I turn over onto my side and catch my reflection in the mirror. I really do look much happier. Speaking with Alex brings out the color in my cheeks and he makes me look like I’ve got a coat hanger stuck in my mouth. My eyes even have an extra sparkle to them. I’m a damn fool.

  “I like that plan,” I confirm, forgetting all my previous rules and decisions. “You just let me know when you have some time off and we’ll sort it then. It’ll be fun, I’m sure.”

  There’s a lump of bile in my throat, I know that I’m playing with fire but I can’t seem to stop myself. Alex keeps pulling me in every single time I try to get away. I wonder if I have the same effect on him. If he feels anything for me like I do for him then I know there’s only one way this can end; in an explosive mess with everyone getting hurt in the process, but even that isn’t enough.

  “I better get back to it,” Alex says sadly. “But I’ll be in touch really soon. Expect some more messages from me today, I won’t be able to get through it without you.”

  Damn it, I think with a shake of my head. Now I’ve made this worse instead.

  “Sure,” I reply coyly. “I look forward to it.”

  6

  Alex

  I strain my eyes as I stare at the paper work in front of me, trying to make some sense of the numbers. I wish I had the natural talent for mathematics like my father and brother but I just don’t. I can’t seem to make Dad understand that this business really isn’t for me. It’ll be Marcus who inherits the company anyway, I’m pretty much surplus to requirements, but instead of letting me live my life in the way that I want to, my very controlling father wants me under his watchful eye.

  Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

  I grab my cell phone, hoping that it’s going to be Sephy on the other end of the phone. We text all the time now and she’s taken to calling me at least once a day over the last two weeks. I don’t know what’s going on between us, certainly more than what should be happening, but I’m not ready to let her go. Every message she sends makes my heart skip a beat, I smile constantly when I’m on the phone to her… it’s almost as if we’ve fallen into some sort of relationship without even meaning to.

  But this phone call isn’t from her, it’s the other woman in my life. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Alex? What are you doing?” she demands, sounding stressed. “Are you still at the office?”

  “Yep.” I sigh audibly at this part, letting my misery shine through in my words. “I’m just trying to get this mast report all sorted for Dad, then I’ll be home. Hopefully not too much longer.”

  “You haven’t forgotten what today is, have you?” she snaps back, ignoring my misery entirely. If I thought Mom was going to sense my desperation and come to my rescue, then I was very wrong. She might be the only person in the world who can get through to Dad but that doesn’t help me here. “Marcus and his wife,” distain falls off her tongue as she says this, which I personally think is really dumb, “are back from their honeymoon today. We need to all have dinner to celebrate.”

  “By all, who do you mean?” I ask carefully. “Like, them, me, you, and Dad?”

  “No, no. Her family as well. Marcus has the wedding photographs and he wants us all to look at them together. So of course it’s left up to me to throw a dinner party without any help…”

  My mother is the sort of woman that doesn’t count staff as ‘help’. Someone else will do the shopping, another person will lay the table, and the chef will cook, but of course it’s all on Mom. It’s laughable really. I have to chuckle or I’ll get annoyed by her baffling behaviour.

  “What time is everyone around?” I glance at my watch, realizing I don’t have much time. If Sephy is going to be there then I want to look good. “Do I have time to finish up here?”

  “I’d leave it.” Mom’s words let me off the hook. Dad can’t argue with her demand. “Come home and get washed up, we want this to go well for Marcus, don’t we?”

  I bite my tongue so I don’t get into a spat with her about how Marcus is so clearly the favourite child for both my parents. Of course he is, since he mostly does what they want, but it’s grating from time to time. I’m not too bothered today though, I have other things going on and I want to get this call ended so I can get a move on. This might well be the first evening since the wedding that me and Sephy lay eyes on one another and I want it to go really well. Even if it’s very wrong.

  “Okay, Mom, I’m leaving right now.” I bolt up into a standing position and ignore the papers as they scatter to the ground. I’m sure they aren’t important anyway. “I won’t be long. Bye.”

  As I hang up the phone I fire off a message to Sephy, I want to confirm that I won’t be alone in this hell tonight. If she’s going to come, it’ll be fun and kinda sexy, but is she doesn’t I need to make my excuses to get out of it early already. I don’t want to be stuck with the newlyweds and the parents who don’t really get along. I could ease the tension, I suppose, but I don’t want that task all by myself.

  ‘Have you heard the great news?’ I type rapidly. ‘It’s family reunion time. Fun, right? Please, for the love of everything holy, tell me that you’re going to be there or I’ll scream xxx’

  I pause for a moment, waiting for a response which comes only a couple of seconds later. ‘I heard… do I have to go? I suppose if you’re going to be there we can laugh at the whole thing… xxx’

  I stuff my phone back into my pocket as a deep thrill races up and down my spine. I cannot wait to see Sephy again, I’m unbelievably excited. Usually, once I’ve slept with a women I begin the slow decent into losing interest, but with Sephy the opposite has happened. I want to spend more time with her. I don’t want to think about what that means because it scares me, I just want to enjoy the moment for what it is. I want to get home, to smarten up and to have this meal with Sephy.

  Yeah okay, so the others will be there too, it isn’t going to be a date or anything, but I’m sure it’ll be fun. The fizzle of anticipation in the pit of my chest promises that it’ll be awesome.

  I practically skip out the office for the first time since I was dragged into it all those weeks ago. I cannot wait to get home. Tonight is going to be really interesting, one way or another.

  * * *

  I bound down the stairs as I hear someone knocking, I can barely contain myself. I know that I’m supposed to be acting all cool, like nothing is going on, but I can barely keep it together. I’ve asked about a million times when the Smithers family is coming, which I think might be making Mom suspicious. She’s already made a snide comment about how close me and Sephy were at the wedding, which is terrifying. I don’t want us to be torn apart by anyone finding out.

  “I got it,” I call out loudly, not that anyone else is making any effort to get to the door. I swing it open and my heart balls up in my throat as I see Sephy looking back at me. In her red swishy top and black skinny jeans, she looks incredible. Even more beautiful than she did in her bridesmaid dress. “Oh hey there,” I say to her in a flirty voice. “How are you? Please, come inside.”

  An animalistic nature comes over her and the passion overtakes. As Sephy steps inside I get the pleasant surprise of her pressing me against the wall and crashing her lips into mine. There’s a tiny bit of fear inside me that we might get caught by someone, but it’s not enough to make me stop. I hook my arms around Sephy’s waist and I slip my tongue between her lips. She tastes like strawberry, kissing her is absolutely incredible, my heart melts in my chest. I’m reminded of how much I like her.

  “Oh my God, I’m sorry,” she moans as she steps back from me. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  I laugh because I don’t know what else to do. This is madness, we’re insane, we both know that we shouldn’t do this but the magnetic pull between us is too much. All I really want to do is grab her hand and pull her up to my bedroom where we can hook up all over again.

  Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how I want to look at it, the door opens once more at that moment and Marcus and Liza step inside. Both of them look gorgeously tanned and relaxed which reminds me of how I felt when I was away on my travels. I miss that version of me.

  “Oh hey!” I throw my arms around Marcus right away, fussing him to detract attention away from me and Sephy. I don’t want them to guess what’s going on in here. “Good to see you both, how was the honeymoon? Did you have an awesome time in Bora Bora?”

  Sephy takes my lead and she fusses her sister. We both make such an effort to be really interested in everything they have to say about their trip that hopefully we disguise the illicit kiss. Liza and Marcus were so happy and self involved anyway that I think we just about get away with it.

  After that, Liza’s mom turns up and the dinner spreads across the table. The bottles of wine also make a gracious appearance which helps to ease the tension in the room a little bit. As do the wedding photographs. Even my mom manages to crack a smile as the images of Liza in her dress grace her presence. I’m hoping that she’s starting to see now that this is something real. It isn’t a gold digger situation, Marcus was right not to worry about a pre nup. Him and Liza are happy and in love.

  “You two look amazing!” I declare, while secretly running my eyes over Sephy in the pictures instead. The image of her in her bridesmaid dress is one that I’ll always love. It’s the night we met after all. If it hadn’t been for the wedding, then who knows how I’d feel now. “I bet you just had the best time on your honeymoon. Was it really relaxing? It’s been, what, three weeks?”

  Liza and Marcus share a look, one that is significant for a couple. I’ve seen it before, when people are in love they don’t need to communicate with words, they can do it with their eyes. It’s sweet, and again I find myself wanting something similar for myself. Unfortunately the only person who I want anything like that with is way out of bounds. Story of my life, always left behind. If I’d met Sephy before Marcus married Liza then maybe we could be the ones in love right now.

  “We actually have something to tell you all,” Liza says with a pink stain to her cheeks. “We were going to wait a bit, but maybe we should just say it now. It isn’t really time, but…”

  “We’re having a baby,” Marcus blurts out, unable to keep the words inside. “It’s very early days but we are.” He hugs Liza close to him with a bright grin on his face. Their closeness shines through, filling the room with color. “But yeah, we’re going to be parents. Isn’t that crazy?”

  A silence clings to the air while we all try to process this. I guess each of us is working out how this is going to affect us individually rather than considering the happy couple. I know I am. I’m thinking about how this is going to destroy what I have with Sephy.

  Although I don’t have anything with Sephy anyway so I really shouldn’t worry about that.

  “Oh my goodness!” I burst out in an ecstatic tone of voice. “That’s amazing news. Congratulation, guys, that’s incredible!” I jump up and throw my arms around them both. “You must be so happy.”

  Me breaking the tension allows everyone else to do the same. They all express their happiness for Liza and Marcus, trying to hide the shock. I suppose it makes sense that this happened but it all feels a bit quick. Still, who the hell am I to judge their happiness when I don’t have much of my own?

  7

  Persephone

  “I still can’t believe it,” I say happily as I touch Liza’s belly. “You actually have a baby in there. That’s mental. You’re growing an actual real life human. My niece or nephew.”

  “I know,” Liza says in a soft, blissful tone of voice. Any sign of the wild child that she once was is long gone. She’s a wife and mother to be. I’m incredibly proud of her. “I’m ecstatic.”

  I don’t want to leave, I want to stay with my sister and find out everything that’s going on with her, but I can’t. she has a husband now, another human that she’s dedicated too, and she wants to spend tonight with him. I’m going to have to wait my turn for when the moment’s right.

  “Okay, well give me a call soon, okay?” I ask her thickly as the emotion gets the better of me. “Let’s hang out. Have some girl time, or whatever. I’ve missed you while you’ve been away.”

  “Are you ready?” Alex booms to Mom and me, shaking his car keys. He hasn’t been drinking all night long and I think it’s because he wanted to be a hero and give us a ride.

  “I’m ready.” Mom’s face is flushed, she looks over the moon by the pregnancy announcement. “Let’s get out of here, we’ve got all sorts to do now. We have a baby to prepare for.”

  Since we all recovered from the moment where Liza and Marcus announced the pregnancy, things have seemed a little… easier, I suppose. The tension between his parents and our mom seemed to fade away a little bit as they all clung to the idea that there’s another life now, something else to think about. I’m glad, babies can do that, they can bring families together. I hope things are easier from here on out. They certainly seem that way as we all say goodbye to one another.

  Once we’re in the car, Mom’s emotions bubble over. She can barely contain herself and she discusses her excitement about the baby in a slightly tipsy way. “I’m going to be a grandma.” She claps her hands together happily. “There’s going to be a new baby to smother.”

  “Dad would be so pleased, wouldn’t he?” I comment happily. Luckily we don’t live in a place where we can’t discuss Dad. It was like that a little bit after he died, but now we discuss him freely. It makes it easier to deal with, it pushes my grief away and allows me to remember him happily. “He would love to know that Liza’s all settled and that she’s going to be a Mom herself.”

  “Oh, he would, wouldn’t he? He would love all of this. I think he’d love Marcus too.”

  I glance over to Alex in the driver’s seat of the car, wondering if this conversation is making him uncomfortable. I know death can with some people, but he doesn’t look it at all. Instead he shoots me a warm smile that makes my chest heat up with loving feeling. God I like him, it’s too much.

  Alex drops Mom off first, leaving only him and me alone in the car. As he drives towards my apartment, the thick tension that clings to the air is something I need to address, especially now. We can’t deny that there’s a family bond between us with a baby in the picture. Soon he’ll be an uncle and me an aunt to the same child. We can’t keep on acting in the way that we are, no matter what.

  “It’s great, isn’t it?” I say in a husky tone of voice. “The baby, I mean?”

  “Mhmm,” Alex sounds unsure as he answers. “Yeah, I guess it is. I wasn’t expecting it though.”

  “No, me neither.” I huff loudly as I brace myself to say what I have to next. “I guess that means that we should just… you know, be friends. I suppose we can’t still hook up as we have been.”

  Alex doesn’t reply at first, I can tell this conversation is as challenging for him as it is me. He keeps his gaze fixed firmly on the road as we speed towards my apartment. I don’t want to get there before he’s answered me, I don’t want this chat to end up unresolved or I’ll never get any sleep tonight.

  “I suppose you’re right,” he says with a one shouldered shrug. “I don’t want it to be the case, but I do think you’re right about that. We can’t keep texting and fooling around when there’s a baby on the way.” I notice his knuckles turning a funny shade of white as he clutches tightly onto the steering wheel. “I suppose we shouldn’t even be friends, should we? Because that might lead to all sorts.”

  The idea of not having Alex in my life at all weighs heavily on my chest, I don’t like the idea of it one bit. I know we’ll see each other at the odd family thing but it won’t be the same. He’s the first person that I’ve connected with in any real way for a very long time and I’m not quite ready to let that go. But we have to, I don’t have any choice. I’ve already proven that I can’t behave myself around Alex. I was only around him for one second and I was kissing him madly.

  “Okay yeah. So we’ll just… delete each other’s numbers and forget about anything that happened. We need to be there for the baby now. And for Marcus and Liza.”

  We pull up outside my apartment and Alex turns to face me. There’s a lot going on behind his gaze I can see a real intensity there. I have to admit that it makes my breath catch in my throat, but I remind myself of the conversation that we just had where we decided to forget.

  “I guess this is goodbye then,” I say sadly to Alex. “And it’s been… good.”

  “Yeah, yeah, really good.” Alex nods his head, his eyes full of regret. “It’s a shame.”

  I don’t know what overcomes my mind, but for a brief second it seems like a really good idea to lean across and give him a kiss. A goodbye peck of sorts. Even though it’s only been a really short time together and nothing too bad has happened, it’s been intense. I feel like we need some sort of closure to put an end to this… yet, somehow the peck in my mind doesn’t happen. Our mouths connect intensely, Alex’s arm hooks around the back of my neck, the passion overtakes and the next thing we’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. I lose all control of myself and I allow myself to be claimed. This isn’t a goodbye, it feels a lot like unfinished business to me.

  “What are we doing?” I gasp as Alex’s mouth moves to my neck. “Oh my God.”

  Alex doesn’t answer, instead he hits the handle which lowers the seat quickly. I fall back into a lying position and he climbs on top of me, not caring if anyone’s looking. To be fair it’s dark and not a busy neighbourhood so I don’t think we’ll be caught, but the element of danger is there and it’s sexy as hell. I wouldn’t care if anyone did watch. I’ve become an exhibitionist!

  Alex’s hand travels down my body and he pauses only for long enough to grasp my breast. I moan and arch my back, pushing myself into him more. His fingers feel incredible on me, so damn right. I know it’s wrong, but the taboo nature of it makes it so much hornier.