‘If you hate your job get a new one…’ I type before deleting it quickly. I know why Alex does what he does, he doesn’t want to cross his dad and end up with nothing until the time is right. I don’t want to get in the middle of that nightmare. ‘Yes, head to mine and I’ll see you when I get back xxx’

  I hold the phone tightly to my chest and breathe in everything about Alex. My chest swells and heats up with love as I remember our time together. He makes me feel so safe, I realize that I haven’t felt that before. I don’t think I ever have to worry with Alex, I don’t think he’d cheat on me and make me feel like shit about myself. He makes me feel like I’m desirable and worthwhile.

  ‘Looking forward to it. Hope you and Liza are having a good time xxx’

  “Sephy.” All of a sudden I’m dragged from my thoughts by Liza’s desperate voice calling out for me. She sounds weak and needy, which grabs my focus straight away. “Help me.”

  I drag the curtain of the dressing room open to see Liza with the trousers on the floor, gasping desperately and grabbing onto the wall as if she can’t stand up straight any longer. My heart races, an intense panicky feeling sets in, and all of a sudden the pale of her face means something else.

  Now, she’s even more pale and her whole body looks weak. It’s as if her legs don’t have the power to hold her up anymore. Her eyes roll backwards and her hair keeps falling across her face. I fear she could throw up over everything at any given moment. Liza looks much sick than I’ve ever seen her.

  “Oh my God.” I wrap my arms around her to keep her standing upright. “Liza, are you okay? Is the baby okay? Oh my God I’m going to get an ambulance to come here. You need help.”

  I lean back to yell someone because I need someone to support me through this. I don’t know what I’m doing, I feel out of my depth. This situation requires a medical professional.

  “No, no don’t,” Liza begs. “I don’t need an ambulance, this happens a lot. I’m just hot, that’s all. I’m overheating, it’s all because I’m pregnant. I just need some fresh air and some water.”

  She leans against me, needing support. I lean down and pull the trousers up around her waist to cover her up. I don’t know if these are hers or they belong to the store but right now I don’t care. I need to get her covered up and outside in the fresh air. Once she’s dressed, I drag her out the dressing room pausing only to grab up the things that I know for sure belong to her.

  “Can I have some water?” I yell at the shop assistant as we go through the store. This is a baby store, I’m sure they’ll have sympathy. “Please? My sister feels sick and she’s having a baby.”

  The girl rushes over with a pre prepared bottle of water which actually calms me down a bit. If they are this prepared then it must happen all the time. What’s happening to Liza isn’t that much of an issue. I shouldn’t worry so much, I can feel myself about to freak the hell out.

  “Thank you so much. Liza needs some fresh air and water. Thank you for your help.”

  The girls grabs a chair too and we sit Liza out on the sidewalk. As the cooler air washes over her I can physically see my sister stating to calm down. I still feel like I want to call a doctor to help her but I don’t because Liza doesn’t want it. I will take her home early though, I won’t let her say no to that. Clearly this is why she hasn’t been out much because pregnancy is hard on her. I make an internal vow to go and see her at her home in future. If she needs stuff, I’ll get it for her.

  As the store assistant gets Liza to sip the water, I call a cab to come and pick us up. I want to get the hell out of here before things get messier than they already are.

  “Shall I call Marcus?” I ask Liza while we wait for the car. “Get him to come back from work to take care of you? I don’t have his number, but I could do it from your cell…”

  Is it weird that I don’t have my brother in laws cell phone number? I don’t know. I’ve just never had any sort of closeness with him. There’s never been any reason for me to contact him before.

  “No, no, please don’t.” Liza grips onto my arm hard. “It’s fine, honestly. I don’t want to worry him when I’m okay. All I want to do is sleep and I won’t be able to do that if he’s there.”

  I nod, understanding where she’s coming from. It doesn’t make me feel comfortable but my loyalty lies with my sister. If that’s what she wants then I will respect her wishes. She knows her body better than I do, she knows exactly what she’s going through with her baby. If she says it’s fine, it is.

  “Okay then, that’s fine.” I rub her back and internally pray for the car to hurry up.

  Luckily it isn’t long until the cab arrives and I pile Liza in. As the car whizzes back towards Liza’s home, I watch her drifting in and out of sleep. I’m sure being tired is normal when having a baby, I just need to turn this worry down and be calm. I suck in a few deep breaths, but it doesn’t really help.

  ‘Liza is sick,’ I text to Alex desperately. I need some reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. ‘She just wants to go home and sleep but I’m freaked out. Should I tell Marcus? Xxx’

  Seconds later I get my reply. ‘No, I wouldn’t. if she says she’s fine then I would believe her. My brother – bless his heart – can be a little bit overbearing xx’

  I nod determinedly and believe his words. I can see that, I suppose he is that sort of character. Maybe I should just stay with Liza instead to make sure that she’s okay. We were supposed to be together for the next few hours anyway so I doubt it makes any difference. That way if there’s anything that needs doing, I can be the one to do it. I might not be the best in an emergency, but I can help.

  I pay the cab driver and help Liza inside, taking her all the way up to bed. I lie her on the bed and perch on the edge to watch her anxiously. She looks better now, but I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the sight of her being sick like that. Liza’s always been strong, she’s always been the one to take care of me. I don’t like the idea of her being weak, I don’t know where that leaves me. I suppose I rely on her, much more than I realized.

  10

  Alex

  “I haven’t been on the golf course forever!” I say to Marcus with my hand shielding the sun from my eyes. “God, we used to be here all the time, didn’t we? Way back when…”

  “It wasn’t that long ago,” he relies while swinging his club back to hit the ball. “Only before you went travelling. I suppose that feels like a life time to you though, doesn’t it?”

  Actually when I think back to my days exploring the world it feels like that all happened forever ago now. Almost to a different person. The memories are hazy, with a fuzzy quality, as if I’m watching them on a TV screen rather than thinking about things that actually happened to me. With Sephy, everything is crystal clear, she blurs everything else out. All I can see is her face.

  “I suppose so,” I reply guardedly. “But a whole lot has changed since then. You’re a married man now and about to have a baby. How are things going with all of that anyway?”

  I brace myself, waiting for some stories of Liza and her sickness, but Marcus gives me an oblivious smile. “Oh yeah, everything is really good. Not long now until the little man… or girl, but I think I’m having a boy, is here. Then everything really will change. I don’t know what it’ll be like.”

  Okay, so obviously Liza is keeping it a secret. I know a little bit about that! She probably doesn’t want to worry Marcus, and since I only know bits and bobs about it through Sephy who’s spending as much time with Liza as she can, I can’t admit it without rising suspicion. We’ve made it this far without anyone finding out about us. I don’t want to blow it now, we aren’t ready!

  “Are you ready to be a father? Are you prepared to change diapers and deal with sick?”

  I step up to take my shot and as I do a familiar competitive feeling overcomes me. I can’t help it, I might have a great relationship with Marcus, but in a big way we’re just typical brothers with an alpha need to compete. Especially when it comes to sport. Really, who the fuck cares about golf? But still I feel an intense need to compete with him. I need to go for a hole in one.

  I swing the club back, aim, and smack it. I get surprisingly close to the hole, I definitely feel like I’ve beaten Marcus, but it isn’t that magical hole in one I was desperately hoping for. Never mind, there’s plenty of time for me to kick some serious ass… I hope.

  “Luckily, Liza will be a stay at home mom while I work in the company, and I’m sure we’ll hire nannies too so I’m hoping I can avoid a whole lot of the dirty work. I’ll have to do a few though.”

  I laugh loudly at the thought of Marcus changing diapers. He’s so fussy and prissy, not one for getting dirty. It’ll be hilarious to see, I hope I get to be there at least once. I can see his future though, he’s going to end up a lot like dad, a workaholic who pushes his own child into the company. It’s a shame, but at least I’ll be around to try and stop him if his child hates it. I don’t want him – or her, I’m not ready to commit to one gender either way – to end up unhappy at work like me.

  “How does Liza feel about that? Is she happy to be a stay at home mom?”

  “Oh she can’t wait.” That serene smile that he always does when he thinks about his wife crosses Marcus’s face. “She’s really looking forward to being a mother, and I know she’ll be amazing.”

  We take a few more shots in silence, focusing only on the game at hand. I think so hard about me and Sephy I almost forget to keep score of the game. Almost. I still notice that I’m just about ahead.

  “We should go out for a few drinks afterwards…” Marcus says in an innocent enough sounding tone of voice. “It’s been a while since we’ve had fun, hasn’t it? We should do it now before I can’t.” He gives me a funny look out the corner of his eye. “And you can tell me all about the woman that you’ve been dating… and before you try to deny it, Mom’s told me that you’re never at home and I see you always on your phone and sneaking out of the office at every opportunity.”

  A heat fills my cheeks as panic sets in. I wonder if he knows something and he’s just trying to get me to admit it. I’m sure he would’ve told me if he’d heard something about me and Sephy, but I can’t be sure. Still, he one hundred percent knows something so I’m going to have to come up with some bullshit lie. I hate to hide the truth, but again I’m going to have to.

  “Oh right… well, yeah I have been, erm, dating someone. I guess it’s going well…”

  “It must be! I would say that you’re in love. You’re very different since you got back from travelling. You’ve grown up a lot and I’d say you’re finally ready to settle down. I would love to meet the woman who’s turned your head so strongly some time… unless it’s someone I know already?”

  If only you knew… for a brief second I almost say it, but I catch myself just in time.

  “No… no one you know. Someone I met in a night club when I got back.” I can barely look Marcus in the eyes. “But yeah, when things are a bit more settled, I’ll sort it out.”

  I’ll just have to keep playing it off over and over again until… well, I don’t know.

  Luckily I think then it must become really obvious that I’m closed down and I don’t want to talk about it because Marcus doesn’t bring it up again. I can almost feel him looking at me out the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t say it. Maybe he’ll ask me later on…

  * * *

  The music thumps so loudly the bones in my body rattle. It makes my ear drums ache and my eyes sting under the bright, flashing lights. I don’t really want to be here, but I am for my brother’s sake. He’s actually enjoying himself, I’ve even seen him dancing a couple of times which isn’t like him at all. He’s clearly having some fun before his life changes for good, which I can’t blame him for.

  “Hey, handsome,” a voice purrs into my ear as a hand grabs my butt. “You look bored.” I turn to see a stunning brunette woman with a dirty glint in her eye staring at me. “How’s it going, Alex?”

  My eyes widen in surprise, this woman knows me and I barely recognise her at all. There’s something about her that sparks a little bit of a flicker, but it isn’t enough. There’s certainly no name racing through my brain. I cough awkwardly, trying to buy myself some time.

  “Oh right, hi, good to see you…” I screw my face up in panic. This is so awful!

  “It’s Annabelle.” She rolls her eyes and pushes out her breasts out in my direction. “You don’t remember me? We met here about two years ago and ended up in the bathroom…”

  That brings a vague memory back but it certainly isn’t one that I’m proud of. When I think of that version of myself, I’m disappointed. Yes, I was young and only having some fun, but I still could have been better. I could’ve acted more responsibly and in a kinder way.

  “Oh right, I see. Erm… yeah.” I want to find a way to say sorry, but I can’t seem to do it.

  “So, do you want a repeat performance?” Oh I see, it seems she isn’t asking for an apology after all. She just wants to carry on in exactly the same way as we did back then. That confuses me.

  “I’m actually here with my brother. He needs me to look after him because he’s a bit out of control.”

  Annabelle shoves me backwards, a little too roughly to be playful. “If you have a girlfriend now, just say so. Don’t make up shitty excuses.” She leans in again and licks my neck. “And even if you do have a girlfriend it doesn’t matter to me. I honestly don’t give a shit and if I know you…”

  “I’m not like that anymore,” I reply sharply, needing to put an end to this now. “I have to go.”

  I push my way through the crowds until I find Marcus who’s covered in sweat as he jumps up and down on the dance floor. The image makes me shake my head in bemusement. Even when we were younger, he didn’t act like this. It must be because he’s a baby, it’s sent him wild, like he’s missing a youth that he didn’t have before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with him.

  “Marcus!” I call above the music while I grip onto his arm. “I want to go!”

  “No, you can’t leave yet,” he slurs back. “You haven’t told me about your girlfriend yet.”

  He isn’t in the best of ways, I feel like I need to persuade him to leave before he ends up ill or doing something he regrets. I haven’t ever had to babysit Marcus before, but he has me so I suppose this is me returning the favor. “I’ll tell you outside where you can hear me better. Come on.”

  I don’t think he wants to, but he does. He allows me to drag him through the crowds, avoiding Annabelle as we go, until we get to the cool night air. There are people loitering outside, looking for someone to go home with. I used to be one of those people, enjoying the meaningless hook up, but I’m glad that I’m not anymore. I have the best woman in the world waiting for me.

  “Right, let’s find a cab…” I walk towards the taxi rank, but Marcus grabs me just before I do.

  “No wait. Tell me about her. I want to know who makes you happy. I want you to be as happy as I am with Liza.” He hiccups as the drunkenness gets to him. “I love her you know? I’m truly fucking scared of being a dad, that much is for sure, but she’s perfect for me. She’s my one.”

  My chest swells with love. Despite the fact that Marcus’s words make me feel even more guilty about what I’m doing, I can’t help being overwhelmed with love for Sephy.

  “Trust me, my girl makes me that happy too. She’s my one. She’s everything.”

  That seems to be enough to satisfy drunk Marcus which is good. Sober Marcus would be relentless with his questions. He pats me on the back and nods knowingly. “Come on then. Let’s get the fuck out of here. I don’t even know what me and you are doing in a club anymore.”

  I laugh all the way to the car and get us both inside. I make sure the cab takes Marcus home first so he doesn’t see where I’m getting out the car, despite the fact that Sephy’s home is nearer. All the secrecy feels much heavier now, it’s a real big weight for me to carry, but unfortunately for a little while longer I’m going to have to continually pile it on myself. There isn’t any other way.

  I’m in love, I really have met the love of my life, but despite the fact that we still can’t tell anyone I can let her know. Neither of us have mentioned the ‘I love you’s’ since we spoke them, but I think it might be time.

  11

  Persephone

  “What is this?” I giggle as Alex wraps his arms around my eyes. “Have you lost the plot? You’ve made me dress up all night, hang out in the bedroom for hours, and now I can’t see? Have you forgotten that this is my apartment? I should be allowed to do whatever the hell I like.”

  Alex doesn’t answer, instead he presses his body into my back a bit, giving me that wonderful safe feeling again. I inhale deeply, breathing every inch of him in, and he smells delicious. I love the musky, adorable scent of his in. I love that smell, it’s gorgeous, it’s so very him.

  “Just trust me,” he whispers into my ear, making me shiver lightly. “You’ll love this.”

  As his hands fall away my breath is sucked from my body, I’m completely blown away by everything he’s done. He’s transformed my tiny kitchen and living room area into what looks like a posh restaurant, and there’s a delicious smelling meal on the candle lit table.

  “Oh my goodness, what have you done?” I gasp, clapping my hands against my mouth. I feel like I’m on a wonderful date. “This is too much. I can’t believe you’ve done this for me.”

  “Well I can’t ever take you on a date, can I? So this is the nearest thing to it that I could do for you,” he replies with a coy shrug. “I want to spoil you and treat you like a princess, so this is it.”

  I’m so touched, unbelievably so. I haven’t ever been romanced before or craved romance either, but this is amazing. The fact that Alex has gone out of his way to make all of this so nice for me is too much. He didn’t have to, this isn’t something we need, but he’s done it anyway.