“I’ll call you soon, I promise,” Monti said, already preparing to hang up. She needed to get the rest of the energy out, and there was only one way coming to mind.

  “I’ll hold you to that. And for the record, Monti, good luck. I want her to be happy as much as I want you to be. You both deserve it.”

  Monti smiled as the call ended. She lay on the bed for a while longer, listening to Athena putter around in the room next door. It hadn’t been a wise choice for her to allow a relationship between them to flourish or even begin. She should have put a stop to it ages ago.

  But they were here now.

  Athena was relying on her, and Monti had better figure out a way to get her shit together so she could take care of Athena. Because that was what she was hired to do. This could potentially be one more step for Athena, one more way of breaking out of her shell.

  Standing up, Monti left her bedroom and went immediately next door. She rapped her knuckles against the door and waited. Athena appeared, looking disheveled. That was all Monti’s fault. She’d been so caught up in her own chaos that she hadn’t been able to focus on Athena, which was the whole point of being here.

  “Come with me,” Monti said in a rush, her voice breathy.

  “It’s late,” Athena protested.

  “I know.” Monti held out her hand, waiting for Athena to take it. It was the only way this was going to work. Athena had to choose this. If she didn’t, then they wouldn’t move forward. Athena would continue to stay stuck in the hell of her own making.

  “What are we doing?” Athena’s bright blue eyes locked on hers.

  “Trust me.”

  That’s what all of this was about in the end, wasn’t it?

  Trust.

  Athena dropped her gaze, staring at Monti’s outstretched hand. Her breathing slowed, her lips parted. She was about to protest again. Monti could feel it in her bones. She held still and sucked in a breath.

  “All I’m asking is that you trust me. One last time.”

  “One last time?” Athena flicked her gaze up to meet Monti’s eyes. “I don’t want this to be the last time.”

  “Then you have your answer, don’t you?”

  One more brief moment of hesitation and Athena pressed her hand into Monti’s waiting one. “What are we doing?” This time her question was filled with confidence.

  “You’ll see.” Monti folded their hands together, lacing their fingers.

  With full conviction, she walked down the hallway and the stairs. She went straight to the back deck and outside. Athena followed her without a protest. Their toes were bare in the sand, digging into it. Monti walked straight for the ocean.

  She’d always been fascinated with the water and the way it moved, the metaphors it held, the darkness and unexplored depths but also the lightness and familiarity. She let go of Athena’s hand and tugged off her shirt.

  “What are you doing?” Shock rippled through Athena’s tone.

  Monti chuckled as she reached for her waistband. “I’m going to clear my head of all the bad thoughts. And I’m going to come back up a whole new person.”

  “What?” Athena held onto Monti’s hand tightly, preventing her from pushing her pants off her body. “You’re getting naked.”

  Monti grinned wickedly. “Don’t feel like you have to though. The rebirth will be the same whether you have clothes on or not. I just want to be as close to the water as possible.”

  Monti stepped back and finished undressing. She walked into the water, letting the waves hit her ankles and then her knees and her thighs before she turned around and faced Athena on the beach. “Don’t you want a new lease on life?”

  “Yeah, but not like this!” Athena called back. “This is insane!”

  “Maybe!” Monti kept walking backward into the surf. Athena became smaller on the beach the farther she went out. She knew she wouldn’t go that far. She’d be able to stand no matter what so that she could get back in, but she craved this freedom. “I need to start over in the best way possible!”

  “Monti!” Athena nearly shouted, but there was no command that came with it.

  Not that Monti would have listened. Raising her hands above her head she looked up at the moon and the stars, a full smile blooming on her lips. Fallon had been right. She just needed to get out of her own way, and that was exactly what she was doing. Sinking to her knees first, Monti let the water cover her shoulders. Then she dipped her head under the cold water, closing her eyes and getting lost in the sea.

  The water rushed over her, caressing her, encompassing her. Monti held her breath until she couldn’t anymore, and then she pushed up, breaking through the water. Brushing her hair out of her face, Monti looked back at the beach to find Athena still watching her.

  What would it be like to have Athena there with her? Naked in the water?

  What would it feel like to press against each other, touch each other, kiss in the moonlight?

  Magical?

  Intimate?

  Like peace?

  thirty-two

  Monti was crazy.

  Never in her wildest dreams had Athena thought to go skinny dipping in the ocean in the middle of the night. Anyone could walk by and see her. Anyone could stumble across their clothes and steal them. Anyone.

  Athena crossed her arms, watching as Monti dipped below the surface again. Her heart caught in her throat as she waited to see if Monti would resurface. If she’d have that same giddy expression on her lips when she did.

  Because that Athena did want.

  It was this pure child-like joy that Monti seemed to have since they’d arrived. At least in moments like this. Then there were the other moments, when Athena had seen the weight of the world on her shoulders and had been unable to pry Monti loose from that responsibility.

  Still, the call to wade into the water and join her was strong.

  Just what would it feel like to have the water carry away everything she didn’t want to think about?

  Athena stepped a little closer, her feet freezing as the water rushed over her skin. Would she do anything for Monti? She wanted to be the person who would. Another step into the water, and her pants started to get wet. Athena sucked in a sharp breath.

  She couldn’t get naked, not like Monti did. She couldn’t make herself do that, but she could walk in. She could do this part of the way. But would that be enough? Was she whole enough for this? Gnawing on her cheek again, Athena went in a little farther.

  Kevin would think she was a lunatic for this. He wouldn’t even recognize her. Or maybe he would. Twenty-five years ago she might have thought about this. All before she’d been broken. All before she’d been shattered into a million little pieces. Athena stepped in even farther, her shins getting wet.

  Monti laughed as she dunked herself under the water again.

  Just how freeing was it?

  Athena stopped hesitating. She walked into the water and followed Monti’s path. Monti came up from the waves just as Athena got there and snagged her hands. Monti wrapped her arms around Athena’s waist and held on tight in a hug.

  “I’m so glad you came,” Monti whispered. “The water feels amazing.”

  Athena’s breath was loud in her ears as she pressed her cheek into Monti’s. She struggled to remember how to breathe properly, Monti’s naked form pressed against her, the dampness seeping through her clothes.

  “How do you want to change?” Monti murmured into her ear. “What do you want to leave behind?”

  “My mistakes,” Athena answered immediately. “All of them.”

  “Down you go.”

  Athena held her breath and dipped below the surface of the water. It was freezing cold. It bit at her skin, feeling like her flesh was being ripped from her muscles. Athena gasped as she stood up. Monti gripped onto her elbows, holding her upright.

  “What else?” Monti rushed.

  “My pain.”

  Without being asked, Athena dropped back into the ocean. The water was loud as it rushed over her head, but this time the biting cold wasn’t so bad. When she resurfaced, she was expecting Monti to be close to her this time. And instead of waiting for a breath, Athena pressed their mouths together. Monti hummed, cupping her cheeks.

  Athena sighed into the kiss, longing for it to be deeper than this. But she wasn’t quite ready yet, and intuitively, she understood that Monti wasn’t either. Without being asked, Athena offered up the next thing she wanted to erase from herself. “My belief that I’m not worthy.”

  Monti’s lips parted in surprise. Athena locked their eyes together as she lowered herself slowly into the water and below its surface. This time when she came back up, she knew she was ready. She wanted this. She wanted a relationship with Monti. She wanted to believe that she wasn’t too broken for love.

  Their mouths touched again.

  Athena slid her tongue along Monti’s lips, praying that Monti would let her in just a little more. She shivered as their wet bodies pressed together, as they melded even closer. Athena enfolded herself around Monti. She wasn’t going to go under the water again, not without Monti this time, not without the hope that when she came back up something would be different.

  Slipping her hand across Monti’s breast in a tease, Athena tested to see how open Monti would be to seduction this time. It was as though she’d gone into the bedroom and come out a completely new person. Whoever she’d been talking to on the phone must have helped her. Athena only wished she’d been able to do that. But she wasn’t good at the interpersonal.

  Monti hummed, deepening the kiss and pulling Athena in even closer. Athena closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of their bodies together. She felt so free with Monti. She was unconfined by everything that had kept her imprisoned before. She had peace and joy and hope and love. Monti nipped at her lip.

  “No matter how much I try to stop touching you, whenever you get close, I can’t stop myself from wanting this.” Monti’s words sounded almost foreign.

  “Stop touching me?” Athena asked, still keeping her hands on Monti’s body, sliding her fingers from her waist to her hip. “I don’t ever want you to stop.”

  Monti kissed her neck. Athena tilted her head to give Monti better access, to encourage her to do more than she was already doing. She knew that at some point she was going to have to be more forward, but she wasn’t sure today was the day. Athena hugged Monti closer.

  “Please don’t ever stop,” Athena murmured.

  Why was she saying that? Why was she pushing this relationship when Monti so clearly was still struggling with it? Athena slid her hand against Monti’s ass, holding her firmly. Their mouths locked together in a furious, desperate kiss.

  Despair clawed at her. If this was their last chance, then Athena was going to take it. If she could feel any of this freedom, then she wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. Athena arched her back, pulling Monti with her as a large wave came up and pounded against their thighs. They were going to have to go in soon. But to get a few more moments, Athena held on.

  Finally, Monti pulled away. “Let’s go inside.”

  “Come with me,” Athena begged. She hated and loved the whine in her tone at the same time. Because she was desperate. She didn’t want this little oasis they had created to disappear, not yet. She loved it too much. “Come to my room with me.”

  Monti pulled back slightly, looking at her directly in the eye. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” Athena brushed her wet fingers over Monti’s lips and repeated herself. “Yes.”

  One of the few things she’d doubted this entire journey was Monti. She wanted Monti to be near her, whether it was in her bed or in her vicinity, she didn’t care. But she wanted the joy that Monti brought, the comfort, the safety that Monti created for her.

  “I want you,” Athena responded.

  “Then you have me.”

  As sure as Monti sounded, there was an undercurrent of trepidation. Athena picked up on it instantly, but she didn’t know what to do with it. She didn’t know how to bring it up and hoped that it would resolve or that they could talk about it. Because in a few days, when they left, Athena knew that she was going to return home and Monti would leave for her next adventure. They were going to go their separate ways.

  She just hoped the work they’d done together would last.

  “Are you sure?” Athena asked, needing one last confirmation.

  “Yes.” Monti kissed her again. “Come on.”

  They trekked through the water until they reached the beach. Monti bent down and picked up her clothes while Athena pulled her wet ones away from her skin. It was so cold out here now that they were out of the water. Her nipples pebbled, goosebumps ran over her skin, and chills ran up and down her spine.

  Monti led the way back inside, the same way they’d left. Was it really that simple too? The same way but in reverse? Athena had always been a joyful and happy person before everything had hit the fan. But that was who she wanted to be again. Someone who was free from the shackles she’d been put in.

  Once the door was shut, Athena was on Monti. She pushed their bodies together, mouths melding. This was her time and her moment. First she had to get out of these damn wet clothes. Athena pulled at her shirt, but it stuck to her skin, clinging to her stomach and her breasts uncomfortably. It felt like a straitjacket, tightening against her until she couldn’t breathe.

  “Slow down,” Monti mumbled as she stilled Athena’s hands. “It’s stuck.”

  Athena glanced down at Monti’s hands, finding that the extra button on the inside of her blouse was caught on the loop of her slacks and every time she tugged it just made it worse. Monti’s nimble fingers worked it carefully and quickly until she had it loose.

  “There.” Monti reached up and started on the buttons on Athena’s blouse, undoing them one at a time. “Is that better?”

  “Yes.” Athena watched, entranced with the way Monti’s hands moved so confidently. She wished she had some of that confidence. When her blouse was undone, Monti pushed it off her shoulders and spun her around to drag it down her arms. The blouse dropped to the floor with a heavy plop.

  Monti’s body was covered in goosebumps, her arms, her chest, her breasts. Athena delicately ran her fingers over the tops of Monti’s breasts, feeling the small bumps on her otherwise smooth skin. She left off by flicking Monti’s hard nipple.

  “I never thought anyone would like looking at me,” Athena whispered. “I don’t even like looking at my own body.”

  “Because of your scars?” Monti asked, reaching behind Athena’s back and flicking the clasp of her bra. “There we are. Have to get you out of your wet clothes before you catch a cold, you know.”

  Athena’s lips curled upward into a sly smile. She loved that Monti was playing flirtatious when she didn’t have to, that she was taking the lead on the seduction even though Athena was the one who had started all of this. Athena stepped in closer, pressing their chests together and kissing Monti swiftly.

  “You make me feel wanted,” Athena said, trailing her fingers up and down Monti’s back. Now that they were almost skin to skin, Athena felt like she was ready to go to new heights. She wanted that connection with Monti, what they’d shared the first time they were together, the passion when she couldn’t wait to keep touching her again.

  “You are wanted,” Monti answered, kissing the side of Athena’s neck.

  Athena shuddered. She swayed from side to side before moving in and kissing Monti’s cheek and closing her eyes. “So are you.”

  She could feel the moment Monti shifted, when her tense shoulders relaxed. Monti let out a startling breath and buried her face in Athena’s neck, saying nothing. Athena wanted to keep whatever was happening between them going. She reached between them and palmed Monti’s breast, teasing her nipple again as she waited for Monti to answer her unasked question.

  “Pants,” Monti choked out the word, dragging Athena’s pants over her hips. When had she managed to get the zipper and button undone? Athena pushed her pants the rest of the way down and stepped out of them.

  Monti crashed their mouths together, but Athena didn’t want these first moments to be self-serving. She wanted to find that streak of confidence she knew she had somewhere, and she wanted to lose herself in figuring out Monti’s pleasure.

  Lowering herself to her knees, Athena ran her fingers up and down Monti’s thighs. Their eyes locked together, and Monti raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes.” Athena hadn’t done this yet. In their one night together, she’d avoided it, scared that she wouldn’t know what she was doing, but it was now or never. Athena ran her fingers down to Monti’s knees and back up. “Are you?”

  “As sure as I’ll ever be.” Monti brushed her fingers through Athena’s wet hair.

  Athena moved in, pressing a delicate kiss to the front of Monti’s thigh. Then to the other thigh. She breathed in deeply, her heart hammering away as she readied herself for this exploration. Monti’s skin tasted like salty water, still damp from the ocean and whatever free-willed baptism they’d given themselves outside.

  Using her teeth, Athena scraped a trail and hummed when Monti groaned in response. That was exactly what she wanted to hear, the sounds of pleasure, the soft quiet moans of a woman enjoying herself. Athena wrapped her hands around the back of Monti’s thighs as she held on and pressed in closer. She nuzzled her nose through Monti’s damp curls.

  “Yes,” Monti breathed the word. “Athena…”

  This might be the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced. Athena breathed deeply, steadying the final nerves that ran through her. Reaching her tongue out, she tasted. Flavor blossomed on her tongue, Monti’s unique flavor and her scent, the taste of the water they’d bathed themselves in. Athena’s heart calmed, and she dug her fingers into the backs of Monti’s thighs, not letting go.

  “Oh God,” Monti mumbled.