“I’m getting divorced,” Athena said, sounding so confident in her decision. Perhaps that’s all it was, the confidence for her to make the decisions she wanted. “And it has very little to do with you. You were a catalyst in a decision to change something I’d already been regretting for years.”

  “All right.” Monti looked down at their fingers again, a little bit of the tension in her chest easing up. “So you’re getting divorced. What does that mean for us?”

  “Nothing really.” Athena sighed. “I just wanted you to know.”

  “What do you want for us?” Monti’s tension hinged on whatever Athena was going to say, whatever direction she was going to take them. She settled into allowing whatever emotions were going to come up to pass through her before she responded. Because if it was disappointment, she didn’t want to respond with anger.

  “I want to explore,” Athena repeated what she’d said earlier. “I know that’s not very defining, but I don’t know what I want yet. I want to just experience and learn to live again. Whatever that means.”

  They still hadn’t made any progress toward any type of definition. Athena was hedging. Monti wanted clarity. They were stuck in the same cycle they’d created from the start. Monti had to push for answers. The only difference was this time she had to push herself.

  “I love you,” Monti whispered, her voice so quiet. But the words that slipped from her allowed a warmth and a calm to settle over her in a way she’d never felt before. When she looked up, meeting Athena’s gaze, she knew she was heard. She knew that Athena was right there with her in this moment. “But more than that, Athena, I want to be loved by you.”

  Monti’s chest filled with that love, with the way Athena was looking at her, the softness in her gaze, the compassion and understanding. This momentous occasion wasn’t lost on either of them. Monti wanted to move in and kiss her, be wrapped up in her. Instead of waiting, Monti did it.

  She pulled Athena toward her, their mouths connecting. Monti’s eyes fluttered shut. She poured every emotion she could into that kiss. Wrapping her arms around Athena’s back, she held on tightly. She splayed her fingers in an attempt to move them even closer together. Monti breathed new life into her lungs with an ease she’d never anticipated.

  This time, Athena pulled away, though only slightly. She started a line of kisses along Monti’s jaw to her ear. She pulled Monti’s earlobe into her mouth and sucked as she hummed. Monti’s body was on fire in an instant. She knew they could do this, that they were comfortable with this. But what she wanted to know was if they could do more than just the physical. Could they continue this new cycle of sharing?

  “Monti,” Athena gasped her name. She pressed her face into Monti’s neck and slowed her breathing. They sat together, wrapped in each other’s arms, a small duo in the huge world around them.

  Please, love me.

  The thought slid through Monti’s body like a dam breaking. She was back to being that little kid just searching for love in a world that seemed to turn against her. She was the preteen just trying to figure out who she liked—girls, boys, both, anyone. She was the freshman in college, wondering if anyone would ever want to be with her. She was the grad student knowing she couldn’t let anyone in without hurting them. Monti blinked back tears as she clung desperately to that feeling and followed it along. To Tia. To Fallon. To the friends she’d made all over the world, and finally landing with Athena.

  Athena kissed Monti’s cheek, then her lips. “I love you.”

  The breath racked through Monti’s chest as she inhaled. She nearly burst into tears from Athena’s tender confession, from her approval and acceptance. They were both looking for the same thing—someone who could love them through all the pain they carried. Monti clenched her eyes shut, holding onto Athena. She felt as though she was floating, as if she was finding the lightness and peace she’d been struggling for.

  Was this what making peace was?

  The simple act of accepting someone else’s love into her heart.

  “I love you,” Athena repeated with another kiss. “I don’t know what that means for us exactly. I don’t think you do either. But we’re going to find out.”

  Monti melded their bodies together as best she could. She wanted to crawl up inside Athena and live there, in this moment, in this little perfect oasis of love and hope and peace.

  “It’ll be so peaceful,” Monti whispered, accepting the truth of the moment. This was all she’d had to do to find peace. She had to allow it to happen.

  Athena snorted, but when she spoke, her voice was so calm and truthful. “I don’t think it’ll always be peaceful.”

  Monti dug her fingers into the hair at the back of Athena’s head. She pulled away slightly to look in her eyes, a grin on her lips, and a twinkle in her eyes. “Don’t spoil my moment.”

  “Your moment?” Athena rested the full weight of herself on Monti’s chest. “I thought this was our moment.”

  “Yeah, sure.” Monti kissed her. Everything about this felt right in ways nothing had for a very long time. Monti would give Athena everything she asked for. “Our moment.”

  “Our peace?”

  “Our lack of shame and expectations for sure.” Monti kissed her again and again and again. “We’re just here in this one single moment, bringing everything that we are.”

  “I didn’t realize you’d be so sentimental in your confessions of love.”

  Laughing, Monti rolled her eyes and sat up a little. “Sentimental? What did you expect?”

  “Oh, there’s that word again.” Athena ran her hand firmly over Monti’s chest, over her breast, and down to her stomach. “I expected, for the record, that we wouldn’t get to this point today. I expected we would drift apart after this trip.”

  “Why’s that?”

  Athena gave a wry smile. “Because you’re a free spirit, Monti. And I don’t want to force you to be anyone you’re not.”

  “Oh, Athena.” Monti pulled her in for another kiss. “Whenever you’re in a relationship with someone–friendship, romantic, work, or whatever it is–you change. I’ll change. We’ll both become someone new. This is about us going forward together with open eyes and open arms.”

  Humming, Athena licked Monti’s neck. “I think I know what I want in our immediate future.”

  Laughing, Monti slid her leg around Athena’s side, effectively trapping Athena against her. This was right where she wanted Athena, and it was right where she wanted to be. “And what is that?”

  “I want to fuck you into tomorrow.”

  thirty-six

  “Seems we have a late night in store for us.”

  “Or an early morning,” Athena countered. She bent down and kissed Monti deeply. She was so happy. She couldn’t even begin to describe how elated she was, but it filled every nook and cranny of her body. She was willing to try anything tonight, because Monti would catch her when she fell.

  And she would fall.

  Athena had no doubts of that. They both would. But to know that someone was there to catch her? If she was there to catch Monti? They could limp through life together. Monti dragged Athena’s shirt up and over her head, tossing it over the side of the couch and onto the floor. Her bra followed seconds later.

  Monti cupped her breasts, palming them and teasing them. Athena whimpered and bent down to capture Monti’s mouth in another bruising kiss. She wanted this. She’d wanted this so much and for so long. She just hadn’t ever thought she’d find it. Before she knew it, her pants were halfway down her thighs and Monti was sliding her fingers up and down her legs and between them, always a slight tease at first.

  “How do you want me?” Athena asked, not even sure what she was doing. But she wanted to render her heart to Monti in this moment. Monti had given her all the power in every sexual encounter they’d had so far, but for this one, Athena wanted to give the same.

  “What?” Monti looked up at her, eyes wide with surprise.

  “How do you want me?”

  “Every way possible.” Monti dashed her tongue across her lips, as if she was already imagining those ways.

  “Right now.”

  “From behind.”

  Athena’s lips parted, and her heart moved right into her throat, clogging it up. She almost told Monti no. She almost shook her head and asked for something else. To allow Monti to move behind her would be the ultimate submission.

  “Yes,” Athena answered finally. She moved back onto her butt and pushed her pants the rest of the way off.

  Monti stayed where she was, watching Athena as she finished undressing. When Monti didn’t move, Athena held her hand out as if to help her get up.

  “I changed my mind,” Monti said.

  “What?” Athena furrowed her brow. A lick of fear lashed through her that Monti didn’t want her anymore, but when she paused to think instead of feel, she knew that was ridiculous after the conversation they’d just had. “You don’t want to do that anymore?”

  “No, I want to. I want to do everything with you. But you…” Monti trailed off, her gaze tracing Athena’s curves before flicking to her eyes. “I don’t want to trigger you.”

  “I agreed to this.”

  “I know. I just…” Monti stopped and winced. “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.” If anything, this boosted her confidence that she had made the right decision. Athena pulled Monti until Monti was up on her knees and pressed their mouths together. She parted her lips, slowly deepening the kiss as she pulled Monti back into the moment. She wanted Monti to know without a doubt that this is what she wanted. “Take your clothes off.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Monti teased, but she was already moving to the edge of the couch so that she could stand up.

  Athena blew out a breath as she gathered herself again. Allowing Monti to do this was a huge step, but she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to truly have no control. Monti skimmed her hand up Athena’s back and over her hip as she leaned in and kissed Athena’s shoulder.

  “Lean over the arm of the couch.”

  Athena moved in silence, preparing herself internally for what was about to happen. She dragged in a cold breath of air, held it in her lungs for the count of three, and then blew it out. Her knuckles were white as she gripped onto the edge of the couch. Turning her chin over her shoulder, she made eye contact with Monti. “Ready whenever you are.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “More than ever.” Athena smiled. She’d never felt more sure of anything in her life. She was completely in love, and Monti was right there for her no matter what. “Touch me already.”

  “Commanding as always.” Monti winked. She got onto the couch on her knees and knelt right behind Athena. She pressed her hips into Athena’s ass and rocked slightly.

  Athena closed her eyes and focused, feeling the way that Monti dropped kisses all along her spine up to her shoulders and back down again. Athena pushed her butt back into Monti, needing to be touched even more. This surrender was more than she could have ever imagined, and she never would have allowed this with anyone else.

  “Touch me,” Athena whispered again, this time with a hitch in the words. “Monti.”

  “Hold on.” Monti moved her hands all over Athena’s skin.

  Waves of goosebumps rose, following the trail that Monti took. Athena swallowed hard, clenching her eyes closed. She focused as best as she could on everything that Monti was doing to her, losing herself in the caresses, in the sweet words, in the tender way that Monti took care of her.

  “Monti,” Athena whined, but she didn’t know what she was going to say beyond that. She was tired of waiting.

  “Patience,” Monti said with a chuckle. “God, you’re so demanding.”

  But Monti moved down her body, nipping and kissing and teasing Athena’s skin. She rounded the curve of Athena’s ass, and then she used the flat of her tongue along the backside of Athena’s thigh. That sent every worry out of Athena’s mind. She had never been touched so erotically before. She shuddered and wiggled, needing more of Monti against her immediately.

  “I love it,” Monti whispered with a kiss to each of Athena’s butt cheeks. “Are you ready for this?”

  “More than ever.”

  Monti slid her tongue against Athena. Athena hissed as she tried to hold back her groan, but it was impossible.

  “Just what I like to hear.” The tease in Monti’s voice was perfect.

  Athena grinned as she clenched the arm of the couch tightly. “Touch me, Monti.”

  “You know, you keep saying that.” Monti’s tongue was against her again.

  Grunting, Athena rocked forward. This was intense. Monti’s face was pressed against her ass, her tongue doing wild things that Athena couldn’t even name. She couldn’t even think. All she knew was that she wanted Monti to keep going, to deepen her reach, to never stop. Athena bit her lip and strained against the couch. She was so close.

  Athena concentrated on the pleasure coursing through her. She pushed her hips back just as that last ripple of orgasm coiled around her before it sprang loose. Her voice was so loud in her ears as her orgasm ripped through her. Before she could even catch her breath, Monti was on her again. Her fingers were deep inside her as she thrust firmly.

  “Fuck,” Athena mumbled, barely able to keep up with what was happening.

  Her ears rang, her chest was tight as she tried to take deep breaths, but it was next to impossible. Monti took the first orgasm and dragged it into the second. She reached forward, cupping Athena’s breast with her free hand and teasing her nipple by rolling it between her fingers with a flick. Athena’s mind was blank. There was nothing in it except Monti and her talented, talented fingers.

  Athena slid onto her side before turning over, Monti straddling her legs as she moved. She grinned up, her legs jelly and her body so warm and pliant. “I’m not sure I want to know where you learned to do this.”

  “Practice,” Monti winked, but her cheeks were red and wet. “But I’ll only give you details if you want them.”

  Athena put her hands on Monti’s thighs as she tried to catch her breath and figure out what they were going to do next. She wanted to keep the connection between them. She wanted Monti on top of her, covering her, pressing her into the couch. That would be the perfect way to begin tonight.

  “What are you thinking?” Monti asked, leaning forward on her knees and ghosting her fingers along Athena’s skin. The touches were so light, barely there. They left a tickle in their wake.

  “That I don’t want to lose this.” Another confession. She had never found it so easy to talk to someone in her life. Athena grinned as that thought settled in.

  “Are you scared of losing it?”

  “Losing you?” Athena looked Monti directly in the eye. She was on a roll. Why stop now? “Yes.”

  “Why?” Monti frowned slightly, as if she was concentrating hard.

  “Because I’m not good at keeping what’s good.”

  Monti moved in and pressed their mouths together. “Like I said before, we’ll figure this out together.”

  “If only it was easy to trust. Not trust you, that’s actually easy.” Athena ran her fingers over Monti’s body, teasing and touching wherever she could. “Trusting myself is harder.”

  “I never said it would be easy.” Monti bent down, their mouths pushing hard together. The kiss was raw.

  Athena tilted her chin up, deepening the embrace. She sucked Monti’s lower lip into her mouth and pulled Monti down on top of her. Athena wrapped her arms and her legs around Monti’s body. This wasn’t going to be easy. Nothing between them had been easy up until that point. That wasn’t what scared her. It was the fact that this wasn’t set in stone. That Athena had no idea what was going to happen next. That in a few days, when they flew back to Seattle, this could all still end.

  She wanted to beg Monti to tell her what to do, to take the decision-making power out of her hands. Because it was overwhelming to have to decide. She started to shake, and Monti must have noticed, because her kisses eased up and her touches became far more soothing than inciting.

  “Don’t stop,” Athena begged, not willing to slip into that worry and fear. “Please, don’t stop.”

  “You’re trembling,” Monti answered.

  “I know.” Athena kissed her again, desperation in the touch. She clung to the familiarity, the hope that Monti gave her. The peace they’d made together. “I want this.”

  “But we don’t have to go this fast.”

  “Monti.” Athena stopped. She cupped Monti’s cheeks and dragged her so they were staring at each other eye to eye. “I want this. I told you that I want to fuck you into tomorrow, and I plan to deliver on my promise.”

  Monti’s lips parted, as if she was about to protest again.

  “Don’t.” Athena dragged in a breath, and her trembling stopped. She wasn’t going to let her trauma get in the way of something that was so good. “Don’t make this about something that happened in the past. This is about us, right now, right here, in this moment.”

  “Okay,” Monti murmured. “Okay.”

  “Let me touch you.”

  “How?”

  “However you want.” Athena trailed her nails, scraping along Monti’s hips upward. She cupped Monti’s full breasts. “Just tell me what you want.”

  “Together.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s do this together. I know it’s sometimes an awkward position, but at the very least we can do it with each other. And isn’t that what this is all about?” Monti kissed her swiftly before shifting.

  Before Athena knew what was happening, Monti had flipped around and was straddling her. “You’ll have to move lower on the couch to make the angle work.”

  Athena steadied herself as she slipped farther down on the couch. She spread her legs when Monti touched her thighs. This was so awkward, but Athena was here for it. She snaked her hand up between them and slid one finger knuckle-deep inside Monti.

  “Perfect,” Monti mumbled before her mouth was on Athena again.

  Oh yes, that was a good idea. Moving her hand, Athena started with her mouth. Is this what Monti had felt like moments before? Face buried between Athena’s legs, lost in all the sensations and reactions. Athena closed her eyes to concentrate. She kept her mouth on Monti’s clit for a count of ten and then she slid her tongue through all the wetness that she found. She hummed as the flavors blossomed, as the heat from their skin intensified.