When Athena looked up, Monti’s eyes were closed, her head thrown back, her chest heaving as she dragged in a breath.

  “You’ve barely even touched me,” Monti murmured, her voice disappearing as she sucked in a sharp breath. She parted her legs and planted her hand on the top of Athena’s head. She curled her fingers into Athena’s hair. “It feels so good.”

  Athena said nothing as she pressed her face in closer. She wanted to do this right. She flicked her tongue in a tease, happy with the resounding gasp Monti gave her. Rejuvenated with hope, Athena intensified her teasing. She held on as tightly as she could and closed her eyes, focusing on doing everything she could to pleasure Monti.

  “I have to get on the floor.” Monti dropped to her knees and then her butt, her eyes wide as she blew out a breath. Her cheeks were flushed, her skin no longer chilled. Monti sent her a cocky grin as she leaned back on one hand.

  Athena canted her head to the side, not quite sure what to make of Monti’s sudden move. And once again, words caught in her throat.

  “You made my knees Jell-O,” Monti said with a slight laugh. “Please, don’t stop.”

  Athena warmed at the compliment, the little boost to her confidence exactly what she needed. Monti lay onto her back and spread her knees. Athena climbed on top of her, kissing her lips and then trailing a path down her neck to her chest.

  “You make me have hope,” Athena whispered, glad she was able to talk again. She could do words. She could say anything to sway people to her argument, but to actually say words that had meaning, meaning from what she was feeling, was so difficult. And yet, here she was, once again telling Monti exactly what her heart desired. “You help me find peace.”

  “Make peace,” Monti corrected.

  “Yes.” Athena scraped her teeth over Monti’s hip bone before dipping between her legs again. She didn’t want to give this up, not for anything. What she’d found here made her exactly who she wanted to be.

  Athena covered Monti’s clit with her mouth, sucking gently. She moved her hands up and down Monti’s legs, down to her ass, and then she shifted. She slid her fingers deep inside Monti’s body, curling them, pressing in a slow tease of exploration. Monti gasped, her hips rising up as she pressed her body harder against Athena’s mouth.

  Athena doubled down in her focus. They were so close, weren’t they? Close to finding each other, close to breaking down those last barriers? Except it still felt as though something was holding Monti back. Athena didn’t stop. Monti’s gasps got louder, little grunts and noises became more frequent.

  She was doing this, and she was doing it right. Athena kept going, pressing in more as Monti rubbed against her. Once again, Monti’s fingers dug into her hair, tugging and pulling as she writhed. Then she clenched, her body jerking as her voice reverberated through the room. Monti chuckled as she relaxed. She pulled Athena up as she sat up. Monti moved their mouths against each other.

  “You are amazing.” Monti said it with so much care.

  Athena cupped her cheeks and deepened the embrace. She fluttered her eyes closed and settled into this moment. She danced their tongues together, completely surrounded by Monti in ways she’d never been before. But this was exactly what she wanted. It was what she needed.

  “I can’t get enough of you,” Athena said, cringing as she heard the words out loud. She was so very close to saying exactly what she didn’t want to say. They weren’t ready for that yet. Monti no doubt didn’t feel the same.

  “You’re just as addicting.” Monti skimmed a hand behind Athena’s neck and pulled her in more, falling back onto the floor. “But we’re not done yet.”

  thirty-three

  Monti coaxed Athena up her body until Athena straddled her face. Smiling, Monti shook her head. Now this was bliss. Screw the cold nighttime dive in the water, finding herself planted in between a beautiful woman's thighs was exactly the peace she wanted for tonight.

  “This is my favorite position,” Monti murmured, turning her cheek to press a kiss to Athena’s inner thigh. “I can smell your arousal. It’s heavenly.”

  Athena rocked up slightly, as if expecting Monti to go straight for it. But that’s not what this was about. Monti wanted to take her time, to share everything she’d figured out in that cold dip outside. Closing her eyes, she kissed Athena’s thigh again. Her skin still had a slight chill to it, as if she hadn’t warmed all the way up yet.

  “You are so much stronger than I am.” Monti loosed her first confession, and she felt as though there was a click in her heart unlocking something she wasn’t even aware was hidden away.

  “What?” Athena asked, her voice wavering.

  When Monti looked up their eyes locked together. “You are. If it hadn’t been for you, I think I would have kept running.”

  “Running?” Athena looked so confused, and it was adorable. It didn’t surprise Monti that Athena was lost. This conversation was coming out of nowhere for her.

  Monti hummed her assent. This time, instead of a kiss, she licked Athena’s thigh, chasing the salty flavor from her legs as she went. Monti wrapped her arms around Athena’s thighs and held on. She was losing her own patience to hold them within this moment.

  “I’m really good at avoiding things.” Monti licked her again, this time getting ever closer to the apex of Athena’s legs, the one place they both wanted her. But the conversation was so important, and for once, Monti wasn’t going to avoid it. She was going to dive right into the depths of sharing that she needed to experience, that Athena needed to be receptive to. “I thought I was doing everyone a favor, you know.”

  “No, I don’t know,” Athena answered, awkwardly shifting on her knees. That probably was getting uncomfortable. The floors were hard stone, and as much as the cold was welcome against Monti’s back, she couldn’t imagine kneeling on them for too long.

  “By keeping my distance.” Monti kissed Athena’s clit before pulling back and looking up into those stunning blue eyes. This was the moment of true confession, the real reason she had held back for years. Athena deserved to know why Monti had held back on whatever was between them. “I thought I was protecting them.”

  “Oh.” The word came out on a breath.

  “But I was protecting myself from feeling my pain.”

  Monti kissed Athena’s clit again, this time adding in a teasing flick with her tongue. She groaned as her eyes fluttered shut. Controlling herself right now was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Moving her knees up, she pressed them into Athena’s back to knock her forward slightly. She was so ready to have her mouth against Athena. She was tired of waiting for this moment of clarity to hit. It was there. Monti licked her fully, and Athena let out the softest moan in existence.

  “In order not to feel it, I couldn’t feel anything else,” Monti added before diving back in. She sucked Athena gently, slowly building the pressure until she stopped again. “I don’t want to do that anymore.”

  “You’re not making any sense.” Athena leaned back, twisting half her body and pressing her hand to Monti’s knee as if to hold herself steady.

  The idea hit Monti hard, and she sent Athena a wicked grin. “Touch me if you want. I love feeling your fingers inside me just as much as I loved your mouth.”

  “Do you?” Athena raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Yes.” Monti started sucking on Athena’s clit again. She was going to make this the hardest orgasm Athena had ever experienced, one that was dragged out until she couldn’t stand it anymore. At least that was her intention, but she knew herself well enough to know that she would get impatient soon enough. Still, intentions counted for something, didn’t they?

  Monti reached up and covered one of Athena’s breasts, flicking her hard nipple with the edge of her thumb while she continued the same damn sucking pattern. Athena’s hips rocked before they twitched. Satisfaction rolled through Monti. She was doing something right.

  “I don’t want to be alone in this world.” Monti took a breath and went right back in.

  Athena cried out. She slid her hand between Monti’s legs, fumbling as she found the right position to slide two fingers inside her. Monti instantly tensed at the intrusion, the lingering sensations from her earlier orgasm building up quickly. Damn, Athena was good with her fingers. For someone who’d never done this before, she was a fast learner.

  Throwing her head back, Monti gasped when Athena hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Fuck.”

  “Being alone is so hard,” Athena murmured.

  “It is.” Monti met Athena’s gaze. “But we’re not alone anymore, are we?”

  “No.”

  “I want you, Athena. I really do.”

  Athena looked like she wanted to move and bend down and kiss Monti senseless. But they were far from any position that would allow them to do that. Monti didn’t give her a chance either. She pressed her face right back between Athena’s legs, teasing her with sucks and kisses and flicks. She pulled Athena closer, ignoring her own pleasure if only to have Athena fall apart on top of her for a change, all that power directly above Monti.

  Hissing, Athena moved her hand as she clenched her eyes in concentration. Monti knew Athena was close now. She redoubled her efforts, teasing Athena’s nipples while sucking on her clit. Athena’s legs trembled, the physical reaction a sure sign she was about to shatter. Monti maintained, keeping everything just perfect as Athena unraveled.

  Her hips undulated into Monti’s mouth, rocking hard and firmly as her stomach clenched tightly. Monti kept the pressure up, waiting for a sign from Athena that she wanted it to stop, that she wanted a break. Without warning, Athena shifted off her knees and fell to the side. She collapsed onto the tile floor, her hand on her stomach and her arm over her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.

  Monti climbed closer to her, lying against her side and running soothing fingers over her arms and chest and stomach as she waited for Athena to speak again. They stayed there for a long time, the silence that had become their comfortable companion taking up the space all around them, wrapping them in its safety. Finally, Athena lowered her arm so she could look up at Monti.

  “What do you want?”

  “So many things.” Monti smiled, but nerves hit her full force in the chest. “But I need you to be more specific about what you’re asking.”

  Athena’s lips parted as if she was going to ask a question and then stopped herself. Monti played her fingers over Athena’s breasts, not quite teasing, but definitely letting Athena know that she was still there.

  “For yourself,” Athena finally clarified. “Where do you want to go from here?”

  “I want to work on things with Fallon.” Monti’s brow furrowed. That hadn’t really been what she wanted to say. But until she knew where Athena stood, if they were both in the same place, she wasn’t ready to confess that maybe some sort of relationship between them would be the way to move forward. And that would take a lot of talking. Dating a married woman wasn’t something Monti had done before, and it didn’t matter if Athena and Kevin had full comprehension of their relationship. Adding in another person to that mix was going to shake things up.

  “You want to be a better sister,” Athena added.

  “Yeah. I’ve been a really crappy sister, honestly.” Monti shifted, resting her head on her hand so she could stare down at Athena. Monti found herself following the path of Athena’s scars one after the other all across her chest and breasts and stomach. She’d thought about counting them but wasn’t sure what good that would do either of them. “I know you don’t like your scars, but I love that you seem to have accepted them.”

  “What do you mean?” Athena paled as she stilled suddenly.

  Monti cringed. She hadn’t meant to change the topic like that. Again, she was damn good at avoiding when she wanted to. Now she just had to figure out how to get back on track. “Your confidence in your body has skyrocketed since I met you. I love seeing that side of you.”

  Athena softened at that. “Oh.”

  “That’s all I meant.” Monti bent down and kissed Athena’s lips. “I haven’t allowed Fallon to get close to me. For that matter, I haven’t allowed anyone to get close to me, but I feel that I need to correct that with Fallon immediately. She deserves better.”

  “She does,” Athena agreed. “She keeps up with all your travels. Some map she has at her desk where she marks off the different countries you’ve been to.”

  “Does she?” For some reason, that thought brought so much joy to her. Monti sighed at it. “Would you do that for me?”

  “Probably not,” Athena smiled and pulled Monti back down for another kiss. “I’m not very sentimental.”

  “Ah.” Still, the fact that Athena wouldn’t wasn’t what Monti had wanted to hear. And she wasn’t quite sure why that was. She’d wanted to know that Athena was thinking about her when she was gone, that there was some hole left in Athena when she wasn’t nearby. In some ways, that would be intentionally causing pain, which Monti never wanted to do. But it was a good kind of pain, wasn’t it?

  It would mean that she’d allowed Athena into her heart. Or perhaps it was the opposite of that. It would mean that Athena had allowed her in. And that was really what Monti wanted, wasn’t it? She wanted Athena to care. She wanted Athena to love her. And with everything they’d done up until now, Monti couldn’t say one way or another if Athena thought of her beyond the current state of their relationship.

  Sliding her hand down Athena’s body, Monti slipped her fingers inside her. “Are we done for the night?”

  Athena gasped. “I guess not.”

  Monti sent her a wicked smile. “Do you want me to take you here or do you want to go upstairs?”

  Moaning, Athena threw her arms over her head and spread her legs wider. “Why not risk it?”

  “What are we risking?” Monti asked, starting a slow pace of her thumb against Athena’s still-damp clit. She rolled circles gently. There were so many ways she could ask the questions she was avoiding, but this way seemed like they would both get a lot out of it. At least Athena would get another orgasm before they parted ways for the night.

  “People walking in on us?”

  “Who’s coming?” Monti asked, daring herself to keep her eyes on Athena and not look up at the glass doors to the deck. “Because I’m pretty sure we’re alone here.”

  Athena laughed nervously. “We are. It’s just a constant fear of mine.”

  “That someone’s watching us?”

  “That someone will see me.”

  Monti stopped, a deep crease forming in her brow as she once again looked into Athena’s eyes. She debated for a quick second before asking the question she knew Athena wasn’t expecting. “Are you talking physically or metaphorically?”

  Athena stilled, her lip pulled between her teeth. Her cheeks slowly started to redden. Had she meant to say that? Did Monti just call her out on something she hadn’t wanted to think about? Again. It seemed to be a trend in their relationship thus far.

  “Both,” Athena whispered, the word carrying straight to Monti’s heart.

  “Which one are you afraid of me seeing?”

  “All of me.” Athena reached up and cupped Monti’s cheek. She pulled Monti down for another kiss, this one deep and slow.

  Monti allowed herself to get lost in the embrace, in the soft touches, in the slide of their tongues, in the warmth of their bodies touching. Monti started the circle on Athena’s clit again. Monti wanted to see all of Athena, and she knew she’d only gotten a small piece of her so far. They were just scratching the surface of getting to know each other, of learning the depths of who they were.

  Athena lifted her hips up, and Monti pushed in deeper, adding a second finger. “You see so much already.”

  Monti moved in and took Athena’s lips, offering whatever comfort and safety she could. Because this was hard work. To admit this, to allow Monti to see more of her even in this one moment—this meant everything to her.

  “You see so much of me,” Monti answered, kissing her way down Athena’s neck to the tops of her breasts. Monti covered Athena’s hard nipple, flicking her tongue over the hard little nub. Athena’s voice reverberated through Monti’s body, spurring her on.

  “Don’t ever stop,” Athena murmured, her eyes shut tight.

  Monti wanted to ask her what she wasn’t supposed to stop. The movement of her fingers? Asking the hard questions? Being there for her? The massages that had landed them in this position? But Athena was clenching around her, tightening as she cascaded through another orgasm and slyly wrapped her arms around Monti’s shoulders, pulling Monti down on top of her.

  The kiss was sloppy, wet, and full of raw emotion. Monti leaned into it. This was where she wanted to be. At this moment, they were nothing more than two women exploring. They were finding themselves and each other, and they were learning how to face the world. But Monti wanted to do that together. She wanted to take Athena by the hand and look whatever came next dead in the eye.

  Monti slipped back and pressed her forehead against Athena’s. She listened to her steady breathing, to the quiet in the room. And she whispered the only thing that she could think of, the one thing she’d always held true in her heart.

  “I never want to hurt you.”

  thirty-four

  Athena spent the morning in her office at the beach house. She managed to get some work done for the upcoming trial, but more than that, she’d hired a divorce attorney. The last few days with Monti had given her new life, and she didn’t want to wait any longer.

  She wanted her life to be different.

  Immediately.

  She’d lost so much time keeping the world away from her, and it had left her nothing but lonely. And that night with Monti…she smiled at the memory. She’d never have done something so crazy on her own. Monti had pushed her to take chances and think about the world in different ways.

  Something had changed that night. Athena had never felt so close to someone before, even with Kevin. He knew everything there was to know about her, but Monti had reached in and tenderly caressed her soul with all the hope she had alive in her. It was contagious.