Then Alex completely stuns me by sliding down into the cramped space below my feet. He pushes the chair back as far as it’ll go, but as I prop myself up onto my elbows he still looks squashed.

  “What are you doing?” I ask with a laugh, but I can hardly hear my own words because my hearts hammering so loudly in my chest. “Come back up here, you fool. I miss you.”

  But of course Alex doesn’t listen to me. I’m starting to learn that he’s a bit of a wild card that does whatever he wants. I like that about him. It brings a giant grin to my face. He wraps his fingers around the waist band of my jeans and he tugs them down. As the denim material grazes over my hyper sensitive skin I can’t help shuddering with glee. It’s only when they’re completely down that I realize my lace panties have gone too. I’m completely exposed, this is utterly wild.

  Alex grabs my foot, slings my leg over his shoulder, and moves in closer to me. I can feel his breath tickling all over me. I collapse back, my head lolls to one side, and my eyes fall closed. I completely and utterly lose myself to the sensations that Alex has tearing through my system.

  “Oh God,” I groan as his lips press gently against my clit, kissing me at my most sensitive area. My moans increase as his tongue flicks over me, he traces the most phenomenal feeling patterns over me, my hips roll, I beg for more desperately. “Oh, Alex this is… it’s…” I can’t find the words.

  Alex’s fingers dig into my hips, fixing me in place and he pushes his tongue deeper and deeper into me. It feels so good that I could scream. I smack my burning hand against the ice cold window, creating finger marks in the steamed up glass. My head buzzes wildly, I feel like I’m losing the plot.

  “Oh my God, come here… I need you…” This is wrong, I keep reminding myself that it’s wrong, but we’ve overstepped that line now. Does it really matter if we go one step further?

  Alex doesn’t seem to think so. He drags himself up my body and he pressed his lips against mine. I can taste myself on him which makes him sort of mine. I love it. I love it so much that I awkwardly spin around so he’s on his back and I’m straddling him. It isn’t easy, we aren’t in the largest space, but I just want to be on top. I want to be in control. For this moment, he’s mine and I want to be his too.

  With a sly smile, I angle myself perfectly and I slide down onto him. I’m hunched over slightly, banging my head on the ceiling, but I don’t mind. He feels so fucking incredible filling me up, it makes me feel wonderful. There’s something so perfect about our connection, it’s amazing.

  “Oh fucking hell, Sephy,” he grunts while gripping onto my hips again. Alex tries to control the movements, but he can’t. I’m the one with all the power here and I freaking love it. “You’re amazing. I can’t let you go.” I feel this is the truth spilling past his lips in the heat of the moment and I really want to hear it. “I know I should, but I can’t. I want you to be mine. I’m falling for you.”

  Shit. I want that too. I want that so bad it hurts. There’s an ache in my chest. I want it, but how can it be? How can we be together properly when it’s so complicated.

  Love should be easy, it should be like breathing in and out. It shouldn’t be like this. All complicated and messy, love shouldn’t affect all the people around us. Soul mates are supposed to just be perfect, that’s what I’ve always believed.

  Before I can say anything else, an intense earth shattering orgasm crashes through my body, making me a slave to only the sensations. The problem doesn’t go away completely, we’re still going to have to face it eventually, but for now I get to just feel and it’s awesome.

  8

  Alex

  I know I shouldn’t be waking up in Sephy’s bed, that isn’t really part of what we initially agreed, but it’s started to become a habit… and a habit that I really like as well. Over the last three months we’ve started spending more and more time together, it’s happened very naturally, and now we’re definitely one hundred percent in a relationship. Okay, so it isn’t exactly a traditional boyfriend and girlfriend thing because we haven’t established the title and no one knows about us, but this is the closest to a commitment that I’ve ever had in my life, and surprisingly I love it.

  I never planned to get into a serious relationship until I was much older. I thought I’d be about thirty before I’d even care about settling down, but Sephy has changed absolutely everything. I don’t even mind, I love it. Because we have to keep things very much a secret, we’ve locked ourselves away from the world, but I don’t care. I only want to be with her anyway.

  “Morning, beautiful,” I say with a smile as I tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “You look lovely today. But then, you always do in the morning, you know I like you at your most natural.”

  Sephy’s face bursts into a bright smile, she always looks happy at the moment. I love it, I have to think it’s because of me, because she’s had the same affect on my mood. I thought I’d hate being here, I was convinced I’d be desperate to get back out into the world, but right now this is my world.

  “You’re here again,” she says as a joke. “What must your parents think?”

  My father doesn’t care where I am, as long as I turn up for work every day, which I’ve been better at doing than I thought I would be, but my mom does. I’ve just told her that I’m dating someone to make it easier, but she’s desperate to know who. I can’t tell her, not when things are finally a little better between the families. I can’t bring that tension back out. There’s a baby to think about.

  “I know, I am here. I’m not supposed to be, am I? Maybe I should go home…”

  Sephy grabs me quickly and she drags me in for a kiss. I love kissing her first thing in the morning, it’s the best thing ever. The only problem is it makes me want to stay with her all day long. I might be going to work all the time, but that doesn’t mean I like it. That’s something I want to address eventually but the timing will have to be right. I need to be in the right frame of mind to face my father, to tell him that I want to do something else with my life… I also need to work out what I want to do. I need a dream to take to my father, to prove to him that I’ve thought about what I’m doing.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” she growls at me. “This bed feels empty without you.”

  Just as she bring my mouth back to hers again, her phone bleeps loudly which makes me groan as if she’s in actual agony. It’s easy to forget about the rest of the world when we’re in our bubble. I cling onto her body as she leans across to the night stand to grab her phone. As her face lights up under the brightness of the screen I feel a skip in my heart all over again. I really might be falling for Sephy.

  “Oh, it’s Jessica,” she says with a furrowed brow. “My boss. She wants me to go out tonight for her birthday. To some new club. Crew, have you heard of it?” I shake my head. Once upon a time I used to know all the clubs, but clearly not anymore. “Oh, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Go,” I insist instantly. “That sounds like a lot of fun. She’s your friend, right?”

  Sephy shrugs and gives me a pleading look. I can read her mind without even trying. Somehow, we’re already at a place where I know what all her facial expressions mean. She doesn’t want to go out because she doesn’t want to miss out on time with me. She’s sweet, I feel the same way, but we cannot be like that. This is already intense enough. I pull her closer to me.

  “I can either be at home or I can wait here for you… if you want?” I raise my eyebrows at her. “I don’t mind sleeping in your awesome bed until you get back for a hug.”

  “You would do that?” she asks, sounding shocked. “You’d wait here for me?”

  Sephy doesn’t seem to get it. I would do absolutely anything for her. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I think we’ve both proven that we’re willing to do whatever, considering we’re risking so much by just being together. I nod and smirk before pulling her in for a kiss.

  “Of course! I don’t mind. I would much prefer to be here than at home anyway. You know that.”

  Oh God, we’re so couple like, it’s ridiculous. I almost want to laugh at myself because I’ve pretty much gone crazy, but it’s in the best way possible. I rub my hand up and down her soft skin, relishing in her beauty. What me and Sephy share is off the scale of anything I’ve ever had before.

  “Here’s my spare key.” She reaches across and grabs it out, handing it to me. “I don’t expect you to be here but if you are then that would be awesome. I know I’d love to see you afterwards.”

  “Ooh, and I’d love to see you. You’ll be wild and tipsy which sounds like so much fun.”

  As she kisses me hard, I’m already excited for where the night will lead… just like I am every single time I spend time with Sephy.

  * * *

  A loud banging sound causes me to leap up off of Sephy’s couch, where I must have fallen asleep at some point in front of the TV. I glance down at my crumpled suit, knowing that I must look a state. I wanted to be looking good when Sephy got back home, especially as she’s been in a club with good looking guys all night long, but it’s a bit late for that now. She’s home.

  I race to the door, rubbing sleep from my eyes as I go, and I see Sephy swaying and giggling to herself as she attempts to unlock the door. As she spots me, her whole face lights up, which really warms my chest. I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing by staying here, but now I think that I have.

  “Hey there,” she says in a slightly slurred manner. “I’m glad you’re here. I couldn’t get in.”

  I step aside and wait for her to walk, or stagger as the case might be, inside. “I hope that’s not the only reason you want me here,” I laugh. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all night long.”

  I run my eyes over her body, loving the red skater dress that clings to her curves perfectly. Her hair has become all mussed up from the night and her make up is slightly smudged, but she’s super sexy all the same. But I’m not here for that tonight, I just want to take care of her.

  “Did you have a good time?” I wander behind her towards the bedroom. “Did Jessica have fun?”

  “Oh it was really good, did you see the pictures I posted online? Jess was sick…”

  Spehy grabs her phone and flicks it to camera mode. She leans in and kisses me unexpectedly and takes a picture at the same time. It’s only when I see that she’s about to post that one too, I stop her.

  “Woah, woah, woah.” I slide the phone from her fingers. “You can’t do that. Remember, we’re supposed to be a secret, aren’t we? I don’t think you should post anything on the Internet.”

  “But I want to.” She pouts out her bottom lip adorably. “I want everyone to know about us. I love you, you know that, why does it all have to be such a secret?”

  I gulp, the word love washes over me intensely. I know I feel the same way about Sephy too, but I don’t know if this is the right moment to say it. Does she mean it, or is she only saying it because she’s drunk? I hope it is real, I’d love it to be the truth, but that still doesn’t mean we can tell the world. That’s why we agreed to keep things casual, we probably shouldn’t have overstepped that.

  “Think about Liza,” I remind Sephy softly. “She doesn’t want to find out about us like that. She deserves to hear it from you when you’re sober, if at all. I don’t think this is right.”

  Sephy nods, agreeing with me. She doesn’t look too happy about it, but she seems to get that I’m right. Then as she sways on her feet I guide her towards the bathroom where she can get herself ready for bed. As she dresses in her pyjamas and she gets herself together, I pour her a glass of water to help get her through the night and probably the hangover that she’ll have tomorrow. While I do I glance through her photographs of the night and I smile to myself. She looks so carefree and happy, it makes me love her even more. And I do, I really do love her, so damn much.

  I decide to tell her the moment that I see her. Maybe Sephy did only say it because she was drunk but I don’t care. I want her to know how I feel. This isn’t casual anymore, this is something serious. We’re much more than just seeing each other. I guess at some point we need to have that conversation to work out how we’re going to navigate everything that comes next. We can’t be secret forever.

  “I’m ready for bed.” Sephy leans up against the door frame and smiles at me. “Can you carry me?”

  I place the drink down to pick up later and I scoop her up in my arms. She’s light as a feather, even though she’s already half asleep and lolling backwards. I take her into the bedroom, lay her down across the sheets and stare down at her with nothing but love in my eyes. Sephy’s eyes flutter, so I don’t know if she’s awake enough to hear me, but I sat the three words I need to anyway.

  “I love you too,” I tell her quietly, loving the way those words make me feel. “So, so much.”

  She groans, but doesn’t respond which is okay because I don’t need her too. As she sleeps, curling into the bed, I go to get her the drink and to tidy up the clothes she scattered around the floor as she got dressed. It’s domestic, but I don’t mind it. I could find happiness here if it wasn’t so hard.

  What would Marcus say? I think to myself as I try to picture actually going up to him and explaining to him what’s happened. Would he be mad or happy for me? Would he yell or pat me on the back?

  He’s my brother and my closest friend, so in a way I think he’d be pleased, but at the same time he would probably yell that there are plenty more fish in the sea so I shouldn’t go so close to home. I don’t know, it could go either way. As much as I want to face it, I don’t know when I’ll be able to.

  9

  Persephone

  “I’m so glad we’ve finally managed to catch up!” Liza gasps happily. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy. I don’t mean to be, but all this baby stuff takes up a lot of my time.”

  Her bump is swelling, she’s finally at the stage when it’s clearly obvious that she’s having a baby. There’s been a little phase where it could have been either a baby or a bit of weight gain, but now it’s obvious. She still has almost four months to go, so she’ll get even rounder before it’s over. The baby seems to be having a bit of a strain on her as well. She’s looking very pale, but I suppose that’s normal with all the morning sickness and stuff. I wouldn’t know, having never been pregnant before.

  “Yeah I can imagine. Lots of hospital appointments and stuff. I’m just glad to be involved now!”

  Admittedly I do feel a bit out of place in the baby store. It all feels like it’s a million miles away from my own life so I don’t belong at all. There are so many contraptions that are alien to me, I would even be able to hazard a guess what they do… but somehow already my sister has become a baby expert so maybe I will when I do eventually fall pregnant. Maybe it’s a natural thing.

  “There’s so much I need.” Liza clutches her forehead as she scans her eyes over the list. “Marcus has sorted out a crib, a changing station, a baby bath… he’s done all the big stuff, but I still need all the little bits. Feeding bras, a breast pump, definitely some new maternity trousers…”

  Those words are even a bit strange to me, but I nod determinedly, needing to help. I’ve been wanting to hang out with Liza forever, I miss her, she’s been sucked into her marriage a lot. Of course there’s a lot of guilt too, because of me and Alex, so I have some silent making up to do.

  Things between me and Alex are going from strength to strength. Even after I think I drunkenly blurted out that I love him, I haven’t put him off. I assumed he’d be gone in the morning when the memory came screaming back to me, but no, he was next to me on the sheets with an array of drinks waiting for me to help me recover from my hangover. He cooked me an awesome breakfast as well. We haven’t mentioned it since, but I’m sure he must know how I feel.

  I’m sure he’ll say it back when he’s ready, I’m not too concerned about it. We’re supposed to be casual anyway so as not to complicate things. We’ve already gone way beyond that!

  “Is that your phone bleeping?” Liza asks me while she grabs a selection of trousers with elastic waist bands. “It’s been going off a lot, hasn’t it?”

  I know who it’s going to be, and I also know if Liza sees how happy the messages make me she will demand information, so I blow it off for the moment. I need to look at them alone.

  “Oh, it’s only Jessica with some work ideas.” I hate lying, I never lie to Liza! I wish it wasn’t so essential. “I’d rather look at them all in one go a bit later on when I have some time.”

  “Okay well I’m going to go and try these on.” Liza flicks the trousers at me like she used to with party dresses once upon a time. “Is that alright? I need to check they’ll fit me when I grow.”

  “Yeah sure.” I nod enthusiastically. That’ll give me a second to myself. “No problem at all.”

  I take a seat outside the dressing room and I snatch my phone out the moment I’m by myself. I feel naughty, sickly so but unfortunately this is the only way it can be. I will tell Liza one day, I’m going to have to if I’m in love, but not. She’s emotional, hormonal, growing a baby. I can’t steal her thunder. She might tear my head off my neck and kill me. Or she might be happy, I don’t know. It’s a risk.

  ‘How’s baby shopping going? I’m just leaving the office now, I refuse to give up anymore of my weekend for this job I hate! Shall I head back to yours? Xxx’

  God, he practically lives with me, this is insane! Okay so I had something serious with Bobby once upon a time, but it didn’t feel as intense as this. What I have with Alex is something brand new.