She watched Pam’s eyes glaze over.

  “Oh, they loved me at first, they just didn’t stay. It was the chase they loved, not me.”

  Pam’s face looked stricken. “I’m so sorry to bring it up again, I just…. ”

  “It’s okay,” Cathy said. “You, more than anyone, know just how much Todd wanted me. We couldn’t turn a corner at school without his big, pearly smile leaning in close, trying to mesmerize me with his charm.”

  Pam laughed. “I loved watching you rebuff him. His charm slid off you. You certainly had willpower. He was one cute boy!”

  “I really didn’t like him. From the moment I saw him I knew he was trouble.” And she’d been more than right. If her judgment hadn’t been so clouded by blinding grief, she would never had succumbed to Todd’s charms. He only wanted what he couldn’t have.

  Cathy turned to Pam. “Thank you again for being there for me then. No one else was.”

  Pam gave her a puppy dog look and patted her shoulder.

  “It’s nice to see you happy,” Cathy said.

  Pam curled her toes in the sand. “I am, I really am, but…”

  “What? You can tell me.”

  “Well, Jamie really wanted to move up here in the country, but you know I’m pretty much a city girl. But he promised if he gets a really good job, we can get a big house with a yard for Amber. She can have a swing set and a dog...all the things I never had.”

  Cathy nodded. “There are lots of new families here. It’s a great place to raise kids.” She imagined kids running in her own yard, picking flowers in her garden, swimming in the river with her.

  Pam stared out at the water. “I know, but I’m not into planting, getting dirty, staying at home all day. Where’s the nearest movie theater?”

  “There’s plenty to do in Santa Rosa,” Cathy laughed. “We’ll have a girl’s day out soon and I’ll show you all the great shops and bakeries.”

  “Sounds good. We’re short on cash, but every girl needs something new now and then.”

  Pam’s face went from smiles to a frown. She lowered her head and looked like an abandoned little child.

  “Then there’s my mom, not feeling well or remembering things too good. She still demands my help, like always.”

  Cathy took Pam’s hand. “I’m really sorry. I know she’s always been hard for you to deal with.”

  “Thanks. I’ve been so used to not listening to her complaints and lectures. It’s hard to believe that she really does need me now.”

  “Does your mom enjoy having Amber around?”

  “Sometimes. She never really liked kids. As least it felt that way. It’s a long drive back and forth from here to Oakland. I’ll be glad when Jamie gets a job.”

  “It’s not too bad if you go when there’s no traffic.” Cathy shook out her wet hair in the sun.

  “My mom’s been nicer to me since I married Jamie. Remember how she used to tell me I better marry a rich man who could treat me like a princess?”

  Cathy grinned. “You sure had your choice in high school. But none kept your interest long.”

  “Things change. Anyway, that’s a long time ago.” Pam shook off the subject and went back to being her animated self. “Tell me about David,” she said with a forced smile.

  “He’s okay. Nice-looking, but a bit weird. He always wants to eat something just before we’re going to have sex.”

  Pam thought this was hysterical. Cathy thought it was some phobic neurosis.

  “When are we going to meet him? Why don’t you invite him to dinner tomorrow?”

  She felt trapped. Now she had to ask him. “Sure, I’ll see if he has time,” she said. “I’ll call when we get back to the house and leave a message.”

  She was not so sure she wanted to see David. The attraction was wearing thin. As she got to know him better, it seemed that was all that was really left. He seemed to only want one thing from her and was content with the way things were. Something about being around Pam and Jamie made her want more.

  The sun was drying her clothes and felt wonderful on her skin. A family draped over inner tubes floated by, laughing and waving as they coasted down the green water along the woodsy shore. Cathy brushed the drying sand from her feet. It was fun reminiscing about the old days with Pam. “When was the last time you talked to Caroline?”

  “Just last week, actually,” Pam said. “She called me. We talk—well, mostly I listen—about their new homes and trips to Europe and her fabulous friends.”

  They both giggled. Caroline, with a long “i,” was always fabulous in high school. Best parties, best convertible sports car, and best boyfriends. Her wedding, a week after high school graduation, was over-the-top, and Cathy and Pam both had worn satin bridesmaids dresses that Cathy couldn’t wait to take off.

  “We don’t talk often. Not much in common anymore,” Cathy said.

  “Tell me about it,” Pam said. “We’re lucky to make our rent some months, and she has a six-thousand-square-foot mansion in posh Santa Barbara with her fabulous husband.” She hesitated and seemed to slip off into a far-away place again. “But Jamie is talented and will have a big career.” She looked at Cathy. “I just know it.”

  Pam’s eyes showed fear, no matter how positive she tried to sound. She reminded Cathy of Cinderella dreaming about the ball. For her sake, Cathy hoped the pumpkin turned into a carriage and the slipper fit.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The morning was frantic. Jamie tried to get out the door to his interview amidst a child wanting attention and a wife trying a little too hard to be positive and wish him well.

  Cathy almost felt like an intruder in her own house and stayed out of the way until Jamie left. There was an edge to Pam today. It reminded Cathy of Pam’s cheerleading tryouts back in high school. On the outside, Pam had smiled and waved. But as her friend, Cathy knew the fear and insecurity that ate at Pam and made her try that much harder. She’d always been there to root Pam on.

  Jamie flew out the door at 9:00 a.m., and the three girls were left alone.

  “Can we bake cookies today?” Amber asked her mom.

  “Let’s ask Auntie Cathy if it’s okay.”

  When did she become an auntie, Cathy wondered. She liked it, but it also reminded her of a spinster aunt, the old kind no one wanted to marry. They were looking at her, waiting.

  “Of course,” she said. She could only imagine the mess.

  “Can they be chocolate with sprinkles? Can they?” Amber pleaded.

  “I’ll look in my cupboard and see what I have.” Cathy opened the door and found dark chocolate powder, dried cherries, almonds, and raisins. She pondered the combinations. “How about chocolate cookies with cherries on top?”

  Amber clapped her hands. “Can my Madame Lexander doll bake with us?”

  Cathy raised her eyebrows at Pam for clarification.

  “It’s a fancy Madame Alexander doll my mother ordered for her,” Pam said. “We usually keep it in a safe place.”

  “Maybe we could put an apron on her, and she could watch us bake?”

  Pam agreed. Amber ran into her room and back with her baby doll, and the baking began. After putting the doll in a safe place, Cathy slid the stepstool under the counter so Amber could reach and help.

  In no time, all of them were covered in flour and the counters littered with bowls and spoons. When the oven buzzer sounded, Cathy slid the first batch of heavenly-smelling cookies on a plate to cool.

  Cathy raised a window to tempt in the mild breeze and keep the kitchen cool. The smells brought her back to her mother’s bright yellow kitchen growing up.

  As if reading her mind, Pam blurted out, “This reminds me of when we were girls baking with your mom and she’d have Frank Sinatra crooning on the record player all day long!”

  “And remember the tea party and all the cucumber sandwiches we made for my seventh birthday?” What Cathy didn’t say, and Pam didn’t know, was how Cathy’s father had come home drunk after work that day. Her birthday had been ruined.

  “Those were good little treats,” Pam said, running her finger along the batter bowl and popping it in her mouth. “And good times.”

  “Can we do a tea party?” Amber asked.

  Pam gave Amber a hug. “Well, why not, little one? Maybe for your birthday next month.”

  Eyes wide, she looked up at her mom. “Will we have cucumber sandwiches too? I don’t think I’d like those.”

  Cathy intervened. “I’ve heard strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches are pretty and pink. Would you like those instead?”

  “Mmmm. Much better.”

  They worked right through lunch and were too full from all the sugar to think of eating anything else. Plates of gooey cookies with cherries mashed on top cooled on the counter.

  The sound of tires on the gravel drive caught their attention.

  “Daddy, it’s Daddy!” Amber yelled, running for the door with chocolate-covered hands.

  Jamie walked in. He loosened the collar of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. With a grand gesture, he lifted Amber up for a kiss.

  “We have cookies, Daddy, with cherries on top.”

  Jamie pulled his button-down shirt out from his pants and wandered into the kitchen. He looked tired.

  “Delicious!” he said popping a couple in his mouth. “Did you girls bake these?”

  “We did,” Amber said, reaching for one.

  He looked around at Cathy’s very messy kitchen. “I can see that.”

  She and Pam barely suppressed giggles.

  Jamie leaned over and wiped the flour off Pam’s cheek and then turned toward Cathy. She started wiping her face, hoping he wouldn’t clean hers too.

  “Great job, girls.”

  “How did the interview go?” Pam asked.

  Cathy washed the dough off her hands and listened.

  “Well. They said my resume was impressive and they would get back to me soon.”

  “One down, one tomorrow and two to go next week,” Pam said, kissing his cheek. “They would be lucky to have you.”

  Cathy thought about them moving out next week. It surprised her that relief was not her first emotion. She told herself it was fine here alone before they’d got here, peaceful. She did whatever she wanted and did not hope for more. The Janis Joplin song “Me and Bobby McGee” echoed in her head. Freedom…you had it when you had nothing left to lose. Now she had something to lose. Friendship. The laughter of a child. The smile of a blue-eyed man.

  Jamie went off to his room and Pam took Amber to wash up. Cathy started scrubbing cookie sheets and bowls. In a few hours she’d start thinking about dinner plans. The wall phone beside her rang. She dried her hands quickly and said hello as Pam and Amber ran back inside.

  “It’s for you,” Cathy said. “It sounds important.”

  Pam took the phone, murmured a few words, and finished by saying, “I’ll be there in a few hours, soon as I can.”

  “What’s wrong?” Cathy asked.

  “That was Dakota, my mom’s caretaker. She had a family emergency and can’t watch Mom for a couple of days. She has to leave immediately this evening.”

  Cathy stepped over and put her arm around Amber. “Is there anything I can do? Do you need to go down to Oakland?”

  Pam looked dazed. “Yes, I need to pack and go right away. My mother, her memory is so bad now. She can’t be alone, and there is no one else I can call.”

  Cathy remembered Pam saying that phrase so many times when they were young. When something went wrong, Pam’s mother was always gone somewhere and Pam had no one to call. Except Cathy.

  Jamie walked in wearing jeans. He took one look at Pam and was by her side. She told him about her mother, and he gave her a hug.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.

  Pam shook her head. “No, you have a big interview tomorrow.”

  “Don’t worry,” Cathy said. “Jamie can use my car to get to the interview.”

  “Thanks,” Pam said. “I just have to go down for a night or two and then I can come right back.”

  “I can watch Amber,” Cathy volunteered. She’d always felt so helpless to really make a difference with Pam when they were young. After all, Cathy had been a young girl too. There’d been no one to help her when her father came home drunk and she’d hidden in the closet and held her hands tight over her ears. Everyone loved Pam. Everyone admired Cathy. She was the strong one.

  Pam hesitated before answering, “It’s only for a couple of days. I’ll bring her with me so you can work.” She took Amber’s hand and walked to the bedroom. “Let’s go pack a little suitcase for our trip to see Grandma.”

  Jamie followed them to the bedroom. Within a few minutes, he returned carrying their bag and a few toys and took them out to the car. He kissed his girls goodbye and joined Cathy on the porch to wave and blow kisses.

  They watched the car turn down the road. Neither moved, as if weighted to the porch.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jamie watched his wife and daughter drive off to Oakland. He hoped Pam would drive carefully and not rush down the freeway to the city. If he didn’t have the interviews, he would never let them go alone. But getting a job was a top priority right now.

  He watched until the car was out of sight. Sunlight bathed the rolling green hills in the distance. They were finally here in this beautiful country. It felt right here. He shifted his weight and became aware of Cathy right next to him. There was a certain awkwardness standing there alone with her, a sense of being off center. He didn’t know whether to go in the house, take a walk, or what to do.

  As if reading his mind, she said, “Shall we go pick some things out of the garden and figure out what to cook for dinner tonight?”

  “Absolutely,” he said.

  He followed her across the yard and onto a path that circled the lawn to the gardens. Cathy’s auburn hair trailed over her tanned shoulders and down her back. It was obvious she spent a lot of time outside.

  “How about we pick some salad greens and maybe steam some of the Swiss chard with the early yellow squash?” she asked.

  Jamie kneeled by the salad greens. “Perfect color and ripe for the picking.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  Cathy handed him a basket to fill.

  Carefully, he pulled lettuce greens and then moved over to the patch of herbs. “The basil is amazing. Perhaps we should make a pesto salad dressing?”

  “Mmmm, that sounds yummy,” Cathy said, holding up a basketful of squash. She pointed to the rear corner of the garden. “There are some bunching onions over there that are very sweet. And fresh garlic too.”

  There was no place Jamie would rather be. Sun on his shoulders, exquisite produce at his fingertips. He hoped someday soon Amber would join him in their very own garden.

  Cathy snapped sugar peas off the vine, and he imagined them tasting cool and crisp.

  With their baskets full with bright yellow and orange nasturtium, herbs, and veggies, they made their way back into the kitchen. Cathy pulled out a large ceramic bowl for the salad and handed it to him. “I’ll get some butter on a low flame and you can throw in the garlic and parsley to sauté with the chard and squash.”

  Heavenly smells began to fill the kitchen.

  “Sure thing,” he said. Jamie washed the veggies then chopped garlic and parsley. In the blender he added basil to blend with olive oil and lemon into a salad dressing.

  “I made some brown rice this morning; we can heat that up. There’s some creamy goat cheese we could put in the salad with toasted sunflower seeds too,” Cathy said.

  “Any avocado?” Jamie asked.

  She smiled, as if sharing a conspiracy. “I’m never without avocado. It’s one of my major weaknesses.”

  Jamie laughed. “A woman after my own heart.”

  He held his breath as their eyes met, hoping Cathy wouldn’t take that statement the wrong way. At this point, his feelings weren’t clear even to himself. Her face had not left his mind since the day he walked out of the vet office. And now, this slow dance of cooking together, so effortless, in perfect step, it seemed he’d been moving in time with her forever.

  She tossed her auburn hair and turned to the refrigerator, producing an enormous Hass avocado.

  “Enough?” she asked, grinning. With that, she sent the black delicacy flying through the air to him, which he caught flawlessly, not even leaving a dent.

  Jamie opened a chilled bottle of local chardonnay while Cathy set the table and retrieved wine glasses. He placed the colorful bowl of salad garnished with edible flowers in the center and a jar of creamy basil dressing next to it. Cathy followed with a platter of sautéed vegetables in butter and herbs and a bowl of warm, brown rice. Before sitting down, she placed a cassette of Bach’s sonatas in the tape player. The melodic music was his favorite.

  “Dinner is served,” she said, taking a seat at the table.

  “A toast,” Jamie said holding up his glass. Cathy followed suit. “Compliments to the gardener.”

  Cathy clinked his glass. “And to the chef.”

  “Chefs!” he added.

  Jamie tasted the squash, and an explosion of herby flavor burst in his mouth. He watched Cathy savoring the salad after she complimented him on the dressing.

  “Did you see the flowering sweet peas? The pink ones are so healthy this year, they look ready to take over the fence,” Cathy said.

  Jamie sipped the pale wine. “I’d be happy to help build a trellis for them if you’d like. I’m pretty good with a hammer.”

  “I was thinking a trellis would be a good idea,” Cathy said.

  “Just let me know when and where to get the supplies.”

  As he ate, he tried to keep his gaze from floating back to Cathy. He could feel her eyes on him. Silence hung in the warm summer air, and he forced himself to think about the job interview tomorrow.

  “Thank you again for offering to let me use your car tomorrow,” he said.

  Cathy took the wine and refilled their glasses. “Where is the interview again?”

  “In a town called Jenner. I think that’s down by the coast, right?” He watched her turn her wine glass in her hand as she thought.