Monti couldn’t say you. That would send Fallon into another spin. That was the last thing Monti needed before leaving for two weeks. She dragged in a sharp breath and blew it out. She was going to have to walk a very careful line on this one.

  “I need to move on. I’ve been here long enough. This was a way to do that. I’ll come back and get the van in a few weeks and head north for a bit.” Monti rubbed her thumb against her finger pads, hoping her reasoning was going to work out for the best. “It’s really for the best. I mean, we’ve had our big blow up. It’s time to leave before we have the next one.”

  Fallon narrowed her eyes, canting her head. Fear ratcheted up a notch in Monti’s stomach. Were they about to have another fight? Because she wasn’t sure she could handle that and then leave the state.

  “When will you ever believe that I want you here?”

  “Fallon,” Monti said with a whine. She had no response to that. She couldn’t even figure out what to say. It had nothing to do with Fallon wanting her there or not. It had everything to do with finding her peace.

  “Why do you hate me?”

  “I don’t hate you!” Monti wrapped her arms around Fallon’s shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. “Oh God, I don’t hate you at all.”

  Monti didn’t want to let go. They’d never been close. But that didn’t mean they had to be distant either. Monti had thought all this time that she was trying to put distance between them so it was easier on Fallon, but maybe she’d been wrong the whole time.

  “Why won’t you stay?” Fallon mumbled into her shoulder.

  “I’m not someone who stays in one place. I’m just not.” How was she supposed to explain to her sister that she was on a quest for peace? She’d tried so many times and never managed it. “You know that.”

  “I know.” Fallon moved back and wiped her cheeks. “I just miss you when you’re gone.”

  This had been what Monti wanted to avoid. She’d managed it with everyone else except Fallon. Her sister had always had some kind of unhealthy attachment to her. “I’ll be back.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I’ll be back in two weeks.” Monti straightened her back. “I promise.”

  “Fine.” Fallon gave her a hard stare. “I’m still not convinced that you two aren’t sleeping together.”

  “Oh my God. She’s married.”

  Fallon snorted. “You say that like I’m an idiot. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. And I think she’s called you more in the last month than she’s called me ever. Definitely more than she’s called Mr. Brock.”

  “You work for her. Why would she call you outside of the job?” Immediately Monti knew she’d said something wrong. The look in Fallon’s eyes was too gleeful, too self-serving, too excited.

  “I knew it!” Fallon shouted. “You are sleeping with her!”

  “I’m not!” Monti clenched her fist and glanced at the door to the library. “I swear we haven’t had sex. But if you don’t let me get to the office, I’m going to be late, and we know the fit of rage she’ll have if I’m late and we miss our flight.”

  “If you haven’t had sex…yet…then you want to.”

  Monti pressed her lips together hard. They rarely talked like this. But something in Monti told her this was the time to confide, the time to lean into that sisterly bond they had. “We’ve kissed, yes. But I don’t…” Monti paused, again trying to find the right words. “I don’t know if anything will happen. Something just doesn’t feel right.”

  “Feel right?” Fallon checked her watch. “We have ten minutes.”

  Fallon dragged Monti into the library and pointed at the chairs in a command.

  Giving in, Monti sat in the chair she’d unofficially claimed as hers. Fallon took the other one. Where was this going? Was Fallon going to divulge everything Monti had been waiting for? Did she even know? Based on what Athena had told her, no one knew.

  “Look, our parents fucked us up.”

  “What?” Monti jerked her head back. She hadn’t been expecting that twist.

  “They did. You can deny that they affected you until you turn blue, but the fact is, they fucked us up. Dad by killing mom and then himself. Mom because she stayed with him too long, but then I guess we wouldn’t have you and that would be a tragedy.”

  “Where are you going with this?” Monti curled her fingers around the edge of the chair, clinging onto it for dear life. She’d been down this road so many times, and she really didn’t want to go down it again.

  “They fucked us up. What if the reason it doesn’t feel right is because you were born into the worst kind of wrong?”

  “I don’t want to psychoanalyze my own life any more than I already have.” Monti put her hands on her knees and prepared to stand up and leave. She didn’t have time for this conversation. “Mom made some bad choices in her life. We can’t go back in time and change those. But I don’t remember what it was like in that house.”

  “Our bodies have memories. Aren’t you the one who told me that?”

  Monti scrunched her nose. She had told Fallon that. And she’d believed it at one point too, but she’d never managed to remember anything specific. No matter how many types of therapy she tried, it just wasn’t there. “That is true.”

  “So you remember some of it, whether you remember it up here or not.” Fallon pointed to her temple. “Maybe that’s why this doesn’t feel right.”

  “What doesn’t feel right?”

  “You and Athena.”

  “I don’t think that’s it.” Monti rubbed her thighs, all her nervous habits coming back. She thought she’d gotten rid of those. “She hired me for a job, and I’m here to do that job.”

  “By going to Florida with her?”

  Monti shrugged. “I go where I want to, and sometimes that’s where the work is.”

  “Give me a break.” Fallon rolled her eyes. “Am I happy you’re interested in my boss? No. But I’m not going to stop you either. You both deserve a little bit of freedom from the oppression you seem to live under.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Monti’s chest tightened. What the hell was Fallon getting at? This conversation was taking all sorts of odd twists and turns.

  “Do you really not see how similar you two are?” Fallon raised an eyebrow. “I can’t believe you.”

  “What do you mean similar?”

  “You really don’t, do you? You both avoid your feelings with the best of them. You shut down at any sign of emotion. You refuse to admit you need help. You run away from your problems. You both have hearts of ice.”

  “I do not.” Monti rolled her eyes and stood up, walking to the window. Was there any truth to that? She’d spent hours with Athena and she’d thought they were alike, but not to that extreme. Monti cursed. Damn Fallon for being right. She sighed heavily and turned back around. “What the hell do I do about it?”

  “It looks like you’re handling it well.”

  “Handling what well?”

  “Being cracked open.” Fallon stood, swaying her hips saucily as she followed Monti’s path toward the window. “Or maybe the better metaphor is your ice is being chipped away one sliver at a time.”

  “What ice?”

  “The ice you put around your heart.”

  “I’m a trained therapist. All I do is help people and have compassion for their plights. I’m not made of ice.”

  “Sure you aren’t.” Fallon grinned cockily. “You let us mere mortals play around in the shallows, but no one ever gets to the deep. Maybe my boss has the stamina to make it there.”

  Monti scoffed. “You’re really full of yourself right now.”

  “And you are in like.”

  “I’m attracted to a beautiful woman, yes. I’ll admit that.”

  “You kissed her.”

  Putting her finger up in the air, Monti locked her eyes on Fallon’s. “To be fair, she kissed me. Twice.”

  “Twice?”

  Monti shrugged. She really didn’t want to fight that one because she’d wanted more kisses. She longed for more touches. That deepening of a relationship would be so nice right now. Maybe the world wouldn’t seem so lonely then.

  “Oh, you’re thinking about it!” Fallon teased.

  Monti really didn’t want to talk about it right now. She shoved her hands into her pockets and gave Fallon a serious look. “Your ten minutes are up.”

  “Fine, fine. I hear you. But just listen to me on this, okay?”

  Monti waited, and when Fallon didn’t continue, she pushed. “And…?”

  “Athena has to be handled carefully. I don’t want you to screw this up.”

  “Because you’ll lose your job?”

  “No, she’s not that kind of witch.” Fallon put her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what’s been happening this year, but something’s been off with her for months. And it wasn’t until these last few weeks that she’s seemed more herself. The only difference is you.”

  “It’s not me who’s making the difference.” It was all the work that Athena was doing, the processing, the thinking, the sharing. Monti was willing to bet that she hadn’t done that in twenty-two years, which meant telling even one person in a safe environment was a weight off her shoulders. It wasn’t because of Monti. It was because Athena was finally willing to let go. But it wasn’t like Monti could tell Fallon that. She would never betray Athena’s secrets.

  “Well, I think it is. Just be careful. I don’t want you to love her and leave her. Wait, that wasn’t quite the way I wanted it to come out.” Fallon pressed her lips together hard. “I don’t want her to be as devastated when you leave as I am.”

  Monti’s heart broke a little. She hated that Fallon felt that way. If they weren’t so close, if Fallon wasn’t so attached to her, it wouldn’t be that bad every time. Monti held her breath for a minute before she blew it out. “I won’t love her and leave her, as you so eloquently put it.”

  “Good.” Fallon smiled. “Then I guess I shouldn’t tell you that you’re late.”

  Monti looked at her watch and cursed. “Damn you.”

  Giggling, Fallon waved as Monti raced to grab her bag and leave the library. She was so throwing Fallon under the bus for this one.

  twenty-two

  “I hope you and Fallon have worked your argument out.” Athena had no idea where to start a conversation, but considering they had barely spoken since leaving the house and arriving at the airport, she had to start somewhere. Monti seemed distracted in a way Athena had never seen her before. She’d always been focused.

  “We always do,” Monti mumbled as she shifted in her seat on the plane. They’d been in the air for twenty minutes, finally flying smoothly after takeoff.

  “Good.” Athena looked across Monti to the window. She hated sitting next to the window. It was always cold and cramped there. Though now she could probably identify that it was because it was confining and not as easy an escape if she needed to run. Thankfully, Monti hadn’t minded switching seats since Fallon had forgotten Athena’s preferred placement.

  They sat in silence for another five minutes, during which Athena checked her watch several times. Monti barely moved, staring at the back of the seat in front of her as if it held the world’s most interesting book.

  “Have you read Bristol Flyte’s newest book?”

  “I’m sorry, what?” Monti shook her head, blinking wildly as she tried to catch her bearings.

  Athena sighed. “What did I say?”

  “Something about a book.” Monti frowned.

  “No. That’s not what I meant.” Athena folded her hands together in her lap. “If this is about the other night, when I invited you, I hope you didn’t feel obligated to come with me.”

  “Obli…” A deep line formed in the center of Monti’s forehead. “No, I didn’t feel obligated. Why would you think that?”

  “You’ve been…” Athena waved her hand over Monti as if indicating something, but she struggled to put a word to it. “…distant.”

  It was the best she could come up with.

  “Oh. That.” Monti reached over and took Athena’s hand, setting it in her lap as she covered it. “How much does Fallon know about your relationship with Kevin?”

  “As much as she needs to know.” Athena pushed her shoulders into her seat, the odd turn of the conversation putting her more on edge than she’d been before.

  “Does she know about Kevin’s partner?”

  “No.”

  “Does she know about why you two are married?”

  “Why would she need to know that?” Athena winced at her tone. It was so sharp. She hadn’t meant to come off as so defensive, but she could barely hold herself together right now. Monti was prying in ways she didn’t need to. How many times could Athena explain this? It wasn’t the norm in society, but it wasn’t unheard of either.

  “I’m asking because of something she said. Well, something she asked me.” Monti trailed one hand up and down Athena’s arm, still gripping her fingers with the other. “I’m not explaining this well, I’m sorry. Fallon asked if we’d had sex.”

  Athena’s lips parted, but no words left them. She stared wide-eyed at Monti, her brain already spinning in a thousand ways. She hadn’t talked to Kevin yet. She’d meant to, but the thought of even starting that conversation had her blood running cold. They’d agreed to have those conversations before any relationship, and as far as she knew, Kevin had honored it. But for Fallon to know…

  “She’s my big sister, Athena, and as much as I would love to hide things from her, sometimes she can read my subtleties.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “She’s not stupid when it comes to me being attracted to women and particularly what type of women I like. She made the leap before I did.”

  “Before you did.” Athena bit the inside of her cheek, her stomach twisting in knots. This wasn’t how she’d wanted the conversation on the plane to go. She wanted to escape immediately, but she was stuck on a plane somewhere between Seattle and Dallas. “If you don’t want this—”

  “I do. Athena, I promise you I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Monti lifted Athena’s hand to her lips and pressed a delicate kiss to her knuckles. “I told you about how our parents died, but what I didn’t really talk about was Fallon. She fancied herself as a substitute mother to me, as much as I despised it.”

  Athena could see that. Monti would hate being coddled, and Fallon would want nothing but to coddle. Fallon was such a mother hen, even when it involved Athena. She should have realized that Fallon would have picked up on the nuances of her marriage with Kevin. Fallon had been there nearly every day for years, and while she and Kevin were familiar, it was clear to anyone who had insight that they weren’t romantic.

  “Fallon cornered me in the library today. That’s why I was late.”

  “Cornered you?” Athena faced Monti, quickly dropping her gaze to their still-joined hands. This felt so good. Yet the conversation was tense and confusing. She couldn’t follow the logical path that Monti was taking.

  “She wanted to know if we’d had sex.” Monti tightened her grasp on Athena’s hand. “Normally, if it was anyone else, I’d avoid telling them anything. But she’s my sister.”

  “And she’s my personal assistant.”

  “Yes.” Monti kissed Athena’s knuckles again. “And I told her that we’d kissed a few times.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.” Athena hated that she was suddenly so tense. Was this the breakup? Was this Monti realizing what they were doing wasn’t for her? Did Fallon convince Monti to run the opposite direction?

  “Because Fallon had a point to make, and I think it’s a valid one.”

  “That we shouldn’t be kissing because I’m a married woman?” Athena gritted her teeth. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it was finally time for that to happen.

  “No. No, she didn’t even mention that.” Monti waited until Athena looked into her eyes before continuing. “I’m trusting that you’re telling me the truth about your relationship with Kevin. You’ve never lied to me. Why would you lie about that?”

  “Because I’ve lied about it for over twenty years,” Athena whispered.

  “Have you? Or did you simply bend the truth to suit the situation?”

  Athena wanted to argue. But when she thought about it that way, she hadn’t lied. She did love Kevin. Just not the way most people thought she did. He was her best friend, and he had been the best support she’d ever had. “You might be right about that one.”

  “Trust me that I am.” Monti smiled, a lightness to her face that she hadn’t had all day. “I have a degree or two for a reason.”

  Athena chuckled lightly. “What did Fallon notice?”

  “Oh, that we’re not all that different from each other.” Monti kissed Athena’s knuckles again. This time, however, Athena turned her hand and presented Monti her wrist. Just what would Monti do with that offering? Monti lifted an eyebrow, made eye contact, and then lowered her lips again, pressing them delicately against Athena’s skin.

  Athena drew in a raspy breath, her heart skipping a beat or two. “How are we the same?”

  “We both run from tough emotions.”

  “You’re a therapist,” Athena commented.

  “Which is a really convenient way to talk about someone else and not myself.” Monti kissed Athena’s wrist again.

  Athena’s breath caught in her throat. She wavered on what to pay attention to—Monti’s mouth against her skin, or the words she was saying. The words whose impact Athena was avoiding through distraction. “So what are you not telling me?”

  “I’m on a journey to find peace.”

  Monti kissed again, this time against the fabric of Athena’s jacket. But Athena swore that she could feel it on her skin. That Monti’s lips were really touching her. She held her breath, wishing they weren’t on a plane full of people, that it was possible to find somewhere a bit more private.

  “It’s a long journey because I haven’t made very much progress.” Monti kissed her again, this time on the inside of her elbow. “I was in the middle of a therapy session when I figured it out, when I realized that I shouldn’t be a therapist until I’d done the work myself. Unfortunately, and I think you’ll agree with this, old habits die hard.”