Athena lifted herself up, her hands planted on the mattress behind her. Halfway sitting, she looked at the bed and frowned. She must have fallen asleep in the middle of the massage again. That was so unlike her. But then again, it had been so long since she’d properly slept—

  “I’m glad you’re awake.”

  Athena jerked with a start. She swiveled her head toward her desk sharply, pain searing through her neck and chest with how quickly she moved. Monti was still there? What the hell time was it?

  Monti put her hands out in front of her, but she stayed in the chair at the desk. She shook her head, worry etching across her face. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

  She was scared. Athena’s heart ran wild in her chest, and her entire body was on high alert. She hadn’t been able to stop that from happening. “What time is it?”

  “Almost nine.”

  “In the morning?” Athena nearly screeched, but she caught herself just in time. Fallon was going to kill her. She was beyond late, and she was someone who was never late.

  “Yes.” Monti relaxed slightly, still staying in the chair but shifting so it was easier for Athena to see her. “I already texted Fallon to let her know.”

  “What did you tell her?” If Monti had revealed anything, Athena would kick her out of the house before she could say anything else.

  “That we were still in a session.” Monti looked exhausted. Deep dark bags were under her eyes, her skin was pale, her dark brown short hair was askew atop her head.

  “Did you sleep in that chair all night?” Athena dug her fingers into the covers on the bed. It was the only thing keeping her rooted to the spot right now, and she needed it.

  “I think sleep is too kind a word.” Monti stood up then, pressing her palms into her lower back and stretching. Her breasts jutted forward, her nipples peeking through the fabric of her shirt.

  Athena hadn’t noticed that before. She hadn’t seen that Monti wore nothing but yoga pants and a thin t-shirt, and clearly no bra underneath it. Not that she necessarily needed it. Her breasts were small, well-rounded, and her nipples looked—what the hell was she thinking? Her cheeks flushed with heat—this time burning, unlike the warmth she had woken up with. Immediately, Athena dropped her gaze to the covers and tried to find herself again.

  With sleep, she must have lost what was left of her sanity.

  Monti groaned, and the sound sent a thrill through her body, taking that heat from her cheeks and putting it in places Athena had long thought to try and kill off. She couldn’t do this. She could not handle this. Not this morning. Hell, not any morning.

  “How are you feeling?” Monti asked.

  Athena held back her groan of despair, but barely. She clenched her eyes shut tight. Monti wasn’t asking about the thoughts racing through her brain. She was asking about the sleep and nothing else. About how the massage had gone the night before, the one that had relaxed her so much that she had somehow allowed Monti to stay in the room with her, completely vulnerable, for the entire fucking night.

  “I’m fine,” Athena croaked out.

  “Try again.” Monti smiled at her and moved closer to the bed. She gestured to it. “Do you mind? That chair isn’t very comfortable.”

  Athena looked down to the mattress and back up at Monti, those dark brown eyes pulling her in. She couldn’t resist. She couldn’t stop the words from leaving her lips. “Feel free.”

  Monti sat on the edge, still giving Athena a lot of space, which was something Athena would be forever grateful for. Pulling her knees to her chest, Athena wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. When was the last time she had allowed herself to sit like this? When was the last time she’d allowed herself to become this weak?

  “How are you? Really?” Monti asked pointedly. “And don’t avoid the question again.”

  Athena wanted to push against her, wanted to avoid, wanted to refuse to answer simply because she wouldn’t be forced into anything. But Monti was just trying to check in and make sure that she was okay. With a deep breath, Athena straightened up and slid to the edge of the bed. She wasn’t sure how long she could stand to be here.

  “I’m fine.”

  “What does fine mean to you?” Monti rubbed her eyes, using one finger to pull the sleep from her lashes.

  “Did you sleep at all?” Athena asked, her palms on either side of her as if she was ready to get up and leave. But something chained her to that mattress. Some unseen force kept her there, staring into Monti’s dark eyes, her ashen and weary face.

  Was it compassion?

  “Not really. I don’t think you can count the few times I drifted off only to jerk awake when my chin met my chest.” Monti gave her a half smile.

  “You should have slept.”

  “Perhaps.” Monti ran her fingers through her hair again, raising her gaze to meet Athena’s. “But my job was to ensure you a safe space. I don’t take that job lightly.”

  Athena’s heart stuttered, her breathing became ragged. There was that heat again, that same warmth she’d woken with and the heat from before. Monti was trying to create a safe space for her, and somehow, in the three times they had met, she had managed to do that. At least enough that Athena had put some trust in her.

  “Is that okay with you?” Monti asked, her voice gentle. “That’s always my intention when I’m with clients.”

  Client.

  Right. Athena was nothing more than a client. She knew that. But why did she seem to want more than that? Why did it feel like more than that? Rubbing her lips together, Athena stayed put, her chest rising and falling with her steady breathing.

  “Yes, that’s okay,” she answered in a whisper.

  “Good.” Monti scratched her scalp. “Good, I’m glad. I hope that we can continue on this trajectory.”

  “Continue?” Athena posited, her brow wrinkling. “You’re not my therapist.”

  “No, no, I’m not.” Monti winced and ran her fingers through her hair again. “You’ll have to forgive me. I’m quite exhausted, and my brain isn’t as sharp as it should be for this conversation.”

  “What conversation?” Athena tightened her grasp on the edge of the mattress, waiting for whatever shoe was going to drop next. Because it always did.

  “A reflection and a check-in. That’s all this is.” Monti pressed her full palm to the bed. “I wanted to make sure you had as much uninterrupted sleep time as possible. I wasn’t sure when your husband would be in.”

  “My…” Athena stopped herself. Monti didn’t know. No one knew, not really. Not even Fallon. Athena had never allowed any one of her staff to get the full picture of her marriage, and that had been on purpose. Kevin had done the same. They were so well-practiced at it by that point that it was second nature. But for some reason, some unspeakable reason, Athena wanted Monti to know. Because maybe next time she wouldn’t hurt herself to stay awake the whole night just to protect Athena.

  And that was what she’d done, wasn’t it?

  Protect Athena from any interruptions so she could get exactly what she needed. And the cost had been Monti’s lack of sleep. Athena’s heart clenched at that thought. Too many times she’d allowed her own issues to hurt others, and she hated when that happened. She had to rectify it.

  “My husband doesn’t sleep in this room,” Athena answered, her voice somber and dry. “He has his own room.”

  “Okay.” Monti seemed curious, but she didn’t push for an answer either.

  Who did that?

  They fell into a silence, the awkwardness filling Athena’s chest with raw emotion she hadn’t expected. But she wasn’t quite ready to pick through it yet. Not when Monti was still in the room. “If you’re too tired to drive, Fallon can drive you home.”

  Monti frowned. “I am too tired to drive. But my home is my van, Ms. Pruitt.”

  “Your van?” Why hadn’t she realized that before? Surely Fallon had said something about that. Monti was a drifter, that much had been clear, but how had Athena missed that her entire life was in the vehicle that she drove?

  “Yeah. So if you don’t mind me sleeping on your property, that’d be preferred. I can drive it off in a few hours after a good nap.”

  Athena shook her head slowly before she realized that was what she was doing. She leaned in closer to Monti, the scent of her skin filling Athena’s nostrils. It was a mix of body odor, though not strong, and something else that she couldn’t place, something that made her head spin with delight. “Stay here.”

  “What?” Monti stilled.

  “I mean stay in a guest room. I’m sure the bed is more comfortable than what you have in the van.”

  “My van is pretty comfortable. But anything is better than that chair.” Monti’s full cheeky smile was beautiful—stunning.

  Athena was knocked back by it, her stomach twisting with odd sensations. She shook her head again. “Stay in a guest room. It’s not a bother at all. We have all these rooms that are never used. You might as well find one to sleep in for a few hours.”

  “Hours?”

  “Or all day if you need it.”

  Monti canted her head to the side, raising her chin up and narrowing her eyes down at Athena. Monti was judging her, that much Athena knew, but it wasn’t one of those mean judgmental looks. It was as if Monti was just trying to figure out exactly what was going on through her brain, the ins and outs of what she meant.

  “It’s the least I can do.”

  “It’s not a requirement for a massage,” Monti answered. “I’ll be fine in my van.”

  Once again, Athena shook her head and rejected Monti’s attempt. “Sometimes, Monti, you just have to accept the gift. Even if you don’t want it.”

  “All right, then. Where am I sleeping?”

  Athena stood up, finally. She walked in her socks toward the door to her bedroom and waited as Monti stumbled after her. Damn, this woman really was tired. Not wanting to parade her through the entire house, Athena walked straight to the closest guest room, which was a few doors down from her own. She opened the door and allowed Monti to walk inside.

  “Stay as long as you like.”

  “Thank you.” Monti ducked her chin, her cheeks suddenly red.

  Athena wanted to reach up and touch her. Actual fingers-to-cheek contact. The feeling scared the ever-living shit out of her, so she clenched her fingers hard into a fist to prevent herself from doing anything stupid. She needed to get out of there. She needed to clear her head and think straight.

  Without another word, Athena turned on her toes and walked out of the room and back to her bedroom. She shut the door—and locked it—leaning against the cold wood to catch her breath. Her heart raced. Her body was still so damn hot that it was hard to focus. She closed her eyes, and all she could feel was Monti’s fingers on her skin, pushing into her muscles, teasing out the knots. Monti’s hands in her hair as she massaged her scalp, the way Monti’s breathing changed to match hers.

  What the hell was she thinking?

  Shaking her head wildly, Athena gathered herself. She pushed off the door and walked straight to her en suite. She needed to get ready for the day, which meant she had about an hour to figure out just what was going on with her. She stripped off her clothes after turning the water on to let it warm up.

  As soon as she stepped under the hot spray of water, Athena sighed and relaxed. The water pounded onto her shoulders, wetting her hair and her body. She ran her fingers over her body, the oil still making the skin slick on her arms and neck where Monti had touched her.

  What was it with Monti that Athena couldn’t resist?

  Maybe Monti was right.

  Maybe she really did just need a safe place for once in her life.

  Athena’s fingers hit the ripples of scars along her back and her stomach as she ran soap over herself. She’d gotten so used to those, but to think of Monti touching them, to see the look of horror on her face when she finally saw them? Athena couldn’t imagine it. She’d seen it before, and she couldn’t imagine witnessing that again.

  Holding back her tears, Athena found the longest scar on her body. It ran from the center of her chest down to her belly button, and it was raised and stark white. She sucked in a sharp breath and dropped her hand, turning into the spray of the shower to wash her feelings away.

  No.

  She wouldn’t allow that to happen again.

  Monti deserved to live in the world without Athena’s pain.

  If there was one thing Athena had learned in the last twenty-two years, it was that she was way too damaged for anyone. Not friends, not family, not lovers. Leave all of that to Kevin—he at least deserved it. She was just a burden and too dirty for any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise. Her darkness would instantly taint whatever came near her.

  And Monti?

  She was too young and innocent to deserve that. She had her whole life ahead of her.

  Shivering even though the water was hot, Athena pushed away all thoughts of allowing Monti to give her that safe space again. She just wouldn’t do it. She started to wash her hair, and along with it, she washed any glimmers of hope from her chest.

  nine

  The bed Monti woke in was heaven. The mattress cocooned her in a warm hug that she hadn’t felt in ages, sleeping in her van. Athena hadn’t lied when she said this bed would be more comfortable than the van. If this was the same one Athena had on her bed, Monti could understand why she fell asleep so hard.

  She checked her watch and her phone, finding a message from a long-time friend she hadn’t seen since they were in school together. She smiled and sent a swift message back to see if they could get together that evening.

  Monti left the room after refreshing herself in the en suite and went in search of Fallon. She should probably tell at least one person that she was leaving the property so that they didn’t think she was still sleeping.

  Fallon was sitting at her desk, the bright light from her computer reflected on her reading glasses as she still squinted at the screen. Monti shook her head to herself and stepped inside, crossing her arms in the process.

  “You really should get your prescription checked again.”

  Fallon jerked with a start, her lips parting, before she realized it was Monti standing there. “Jesus, I didn’t think you were still here.”

  Furrowing her brow, Monti stepped inside farther. “Ms. Pruitt pretty much ordered me to sleep in a guest room. I crashed hard.”

  Fallon smirked. “Whatever you did, it worked.”

  “Oh?” Now Monti was curious. What difference was Fallon seeing? Because this was always about more than just sleep.

  “I’ve never seen her this relaxed.”

  Interesting. Monti kept that thought to herself. She nodded toward Fallon and then the door to the interior office. “Is that one hers?”

  “Yes, but she’s out at a meeting right now.”

  Monti pressed her lips together. “I’m going to dinner with a friend tonight.”

  “I thought we were going to see Mom.”

  Tensing, Monti tried to push down the feeling of unease that swamped her. Peace. That was what she needed, not this sensation that the world was going to collapse in on her. “We can go some other time.”

  “Monti…” Fallon trailed off. She finally pulled her reading glasses off and set them on top of the desk. “The weather’s going to get really bad soon, and you’re going to leave. If we want to go see her, now’s the time.”

  You. Monti corrected in her head. Fallon was the only one that wanted to go, and the fact that she kept talking about their mother like she was alive was ridiculous. But Fallon had always been that way. Nostalgic and stuck in the past. Monti couldn’t live like that. She didn’t have those memories that Fallon had.

  “I was going to have lunch with Tia on Saturday when she’s off work.”

  Fallon frowned. “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.” Monti let her anger lash through her. She was tired of the pretense that she was so unaffected by Fallon’s pushing. Surely she had to know by now that Monti didn’t want to go to their mother’s grave.

  “She raised us.”

  “She did,” Monti agreed. “And she did a damn good job at it. But I don’t see what that has to do with me getting lunch with her.”

  “You don’t want to stay with her?”

  “No.” Monti tightened her arms crossed. “No, I don’t.”

  “I don’t get you.”

  “I know,” Monti answered softly. Fallon had always tried, and she’d never managed to. Changing the subject away from the conflict, Monti shifted her stance. “Did Ms. Pruitt want to meet with me again?”

  “She didn’t say,” Fallon answered, flicking her gaze up and down Monti. “But I’m all for it.”

  Probably because Fallon was under the illusion that the job would keep Monti around longer. Well, that simply wasn’t true, but Monti would continue to work with Athena while she was in town. “Okay. Schedule it in. If she wants to cancel, just let me know. I’ve got to meet up with Zoe.”

  Monti left the office with a sharp nod toward Fallon and went to her van. As soon as she was inside, she relaxed her shoulders. She would park her car and change before meeting up with Zoe. For right now, she just needed to clear her head from that intense conversation.

  “Peace,” she whispered, her voice not echoing through the vehicle.

  Why was peace so hard for her to find?

  She understood it wasn’t just difficult for her, but she’d spent years searching for it and never finding it. Sighing, Monti started the engine and left the house. It took her thirty minutes to get to downtown Seattle and find a parking garage that could handle her vehicle.

  Crawling in the back, she slipped out of her yoga pants and wrinkled shirt. The entire time, she ran through a meditation, checking in with her body and her emotions. She needed to know that she would be okay when all of this was through. She needed to know that Fallon wouldn’t be any more hurt when she left—because she would leave.