“I’m not fragile. I can stand you telling me no.”

  “Everyone’s fragile.” Monti kissed Athena’s cheek before she stepped away fully and went back to the chair. She slid into the seat and held her mug of tea like nothing had happened. Like they hadn’t just kissed.

  Athena stared at her completely in awe. Was this what peace was like?

  She’d never experienced it before.

  Monti smiled at her. “Your tea is getting cold.”

  Athena held her breath. She’d just done the unthinkable and Monti wanted to have tea with her? “No. I think we’re done for today.”

  She stepped off the upper level of the library and toward the door. She couldn’t even look at Monti. She hadn’t been embarrassed before, but now she was. And this feeling wasn’t something she wanted.

  “See you Thursday?” Monti asked, her lips still curled up in a sexy grin.

  Athena stuttered. “Y-yes.”

  “Good. We can finish talking then.”

  Panicked, Athena walked right out of the library and back to her office. She passed Fallon on her way inside, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it. She blew out a breath and clenched her eyes shut, lifting her hands to her mouth.

  What had she just done?

  nineteen

  Monti: Come to the library.

  The text was sent, and Monti didn’t know what else to do. But she was pretty sure Fallon was already back at her desk, and there was no way she was walking through the halls of the house with Athena on the loose. She needed to clear her head and think about what a fucking idiot she was.

  She had kissed her client.

  To be fair, Athena had kissed her. But it wasn’t like Monti had stopped her. It wasn’t even like Monti had tried to break up that first kiss. She’d dove right back in and deepened everything. She’d moved with her heart and not her head. And it had felt amazing.

  Monti was so used to being alone on the road that she hadn’t realized how much she longed for that particular connection. She hadn’t noticed how lonely she really was. But being with Athena was no different than anyone else. Athena was nothing serious. The connection they felt was manufactured by the nature of their relationship.

  That’s all this was.

  At least that’s what Monti kept telling herself. When the door opened, Monti jerked with a start. She sighed when Fallon walked in and closed the door behind her. “What the hell did you say to her?”

  “Nothing!” Monti was immediately on the defensive. She’d nearly forgotten their fight in the middle of all that had happened with Athena. She really needed to find an exit plan soon because she was messing everything up here. It wouldn’t be easy to leave if she stayed much longer.

  “You said something. She stormed through there and holed herself up.”

  “Oh. That.” Monti wrinkled her nose, guilt swimming into her belly like it owned the place. “That has nothing to do with our argument.”

  Fallon narrowed her eyes, judging whether or not Monti was telling the truth. This was almost too much. Monti’s head was spinning, and she was longing for that one thing she never seemed to find. Peace. Would she have it if she left right now?

  “What the hell did you say to her?” Now Fallon was mad, but it wasn’t filled with hurt anymore. She was justifiably angry, even if she didn’t know what it was over yet.

  Monti sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair, pulling at the roots. No way in hell was she going to tell Fallon what had happened. “I didn’t say anything to her. We rescheduled for Thursday.”

  “Thursday?” Fallon gave her a disbelieving look and plopped into the chair Athena usually sat in. “I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” Monti eyed her over.

  “Oh my God, you like her!” Fallon’s voice raised up sharply.

  Monti couldn’t lie. Fallon knew her too well and lying would be too hard, and damn it all to hell, Monti didn’t want to lie. “She’s gorgeous and I’m a lesbian. Can you blame me?”

  “She’s my boss!”

  “I like how that’s your go-to objection. Not that she’s my client.” Monti pressed her thumb to her chest. “I understand the boundaries.” But did she? “I’m not planning on crossing them.” Again. Definitely not again.

  Guilt ate away at her stomach even more.

  She wanted to. Monti wanted to hear Athena scream her name, and it wasn’t until that day that she fully allowed herself to acknowledge it. Those almost kisses—Monti had wanted them. And the one today? It filled her soul.

  Fallon narrowed her eyes. “Why don’t I believe you?”

  “Because you grew up with distrust in your first relationship which causes you to automatically think the worst in everyone.”

  “Shut up!” Fallon said with a wave of her hand. “I don’t want a psych lesson today.”

  “Good.” Monti blew out a breath. “Because I’m all out of them for now.”

  Fallon fiddled with Athena’s half-filled cup on the tray, spinning it around. Oh how they were so similar and yet so very different. Monti had used exactly the same tactic only minutes before with Athena in the room.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” Monti mumbled, hoping the change in topic would give her a few more minutes to think.

  “About what exactly?” Fallon slid her gaze up to Monti before dropping it again.

  “About everything. I’m bad with remembering to begin with, but since I was in town, I should have taken special effort to make sure I didn’t forget. And I really shouldn’t have gotten so defensive when you confronted me about your feelings.”

  “Damn straight you shouldn’t have.” Fallon’s tone was angry, but her face said she was teasing.

  Monti was glad to see it because she’d needed this easy calm again. “Want to go to the cemetery still?”

  “Yeah. Let’s go.”

  “Now?” Monti nearly choked again.

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “Don’t you have to work?”

  “I’m pretty sure Athena will give me the afternoon off if I ask for it. Especially if I take you with me, because I’m not convinced something didn’t happen yet.” Fallon pointed at Monti. “And we have a whole car ride to the cemetery to talk that one over.”

  “Uh, no we don’t. We have two cars here.”

  “You can drive!” Fallon grinned. “Come on, Sis.”

  What had she just gotten herself into?

  Groaning, Monti dragged herself up. They were in her van before she could find another excuse. The last thing she wanted was to go to an empty grave site. She just had to keep telling herself that this wasn’t for her. It was for Fallon.

  “So what did you actually say to her?”

  “You know I can’t tell you that.” Monti stared at the road in front of her, trying to remember exactly how to get there. Fallon interjected directions. “She’s a client.”

  “Somehow I don’t think what you two were talking about today had anything to do with HIPAA.”

  Monti clenched her jaw. That had been her best reason to not share and Fallon was already poking holes in it. “I told her about our parents.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Well, I figured you had by now, to be fair.” Monti took a turn to end up on the highway.

  “It never came up.”

  “You made sure it never came up.” Monti knew it was a low blow, but it was the truth. Fallon had avoided that one just like Monti did. They hated talking about their parents, but it was for entirely different reasons. Monti never felt connected and all Fallon felt was grief and confusion. She sighed heavily. “Anyway, so now she knows.”

  “She’s going to research the hell out of that case now. You know that, right?”

  “No. Why would I know that?” Monti frowned. Would Athena be sitting at her computer doing that? Would she be looking through the news reports that were on television and in the papers? Would she see Monti’s name in there amongst the survivors? The date of the funeral for their mother? The fact that there hadn’t been one for their father?

  “Because she’s obsessive about these things. She’s probably going to try and figure out why there wasn’t a trial.”

  “It’s obvious why there wasn’t one.” Monti pinched her face.

  “No, I meant why no one sued the cops or the social workers or something like that. She’ll want to know everything.”

  That didn’t sit well in Monti’s stomach. She’d never considered that there had been other people who could shoulder some of the blame for what had happened. She’d never really asked either. Monti kept her mouth shut as she turned off the highway and toward the cemetery.

  When they pulled up by the grave, Fallon still leading the way with practiced directions, Monti parked and sighed. She really didn’t want to be here. But she was doing this for Fallon and for their relationship.

  The rain was unpleasant, cold and biting against Monti’s skin. She walked around the van and followed Fallon’s footsteps through the incredibly soggy grass. Her shoes were soaked in seconds, the water already seeping up the edges of her pants to her ankles. That was going to take forever to dry if she even managed it before bed that night.

  “Why are there flowers here?” Fallon asked as she stopped in front of the headstone. Her brow was furrowed as she bent down and lifted the bouquet up.

  Roses, white and red, were in a spray of greens with small white flowers next to them. Monti should know what they were called, but the name slipped through her mind. The vase was glass and still mostly full of water. Not that that meant anything since this was Seattle and it rained almost constantly this time of year.

  Fallon held the bouquet out to Monti. “Did you do this?”

  “It took a huge argument and you reminding me the anniversary was this week for me to even remember, and you think I paid to have flowers brought to an empty grave?” Monti pinned Fallon with a disbelieving look.

  “You’re right. That was stupid.” Fallon put the roses back down. “Then who brought them?”

  “No clue. Maybe Tia did it.”

  “Maybe…” Fallon trailed off. “Except she said she hadn’t been to visit yet.”

  “When did you talk to her?”

  “Few days ago.” Fallon shoved her hands in her pockets.

  Monti stood next to her and stared down at the flowers before reading her mother’s name. Carla Montgomery. They’d buried her under her maiden name, wanting absolutely nothing to do with their father. Fallon drew in a shuddering breath, and Monti knew what was coming next.

  They’d come every year growing up. Monti had started avoiding it as soon as she was old enough to voice her hatred of it, and Tia would let her stay home. Still, Fallon usually managed to drag her down here at least once a year until Fallon had moved out of the house.

  Fallon would cry, sob, and she’d probably mumble something like I love you, Mommy or I miss you, Mommy. Then they would stand there in awkward silence for what felt like an eternity before Fallon would agree to leave after Monti had whined enough.

  It was always the same.

  Every time.

  “I didn’t tell her to hurt you.” Monti stepped up next to Fallon, not able to tear her gaze away from her mother’s grave.

  “I know you didn’t.” Fallon sighed heavily. She grabbed Monti’s arm, wrapped her hands around it, and rested her head on Monti’s shoulder. “You told her because you like her.”

  “I told her because we were in the middle of a huge argument. I couldn’t really avoid it.”

  “Sure you could have. You’re brilliant at avoiding. You just didn’t want to.”

  Monti held back her retort. Fallon was wrong. She had to be. Because if she was right, that would mean there was way more between her and Athena than there should be. Athena was her client and nothing more.

  Except that was a lie.

  One of the biggest that Monti had ever told herself.

  She backtracked and closed her eyes, listening to her body first and then her emotions. There was definite attraction there. The kiss, while awkward and stymied, had been good. Monti had been the one to stop them because she had to. For so many reasons.

  Athena was married.

  They had a complicated relationship.

  Athena wasn’t ready to trust.

  Monti would be leaving soon.

  Frowning, Monti played over those objections again. The marriage thing hadn’t seemed to be an issue for Athena. At all. And if Kevin was allowed extramarital affairs, why wouldn’t Athena be?

  “Has Athena ever dated someone?”

  “What?” Fallon turned on her sharply. “We’re at our mother’s grave and that’s what you want to talk about?”

  “Sorry.” Monti wrinkled her nose. “Just a thought that popped in my head.”

  But it wasn’t the only one. The complications were only there because of the fact that Athena had hired Monti to do a job. One that was going to create this sense of connection between them. One where Monti was required to provide a safe place for Athena. And yet that entire relationship had been twisted into something else, something that Monti had never allowed before.

  Because she was a professional.

  She hadn’t left the business because she had done something wrong or because a client had. She’d left to find her own sense of peace. Yet here she was, wondering if peace was this elusive thing that might not actually exist. How could she tell clients that they should want to find it if she didn’t believe it actually existed in the world? Or perhaps it only existed for them and not her.

  Athena was clearly ready to trust. But the question remained whether she would trust knowing that Monti wasn’t her therapist or that they were deliberately crossing those ethical lines. Athena should understand the conundrum that put Monti in, shouldn’t she? Did she even care about that? She’d seemed truly remorseful when she’d apologized. But Monti had still wanted to feel Athena against her again, the touch of her mouth, the taste of her lips. Their kiss had been nothing but brief. And Monti wanted it to be so much more.

  But that left the fact that Monti would be leaving soon. She needed to leave and see if she could find peace. Whatever that was and wherever it was. Because with it, she couldn’t do what she wanted to. She couldn’t be a therapist. She couldn’t help others through their traumas and their hurts. Because if peace didn’t exist, what was the point?

  “Do you think it’ll ever be easy for you?” Monti asked this time, wondering if Fallon even understood what the question was without context.

  “Being here?” Fallon responded.

  “Living.” Monti looked Fallon directly in the eye.

  Fallon sighed lightly. She wrapped her arm around Monti’s shoulder and pulled her in for a side hug. “I’m not sure living is meant to be easy.”

  “But do you think you’ll ever have peace over what happened?” Monti rephrased, still not quite having the answer she was after.

  “I think peace is found in having hope.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Monti drew in a deep breath of her sister’s hair. She worked through the scent of the damp rain, her shampoo, and focused on the base that was Fallon. She remembered Fallon holding her tightly to her chest, hiding in the bottom of the closet. The loud bangs. Fallon as she jerked as each pop echoed through the closet door.

  “You have to have hope that it can be different. I think that’s all that peace is.”

  Monti frowned. That didn’t seem so hard. It was something Monti had too, so why didn’t she feel at peace yet?

  Fallon shivered. “Come on. It’s fucking freezing out here, and I want coffee.”

  “Sure thing.” They stayed a few more seconds, standing shoulder to shoulder and staring at the stone.

  “I miss you, Mommy,” Fallon whispered as if Monti couldn’t hear her. She blew their mother a kiss and then turned to walk back to the van.

  Monti canted her head to the side, reading their mother’s name again. She nodded her head to no one but herself and followed Fallon’s footsteps. Hope that something could be different. It wasn’t that simple. Monti knew it.

  But she wanted it to be.

  Maybe that’s what Athena had found. Maybe she could answer Monti’s unasked question. Monti had until Thursday before she could ask. And she had no doubt that she was going to ask it. She and Athena had a lot to talk about, and Monti had a lot to decide. Because that kiss…

  It was enough to feed her dreams for days.

  twenty

  Athena drew in a staggering breath as she waited for Monti to come back into the room. She was already stripped down to her underwear, under the sheet Monti had placed on the bed, and she was waiting.

  But she wasn’t entirely sure for what.

  Monti had seemed off since she’d shown up that day, and Athena had felt just as awkward as soon as Monti had arrived. They hadn’t talked about the awkward kiss, about the very obvious ethical lines Athena had forced Monti to cross, about the fact that they probably shouldn’t even be doing this today.

  But Athena couldn’t stop herself.

  Pressing her lips together, Athena closed her eyes and tried to steady her racing heart. Monti was going to make her talk today. She’d all but promised it as Athena had left her in the library. They were going to bare their souls again, and all Athena wanted to do was curl up into a ball and pretend the other day hadn’t happened.

  But she couldn’t.

  Because the memory of Monti’s lips against hers, of the warmth that spread through her body, was too prevalent. Athena couldn’t get the sensation off her skin. She couldn’t make it go away, and she’d spent far too many hours thinking about it, analyzing it, dreaming about it. She’d been so distracted that it had been a struggle to work again, although not as hard as before.