crane wants me to forget this is happening. He’s an only child, who was raised by two normal parents. I, however, am just now learning everything I grew up knowing was based on lies. Furthermore, my brothers are in trouble and I feel like I’m the only one fighting to make things right. “I’m sorry. I’m not geared to give up when I want something.”

  “Raims, I’ve seen you pissed. You like revenge, but at what cost are you willing to go about it this time? If you drop it at least you can focus on your work. Haven’t I provided you with enough motivation to keep you distracted?”

  “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m capable of ignoring it. You should have seen Tuck. It was like he was willing to throw himself in front of a bus to keep me from being there. Something in his stare tells me he’s in some kind of serious trouble.”

  “More reason to leave it be. He’s an adult, Raims.”

  I shrug and look down. It’s hard to lie to his face. “Okay. I’ll drop it.”

  He crosses his arms and sighs like he doesn’t believe me. “Just like that?”

  “Well, I don’t want to see that woman again. She makes me sick to my stomach.”

  “And Tuck?”

  “He’s a fool for getting involved with her in the first place.”

  “Good.” He stands. “Let’s head over to Mom’s early tonight. I told her I’d cook.”

  “Are you sure you want me to come? I’ve had a really shitty morning.”

  “Well, I sort of need to drive by a property to see if a vehicle is easily accessible, and it’s on the way. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”

  “That’s a terrible saying.”

  “Bad habits,” he notates.

  “I’ll be in the apartment when you finish here. I need a stiff drink and some Motrin.”

  Zeus greets me the second I’m inside the door. He knocks me down to the ground, kissing my face as if he knows I need the affectionate gesture. I hug him and while his warm body hovers I begin to cry. It’s nothing intense, just a rush of emotions I’ve kept inside for a few days. Crane’s mom says it’s healthy to let it out, while it makes me feel weak.

  I don’t want to feel like I’m not in control. I need to know I can help mend fences. Emotionally wrecked, I think about my brother and the way he pushed me out of there. It felt like there was a bomb counting down and he wanted me to leave before it could detonate and kill me. I don’t understand. He’s been bitter and an asshole since my return, but today he was like my protector. The not knowing is what breaks my heart.

  I keep thinking maybe I shouldn’t have come back. The guys would have gone about their lives and I wouldn’t have known a thing. Maybe that’s what hurts the most. They were all okay with me never being a part of this.

  It cuts like a knife that’s being driven straight into my heart. It’s funny I always thought I was tough shit. I promised myself I’d never let anyone break me. I thought if I pretended to be invincible it would shield me from pain and agony. The truth is, I’m nothing but a liar myself. Maybe that’s why I take it so personally when I’m lied to. I know how easy it is.

  It’s only a few minutes after I’ve entered the apartment when I feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake. I look around at all the beautiful things and wonder if Tuck will ever have this kind of life again. He’s lost everything. I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself when I haven’t even considered what it was like for him to lose his wife and children, or if he was using drugs back then and totally neglected them. I can’t begin to imagine that type of pain and guilt.

  Right when I’m about to burst back through the door and rush to his rescue, I hear screaming coming from the office. I’m so curious I crack open the door that divides the two spaces. Crane’s voice resonates down the long hallway as clear as if he were standing in front of me. “No, I’m sick of it. Leave my name out of it, Tuck.” He continues. “Why? Because I did what you all wanted me to four years ago, you owe me this. I don’t want to be involved. Yeah, I was the one who wanted answers, but it’s nothing but heartbreak. I won’t hurt her again. If you give a shit about your sister, you’ll keep my name out of this. She can’t know. I don’t give a shit what you have to do, Raimey can’t know I was a part of it. Leave her alone, man. Just let her be happy for once.”

  I cover my hand over my mouth and sink down against the wall. His voice remains high pitched like he’s arguing a battle he’s unsure he’ll win. “I don’t care what the fuck they say. You tell her the truth and the deal is off. Don’t cross me, man. My alibi is all you’ve got going for you. I’m out. This can’t fall back on me. I won’t lose her again because you’re being a selfish dick. From this very moment I want nothing to do with Paula, got it?”

  When I hear a loud slam I close the door and run into the kitchen in case he’s coming. I don’t want him to know I’ve overheard, because frankly I have no idea what in the hell is going on. One thing is for sure. Crane lied AGAIN. He’s keeping secrets from me. The one man I thought I could trust has pretty much just admitted I can’t.

  Chapter 21

  Where the rubber meets the road: The moment of truth.

  I’m gone before Crane has a chance to hunt me down and pretend he’s a legitimately good person. All of my doubts come rushing in, flooding me with the truth. I’d been right about him. I’d fallen for his charm and witty ways to seduce me back into his life. I’m nothing but a stupid gullible bitch.

  I peel wheels off the property, Zeus is at my side, staring out the window like we’re going somewhere fun. I’m done being sent away, ignored, and most importantly lied to. Even if I have to sit in front of an intoxicated shell of a person, I’m getting answers and it’s happening today.

  The police are in the parking lot when I arrive. When I say police I’m talking about an entire swat team. Black paddy wagons and armored trucks leave no room for me to pull my vehicle. I park in a nearby lot adjacent to the building and scope out the scene. I’m able to see them working on the second floor. I count the doors to see which number they’re focused on and my stomach knots. It’s my brother’s room. Escorted in handcuffs, I spot Paula. She’s stumbling as they guide her toward the dilapidated stairwell. I wait patiently to see Tuck, but he never comes out of the room. Knowing I won’t have to be near my piece of crap mother, I figure it won’t hurt to get out and ask questions. With Zeus on high alert, I attach him to his leash and guide him from the passenger side onto the street. I don’t have to direct him. He already wants to meet and greet, guard dog style, every officer walking around.

  We come up to the first set of team members. A guy, looking to be in his thirties, handsome and stocky, turns to give me his attention. “You can’t be here, ma’am.”

  Zeus tries to get at him, but ends up sticking his nozzle in the guy’s groin. “Sorry, sir. I’m only here because I’m related to the person who was in that room. Can you tell me if my brother is being charged for something?”

  “Your brother?”

  I almost regret saying it. “We aren’t close. I just... He’s been in trouble and I wanted to see if he was still alive. Guilty conscience gets the best of me sometimes. I don’t really care for the guy, but I’d hate to see him dead,” I manage with a fake snicker. Upon looking around I don’t see a coroner, so I’m fairly certain my brother is either in one of their vehicles or still in his motel room.

  The guy sighs. “I’m not in charge, but I can tell you that your brother is being taken in for questioning. This is an ongoing operation. If you want more information you’ll have to go to the precinct and speak to someone in charge. I’m not at liberty to say anything more.”

  “So he’s okay?” I’m shaking as I ask. Is this the end of my brother? Did he send me away because he knew this was going down? I yank Zeus away from the guy and search the scene again.

  “As far as I know he’s fine.”

  I nod. “Thanks for the information.”

  As I turn to head back to the truck, I see my brother exiting his room. He’s being escorted by officers, but he’s smiling, almost like they’re friends, which makes no sense because he’s cuffed. I consider chasing after him, but decide it’s best if I steer clear of the situation and wait for the right opportunity.

  In the safety of the truck my phone starts blowing up. I don’t have to look down to know who the caller is. I pick up the call and place the receiver to my ear. “What?”

  “Raims, where did you go? I told you I’d only be a few minutes.”

  “Sorry, I don’t really feel like hanging out with you tonight.”

  “What’s your problem?”

  “Oh nothing. My brother is in handcuffs. His place is surrounded by some kind of police team, and I find out you’re nothing but a fucking hypocritical liar. Same old shit, different day.”

  “I can explain.”

  “Don’t fucking bother, and don’t you dare come to the apartment tonight. I’ll be gone tomorrow and then you can do what you want.”

  “Raims, don’t go off the deep end. There’s an explanation.”

  “An explanation? I looked you in the eyes and you told me there were no more secrets. I can’t look at you. I’ll never trust you. I pretty much hate everything about you.”

  “You love me, and because of that you’re going to want to talk to me.”

  “Fuck off. You don’t know me at all.”

  I’m prepared to hand up when I hear his next sentence. “Everything I did was for you.”

  I toss my phone across the truck and rest my head on the steering wheel. My stomach is churning, my hands shaking, and I can’t help but feel like my life is spinning out of control.

  Driving back to the apartment is difficult, especially when I know there’s a good possibility Crane will be there waiting for me. Much to my surprise, the apartment is empty when I return. I sit the keys on the counter and unfasten Zeus from his leash before I notice an orange sealed folder with my name on it.

  My teeth grind together when I consider what could be inside. I’m no psychic, but I’m pretty sure this is Crane’s idea of a peace offering. Choosing to have a drink before diving in, I leave the package where it sits and take care of my other needs.

  A few shots later and I’m back in the kitchen staring down what could possibly be the answers I’ve wanted for nearly two weeks. I can’t say it’s easy taking it in my hands and getting the courage to open it, when everything I’ve ever believed could be changed. Already discovering I don’t know my father has me wondering how much more disappoint can fall on my shoulders.

  Just as I’m tearing into the paper the door opens. Crane catches my gaze and throws his hands up like it’s a peace offering. “What the hell? Can’t take a hint?” I ask.

  “I’m not going to sit around at Mom’s when I know you’re going through this alone.”

  “And you assume I’d want your company?”

  He’s coming toward me. “I won’t leave you alone, Raims. You can hate me, but first you need to open that envelope.”

  “You lied to me.”

  He nods. “I did it to protect you.”

  “Oh,” I laugh. “It wasn’t to get into my pants?”

  “No.”

  “Bullshit. It’s been your goal all along. I’m just the asshole who fell for your charm again.”

  He swings his arms around. “I don’t know what you expect from me. I’m not perfect, but I’m also not your enemy.”

  “From where I’m standing you’re just as bad as everyone else who has kept me in the dark.”

  Crane shakes his head, takes two more steps in my direction and places his hands in his pockets. “You’re not going to believe anything I say, so go ahead and open it, but don’t blame me when the shit hits the fan.”

  I forcefully open the package and stare down at a stack of papers. I don’t even know where to begin. I sink down on a stool and spread the first few sheets apart.

  The first thing I notice is the letterhead from a private investigator firm in Vegas. I scan the following papers and see the individual was hired to locate and give reports about me. Copies of my phone records, credit card statements, and even my bank accounts are all detailed in the reports, followed by photos of me, some day to day and others more intimate. I’m seen with Jeffery and even our other roommate. I’m photographed doing tattoos, and even walking into a restaurant. The invasion of privacy sets me off the deep end. “What the fuck is this? You had someone look into me? When? Why?”

  “I needed to know you were okay and no one would tell me anything. After I couldn’t find you myself I decided to pay a professional.”

  I shove the papers to the side until they spill to the floor. “What the fuck.” I run my hand through my long hair. “I can’t do this right now, Crane. You and I both know this isn’t what you’re hiding.”

  He reaches for my arm, but I move away. “Just let me talk to you.”

  “For once in your pathetic life tell me the damn truth.”

  He motions toward the sofa. “Sit with me.”

  I give him the finger. “Sit on this.”

  “Fine. Suit yourself. I’m going over here and sitting until you decide to stop being a bitch and hear me out.”

  I roll my eyes and watch as he begins removing his shirt. “What the?”

  “I need your undivided attention and this is the only way I can get it.”

  “You’re insane if you think that’ll work,” I say while watching his trousers fall to his feet. That fine ass. Those muscles. The tats. I’m screwed.

  With my arms crossed, I take a seat on the couch facing him. “So talk.”

  “Not until you take off your clothes.”

  I stand to leave. I’m not wasting my time on his stupid games. His voice stops me.

  “Raims, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I may have lied to you about a lot of things, but never that. You can walk away like you seem to always do, or you can face this head on. I’ll tell you everything I know.”

  A heavy sigh escapes me before I turn around. I push my jacket off my shoulders and kick off my shoes. That’s as much as he’s going to get. Need be, I have to be able to pick up and run like he predicts I’m going to do.

  He leans his arms on his knees and claps his hands together. “Okay, after I looked into you and knew you were involved with someone else, I backed off. My dad was sick and there were pressing matters that needed to be tended too.

  One night me, Del and Hath were out having drinks. Business was booming for Tanner Towing and we were celebrating a quiet night off while Tuck remained on call.”

  “We were sitting there at a booth having a few beers when in walks this woman. She was older and seem sophisticated, almost like one of those chicks that spend their day at the casino and actually make a buck or two. At first I didn’t know who it was. Del certainly didn’t get it either. So this woman comes up and slides into the booth with us. She lights a smoke and blows it out of her mouth before even saying anything. She tells us she’s in town for a visit and is looking for a bunch of strong guys to help her with a shipment coming in. Assuming the job is legitimate, I inquire about the details. She tells us she’d arranged for transportation of new furniture, but the company she was using got the dates wrong. She told me she was in the business of shipping and selling international, so when the furniture comes into port it’s her job that it gets to the distribution center on the designated date. She even gave me the name of a company, in which I Googled to make sure it was legit. She handed me a business card and told us to think it over then walked out.

  Hath never said a fucking word. He carried on, shot some pool and eventually left. That next morning I showed up at the shop and Tuck was in a huge argument with Linc. It was over money. Apparently Linc did the numbers and things weren’t adding up. They’d filed an extension with the IRS and the deadline had come and gone. Taxes were due, and they couldn’t come up with the funds to cover the amount owed.”