“I think I’d better be off now,” Cathy said standing up. “Brian’s at the shop alone. The weekend guests in the attic suite will be checking out, and the room needs cleaning.”

  Jill waved but did not get up. Did she know? Did she hate her now?

  “Thanks for the breakfast.” Cathy headed back into the house and out the front door.

  ****

  Brian was playing the flute behind the counter when Cathy entered the shop. Their agreement was that he could play if he kept the music soft and there were no customers upfront. And, of course, that he was dressed! At home he played in the nude, but not here. She could hardly call him covered today, though, in his skimpy tie-dyed armless T-shirt and rolled up denim shorts.

  “Hi, boss lady,” he said.

  “Great tan. Your trip to Montana must have gone well.”

  He lowered the flute under the counter.

  “Mostly good, when my mom wasn’t freaking out over the bugs or something.”

  A customer entered, and he turned to help them. Cathy headed upstairs.

  The guests had left their room a mess. Wine glasses, open bottles, and empty chocolate wrappers littered the nightstand and table. The bed looked like a hurricane hit it, and there were wet towels everywhere. How many showers did they take?

  She started stripping the bed, making piles of laundry in the corner, and dumping the trash. It felt good to scrub the sink and tub until they shined. Before long, the room was in pristine condition, and Cathy felt better too. She opened the window to air it out for the next guests, who would arrive later in the week. Both rooms were booked for the Fourth of July weekend, but midweek was still slow. She scanned the room. Nothing was out of place; everything was back to the way it should be. She wished her life were the same.

  Downstairs in the back room, she plugged in her adding machine and attacked the bookkeeping. She ran a tape and caught up on the bills and invoices. An inventory was completed next and a list of what she needed to order for the shop and café. Cathy posted it on the bulletin board for Tim to see on Monday. She was back in the routine. Everything was under control, and it was not even five o’clock. Jill seemed a lot better, and she would probably be back to work soon. Everything would return to normal.

  Cathy waved at Tim as she stepped out the front door for some air. He must have had some catching up to do, as he wasn’t scheduled to work today. The sun was still warm, and tourists lingered around the shops downtown. The scent of garlic from Mama Luca’s Pizza reminded her she had not eaten since breakfast and that she’d promised to bring an extra large pie home with her. On the way over to Mama’s, she saw that the toy shop was still open. When she spotted cute kids’ books in the window, Cathy decided to buy some for Amber. She scanned the shelves and found The Runaway Bunny and one of her favorites, Charlotte’s Web.

  With her bag of books in hand, Cathy entered the pizza parlor and ordered a super garlic, basil, and cheese pizza to go, then sat down to wait. She wondered how Father’s Day had gone back at her house. She couldn’t have faced it. The clerk finally handed her the heavy box of pie. The scent made her salivate and long to rip open the box and eat a piece. Instead, she carried it back toward her car. She stepped in through the back door of the café and dialed home. Cathy twisted the orange phone cord around her finger and waited.

  Pam answered, sounding her perky self. “Hello. Cathy’s house.”

  Cathy could hear kids’ music playing in the background. It sounded like a party.

  “Pam?” Cathy said, raising her voice. “I just wanted to remind you I’m bringing home pizza for dinner.”

  “Awesome,” Pam said. “Hey guys,” she yelled, “Cathy’s bringing pizza home.”

  “See you soon, then,” Cathy said.

  “What?” Pam yelled.

  “I’ll be home soon,” she shouted back and hung up the phone.

  Cathy turned out of the parking lot and took a quick right to get to River Road. It sounded like they didn’t miss her. Perhaps they were glad to have some time alone. She couldn’t remember one day like that as a child with her own family. Maybe she could have if her dad had stopped drinking, if she and Todd had stayed married, if her child had survived.

  If, if, if.

  The music still blasted on the tape player when she walked in, and Pam hurried to lower it. Cathy froze. Stretched to the limit around Pam’s waist was Cathy’s favorite silk wraparound skirt from India.

  “Hope you don’t mind, Cathy. I borrowed some of your clothes. Remember? Like we used to. I couldn’t resist this glittery skirt.”

  Cathy wanted to pull it right off of her. But Pam looked so happy in it. “It’s fine this time, but please be sure to cover it when we’re eating pizza.”

  Amber joined Cathy at the door. “Can I carry it?”

  “You can carry half and I’ll carry half,” Cathy said, lowering the box for Amber to reach. Together they carried it to the table that was already set with plates and glasses of pink lemonade.

  “Thanks for bringing dinner,” Jamie said as he took the pizza out of the box.

  He was so close she could catch the faint smell of his spicy aftershave.

  Cathy looked down at the table and mumbled, “I’m glad to do it. Happy Father’s Day.”

  He cut each slice, oozing with cheese, and handed a plateful to each of them. The yeasty dough smothered in chopped garlic and mozzarella melted in Cathy’s mouth. She stole a glance at him. His hair swept across his eyes and rested on the collar of his pale green button-down shirt.

  “Guess where we went today?” Amber said.

  “Where?” Cathy said grateful to have somewhere to look. Amber looked so cute in her miniature peasant blouse with Ric Rac trim and full sleeves.

  “We went to the movies and saw Winnie the Pooh!”

  “You did? How fun. Tell me all about it.”

  “We ate popcorn and drank big cokes,” Amber said before shoving a huge bite of pizza into her mouth, leaving red tomato sauce trailing around her lips.

  “I’m sorry I missed it,” Cathy said. “But I have a surprise for you too.”

  Her big blue eyes lit up. “What, what?”

  Cathy took a few bites and let the anticipation build. “I bought you two new books.”

  Amber started to get up and look for them, but Pam told her to sit down and finish dinner. Amber pouted.

  “Auntie Cathy, will you read me one after dinner?”

  Cathy looked to Pam for approval.

  “We were going to play a board game after dinner, remember?” Pam said.

  Amber looked torn.

  “No problem,” Cathy said. “I’ll read you the books tomorrow as soon as I get back from work.”

  Amber seemed content.

  Cathy’s plate was empty. She took her dishes to the sink and started cleaning up the kitchen. Pam cleared the rest of the table and joined Cathy.

  “You didn’t have to buy Amber anything.”

  “I wanted to,” Cathy said. “Do you mind?”

  “Of course not,” Pam said a little too quickly. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to.”

  “It’s only a couple of books. It’s my pleasure.” Cathy put the dishes in the drain to dry and started for her room.

  Amber yelled after her, “Aren’t you going to play games with us?”

  Cathy thought there were enough games going on already. “Not tonight, Amber. You all have fun, I’m going to take a bath and head to bed.”

  Jamie looked straight at her with a concerned expression. She wished he could take her in his arms and hold her.

  “Here, let’s play Candyland,” Pam said, opening the box and spreading it out on the table.

  Cathy turned quickly and snatched a towel from the linen closet. A hot soak in the claw-foot tub sounded perfect. She turned on the warm water, added lavender bath salts for calming, undressed, and stepped in. The water caressed her skin as she sank into the silky warmth. Laughter from the dining room crept under the door. She plugged her ears but could still hear it. She held her breath and let her head slip under the water. Drowning crossed her mind as a way to stop the noise and the longing of her body for his.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  A familiar silence permeated Cathy’s house. Everyone had left early. Pam had taken Amber to visit her grandma for the day and make sure her mom got to her doctor’s appointment. Oakland was a long drive and the traffic was terrible, but Pam’s mother’s Alzheimer’s seemed to be progressing. Every visit could be the last time her mother would remember them. Cathy speculated on the possibility that some people’s lives were so hard to cope with that they had to lose their memory to survive.

  Jamie had volunteered to take Cathy’s car and go in early to do inventory, so Cathy could enjoy a quiet morning. The plan also ensured Cathy and Jamie were not alone in the house together again.

  Cathy did a little dance in her living room. Alone, alone, finally. Today she would get a grip on herself; all this little girl crush stuff was not like her. She peered in the fridge and pulled out yogurt and ripe strawberries. No white flour, sugar, and butter-drenched breakfast for her. Fragrant, peppermint tea brewed and she had two luxurious hours to herself until Jamie picked her up at ten. She took her tea and yogurt and moved to the rocker on the porch. The cats joined her, and they watched the sun play in the redwoods and basked in its warm rays. Cathy shoveled the tart yogurt and fruit mix into her mouth and let the flavors blend like a cocktail. The birds were in rare form this morning, so happy to greet another day.

  Snowy circled her feet and purred like a crazy boy. Libby leapt on her lap and rubbed her head against her. Love, or a plea for yogurt? Cathy dipped her finger into the white creamy blend and let the cat’s coarse tongue lick off every drop.

  Putting the carton down, Cathy rocked and let the peace fill her senses and hopefully put her broken pieces back together. She could hear the inner doors of her mind closing up and locks snapping back over her heart.

  She lingered on the porch, letting the warmth lull her. No clanking dishes or child’s squeals. Perhaps she could change the locks, and they would never come back. Huge locks that said, “Keep away.”

  She needed to wake up. Life was not a fairytale. Not hers anyway.

  Jamie and Cathy had kept their distance from each other since the night at David’s. She knew she should say something, she wanted to, but what? The phone rang, breaking her solitude. She didn’t want to answer it, but the possibility it was important forced her up. It was Jamie. He could pick her up in an hour. He rattled off what they needed: goat milk, apple cider, and strawberries. Cathy’s mind floated away. He knew his stuff. With him there in the cafe, she was not even needed.

  She went inside and took a long, leisurely shower. No one was home to turn on another water tap, so she never got a cold spray. Yes, it felt good to have some space.

  Who was she kidding? She already missed them. Amber’s giggle warmed a house that had not seen much laughter.

  Cathy walked around naked, then slipped into jean shorts and a red embroidered peasant blouse over a tank top. She felt girly today, so she added lip-gloss and some rose scent. She checked her full-length mirror; her tan set off the blouse nicely. Maybe she would go dancing tonight. She could always drag Tim to the Pink Elephant downriver.

  The sound of Jamie pulling up the drive startled her. Wild eyes looked back from the mirror. Cathy watched her tight-fitting armor crack from the beating of her heart. For a moment she considered hiding in the closet. She couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying as she heard the front door open.

  “Cathy, you ready?” Jamie called.

  She closed her bedroom door and leaned her back against it.

  “In a minute,” she yelled back. Breathe, breathe. Her nervous laughter started again. This was ridiculous. She opened the door and walked out. Jamie was waiting in the living room. He looked up with those clear blue eyes and was completely innocent of the high drama that had just played out in her bedroom.

  “What are you laughing at?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” she said, gathering her things and biting her lip. She didn’t want him to think she was completely crazy.

  “Pretty funny nothing.” He was smiling now.

  “Let’s just go.” She followed him out the front door.

  Cathy hopped in the car, anticipating another day in the kitchen together.

  “Awesome day,” he said. “Makes me want to hit the beach and enjoy it to the max.” His tanned fingers gripped the wheel.

  How she would love to just take off with him, forget the shop, forget everything. Maybe just for a few hours. “Thank you for taking the inventory this morning,” she said. “It was a nice break.”

  “Happy to help,” he said.

  “Jamie, I want to thank you for the other night.”

  “There’s no need, Cathy.”

  She touched his bare arm. “I mean it.”

  He pulled into the parking lot, killed the engine, and turned to her. She felt tears creeping up from some ancient burial ground. His warm fingers took her hand in his. Cathy felt naked under his stare, like her clothes had fallen away, and her skin.

  “It’s so hard to be around you and not tell you how I feel.” He paused. “I know it’s hard on you too.”

  She wanted to ask, “What do you mean?” His eyes lingered on her lips and she felt them part, wishing his mouth would cover them. He drew his fingers through her hair and pulled her close.

  “Cat, Cat,” he whispered. “What are we to do?”

  It was too real now. Her limbs went numb.

  “I don’t know,” she said, afraid to look at him.

  The backdoor flew open and Tim stepped out. His outfit was pristine, a perfectly ironed button-down shirt with rolled sleeves and very low-waisted, very tight, very bell-bottom white jeans, but his expression was frantic.

  “Brian is late. The place is mega packed. Thank god you two are here. I’m good, but not that good.”

  Jamie grinned, displaying his dazzling smile and adorable dimple. He leaned his head out the window. “I’m not so sure about that, Tim!”

  They got out of the car, and Jamie held the back door open for her as they entered the café. Jamie marinated the soft tofu in tamari and garlic while Cathy grated beets, carrots, and zucchini to top off the tostada. This special would be popular today with the tahini and lemon dressing.

  Cathy heard the back doorbell ring and a familiar male voice yell, “Delivery.”

  Mr. Taylor, in his faded overalls, walked in carrying a large ice chest filled with fresh goat milk and cheese from his local farm. It was the best in the county.

  “I brought some Gravenstein apple cider today too,” he said. “Still frozen from last year, but we’ll have fresh pressed starting in July. I’ll set them in the back refrigerator if that’s okay with you.”

  “Sure thing. Thanks,” Cathy said.

  After a few minutes Brian slid in.

  “Sorry, dudes. My ride was late.”

  Cathy scoffed. “It’s a hot one, so start making lemonade.”

  He tied an apron around his waist and started cutting lemons.

  “We could offer strawberry lemonade too,” Jamie said, “with a sprig of mint.”

  As the place filled up, Cathy went out front to take orders and quickly relay them back to the kitchen. “One tofu tostada, one curried chicken salad in papaya, and two lemonades.”

  “Can’t you move any faster?” Jamie asked with mock disapproval.

  Cathy threw an apple at him, just missing his head.

  He held his head and moaned. “Do you have workman’s comp around here?”

  Cathy attempted to glare at him. “Just get to work or out with you.”

  “What would you do without me?”

  She couldn’t even imagine that anymore. His T-shirt clung to his back. She loved the way he moved in the kitchen. It was like watching a graceful dancer. Beads of sweat moistened the soft place above his top lip. Cathy imagined tasting them with her tongue.

  He hurried by and brushed against her. She didn’t know how much longer she could take this proximity and not reach out and grab him. Instead she seized a large chopping knife and took it out on some fresh mint leaves.

  Jamie leaned over her shoulder. “They don’t need to be pulverized,” he said. Cathy held up the knife. “But you do!”

  Jamie took a step back. Even forcing back his grin, that damn dimple charmed her. “Okay, I see the heat is getting to you,” he said.

  She lowered her head and the knife. “You’re getting to me.”

  He stepped behind her. “Do you want me to leave?”

  Cathy looked out at the full dining area. They could handle the rush without him. But she did not want him to leave her side. “Just get to work,” she said.

  “Yes, boss,” he said.

  The knife no longer held its appeal for her and the mint was close to mush.

  “Order in,” Brian yelled.

  “Got it,” Jamie said.

  Brian hustled around clearing tables and washing dishes while Cathy and Jamie kept the food and cold drinks coming.

  After an hour’s rush of customers, the place was dead. Brian turned the fans on in the shop, but it was still stuffy. Everyone was probably out swimming at the river or having a cold beer.

  Jamie and Cathy sat at the counter and picked at a grated salad. It was too hot to eat and having him sit so close did nothing to cool Cathy down. She watched Jamie pick at his food then drop the fork on the plate.

  “I can’t keep pretending forever,” he said.

  “Sitting on the job, I see.”

  Cathy jumped in her seat. She then turned around and found Jill standing behind them. How much had she heard?

  Cathy hopped off the stool and hugged her. “How you feeling?”

  “It’s been long enough. I’m fine, but bored and ready to work.”

  Jamie put his hand out to shake Jill’s. “Nice to finally meet you.”

  Jill looked him up and down before shaking his hand. “I’ve heard some pretty good things about your cooking.”