She was tired of leaving a trail of pain behind her.

  That wasn’t her purpose in life. It wasn’t good for anyone. Monti ran her fingers through her short hair and spiked it up on the top with a little bit of product. She rubbed deodorant under her pits and then sat cross-legged on the small bed along the far wall. Resting her palms on her knees, Monti tried in vain one last time before she had to leave, to find some type of peace.

  Athena had clearly found it the night before, so why couldn’t she?

  She was so good at helping others find their center, and yet she was left with nothing for herself. Steadying her breathing, Monti focused her mind. She didn’t want to run away. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to stay. She wanted to simply be exactly who she was born to be, and find peace in that.

  So why the hell couldn’t she?

  Her phone chirped next to her.

  Zoe: You coming still?

  “Fucking hell.” Monti snagged the phone, her jacket, and a bag. She raced through the motions as she left her van and walked toward the little restaurant in the center of downtown where they were meeting.

  Zoe sat in a small chair right up front when Monti got there. She held out her arms for a hug, and Monti walked right into them, grinning. “Fuck, it’s been a while.”

  “Do you think you could ever show up on time?” Zoe laughed lightly and squeezed Monti right back. “You’ll have to tell me all about where you’ve been.”

  “Definitely.”

  They walked to the table that had been waiting for them. Monti relaxed, an ease falling over her that she had missed. Zoe had always been astute and understanding. She was someone who could never do anything wrong in Monti’s book.

  “So where have you been?” Zoe leaned forward on the table, ignoring the menu in front of her. Her dark brown eyes were lit with energy and excitement.

  Monti had missed that too. “All over. I spent some time up in Vancouver and the BC area. Drove up to Alaska for a few weeks.”

  “Oh! I’ve never been there!” Zoe laughed lightly and leaned back into her seat. “Was it cold?”

  “I went in summer.” Monti pulled the beer she’d ordered closer to her. She spun the chilled glass in her fingers, not taking a sip yet. “Tell me what you’ve been up to. Still working with that hot boss?”

  Zoe’s cheeks turned bright red. “Um. Kind of. Working with is a good way to say that. We started our own company together.”

  “Did you?” Monti raised an eyebrow and leaned back into her seat, finally sipping her beer. “I sense there’s more to that story.”

  “It’s a long story.” Zoe drank her own beer, her gaze falling to the tabletop.

  This was something shameful, that much Monti could tell. She didn’t want to push, though. She wanted to know what Zoe was thinking, everything that she’d been through in the last year since they’d seen each other. Monti licked her lips and leaned into the silence. Zoe was never one who dealt well with the quiet. If Monti waited long enough, Zoe would spill. Most people did.

  Although she suspected Athena was very comfortable with quiet.

  Where had that thought come from?

  Monti dug her fingers into her thigh underneath the table. Athena was a client, and she had to keep reminding herself of that. She might not have a practice anymore, but there was no doubt in her mind that she wouldn’t have met Athena if she hadn’t been seeking some sort of therapy—massage or psychological.

  “Earth to Monti!” Zoe teased.

  “Sorry.” Monti shook the thoughts of Athena from her mind. “I was thinking about this new client I’m working with. She’s taking up a lot of mental space for me.”

  Zoe hummed like she understood, but how could she? “Do you remember that girl who lived next door to you in the dormitories?”

  “Jazz?”

  “Yes!” Zoe’s eyes lit up. “I had such a crush on her, and you kept telling me to stay away from her.”

  “You didn’t, did you?” Monti wrinkled her forehead in concern.

  “I did. Once. I was super drunk, and I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about.”

  “Did you even get anywhere?”

  “I puked all over her boots.” Zoe giggled.

  Monti laughed. “You never could hold your liquor.”

  “No, I couldn’t.” Zoe fiddled with the napkin in front of her. “Seems that hasn’t changed much over the years. I thought for years that just working with Gwen was going to be enough for me, but it really wasn’t.”

  “Glad you finally realized that.” Monti’s beer was halfway empty before the waiter came over to take their food orders. Zoe was a much slower drinker, and rightfully so. “So what did you figure out about yourself?”

  “I can do anything I want. And I’m not completely wasting my business degree now that Gwen and I are actually working together. Technically she owns the company, but I’m far more a partner than her personal assistant now.”

  “That’s good. You seem happy, anyway.” Was that jealousy slipping into Monti’s voice?

  “I am!” Zoe grinned broadly. “She proposed.”

  “She?” Who exactly was Zoe talking about? Monti felt as though she had missed out on a large chunk of her friend’s life. But that was par for the course when she never stayed anywhere long enough to form deep connections.

  But that was also the point.

  She didn’t want those deep relationships because once she left—which she would—that person would be left with a wake of ripples from her departure. And that was something Monti didn’t want to happen. That was beyond what Monti could permit in terms of harm to others. She rolled her shoulders and eyed Zoe across the table again.

  “Gwen.” Zoe laughed and then pushed her hand across the table, the diamond winking in the light from the bar as she showed off her new ring.

  “Wow!” Monti took hold of Zoe’s hand and gazed at the ring like she was interested. It wasn’t that she was upset about Zoe doing exactly what she wanted. It was just that much more of a reminder for Monti that this wasn’t what she wanted.

  Ever.

  She couldn’t believe that these types of relationships were for the best. She’d seen too many of them fail in her lifetime. And fail spectacularly they did. Monti ran her hand through her hair. “Congratulations!”

  “You’ll have to come to the wedding.”

  “Sure. Just send me an invitation.” Monti would show up if Zoe wanted her to. But she would leave in much the same way she would this time and had the time before that: quietly, without taking a piece of Zoe with her. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “It hasn’t been easy. But what’s a relationship without work?” Zoe grinned as she took another sip from her beer.

  She was right about that. But Monti still wasn’t sure that it was something she’d want to put in effort for. Rubbing the back of her head, Monti moved to change the topic of conversation again. She needed to ease them away from the personal. She knew she was in the midst of that part of her life when everyone would be getting married and having babies, and that just wasn’t for her. She’d seen how much that could be torn apart firsthand.

  She wouldn’t allow herself to relive that.

  More importantly, she wouldn’t allow herself to be the cause of it either.

  Perhaps Athena was the same way. She’d made comments about her odd relationship with her husband, yet they were still married. What exactly did that mean for them? Athena clearly still had her independence, and a lot of it. Maybe Athena had found her peace in that.

  “Monti!” Zoe was laughing again. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this distracted before.”

  Sighing heavily, Monti apologized. “I’m sorry. It’s…” She trailed off, not quite sure how to explain it. She wasn’t even sure she’d been able to put words to what she was feeling yet. But ever since she’d come back, she’d felt so unsettled. “Being home is harder than I thought it would be.”

  “Oh, that’s right! You’re from here. I forgot that.”

  “I am. Born and raised.” Monti lifted her beer in a sarcastic toast. Zoe didn’t lift her glass to clink, sensing the unease Monti had allowed into the conversation.

  “So are you visiting family while you’re here?”

  “I’ve met up with my sister several times. Do you remember Fallon?”

  “Yeah. She’s a few years older than you, right?”

  “Seven.” Monti’s shoulders tightened, and she had to purposely work to lower them back down to where they were supposed to be. Why was that a trigger for her tonight? It shouldn’t be at all. “My aunt still lives here too. We’re having dinner on Saturday.”

  “That’ll be nice, I bet. I always love going home and visiting all my old haunts.”

  Monti hummed her agreement even if she didn’t agree. In fact, she avoided most of her old haunts from high school. She didn’t want to run into anyone from her past if she could avoid them. They wouldn’t be of any use to her now.

  “Well, I hope you have fun with them.”

  “It’ll be a good visit, I’m sure.”

  “So you’re leaving again?”

  Monti raised an eyebrow at Zoe, her lips thinning. She’d never been so sure of something before. “Always.”

  “I don’t know how you do it. I’d miss Gwen too much.”

  “It’s not that hard, honestly. Friends are everywhere, and there’s always someone new to meet. The bonus is that when I leave, no one will miss me in the long run. We’re friends when we’re together, but as soon as we’re apart, it’s like I was never there.”

  Zoe frowned, a line forming in the center of her forehead as she contemplated what Monti had said. Then she shook her head wildly. “That sounds incredibly sad.”

  “It’s peaceful.” Monti tapped her fingers on the tabletop. At least, she kept telling herself it was. “So, I’ll leave, head on to the next adventure. I was thinking about going to Belize for a bit in the spring. Maybe bring Fallon with me.”

  “I bet she would enjoy that.”

  “She would.” Monti finished her beer and set the glass down heavily. “Maybe I’ll go to Thailand.”

  “You always were such a traveler.”

  I am. Monti didn’t say it out loud though. She didn’t want to make Zoe feel any worse than she already had. They should enjoy this time they had together, the quick conversations and joy they could bring to each other. “You should try it. I’ll go with you if you ever want to explore somewhere fun.”

  “I’ll take you up on that offer! I’ll need a long vacation somewhere sunny with a beach after this year.”

  “Oh? What’s been going on?”

  Zoe sighed, her face fell. “That, my dear friend, is a very long story.”

  “Then I’m all ears.”

  ten

  “Where is she?” Athena stood at her doorway, staring Fallon down, as if her personal assistant had all the answers.

  Fallon shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  Holding back her scoff, Athena walked into her office and shut the door. She’d paced the room for the last fifteen minutes, waiting. Monti was supposed to be there an hour ago, and there was still no sign of her. It had thrown Athena into a loop of chaos. It shouldn’t have, but it did. She stopped by the window and stared out into the forest again, the frustrated energy coursing through her without stopping.

  The respite she’d gotten had given her enough clarity to be able to think. Athena had immersed herself in work all day, focusing more than she had in weeks. She stretched her neck and her back. Kevin being home wasn’t helping things. As much as she loved him, his very presence disrupted her routine.

  The knock on her door startled her. She’d expected Fallon, but when she turned and saw Kevin, Athena winced.

  Speak of the devil…

  “I wanted to check in on you,” he started, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

  Athena sighed and dropped her hands. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not.”

  Rolling her eyes, she leaned against the edge of her desk.

  “When’s the last time you left this house?”

  “A few hours ago.” Athena waved him off.

  “For something other than to go to your other office.”

  She wrinkled her nose. He knew her too well. Which had been a huge part of why they’d agreed to this arrangement in the first place. It benefitted both of them. “How’s Clayton?”

  “Don’t avoid my question.” He gave her a flat look, and she knew she was going to have to answer.

  The problem was, she didn’t honestly remember. She’d have to check with Fallon, because all dates in the last year seemed to vanish from her mind. Gnawing on her lip, she looked at him. He already knew. So why was he even asking?

  “This isn’t healthy, Athena.”

  “Nothing in my life is healthy,” she mumbled, crossing her arms again in the best protective move she could muster. “How’s Clayton? Truthfully.”

  “Same as always.” Kevin sat next to her, leaning on the desk and mimicking her position. “Mad I won’t divorce you. Deeply in love with me. I don’t want to marry him. I’m happy with our arrangement.”

  Athena snorted. “You’d think it’d be easier, wouldn’t you?”

  Kevin shook his head. “No. I never thought marrying you would be easy.”

  Laughing lightly, Athena tilted her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. Kevin uncrossed his arms and settled his palm on her thigh. He was the only one allowed to do this. He always had been. “Perhaps I thought we’d be better at it by now.”

  “I think we’re pretty damn good at this.” Kevin’s voice was a deep rumble in his chest, and it brought her such comfort to hear.

  “Maybe.” Athena breathed in his familiar scent, relaxing slightly. It was one of the few times she let him touch her, though if anyone was going to do it, Kevin and Simon were the only two allowed without asking first. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “When do you leave again?”

  “Few days. I think I’ll go to that gala with Simon while he’s home, let you out of that responsibility.” He wrinkled his nose. “Have to make sure that the house is running properly, you know.”

  Athena avoided the subject of Simon. It hurt too much to talk about him some days, and others to even think about him. Most days, Athena was certain Simon would have had a better life growing up if she hadn’t been a part of it. Tapping into the humor she knew Kevin adored, she said, “Oh yes, we need a man here to keep everything in order and explained properly.”

  He laughed loudly. Good, her tone had landed, and he hadn’t noticed her shift into the depression and back out of it. Athena applauded herself for that side step. Now if she could keep it up until Kevin left her alone again.

  Kevin relaxed as he added, “I was working on Simon’s birthday bash. I’m taking him to Vegas.”

  Athena jerked sharply. She tried to cover it up by shifting her stance. Just the very mention of that place took her immediately back to twenty-two years ago. And she hated going there. Sucking in a slow breath, Athena pushed down all those uncomfortable emotions and focused on the here and now as best as she could.

  Why did they have to go there? To the place that was the center of all her pain, to the place she had… She shut that thought off immediately. With her anger already raging, she couldn’t let herself go down that path.

  “Really?” Athena wrinkled her nose. Kevin knew she hated that place. He knew what memories it held. Why would he even let this be a possibility? “Couldn’t think of anything better?”

  “It’s where he wanted to go.” Kevin wrapped an arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss into her hair. “You’re welcome to join us.”

  Had he gone off his rocker and completely forgotten the main reason they had gotten married?

  To cover it up.

  To make sure no one knew what happened.

  Athena steadied herself, trying to find the best way to answer without being offended. But she was. She couldn’t believe he didn’t remember. Or worse yet, that he didn’t care.

  “No, thank you. That can be a father-son excursion that I will gladly not be a part of.” Athena covertly slid from his grasp and stood up, walking toward the window. She crossed her arms and protected herself again. Because she had to. Kevin wasn’t doing it this time like he normally would. “When will you go?”

  “Next week.”

  She nodded to no one in particular and tried to push the memories back in the locked box where they belonged. She grasped at straws for something else to talk about. “Did Fallon talk to you about Shiloh’s Home?”

  “I can’t go.”

  “What?” She spun on him, anger flaring in her chest. She couldn’t do this without him. A room full of people without him there to calm her? It would be impossible. But this was something she could grasp onto. This was a place that was safe where she could put her emotions.

  He put his hands up in defense. “I’ve already booked the entire week for a trip to Tahoe with Clayton.”

  Athena held in her worry, but it was getting harder to do that by the second. That was something for her future self to figure out, since the event was months away still. She wasn’t going to be able to do it, especially not with the state she was in lately. And that would only add to the turmoil she was already feeling.

  “Call Simon, will you? Figure out what you two will do for his birthday. It’s his twenty-first, and he needs to know you care about him.”

  “Yeah.” Athena’s shoulders dropped. She wasn’t a good mother. She’d never been. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Simon, but she hadn’t been made to be a parent. Kevin was much better at it than she was, but she wasn’t even sure that he had been made for it. And with the way he was conceived…

  “Athena.”

  “I promise,” she added, locking her gaze on his. “I’ll call him.”

  “Good.” Kevin gave her a discerning look before leaving her office.

  Plunged back into the quiet, Athena only had one thing on her mind to distract her now.