Monti filed away the information that something major had happened twenty-one years ago. Athena had brought up that number multiple times, although she was pretty sure that it was more than just having a baby. Which was also odd. Athena had failed to mention her husband and her son more times than not when they should have come up in conversation.

  “It is,” Athena answered, her voice trailing off. “Are we going to start?”

  “Sure. If you want to.” Monti gestured to the bed. “Where would you like me to start today?”

  “No preference.”

  Athena lay down, her body not quite relaxing into the pillow. She stared up at the ceiling, her long lashes moving every time she blinked. If Monti wasn’t careful, she could get lost in those lashes, in Athena’s eyes, in her bod—nope. She really needed to stop that line of thought.

  Immediately.

  “I’m going to move your hair.” Monti put her hands next to the pillow, standing behind Athena’s head.

  Athena lifted her head slightly so Monti could pull her hair out from under her head. Monti combed her fingers through Athena’s hair gently. “I’ll start with your scalp, if that’s all right.”

  “It is.” Athena dragged in a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally relaxing a little more.

  Monti started with her fingers gently pushing into Athena’s scalp. She bided her time, trying to figure out a way to ask a question that would get Athena thinking and talking. She could already tell that Athena was closed off, probably as a way to protect herself. But what exactly happened twenty-some-odd years ago that would cause that.

  “So what are you doing to celebrate?”

  “Celebrate what?” Athena tightened her jaw.

  So that was a touchy point. “Your son’s birthday?”

  “Kevin is taking Simon to Las Vegas.”

  “All right.” Monti moved down to Athena’s temple and then her jaw. “But what are you doing to celebrate?”

  Athena sighed, and Monti could distinctly see her heart thudding hard in her chest. Was she that anxious? Did she feel that threatened?

  “Tell me if you want me to stop something, okay?”

  “We’re not doing anything.”

  It took Monti a moment to realize that Athena wasn’t talking about the massage.

  “Why wouldn’t you?” Monti asked back, keeping her tone soft.

  “We don’t have that kind of relationship.” Athena folded her hands over her belly, wrapping her fingers tightly together.

  Monti needed to fix that. She’d caused too much stress already. She was just working through how to ease the conversation in a different direction when Athena sat up sharply, her back to Monti. Her shoulders dropped, pulling toward each other. She moved her legs and crossed them. Her breathing was loud and ragged.

  “Athena?” Monti rounded the corner of the bed, the front of her thighs pushing into the mattress and the fluffy comforter. “Athena, what’s going on?”

  Athena shook her head. She reached up and brushed her hands over her face, her hair curtaining her face and making it impossible to see. A sob tore through her, shaking her shoulders. Compassion overwhelmed Monti, and she slid onto the mattress, keeping as much distance as she dared between them.

  “Oh, Athena.” Monti rested her hand over Athena’s knee and waited to see what would happen.

  Sucking in a sharp breath, Athena shook her head and brushed her fingers over her cheeks again. “I’m not crying.”

  “Sure you’re not,” Monti said lightly with a smile. “It’s okay to cry, you know.”

  “From a massage?”

  “I believe I told you once that a lot happens in the body that’s affected by the mind. I’m betting this is just a big release of whatever you’ve been holding onto.” Monti squeezed her fingers tightly, but didn’t move them any more than that.

  Athena said nothing, but she slowly pulled herself together. The sniffles became fewer between, the shaking of her shoulders eased up. Monti stayed right where she was, offering whatever support she could. They needed this. It was a connection, a pain point uncovered, and Athena was working through whatever her past was that needed to be worked through, even if it was in silence, and even if it was only a little piece of the puzzle.

  Monti stayed right where she was when Athena took a sharp, bolstering breath. Everything happened in slow motion. Athena tilted her chin up, her eyes red and puffy from the tears, her cheeks stained with tears that weren’t quite dried yet. Monti’s breath hitched at the look of utter agony in Athena’s gaze.

  “I’m here for you,” Monti murmured.

  Athena dropped her gaze to Monti’s lips, then locked their eyes together. She swallowed hard, her breathing picking up. Monti’s entire body was on fire, telling her one thing while she forced it to do another. She wanted to lean in, to wrap her arms around Athena’s shoulders and hug her, to remind her that she wasn’t alone through any of this.

  “Monti…” Athena’s voice trailed off, the whisper barely there.

  What was that look? Athena’s eyes were back on her lips. Athena’s cheeks were red, but Monti was pretty sure it wasn’t from crying this time. Panic swelled in Monti’s chest, pushing up into her throat and constricting her airway.

  This was common.

  This wasn’t outside the normal behavior patterns for a client.

  Monti had created a safe space. She had allowed Athena to feel and to know that she could do that in an environment where she would be supported. But it had been so long since Monti had dealt with something like this. It had been ages since she’d thought it was even a possibility.

  And yet…

  As much as she was scared, realizing what Athena was thinking, she wanted to close the gap. She was just about to move when she managed to stop herself. Closing her eyes, Monti did the only thing she knew that could save them from this.

  “What happened twenty-one years ago?”

  The silence was so loud.

  When Monti opened her eyes again, Athena’s glare was unmatched. Her gaze was clear, righteously full of anger and hurt. Guilt was a brick in the middle of Monti’s stomach, and it just kept getting heavier and heavier with each passing second.

  “Get. Out.”

  twelve

  “Hey, Mom.”

  Athena tensed, the phone pressed to her ear. She hadn’t expected this reaction to Simon. She’d experienced it before, but it had been years. Shouldn’t she be better by now?

  Then again, she always asked herself that question.

  “Hello, Simon.” Athena snagged the pen on top of her desk and flipped it through her fingers in a well-practiced habit.

  “Has Dad talked to you?”

  Athena’s grasp on the pen faltered, and it clattered to the desktop. She didn’t immediately grab it, wanting to focus on Simon for once. “About what?”

  “Vegas.”

  “Yes, he did. I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Athena snagged the pen again as the lie slipped through her lips. They were back on even territory now, where Kevin and Simon had their special bond and Athena lived just on the outside of any deep relationship with them. She never should have been a mother, that much was for certain.

  Kevin could at least fake it better than she could. And he’d wanted this. Athena had no choice in the matter.

  “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

  “Why’s that?” She frowned and turned to her computer screen, pulling up the file she’d been working on an hour ago. She needed to get it done so she could submit it to the courts, but she’d been dragging her feet. Which wasn’t her norm. Then again, nothing seemed normal lately.

  “Because you hate Vegas.”

  Athena wrinkled her nose. She did, in fact, hate Las Vegas, and it was for one very specific reason. Which Simon had no idea about. She’d never told him. Kevin had never told him. And that wasn’t something anyone needed to share. Rolling her shoulders, Athena focused on her computer screen even though she wasn’t actually seeing anything. The words blurred in front of her gaze, lights flashing and darkness invading her vision.

  Fuck.

  What was that?

  Athena swallowed and focused on Simon’s voice again.

  “So I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

  “Dad and I talked, and I’m fine with him taking you. It’s your twenty-first. You should do something fun and exciting. Whatever you want to do.” Athena closed her eyes and rested back in her chair. She took deep slow breaths because her heart raced.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Do you think I’m lying?” The accusation in her voice was sharp. But she hated when people didn’t believe her. She never said anything she didn’t mean.

  “No.” Simon’s tone dropped before it lifted in a question. “Are you okay, Mom?”

  “I’m fine.” Athena clenched her fist sharply, digging her nails into her palm. “I hope you enjoy your trip.”

  “Right. Guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”

  Athena didn’t wait as she ended the call. She pressed her forehead to her arms as she leaned against her desk and continued to take slow, deep breaths. She needed to calm herself down. There was nothing wrong with what was happening. Her son was an adult, and he deserved to live his life doing whatever he wanted.

  Something she’d never been able to do.

  But she and Kevin had agreed early on in their marriage that when Simon was born, he could take or leave any family obligations. She didn’t want to force him into anything the way they had been.

  Standing up sharply, Athena paced her office. Energy coursed through her, and it wasn’t a good kind of energy. She knew she was slipping into the past, and that it would be a monumental task to pull herself out of it. Moving to the front of her desk, she pressed her hands flat against the cold wood. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward and tried to focus, but the memories kept coming back.

  One after the other.

  Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, dropping onto the desk. Athena hated the stinging and burning in her nose. She hated the scratchy feel in her throat, the inability to take a full deep breath. Clenching her jaw hard, she stayed as much in the room as possible.

  But the memories…

  Fuck.

  They pulled at her, grabbed her, drowned her.

  It was Simon. It was always Simon who brought these, and it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anything he had done. She hated that she couldn’t look at him without these damn memories. Cringing, Athena pushed herself to stand, but the room swam. She had to sit on the edge of the desk to keep from collapsing to the floor.

  She held herself up, barely. She warded off as many memories as she could, but they came at her so fast that it was next to impossible. In the recesses of her awareness, she heard the knock on the door. She heard Fallon’s voice. But she couldn’t focus on it long enough to even comprehend what she was saying.

  She couldn’t see Fallon’s sweetly rounded face.

  Athena dragged in a breath of cold air, hoping that it would clear her mind enough to think. But she was wrong. All it did was bring the memory of the first breath of fresh air that she could take after… She froze. Gripping onto the desk for dear life, she tried her best to stay in this year. In this moment. In this reality.

  But the fingers of the past kept dragging her back.

  Yet, she wasn’t kicking and screaming.

  Athena was quietly waiting for those memories to arrive and consume her whole. That’s how this always happened. Purely accepting what was about to happen was the best way for it to take her. She’d come out the other side faster.

  “Athena.” Kevin’s voice shocked through her body.

  But was it then?

  Or was it now?

  She couldn’t look. He’d been there in the hospital with her. He’d been the only one to come and check on her, to stay with her and navigate her healing. He’d brought her home. He’d been her savior through it all.

  “Athena, come back to me.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks. The cold trails they left against her skin were markers of the path of destruction as they dripped hotly off her cheeks. Why was she crying so much lately? Why couldn’t she just let it all go?

  Usually it was just the emotions. Just the god-awful feelings of what had happened, of being trapped. Suffocated. True flashbacks were so rare these days.

  “Athena!” Kevin’s voice was stronger.

  Finally, she opened her eyes and cringed.

  Fallon stood in the doorway, her eyes wide with fear. Kevin right in front of her, but giving her space. She focused on him, the length of his beard. He hadn’t had that twenty-one years ago. He’d been clean shaven. He’d been young. Those wrinkles weren’t around his eyes.

  “I’m fine,” she managed to mumble. But the sound was so far from her ears that she doubted if she’d even spoken out loud.

  “Liar,” Kevin spoke softly.

  Which meant she had said it out loud.

  Athena shuddered, finally feeling her fingers clutching the edge of her desk. They hurt so much, yet it took more effort than it should have to pry them off.

  “Can I sit next to you?” Kevin took a step closer.

  Athena jerked back. She stared at him with wide eyes, her voice caught in her throat. She couldn’t speak. Her heart hammered in her chest. Her entire body was on high alert. It was going to take her weeks to come down from this, to ease the triggers to the point that she could pretend to function again.

  Pretend.

  That’s all she’d done for two decades. If not more than that. She’d pretended even when she was little. And she’d never fucking stopped.

  “Athena.” Kevin’s voice broke through her thoughts.

  She looked him directly in the eye, finally seeing him truly for the first time. This was better. This was more where she should be.

  “I’m fine.” Her voice sounded so far away.

  “Don’t lie again.”

  She gave him a flat look and stood up, smoothing her hands down her thighs as she glanced toward Fallon—who still looked scared. Fallon had never seen her like this before. But Athena wasn’t going to address that—not yet. Not if she could avoid it.

  “I’m fine,” she stated again.

  Without hesitating, she walked directly out of her office, holding her breath as she passed Fallon. Athena didn’t turn around to look. She didn’t need to know what Fallon was thinking or what Kevin was wondering. Neither one of them would follow her, that much she knew. Rolling her shoulders, she walked through the house and straight to her library.

  This was her safe place.

  There was no other place in the world she would rather be than right here. Sighing, Athena shut the door, pressing her shoulders against it. She slid to the floor, her knees folded and pressed against her chest. She closed her eyes and let go, completely.

  In here she was safe. No one would invade her space, no one would ask her questions, no one would be watching her. She didn’t cry, but she did have to work hard to settle herself into a calm enough state that she wouldn’t mind leaving the room.

  Until then, she was stuck here. Butt against the hardwood floor, back against the door, and body not sure what to do. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute, and her head was still cloudy to the point she couldn’t really think straight.

  What she needed was Monti.

  Where the hell had that thought come from?

  Athena opened her eyes and stared at the bookcase across from her, all the hardbacks and paperbacks neatly in their place. It was orderly. It was perfect in here. Sealed off from all the outside worries and fears. Athena swallowed the lump in her throat, but it came right back up. She’d never told anyone what had happened that night, not fully.

  No one else needed to experience what she had even in the smallest way.

  Pursing her lips, Athena blew out a breath. She was much calmer now than she was before. Alone. That was the way to go. Never with someone else, always on her own.

  So why was she thinking about Monti?

  Because she was such a calming presence. That had to be it. Her entire energy was calm, cool, and collected. Which probably meant she was an absolute mess underneath it all just like Athena was, but still, Athena craved that sense of peace. Monti had shown her that lately. Beautiful insights into the possibility of peace.

  Sighing, Athena relaxed and pressed the back of her head into the door. Monti had shown her serenity. And that moment the other week had been so much more than that. Athena shivered, her body reacting in a new and different way. The boomerang effect—from the intensity in her office to this—was impossible to keep up with.

  Monti would be so gentle with her. She’d calm her down. She’d talk but not expect answers. Except—she had. She’d asked directly what had happened twenty-one years ago, and Athena had tossed her out.

  Maybe that was what had triggered this entire episode. It wasn’t Simon. It was Monti and her damn questions, her damn massages, her damn fingers. Athena nearly groaned at the memory of Monti’s hands on her shoulders and her neck. Shivering again, Athena scooted around and pulled her phone out of pocket.

  She pulled up Monti’s contact and stared at her name. After all of that, after Monti pushed her and Athena had pushed back, why did she want Monti there? Why did she want Monti’s hands on her again? Why did she want to hear Monti’s voice, her smooth calm tones, the gentle place that Monti created?

  No. Not gentle.

  Safe.

  Athena breathed out relief.

  Monti was safe.

  thirteen

  “You about ready for lunch?” Monti stepped into Fallon’s office, expecting to find her sister nose deep in work like she always was.

  Fallon jumped up and immediately started scratching her arms. She rounded the desk and stood right in front of Monti. Her eyes were wide, her lips thin, and anyone could see that she was obviously stressed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Did Ms. Pruitt call you?”

  Monti wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “No? Did I miss another appointment?”