“I know what it is.”

  “Want to share?” Monti took Athena’s hand, lacing their fingers together and stroking her thumb along the top of Athena’s hand. “I’m here to listen.”

  Athena had to push back that lump in her throat again. She wanted to know if this was normal, if what she was experiencing would continue. Because the last time…

  “Athena,” Monti gently prodded.

  “I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal.” There. The words were out, her uncertainty was there for the whole room to hear.

  “All feelings are normal.”

  Athena rolled her eyes and then closed them, her cheeks heating again with embarrassment. Her nipples hardened even more. Athena crossed her arms to protect herself. Monti moved and skimmed her hand from Athena’s elbow to her wrist and back again.

  “What are you feeling?”

  She couldn’t say it. Athena grimaced. This was too embarrassing. She knew what was happening. Deep down in her chest, she knew exactly what her body was telling her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to share that with Monti.

  “Anything you say in this room, stays here. Judgment free zone.” Monti flashed another smile, and Athena believed her. Monti had never once judged her or any of her odd quirks.

  “I’m feeling aroused.” Athena whispered the words, unleashing them. She couldn’t bring herself to say it any louder.

  Monti’s eyes widened slightly, her lips parting before she sighed. Her hand stopped its gentle movement on Athena’s arm for just a brief moment before picking back up again. “Oh.”

  “You said…”

  “Yeah, I did. It’s not impossible or abnormal, Athena.” Monti looked at her directly, leaning in.

  Athena’s heart skipped. Was Monti going to kiss her? Athena had thought about that. The last time they were this close, when the intimacy between them was scorching. Her breath caught in her throat, but the block that was normally there was gone.

  “To me it says that you’re comfortable with me. Perhaps that you trust me.” Monti stopped her gentle motion, curling her fingers around Athena’s wrist.

  Why did Athena want Monti to hold her wrist like that as Monti pressed her face between Athena’s legs? She had to hold back the moan as the image and the sensation flashed through her mind. It had been so long since anyone had done that.

  “If you’re uncomfortable, we can stop,” Monti murmured. “But I’m comfortable with continuing if you’d like.”

  “I…” Athena paused, her heart racing so much.

  “It’s rare anything beyond some physical discomfort happens.”

  Physical discomfort? Did Monti even know what Athena was feeling? The way her labia tingled with imagined touches and licks, how they were damp and desperate for Athena to reach down and just see what they felt like. Or better yet… Monti—

  Nope.

  Athena sucked in a breath, locking her gaze on Monti’s. “And if more does happen?”

  “Then that’s normal, too. When you feel relaxed and close to someone, when all those walls fall down that you’ve been holding up, it’s normal to feel connected.”

  “But you’re my massage therapist.”

  “I am.” Monti grinned. “Which is why I’m comfortable with continuing if you’d like.”

  “It’s an ethical issue for you,” Athena pointed out the obvious.

  “Not if you understand our roles.”

  “I’m a lawyer, Monti. It’s an ethical issue.”

  Monti sighed heavily and squeezed Athena’s arm again before letting go. “We can stop if you want. There’s no need to argue it.”

  Athena clenched her jaw. She didn’t want to stop. And she didn’t like women this way. She never had. Kevin was the gay one. “Let’s finish.”

  Monti grinned, her stunning features lighting up as that moment of joy hit her. Athena relaxed as Monti sat up and adjusted herself again. She started with gently applying pressure to Athena’s chest, the muscles that seemed to always be tense beyond her control. As soon as Monti started touching her, though, the same sensations floated through her body.

  Athena couldn’t stop herself from moving. Her hips wiggled side to side. She stared up into Monti’s eyes. She’d been right earlier. Monti had so many secrets to tell. Athena gasped, her entire body lighting with the fire of pleasure. She hadn’t expected that. She’d trusted what Monti had told her, that it wouldn’t get to this point. But she was so close.

  “Monti,” Athena murmured, closing her eyes as she arched upward.

  “Does that hurt?”

  Athena groaned and shook her head. This wasn’t pain at all. This was pure unadulterated pleasure. Athena dug her fingers into the sheets, gripping onto them to hold herself as still as she could.

  Monti hesitated. Athena could tell. Her hands waited a moment before she started to massage again. A groan ripped from Athena’s lips, louder than she’d ever heard herself before. Monti took in a deep breath, the sound loud in Athena’s ears. She couldn’t concentrate on anything except Monti’s body next to hers, the firm feeling of Monti’s fingers on her skin, her steady breathing.

  “Athena, don’t hold back. It’s not good to keep everything bottled inside.”

  She wanted to say something back. She wanted to have Monti’s fingers between her legs, her mouth against her, anything. Athena jerked suddenly, gasping. What was she supposed to do with this? But Monti didn’t stop. She kept up the slow movements against Athena’s body, tenderly pushing her muscles, brushing fingers against skin.

  No.

  Athena cringed. Monti wasn’t doing that to her. That was her mind running away with fantasies that would never happen. She didn’t like Monti like that. All of this was because Monti was safe. She listened. She didn’t judge. She showed up when Athena needed her.

  Pleasure stole over her in an instant. Athena reached up and clutched Monti’s arm, her nails digging into Monti’s skin, but she couldn’t stop herself. She’d completely lost control. But fuck, this felt so good. Athena clenched her eyes tightly, her breathing so ragged that she couldn’t keep up with it. Her head spun.

  But Monti was right there.

  Gentle fingers running through Athena’s hair and over her shoulders. Monti’s sweet voice as she spoke words that Athena couldn’t hear because the rushing in her ears was too much. Athena’s entire body was hot, oversaturated with pleasure.

  “Ease your way through it,” Monti’s voice was a balm again. “Don’t worry about anything.”

  Athena wasn’t. The embarrassment didn’t show up. The fear was gone. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she was actually relaxed. Athena sucked in a sharp breath, and she pulled Monti’s hand against her cheek. Monti’s fingers were cool against her clammy skin.

  “Thank you,” Athena said. She held the quiet tension, but this time it was perfect. It was exactly what it should be. Athena looked up into Monti’s eyes. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Monti’s face fell. She stayed still for another moment before shifting off the mattress. “I’ll clean up real quick and let you get dressed.”

  Athena stayed put while Monti packed up her bag. As soon as Monti was gone, Athena did what she’d longed for since the massage had started. She slid her hand down her body and pressed her fingers between her legs.

  Fuck.

  This feels amazing.

  seventeen

  Monti didn’t want to go inside.

  Whatever had happened during her last session with Athena had been so out of bounds. And yet, the entire weekend, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. About her. Athena had managed to weasel her way into Monti’s life, so that every other thought she had was about Athena and what they would discuss next.

  Their visits were typically short, but their connection was so strong. And when they actually talked, not just about whatever Athena was avoiding, but about anything, Athena was flat-out brilliant. And she had a dry sense of humor that Monti was fairly certain most everyone missed. Especially Fallon. Because the one time Monti had made a comment about Athena’s humor, Fallon had stared at her like she’d completely lost it.

  But she hadn’t.

  At least not again. She very much had control of her faculties right now. Well, for the most part, because she was still sitting in her van, hiding out in front of Athena’s house. She was even early for their scheduled appointment time, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to go inside.

  She should have booked that flight already.

  Or she should have filled up her gas tank and left town.

  She’d been there way too long, and the itchiness to leave and explore was eating away at her. But she still couldn’t decide where she wanted to go next. It wouldn’t be the first time she had left without knowing where she was headed, but for some reason, she was filled with a sense of unease when she thought about it this time.

  Which was ridiculous.

  She’d done this so many times before that she should just be able to pick up and leave. So why couldn’t she? And why couldn’t she stop thinking about Athena and the way her face pinched in pleasure, the beautiful flush that rose to her cheeks and chest, the way her body writhed against the mattress. Monti hadn’t intended for that to happen.

  She’d honestly thought Athena would stop herself before it ever got to that point.

  But she had been wrong.

  So very fucking wrong.

  Slapping down the lid on her computer, Monti heaved a breath of frustration. She really needed to go inside because staying out here wasn’t getting her anywhere. She’d broken the rules, and she needed to turn back now. She needed to escape and put boundaries back up between her and Athena.

  Yet she found herself walking into the house with her bag in her hand. Rolling her shoulders, Monti stopped in front of the office suite her sister shared with Athena. Not for the first time, Monti was struck by the fact that she wasn’t there to see her sister, and she didn’t really want to see Fallon. All her thoughts had been on Athena.

  “Hey,” Monti said in greeting as she stepped inside.

  Fallon sighed heavily and nodded toward her. “Hey.”

  Monti sifted through Fallon’s mood, trying to figure out what she was missing. Something was wrong, but Fallon was often moody, especially when it came to something Monti didn’t understand. Something Fallon thought she should. But for the life of her, Monti couldn’t remember.

  “Did I forget something?” Monti asked as delicately as possible. Lay the blame on herself for forgetting whatever it was and hopefully Fallon would forgive her all that much sooner.

  “Of course you did.” Fallon’s voice was full of venom.

  And it hurt. Monti tried to shove the sting off, but it was next to impossible. She wanted the fight. Anything that would distract her from thinking about Athena was just what she needed right then.

  “Would you stop with the attitude and just tell me what I did this time?” Monti dropped the bag next to her and put her hands on her hips. Her voice was louder than it should be, but at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to care.

  “My attitude?” Fallon stood up, her hands flat on her desk as she leaned over it with narrowed eyes. “You don’t even have a clue what I’m mad about, do you?”

  “Nope. Not one clue.” Monti huffed and rolled her eyes. “But you seem to fly off the handle at the littlest thing lately, so what do you expect? Me to be a mind reader? Sorry. No can do. I’m a trained psychologist, not the next Miss Cleo!”

  Fallon scoffed. “You’re an idiot. Do you know that? You flit around this world like no one gives a shit about you. And then you have the audacity to be mad when we show that we care!”

  “Yelling at me is caring?” Monti’s shoulders tightened. This was hitting too close to home. “What if I told you that I don’t want you to care. I don’t want you to even think about me!”

  “You don’t believe that.” Fallon came around the corner of her desk.

  Suddenly, Monti felt backed into a corner. She stayed put, but if Fallon were to get too close to her then she wouldn’t be able to control herself—not that she was doing a good job of it now anyway. “I do.”

  “You don’t!” Fallon’s voice rose. “You can’t live without relationships, Monti. You would know that if you’d even pay one minute of attention to your family.”

  Family.

  Right.

  That’s what this was always about. Fallon wanted Monti to be closer to the family, and Monti had exactly the relationship with everyone that she wanted. Never deeper than necessary. She should have known that Fallon would bring it back to this. They always hit this argument point whenever they were in the same city. Usually it was within a week. Monti had mistakenly thought they’d actually worked through some of the conflict by now and grown into civilized adults.

  Apparently, she was wrong on both counts. They were both still idiots.

  “You don’t need me, Fallon. You’ve always relied on me to be the center of your world, but give it up already.” Monti’s tone was low, dangerous. They were about to head straight into the territory that would send them both spiraling, and as much as Monti could see it happening, she didn’t want to stop it, either. She needed this fight.

  “We all need you!” Fallon nearly screeched. “Why don’t you see yourself as part of our family?”

  “Because I’m not.” Monti threw that out there in a way she’d never said before. “I’m not a part of the family.”

  “Of course you are.”

  “No. I’m really not.” Monti ran her fingers through her hair and sighed heavily. “You still consider them your parents. I don’t. I don’t remember them. I remember her, barely, but that’s really only from stories you and Tia have told me. They aren’t my parents. Tia is my mom.”

  “Then why don’t you call her mom?”

  Monti’s jaw dropped. She tried to find words to explain it all, but she couldn’t. They’d always just called their aunt Tia. Monti had asked once when she was in fourth grade if she could call Tia “mom” and she’d been shot down immediately. But she didn’t remember their mom. She didn’t believe their mom was in that coffin. She didn’t want to visit…

  Fuck.

  She’d missed the anniversary.

  That was what had set Fallon off so much. Monti had completely spaced it, as she normally did, because again, it didn’t make a lick of difference in her life. They weren’t her family. Softening, Monti tried to come at this from a different direction. If she could just apologize for that—again because this certainly wasn’t the first time this had happened—then they could move on.

  “I’m sorry I forgot.” It was the best Monti could do.

  “How can you be so callous?” Fallon’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the venom was back.

  “I’m not callous. Like I said before. They’re not my family. She’s not my mom.”

  “Of course she is!” Fallon yelled. “She gave birth to you. I was there! I was in the room with her when you were born.”

  “Jesus Christ, Fallon. Everyone knows that damn story by now. Give it up already. You aren’t some saint who raised me after she died. You were a kid. Tia raised us.” Monti’s heart raced, and she glanced toward Athena’s office door, which creaked open. Of course she would be in there and not in the library waiting for Monti to arrive. Of course she would witness this disaster that was about to unfold.

  “Because I’ve been there for every part of your life! I will be there for every part moving forward.”

  “You don’t have to be!” Monti shouted back. Her cheeks reddened as embarrassment pulled through her. Athena was going to see everything unfold. The line of ethics was going to be broken even more. Monti should have known this was going to happen, that working with Athena who also worked with Fallon was going to come full circle in a pit of hell at some point. Well, today was the damn day.

  “Yes! I do!” Fallon’s chest rose and fell sharply, her cheeks red with anger, her eyes wide with fury. “I’ll never let you down like they did.”

  “For fuck’s sake, they didn’t let me down. It’s not like mom chose to die!”

  “Fallon,” Athena’s voice was quiet.

  Fallon didn’t even hear her as she bulldozed her way to the next point of her argument. “You can’t even bring yourself to visit her.”

  “She’s not fucking there!” Monti flung her hands out at her sides, wincing when she saw Athena jerk back in surprise. Fuck, she hadn’t meant to trigger Athena in the same moment that she was fighting with her sister. Why couldn’t she have just left well enough alone and not taken the bait into an argument?

  “How can you say that?” Fallon’s eyes teared up. She was about to snap. Monti had seen it happen so many times over the years that she knew exactly where this was headed.

  “Fallon.” Athena stepped closer, standing right in the middle of them. There was no way Fallon could avoid seeing her now.

  “Shit,” Fallon mumbled. She brought her hands up to her cheeks and brushed away the tears that freely fell.

  Monti wanted to step in and give her a hug, give her the support Fallon needed, but she couldn’t bring herself to be that compassionate person right now. Not when all of her wires were crossed and telling her to fire insult after insult until they just blew up and didn’t talk for the next six months like normal.

  “Take a walk if you need to,” Athena suggested. “We can talk when you get back.”

  Fallon shook her head. “I should really get to—”

  “Take a walk, Fallon.” Athena’s words were sharp and direct, but when she spoke, she was looking directly at Monti.

  Fallon pursed her lips, her eyes wide as if Athena had never talked to her like that. Monti knew otherwise, though. Athena could be cruel to her sister, especially when she was stressed. Fallon had told her about it several times over the years.

  Monti stayed put as Fallon snagged her jacket from the hook and shoved her arms into it. She was still pissed off. Monti could see that from a mile away, and she knew Athena was no idiot either. Perhaps a walk was exactly what Fallon needed right now. But that would leave Monti alone with Athena, which was exactly what she didn’t want right now.